I HAVE to give my God the Glory!!

[DonnaDi31Proverbi]

I read Kweenamena's (sp?)thread on not being able to forgive, and related so much with my past relationship with my son's father and was blessed by the responses. Then not a day later, the very same topic came up in the online class I'm taking, "Spirit filled living by the book". It went into so much detail and really convicted my heart.

If you would like to read, go here.

So after just thinking about everything and letting it get into my Spirit, I just laid everything on the alter, concerning my son's father. I had a lot of angry and hostile feelings toward him that I had not given fully to the Lord. As much as I prayed about it, in the back of my mind I was bitterly angry at him. I had accepted in my mind that we would NEVER be together again, and I am so okay with that. But I had also dangerously accepted that we would always remain angry with eachother. Just the sound of the phone ringing made my stomach turn when I knew it was him calling for my son. I had stopped the back and forth with him, refusing to engage in that, but I had not totally forgiven him.

So after reading about Kweenamena's experience and reading that section in the course, I realized I had to give this to the Lord fully. I did just that. And for the first time in a long time, I felt truly free of that situation. While in the shower, I cried and prayed, and asked God to just cleanse my heart inside and out, finding everything I had not dealt with. I also acknowledged before the Lord that I was not perfect during the time I was with him. Then the Holy Spirit revealed to me a hurtful truth. While we were together, I was saved, he was not. I was more at fault than he was because I knew better. I was claiming to be God's child, but was living otherwise, but he was "playing his part" correctly, in essence. I completely released all my feelings to the Lord. And every day thereafter, I prayed for the Lord to help me forgive others sincerely, rather than just as another part of prayer.

After nearly two years of bitterness and silent hostility between the both of us....I got this text message, out of the clear blue sky:

"Sorry for how i can be at times and how i act. just wanted to let u know i appreciate u taking care of our kid and i'll always respect u for that."

I know it seems like nothing, but I can't even tell you the horrible things he has said to me and me to him. His sending that to me was the Lord at work. I simply responded, "I appreciate that". But I truly praise God for His Awesome Wonder. God is amazing!

 

[kweenameena]

I'm so happy that my post helped you. Sometimes I have to go back and read my own testimony so that I can help myself. I'm glad that you've finally laid your burdens down on him. He already died for them. Don't you feel relieved!

I will be checking out that link you provided.

It's good that you were able to look back on the situation to see where YOU went wrong. I remember it was so easy for me to look back on different incidents and point out how others were wrong but I rarely found fault in myself. I always made my self the victim. But now that you have recognized your faults...please don't dwell. Leave them in the past with that old person and flourish in the Lord into the new person that he'll have you to be. What a blessing to have this testimony. What a blessing to know that you'll be passing on your blessing to someone else!'

I'm sure that his text message brought you a lot of comfort and closure. To me that was just our Father saying "see! I got you!"

Stay Blessed Sister and thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing! God IS awesome!