I feel so bad for him, I'm side- eyeing ..

Are you sure you know the whole details of their marriage before you can truly say he has done nothing wrong?
 
I say listen, nod your head, but don't give her anything to put into her petition.

She wants to get divorced and she wants a cosigner. Nothing good can come from this. You don't know the whole story even if she is a blabber mouth. She is holding something back.
 
OP, don't let other's issues become your burden. No matter how much your friend has shared you still don't know all the dynamics at play. Also, just b/c you see no issue - whether small or large - does not mean an issue does not exist. It is her marriage and her life. As her friend you can decide what you want to be supportive of. You reserve the right to not be involved if it is going to grieve you so.
 
I'd keep mum and offer no advice as to what she should put in the petition. If she wants to destroy her marriage whether the reason is justified in her eyes or not, it is not your burden to carry. He must not be that bad if she cannot even think of a reason to put in the petition.
 
Thanks ladies. I'm going to just exhale and be there for her.

I just think it's dangerous to be playing with people's emotions like that. Her husband is stunned that she's being so cold and won't try and work it out. She moved all her things out of their home behind his back yesterday, moved back to her family temporarily til gets own place and he's blowing up her phone. She's acting like he's in the wrong for doing this. She says he should have realised as they've not spoken properly or had sx for past 7 months.

Her family are treating her like a victim as she's told them that she's been staying in hotels, staying out etc as she felt uncomfortable at home with hubby.

However, the detail of THE OTHER MAN has been conveniently left out, now they're all badmouthing her husband and his family smh

Her and the new guy are head over heels so there's no going back.
 
Babysaffy said:
If it helps, they are Indian of Hindu religion and first met in Feb 2010, engaged by the July and married in November 2010- her maternal grandparents introduced them after she told her family she was ready for marriage (she was 25 at the time).
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arranged marriage?
 
^ Fela, arranged to an extent but she had full control.

She said she was ready to marry (she says mainly because it was expected).

Her family just gave her numbers/emails or facebook of suitable guys who were also single and ready to settle down and vice versa and if she liked the look/sound of them they met up. Parents had no involvement in choosing other than that.
 
Babysaffy said:
I just think it's dangerous to be playing with people's emotions like that. Her husband is stunned that she's being so cold and won't try and work it out. She moved all her things out of their home behind his back yesterday, moved back to her family temporarily til gets own place and he's blowing up her phone.
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If she is so big and bad, why didn't see move in with her man? If she is done, she is done.
 
Babysaffy said:
Thickhair... Her new man... Lives with his parents.
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I may be wrong, but that's traditional in Indian culture right?
For children to remain at home, no matter how old they are until they're married... I knew a lot of people who lived at home until married...


What going to happen if they get serious, and the new parents realize she's 'damaged goods' I.e divorce...

I've also heard, and could be very wrong, that its very hard for Indian women to get remarried after divorce... Only because of the stigma
 
metro_qt said:
I may be wrong, but that's traditional in Indian culture right?
For children to remain at home, no matter how old they are until they're married... I knew a lot of people who lived at home until married...

What going to happen if they get serious, and the new parents realize she's 'damaged goods' I.e divorce...

I've also heard, and could be very wrong, that its very hard for Indian women to get remarried after divorce... Only because of the stigma
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Maybe that's why she wants a really good reason to put down for behavior. I'd not say anything and let her reap the consequences.
 
The husband doesn't sound like such a great guy to me. He was meeting with other women. She was meeting a man. They behave the same.

The problem is, women don't usually get over that kind of stuff like men do. She probably lost the love for him after that. When that happens, many people start looking for someone one else. She just don't want the marriage anymore. It happens.

And who knows what he was doing behind closed doors. There's a lot of charismatic men out there that would have you thinking they were the perfect man. But if you'd ask their wives and girlfriends you'd get a totally different picture of them.
 
*CherryPie* said:
The husband doesn't sound like such a great guy to me. He was meeting with other women. She was meeting a man. They behave the same.

The problem is, women don't usually get over that kind of stuff like men do. She probably lost the love for him after that. When that happens, many people start looking for someone one else. She just don't want the marriage anymore. It happens.

And who knows what he was doing behind closed doors. There's a lot of charismatic men out there that would have you thinking they were the perfect man. But if you'd ask their wives and girlfriends you'd get a totally different picture of them.
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what men do you know that will get over that quickly, bc i dont know any
 
Babysaffy said:
^ Yes.. She talks A LOT!

Apparently after they'd been married a month she found out that he'd been meeting his ex girlfriend (who he was at the same workplace at the time) for lunch all the time she'd been busy planning their wedding and she'd been upfront with him about her past.

HOWEVER- I know she'd also been meeting up with her ex " the love of her life" during that time and not told him so that doesn't hold water with me.

She says there's just no chemistry but she wasn't saying that before she met this other guy; they'd even opened a baby fund account to save for a baby..

She is now telling her family and she told him for the past seven months that he made her feel trapped and was too possessive (caring IMO ie. Calling her at lunchtime to say hi)
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Regarding the bolded, I'm just surprised that as her friend you don't have any problem with what he did to her, and primarily focus on what she did to him. Also, if they haven't had sex the past seven months (only been married about 2 years), I would presume he may also be cheating on her. Just surprised that you have so much compassion for him and so little for her. Not saying she isn't a piece of work, but he doesn't sound like the wonderful, innocent guy you see him as either.
 
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