"I look Funny with my natural texture"(RANT)

[Freespirit02]

This is a little bit of a rant, triumph and a "oh no she didn't" all in one.

OKay background info: i'm transitioning, my mom is relaxed and my sister was forced to BC due to the fact that relaxers break her hair.

So I'm at my mom's house relaxing her hair. My sister walks in with this hideous wig which I can't stand. My mom goes to my sis "I have some perm left over do you want to perm your hair". erplexed Keep in mind my mom was there when she was forced natural because of the perm. My sister declined (hi five to her). Since i was hot about my mom's sly comment I decided to wash and condition my sister's hair(because i was tired of the God awful wig..and i wanted to show her how to rock her fro). After I was done her hair was super soft and I had some fro envy... My little niece and nephew told her how nice she looked with her puff..even my mom was impressed(my triumph). So my sister viewed her hair and said. "I look weird with my hair like this" erplexed. That burned my biscuits because she thinks she looks more "normal" with that clown wig..(sigh).

I don't know what I'm looking for really..lol. I just wonder how did some black women developed the mentality that anything and everything looks better than the hair they were born with?

 

[Country gal]

It is a matter of getting use to seeing yourself with a particular style of hair. I have rocked my natural hair plenty of times. The past year or two I have started wearing my hair straight. Now If my hair is not straight than I will rock a wig versus wearing my hair in a fro. I think straighter hair elongates my face.

 

[Freespirit02]

She refuses to wear her hair in a fro. It's not like her wig is nice..it's not. I think that is what really has me puzzled

 

[mscocoface]

I just wonder how did some black women developed the mentality that anything and everything looks better than the hair they were born with?

We have been programmed for many many many years that our natural hair is not acceptable or presentable.

Your sister has to make a mental shift just like the majority of the ladies on this board did regarding their natural hair texture and wearing it.

Don't be too hard on her it is a process and it was an honest statement for her. Just talk to her, help her understand, show her picture (have her look at the thread in my siggy), get her on this board.

Each one has to teach one, that is the only way we can change that. As the saying goes free your mind and the rest will follow.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Awww...I understand your frustration OP.

One thing I've been learning through the beginning stages of my own transition is that transitioning is not just a physical process through your hair. It's also an EMOTIONAL (and maybe even intellectual) transitioning process. I think that some women transition their hair, but maybe their minds haven't caught up yet. That's why you sometimes see some women rush out to get a relaxer again after a few months from their BC, or they may cover their natural hair up ALL the time with wigs and weaves, etc.

Your sister (so it appears from your story) had to do a sudden drastic BC due to the damage she was getting from relaxers, so she just may not be used to wearing her hair in an afro right now. She probably didn't have time to "transition" her mind in other words. Or, it could just be that she doesn't like how she looks with short hair. Maybe it's not a "texture" issue at all! That's understandable.

Yes...we've been brainwashed in this country, but I think that when she keeps getting POSITIVE reinforcement from you, other friends and family members close to her, she'll eventually start feeling comfortable rocking her afro puff. It may take some time and patience though. Just keep telling her how gorgeous her natural hair is.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Maybe its the "fro" that she doesn't like, there are other styles which may look cute to her. Try a twistout, braidout, twists, bantu knots, or a cute bun/updo on her. The possibilities are endless

 

[beans4reezy]

It takes time. This society has burned into our minds that silky straight hair is beautiful. So much so that a lot of times, we'd rather rock a ridiculous stylic to mimic what is socially beautiful than to embrace our true beauty.

 

[ssstephanie1715]

Your sister (so it appears from your story) had to do a sudden drastic BC due to the damage she was getting from relaxers, so she just may not be used to wearing her hair in an afro right now. She probably didn't have time to "transition" her mind in other words. Or, it could just be that she doesn't like how she looks with short hair. Maybe it's not a "texture" issue at all! That's understandable.

I totally agree. I think some times you have to transition your mind. I was addicted to my bangs and couldn't stand to see my face without them. Now since I've decided to go natural, I don't miss my bangs one bit. Just something you have to get use to.

 

[LadyRaider]

It is a matter of getting use to seeing yourself with a particular style of hair. I have rocked my natural hair plenty of times. The past year or two I have started wearing my hair straight. Now If my hair is not straight than I will rock a wig versus wearing my hair in a fro. I think straighter hair elongates my face.

I agree with this. I have been wearing my hair in a bun, or in french braids, or pulled back by a hair pin.

Now when I wear my hair straight, I'm not even used to it. hah. At first I thought I was way too ugly to wear my hair off my forehead. Now I prefer my hair that way.

I'm still rocking straight hair for my graduation pic. I think I have to anyway. That tam isn't going to fit with my hair poofy!

 

[ceebee3]

I was natual for a long time before I relaxed and I never wore my hair in a fro.

When I'm fully natural again, I probably will feel like I look funny. That goes with any hairstyle though.

Everything takes some getting used to. I had a weave once and I had to take it out after 4 hours because I just couldn't stand the way it made me look.

Give your sister some time, she needs to find styles she is comfortable with.

 

[Fab_Nikki]

Awww...I understand your frustration OP.

One thing I've been learning through the beginning stages of my own transition is that transitioning is not just a physical process through your hair. It's also an EMOTIONAL (and maybe even intellectual) transitioning process. I think that some women transition their hair, but maybe their minds haven't caught up yet. That's why you sometimes see some women rush out to get a relaxer again after a few months from their BC, or they may cover their natural hair up ALL the time with wigs and weaves, etc.

Your sister (so it appears from your story) had to do a sudden drastic BC due to the damage she was getting from relaxers, so she just may not be used to wearing her hair in an afro right now. She probably didn't have time to "transition" her mind in other words. Or, it could just be that she doesn't like how she looks with short hair. Maybe it's not a "texture" issue at all! That's understandable.

Yes...we've been brainwashed in this country, but I think that when she keeps getting POSITIVE reinforcement from you, other friends and family members close to her, she'll eventually start feeling comfortable rocking her afro puff. It may take some time and patience though. Just keep telling her how gorgeous her natural hair is.

I totally agree but specifically with the fact that she didn't transition on her own accord. Like the OP stated she was forced. Hopefully she learns to love her natural hair. You be patient OP and hook her up with some natural cuteness.

 

[gcchick_07]

i didn't see this as "i hate natural hair" post

there are some people that look bad with straight hair to themselves. there are people they don't like curly hair on their head. or black hair. or red hair. or no hair.

there are many people that alter the hair that comes out of their head to make it how they like it, whether they dye it, straighten it, or shave it off completely.

 

[L.Brown1114]

This is a little bit of a rant, triumph and a "oh no she didn't" all in one.

OKay background info: i'm transitioning, my mom is relaxed and my sister was forced to BC due to the fact that relaxers break her hair.

So I'm at my mom's house relaxing her hair. My sister walks in with this hideous wig which I can't stand. My mom goes to my sis "I have some perm left over do you want to perm your hair". erplexed Keep in mind my mom was there when she was forced natural because of the perm. My sister declined (hi five to her). Since i was hot about my mom's sly comment I decided to wash and condition my sister's hair(because i was tired of the God awful wig..and i wanted to show her how to rock her fro). After I was done her hair was super soft and I had some fro envy... My little niece and nephew told her how nice she looked with her puff..even my mom was impressed(my triumph). So my sister viewed her hair and said. "I look weird with my hair like this" erplexed. That burned my biscuits because she thinks she looks more "normal" with that clown wig..(sigh).

I don't know what I'm looking for really..lol. I just wonder how did some black women developed the mentality that anything and everything looks better than the hair they were born with?

i wanna wait until obama speaks in public run up on stage and shout this before the gaurds take me to jail! i wonder this ALL THE TIME!! i was running some errands and this one woman had on a HIDEOUS wig AND the drawstring was sticking out . her daughters relaxed hair was broken of and could barely make a ponytail! but sure enough they were snickering @ my hair. when situations like this happen i talk to the people snickering and hopefully get into the topic of hair so i can say slick stuff about their hair without them knowing until they think about it (i have a gift from my father, im not proud) anywho A LOT of people cant look in the mirror and like theyre natural self. i look in the mirror and hate my flat booty so its the same thing. sadly people need a lot of outside compliments before they can compliment themselves on the same thing

 

[Aviah]

I know some naturals that hardly ever wear their natural texture, to me it looks weird when they do, but that's more about familiarity. If I had never had my hair straightened before, and then got it done, I would think it was weird too. Maybe it wasn't a dislike of the hair as such, but more about getting used to it?

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Maybe she can't style her hair. I know it's my problem.

 

[aquajoyice]

I think it's an adjustment. When you are used to seeing your hair a certain way and suddenly you are forced to change it..it can take some getting used to. It's like having long hair for a long time and then having to cut all of your hair off suddenly. She would be more willing if it was HER decision and not something forced upon her. Just give her time i'm sure when all the compliments start she will see what everyone else sees. Gorgeous hair

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

well, as much as i like my hair, i feel like i look funny with it not straight. i think its just because i had relaxed hair for so long. i'm sure i will get used to the way i look with my coily hair someday. ♥

 

[Curly Lee]

when situations like this happen i talk to the people snickering and hopefully get into the topic of hair so i can say slick stuff about their hair without them knowing until they think about it (i have a gift from my father, im not proud)

I have the same gift, except my mom catches me and puts me in my place. lmbo

 

[Creatividual]

i wanna wait until obama speaks in public run up on stage and shout this before the gaurds take me to jail! i wonder this ALL THE TIME!! i was running some errands and this one woman had on a HIDEOUS wig AND the drawstring was sticking out . her daughters relaxed hair was broken of and could barely make a ponytail! but sure enough they were snickering @ my hair. when situations like this happen i talk to the people snickering and hopefully get into the topic of hair so i can say slick stuff about their hair without them knowing until they think about it (i have a gift from my father, im not proud) anywho A LOT of people cant look in the mirror and like theyre natural self. i look in the mirror and hate my flat booty so its the same thing. sadly people need a lot of outside compliments before they can compliment themselves on the same thing

LMAO at the bolded! Girl, you'z a trip!

But yeah I agree with everyone else in that she seems like her mind never made the transition. Just keep talking to her and if she lets you, keep trying other styles on her hair till she sees one or more that she likes: twists, twist outs, braid outs, coils, coil outs, bantu knot outs, braided/cornrow styles, fro-hawk, accessorize, etc.

That's the beauty of afro textured hair, its awesome versatility. You can help her see that; it just may take more time. She will come around and once you BC, you can be visual encouragement for her as well.

 

[supermodelsonya]

I agree with everyone that stated it could have simply been a style choice.
I'm lightly texlaxed and my hair looks natural. THere is NO WAY I would EVER SPORT A FRO.

But I do wear puffs. That doesn't mean I don't embrace my hair.

 

[Zsugar]

Doesn't sound like a 'black woman thing' or a 'natural thing'. This could be a number of
diff women or situations. Gosh, I remember the first time I wore makeup foundation. Which, by the way isn't my "natural" complexion ;-)

 

[BostonMaria]

I feel like I look like a completely different person when I wear my hair straight vs curly. Its a matter of getting used to. When I first BC'd I was like the who the heck is this chick staring back at me in the mirror LOL

Hopefully she will eventually embrace her real hair. Some people get attached to their wigs & weaves.

 

[washize]

This is a little bit of a rant, triumph and a "oh no she didn't" all in one.

OKay background info: i'm transitioning, my mom is relaxed and my sister was forced to BC due to the fact that relaxers break her hair.

So I'm at my mom's house relaxing her hair. My sister walks in with this hideous wig which I can't stand. My mom goes to my sis "I have some perm left over do you want to perm your hair". erplexed Keep in mind my mom was there when she was forced natural because of the perm. My sister declined (hi five to her). Since i was hot about my mom's sly comment I decided to wash and condition my sister's hair(because i was tired of the God awful wig..and i wanted to show her how to rock her fro). After I was done her hair was super soft and I had some fro envy... My little niece and nephew told her how nice she looked with her puff..even my mom was impressed(my triumph). So my sister viewed her hair and said. "I look weird with my hair like this" erplexed. That burned my biscuits because she thinks she looks more "normal" with that clown wig..(sigh).

I don't know what I'm looking for really..lol. I just wonder how did some black women developed the mentality that anything and everything looks better than the hair they were born with?

I don't think everyone looks their best with their natural hair, white, black, or any other ethnecity. That is what hair styles and cuts are for. Everyones head and face is shaped diffrent and their hair doesn't always fall or shape their head in the most flattering way. My natural hair only looks nice when it is facing downward, I don't like when it sticks straight up, it makes my head look huge and fat. I don't like when I straighten my hair and it so how it looks papper thin, it also makes my head look fat, and it makes my forehead look large. I think invidivuals notice this more than other people, because it is their face and their hair, everyone is their own critic

 

[Southern Belle]

This is a little bit of a rant, triumph and a "oh no she didn't" all in one.

OKay background info: i'm transitioning, my mom is relaxed and my sister was forced to BC due to the fact that relaxers break her hair.

So I'm at my mom's house relaxing her hair. My sister walks in with this hideous wig which I can't stand. My mom goes to my sis "I have some perm left over do you want to perm your hair". erplexed Keep in mind my mom was there when she was forced natural because of the perm. My sister declined (hi five to her). Since i was hot about my mom's sly comment I decided to wash and condition my sister's hair(because i was tired of the God awful wig..and i wanted to show her how to rock her fro). After I was done her hair was super soft and I had some fro envy... My little niece and nephew told her how nice she looked with her puff..even my mom was impressed(my triumph). So my sister viewed her hair and said. "I look weird with my hair like this" erplexed. That burned my biscuits because she thinks she looks more "normal" with that clown wig..(sigh).

I don't know what I'm looking for really..lol. I just wonder how did some black women developed the mentality that anything and everything looks better than the hair they were born with?

Man I love Black people!!!

As I was reading your post, it struck me that there's a "rhythm" to black families that's universal. This exchange could've EASILY taken place in my family...