I hate to admit it but...

[HoneyRockette]

I hate my hair! This is not a matter of texture. Everything is wrong with it! No matter what I do it looks chewed up! I keep trimming it and cutting it to even it out and it keeps growing in jagged. It is beyond thin. It barely covers my whole neck. My hair seems so extra dry now, even after two moisturizing deep conditioners, S Curl spray, coconut oil and PhytoSpecific Hair Milk it is still rough to the touch. Then I measured it today and it is barely 17 inches. It was 18 inches when I put the braids in, I was expecting 19 inches after two months which means two whole inches must've broken off at some point. Then I tried to style the little hair I had left and it looks awful! I can't even pull it back into a ponytail! It is lumpy and there are little hairs sticking up all over the place. I tried Jam, Wanakee hairline cream, Wild growth and regular gel. I had a scarf on all morning until I had to go to work and now everyone keep commenting on how awful it looks, (not in those words). Two people commented to me JUST NOW asking "When are you getting a perm?" and "I hope you are putting the braids back in soon." I know you all have suggested styles and tricks but I just can't do it! I am all thumbs when it comes to my hair. I just don't know what to do anymore! Even if I cut it all off I am going to have to deal with it again sooner or later. I don't even know what my options are but I can't walk around with my hair looking the way it does. If I could wear a headwrap or wig 24 hours a day I would but my hair is just going to get worse and worse underneath. Even you all would laugh at me if you saw me. Everyone here has such nice growing hair and I don't even want to look at mine. I wish I was bald! I am starting to think that I have just wasted my time thinking I could ever have nice long hair. Who was I kidding thinking I could do my own hair? I would shave my head bald if it wasn't so damn cold outside. I just had to vent. I am beyond discouraged. I don't even know what could be said or done to make me feel better. There is just no hope for me. /images/graemlins/frown.gif

 

[lshevonne]

I'm sorry you're not feeling good about your hair these days. I'm not pro here but maybe it's stress or even some medicine you are taking. When I'm stressed my hair looks really bad. It breaks off and sheds like crazy. I've never had braids so I don't know what type of effect they can do to you hair. Hang in there and it will be alright. I did and my hair is looking better. I still get stressed but have to keep telling my self not to let everything get to me. /images/graemlins/laugh.gif

 

[sassygirl125]

I know exactly how you feel.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Then I measured it today and it is barely 17 inches.

[/ QUOTE ]

Barely 17"?? I would trade places with you in a heartbeat! I have 2" of natural hair and relaxed ends that would be an inch or two below my chin if my hair was able to lay down anymore...
What kind of braiding hair do you use? I've heard 100% synthetic is really bad and eats up the real hair. Kanekelon, Toyokalon and human hair are supposed to be good. If I had your length, I would slick my hair back the best I could, tie it down so that it dries flat and wear it in a bun. Use a heavy petroleum and mineral oil free pomade. Kids Organics (part of the Africa's Best Organics line) makes a good one. It's real thick and creamy.
Your co-workers are beyond rude. Ignore them.

 

[Kitkat]

HoneyRockette, take a deep breath!! I'm sorry that you're discouraged with your hair. Sometimes it feels like nothing we do with our hair is helping us to reach our goals.

have you considered going to a good hairdresser? Try putting yourself in the hands of a professional to get his/her suggestions. You're here in New York, and some of the ladies here (AmilLion, BrownRelaxedHair) suggested some stylists who seem to be pretty good.

Is it possible that you had split ends before you put your braids in? You gain length with braids, but if your ends were split it might be hard to see the results of this. Maybe this is why you started with 18 inches and it looks like you have 17 inches. I have taken out braids and had to cut 1 - 1 1/2 inches because of split ends.

I'd also like to say that I WISH I had 17 or 18 inches of hair!! We are very hard on ourselves when it comes to hair, so your 'failure', in your opinion, seems like a huge accomplishment to me.

I know that there is a pretty recent B-5 thread on this board. B-5, or pantothenic acid, is supposed to be really good at helping to achieve thickness. Some of the women here (LondonDiva, Tracy, and others) have gotten good results from this after a few months of consistent use.

Stress can also do a number on our hair. If you have been really stressed lately, that could also be a reason why your hair won't react the way you want it to react. My hair was totally jacked a few years ago because of stress, complete with a balding spot dead in the center of my head. When the stressful situation passed, my hair came back to normal like nothing ever happened.

Also, try the ponytail method if you haven't done this already. Believe me, no one here would laugh if they saw you. We all know that growing hair is a process, not an instantaneous event. .

I hope this helps! We're all here for you and want to help you through this rough spot.

 

[BrightEyes]

I understand that you are frustrated. But please stop saying negative words and phrases like "no hope" and "wasting time." If your attitude isn't right then nothing else will be either. You will get there if you really want to.

Now, about your tress stress. Every able bodied can take care of their own hair. You may need work when it comes to styling, but maintenance is certainly within your reach. I don't have what they call good hair. But I do know my twists are full and thick, my press and curl is bouncy and shiny, and my natural hair is soft and supple (for the most part /images/graemlins/wink.gif). If I can do it, so can you.

You need to do what's best for you. Most folks who know me know better than to ask me about getting a perm, or yada yada yada. Partially because my hair looks better than most of theirs (cocky but true) and partially because I like the way I look. Folks can sense when you think you look good and they tend to leave you alone, regardless of their personal feelings.

If you want to stick with a relaxer, I would grow my hair out fully natural for a while (at least 8 months). Make sure that it's strong and healthy, and then relax it again or get a texturizer. Just because you have natural hair doesn't mean you have to wear an afro. And it doesn't mean you have to struggle with your hair. When I wash my hair it takes me 30 minutes from the time I get it wet to the time I'm adding the sheen spray. You can't beat that.

Realistically, if you are having serious hair problems then adding a relaxer on top of it is NOT going to help you. Using too many styling products causes nasty build-up. You want to avoid that. Give your hair a change to heal. You could always get your hair cornrowed, cover it with silk or satin, and wear a wig on top. Or maybe get a sew in weave? And there is the old "press and curl" standby. You have lots of options, and I'm sure your hair will love you for it. There are loads of books to help you learn to make the best of natural hair as well.

Are you taking supplements? If so, which ones? If not, please do so.

I really hate to see you so down, and will do my best to help.


Ciao! /images/graemlins/grin.gif

 

[Leigh]

Hi HoneyRockette,

What exactly do you do to your hair? I suggest that you put some oil (olive, coconut, sesame etc) on it and cover with a plastic cap for an hour or over night. Use Elucence shampoo or a good moisturizing shampoo. Slather Aubrey's GPB on it and cover with a plastic cap for about 30 minutes. Next comes the moisturizers. You won't get the moisture you need by just using the spray. I believe Adrienne uses the activator after the spray. I use Sta Sof Fro's curl activator lotion followed by Sta Sof Fro's rub on curl activator (rub on was a little hard without the lotion and the lotion began to be a little hard after using it a while without the spray or rub on). Mix your coconut oil with olive oil and put that on you hair wet after you put in a leave in. Let your hair dry in a ponytail. You can even tie it up. When it's 98%dry put the hairline essential creme on your hair line, brush lightly and tie your scarf on again. Wait about 30-45 minutes to see if it is set (maybe an hour). If your hair is dry, you only need to wait 15-20 minutes for it to set. If you use more than the recommended amount of the hairline essential creme give your hair more time to dry/set.

For you the dryness may be product build up as well. You could rinse your hair with a vinegar mixture (4 parts water 1 part vinegar) after shampooing and prior to conditioning.

You can always put it in 2 ponytails with the hair laying down flat, tie a scarf on and sit under the dryer. Once it's almost dry smooth the hair into one ponytail, put your hair essential creme on and tie it with a scarf and sit under the dryer a little longer. If needed put the hair in 4 ponytails, then 2, then 1 or 4 then 1.

HTH
Leigh

 

[ricochet]

Great tip BrightEyes! /images/graemlins/smile.gif HoneyRockette, you have entered a slump, that's all. We all get frustrated from time to time...but try to keep your head up. I agree with all BrightEyes has stated. Give your hair a rest from the relaxer...just a rest...if you choose to get a retouch, your new growth will be able to withstand it and will keep you from overlapping. /images/graemlins/wink.gif I am natural, however, I transitioned for 7 months before cutting off the relaxer and had ZERO problems. I wore my hair rollerset, in braids for 2 months, and my new growth came in very strong. If I had've relaxed again at that time, my relaxed hair was still in great shape to withstand the retouch.

 

[nissi]

Be encouraged girl. Days do get better. The only thing I could probably say is check your vitamin intake. Because I have found that hair growth is mainly a result of internal functions. I read that hair and nails are actually another form of waste output of our skin /images/graemlins/crazy.gif (i know, sounds odd). So since it's just another part of your skin, and result of your diet, if you can stand it, do some juicing, eat some raw veggies and take hair vitamins if you're not already.

You know what else has worked for me that may be worth a try for softening? This pure vitamin E ointment i found at the health food store (GNC). It only contains vitamin e, wheat germ oil and aloe vera. so since vitamins are supposed to do our bodies good, it should feed your hair too.

Remember, it can be done! /images/graemlins/grin.gif Don't give up!


Romans 8:31: ...If God be for us, who can be against us?

 

[BlkMane]

Hi, HoneyRockette. Cheer up, girl! Take a deep breath...come on....exhale. /images/graemlins/smirk.gif Okay...now, I was trying to think about what could be affecting your hair. I'm assuming you are washing and conditioning properly, moisturizing frequently, and tying it up at night.

Are you taking vitamins? That should help with the state of your hair. How is your diet? Believe me, diet plays a LARGE PART in the health, look and feel of your hair. That could be the cause of all your hair problems. Are you taking a protein shake everyday? Are you drinking water (8 glasses/per day)?

Hair needs nourishment and moisture from the inside as well.

I also agree with the poster who stated that maybe you should lay off relaxers for a while and accumulate some new growth, then relax again. If you used no-lye relaxers in the past, maybe that "no-lye dryness" is just now showing it's ugly head. If you stop relaxing for a while, eat healthy, drink your water, then you could start FRESH by relaxing the new growth with a good lye relaxer and cutting all the damaged/dry hair off. Yes, you would have to "re-start" your hair growth journey, but just think of how much healthier your "new" hair will be. And since once you grow out your hair long again you probably won't be cutting it short ever again, the growing out stage will give you the opportunity to sport some great-looking short styles for the very last time.

If it's any consolation, I've been thinking of going natural again. And if I do, I will eventually cut some of my length off. I always see short styles that look soooo cute and I reasoned that if I did transition I could wear some of those styles I've never had the chance to wear.

HoneyRockette, please cheer up!!! That is one good thing about hair...it DOES grow back! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[legs71]

HoneyRockette,

I definitely agree with all the advice the ladies have given. At one time no matter what I did it seemed my hair wasn't improving and it became very discouraging. Here I was wearing braids to let my hair rest and get some length but every time I took them out I became more disgusted. The answer to my prayers were to grow my relaxer out completely in which I have been natural now for 15 months. Luckily, the last 2 times I took my braids out there was visible progress which has motivated me along with this hair board. Granted from time to time I get discouraged because I feel it's not growing fast enough, but I always, always keep on point with my regimen and never slack off. Eventually my patience and persistance will pay off and one day I'll find myself at brastrap length. Even if it never makes it there I have to take into consideration I'm the girl whose hair never grew past my ear and now it's shoulder length on the sides and about 3 inches past the base of my neck in the back. Also I have fasted in the past to cleanse and release toxins from my system and this has cleared my skin and caused a hair growth spurt. Please be patient and don't give up.

 

[sweetcocoa]

Honeyrockette, the ladies have given some great advice. When nothing I tried helped my damaged and breaking hair....I got online and learned 'less' is better. I stopped doing everything... only did wet rollersets...then wore my hair up loosely. I also stopped relaxing to give it a break(I didn't know at that time no-lye were 'no-good). My hair started coming in thick so I decided to go natural. Also get a checkup...it may be as someone else said 'physical'...low iron, your thyroid or another hormome bay be 'off'... stress... or your may just need vitamins. I got very depressed(cause until then I always had
long thick hair). Once I stopped everything I was doing and tried something different...less manipulation ...my hair started doing better. Please don't give up.

 

[JerseyGirl]

HR

I cancelled my braiding appointment because of your post. I haven't had a relaxer in my hair for 12 weeks and boy does it need it. One of the things that I used to soften my new growth was Dark &amp; Lovely Hydrating Citrcus Braid &amp; Sheen Spray. It if for Natural and Synthetic Braided Styles. I love this stuff. After not putting in a perm for 12 weeks, I noticed two weeks ago that my ends were frizzy. I used Carol's Daughter Healthy Hair Butter and immediately no frizz. I also called my stylist and she said to roller set it the next time I washed my hair and I guarantee there will be no frizz. I did and she was right. She also said to me that quite a few of her clients' hair is either dry or breaking. They are doing nothing different at all. She thinks its because of the weather and I agree. Its one of the coldest in New York in years. Please don't give up.

 

[HoneyRockette]

Thank you all for your replies.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I WISH I had 17 or 18 inches of hair!!!

[/ QUOTE ]
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying 17 inches is bad but for me to go from 19 inches to 17 in the blink of an eye is a real bummer. I mean any steps back at this point is a real bummer.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
What kind of braiding hair do you use?

[/ QUOTE ]
I used human hair for my braids. I couldn't find Toyokolan anywhere.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
What exactly do you do to your hair?

[/ QUOTE ]
I used a combination of Robin and Adrienne's braid regimens so I don't know where I went wrong. I haven't done anything to it since I removed my braids except wash and deep condition it.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Also, try the ponytail method if you haven't done this already.

[/ QUOTE ]
I have tried the ponytail method and it has never worked for me. Even so I haven't had a touch up last summer. It is difficult for me to get my hair into a sleek wet ponytail at this point. My new growth is very thick 4a. It dries lumpy at the crown.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
If you want to stick with a relaxer, I would grow my hair out fully natural for a while (at least 8 months).

[/ QUOTE ]
This was my plan initially. I was going to go a year before another touch up. So far it has been about four or five months but I don't think I am going to make it.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Are you taking supplements? If so, which ones?

[/ QUOTE ]
I try to. I have a pill divider on my kitchen counter actually but I keep forgetting. If I'm good I them twice a week. This week I didn't take them at all. I (am supposed to) take 7.5 mg biotin, 1000 mg B5, 2600mg EPO, and a one a day. There is also one silica pill in there but I don't know how many mg.

I was starting to look up but then things got worse. I was just invited to a gathering on Tuesday night. I can't go with jacked up hair because my picture may appear in the paper. A wig seems like a good idea but let's face it, not everyone can pull off a wig. Rollersetting only lasts an hour on my hair when it's not straight. I was thinking about getting a sewn in weave but I won't have time because I work all day today, Monday morning and Monday night into Tuesday morning. I am considering giving up and getting a relaxer. I could apply it myself at home, (because I still don't trust Dominicans and it is too short notice to make an appointment at a Black salon), and then go into a walk in salon right before the party and have it blown out and maybe put a little curl in it. It wouldn't be as time consuming as weave or braids. However, I am not sure if this is wise because for one, I think my hair NEEDS a break from relaxers and two, I'd be a big fat quitter. But then if I don't get a touch up, I am stuck because I know myself and I know that I can't do my hair with two textures. I really wish I could just pull my hair into a ponytail with some gel and have a wearable style but I am a total dipstick when it comes to my hair anyway and then the conflicting textures don't help much. So what should I do? Ok. I am done whining now.

 

[honeycomb719]

I'm new here, but I must agree w/BrightEyes. I had that problem too, w/ speaking negatively about my hair. I've learned that it only makes things worst w/ all the stress. Like others I would trade places w/ you in a minute 17inches how do you complain w/ that? Also, if your applying the braids back to back this might be the cause of the frizzies, it has happened to me, if so take a month or two between, and this should subside. Think positive, and everything will be fine.

Relaxed 4a hair, thin

 

[beana3]

dont give up!!!! I'm kinda in the same boat as you.... I KNOW i'm doing right by my hair (b/c the roots are very soft) but i'm in an all out WAR with this damaged section at the back of my hair. I cannot wear my hair out, well i can but the backe is THIN, chewed up, and i have like 4 strands of hair back there. The good news is.. it will eventually grow out.
I felt like i was at a dead end... still do at times, but i know that all the work i put into my hair will eventually show.
Like you, i'm no good at taking vitamins. The ponytail method is the most horrible thing i've ever done to my hair, and i do have "length" (grazing collarbone STILL...i'm trying to cut all the damage out). I just learned how to style my hair, without damaging it. I also think relaxers are just plain HARMFUL and i'm debating over growing mine out AGAIN /images/graemlins/smirk.gif
Why dont we try to get through this together? its not as hopeless as it seems. I just do twist outs (even though its a summer look) to avoid combing my hair, while maintaining a style. Maybe you should try that for tuesday...

 

[BrightEyes]

Ok

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I (am supposed to) take 7.5 mg biotin, 1000 mg B5, 2600mg EPO, and a one a day. There is also one silica pill in there but I don't know how many mg.

I was starting to look up but then things got worse. I was just invited to a gathering on Tuesday night. I can't go with jacked up hair because my picture may appear in the paper. A wig seems like a good idea but let's face it, not everyone can pull off a wig. Rollersetting only lasts an hour on my hair when it's not straight. I was thinking about getting a sewn in weave but I won't have time because I work all day today, Monday morning and Monday night into Tuesday morning. I am considering giving up and getting a relaxer. I could apply it myself at home, (because I still don't trust Dominicans and it is too short notice to make an appointment at a Black salon), and then go into a walk in salon right before the party and have it blown out and maybe put a little curl in it. It wouldn't be as time consuming as weave or braids. However, I am not sure if this is wise because for one, I think my hair NEEDS a break from relaxers and two, I'd be a big fat quitter. But then if I don't get a touch up, I am stuck because I know myself and I know that I can't do my hair with two textures. I really wish I could just pull my hair into a ponytail with some gel and have a wearable style but I am a total dipstick when it comes to my hair anyway and then the conflicting textures don't help much.

[/ QUOTE ]



Vitamin wise, I would start focusing on supplents for strength and health. This means you need to take your One a Day for ALL the B-vitamins (that's essential). I would get some Ultra Nourishair or something along those lines. Everything you need in one dose...no cocktails involved.

Cornrows are good for transitioning. From what you say, it looks like pressing is not going to be good for you until your hair is fully natural.

How much of you hair is natural and how much is still relaxed?

 

[HoneyRockette]

Re: Ok

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Also, if your applying the braids back to back this might be the cause of the frizzies,

[/ QUOTE ]
I actually did it right and waited two months between braids. Of course it wasn't AS bad after the first two months as it is now. My hair is frizzy regardless though.

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
How much of you hair is natural and how much is still relaxed?


[/ QUOTE ]
I have a little more than two inches of new growth and I guess 15 inches of relaxed hair or however that works. So it is just enough to make styling difficult. I really can't do a twistout or any natural styles because the ends of my hair are bone straight. On the same hand I can't just rollerset it either because it would be puffy on the top and stringy at the bottom. It would take three times as much heat to straighten the new growth than the relaxed ends and that could only result in damage.

No offense to anyone but I really wouldn't wear cornrows or a twist out to this particular type of gathering. It is sort of a black tie affair and the same way it becomes a problem in some work environments, it could be a problem here. There will be a lot of important but extremely narrow minded people there. I am working on the vitamin thing, but for now, my main concern is the party on Tuesday.

 

[BrightEyes]

Hmm

I always had a different view of natural hair in the workplace. My dad is a federal lawyer and there are loads of women in his department with natural hair. If you want to get down to it, about half of them are fully natural, meaning they do not straighten their hair at all. I worked for an uppity White salon with an afro last year, and I've seen more than 1 brotha in my area working high profile jobs with locs and dreads. I wore a twist out to a formal wedding and everyone loved it. Personally, I would avoid cornrows and you don't have enough natural hair for an afro so that's not even a concern. But those two styles aside, I think twist outs are very elegant, as are flat twists.

Do you own a flat iron? Can you just do the roots?

 

[nita4]

Re: Hmm

Don't hate your hair. I'm feeling so bad for you because I know the feeling. My co-workers are always sneering their nose up at my hair because I go 13 weeks and it's nappy right now, I don't braid it, but I'm learning how to deal with it and style it in updo's that work for me. I've absolutely grown to love my naps and don't mind them showing at all - and I work in a law office. Also, you have been given some good advice by the ladies - that's one thing I love about this board!! I have to agree with them, give your hair and break from the relaxers, don't braid if your hair is dry, it will only cause more damage, condition, condition, condition, find styles that work for you. And...take care of yourself - nutritionally, mentally, and physically. It will work out for you. Be blessed. /images/graemlins/wink.gif

 

[carrie]

HoneyRockette -

I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I know exactly how you feel. I too am currently HATING my hair. 17" is a good amount though. Heck, I'd prolly sell my mother for that (Don't tell her though!)

As some of the ladies suggested, check your diet. I know my hair get super dry when I am am not eating well.

Hang in there. Even though I am totally disgusted with mine right now, I come here and read the ladies post and look at their pics for inspiration.

 

[Honi]

You know sometimes I think we obsess over having length than the overall health. It's always something isn't it?Every time you think your going somewhere there's a set back! Right now after my touch up I know I'm gonna have to cut 1 inch off my ends cause they look choppy (I betcha it's the no-lye part). Don't dispair gurlie! It could be the winter that's wreaking havoc as we all struggle to keep our tresses supple. I think the suggestions on this thread are pretty good. Give it a rest for awhile and moisturize the hell outta your hair and trim off gradually what is damaged. Soon you'll have a healthy new start. Besides, we ain't gonna let you give up! /images/graemlins/smile.gif

 

[HoneyRockette]

Thanks again all but I have decided to give up and get a relaxer tomorrow. Right now I have this party to think about and changing my diet and starting vitamins won't help me in time for tomorrow night, (but it is something I am going to work on in the long run). I tried a half twist out last night but the contrasting textures are still disturbingly obvious. My hair just looks shaggy. You can tell I need a perm. And heat styling won't help at all seeing as it is going to snow tomorrow. As soon as one flake touches my hair, it will be riuned! At least if I relax it I can just slick it back into a nice updo which is all I wanted to do anyway. I am hereby throwing in the towel. I QUIT! The healthy/long hair quest is over.

 

[AmilLion]

Omg, Honey Rockette. I feel your pain. Not too long ago, I was experiencing wonderful hair growth and then suddenly it seemed as if my hair came to a halt. Talk about discouraged. I was wondering if this was all that I would ever be able to grow. I wash my hair faithfully every two weeks, condition and moisturize my hair. But one thing I've noticed, in New York, the air's been an extreme problem for me lately. Seems to be very dry even days when it's snowing/raining.

Though I haven't gained much length in the past month, last night, I took a look at a photo I took of my hair in November and compared it to now. My hair is considerably thicker and fuller in certain areas which it weren't in November. (Okay okay, I slacked off moisturizing my hair everyday, more like every other day.....shesshhhh lol)

My suggestion, stick with your regimen, even though it's discouraging right now, hopefully you will see improvement. You indicated that you experienced hair breakage from the braids, I wouldn't suggest wearing braids or a weave for you.

My right side is considerably shorter than my left side, but fortunately, I learned how to make custom clip-on hair pieces and this has served as a savior and alternative than damaging weaves/braids. I clip in two custom tracks in the morning and head out. When I come home, I take the clips out. Viola. On rainy days, I opt to wear my drawstring ponytail. Though the growth process for me has slowed down, I must continue.

I would strongly recommend visiting Marvin so that he could give you a proper cut and "Lead" you to the path of healthy, growing hair. Also, try writing down everything you do to your hair and make notations when you notice breakage/damage. This could aid in properly diagnosing what you're doing incorrectly. This helped tremendously with my mom. My mom has hair that produces tons of moisture/oil and for her, using a shampoo containing sulfates helps vs. using shampoos that contain no sulfates. Also, using no moisture during the week works for her. Guess my mom's LUCKY. With me, I have very dry hair and I need a shampoo containing no SULFATES and must moisturize every single day.