I feel like i should be natural (VENT)

[ThinNnappy]

Oh, im so sad. Im only 16 right now, but i really feel like i should be natural, i def. dont want to chop off my hair and i need to get touchups or else the hair i have will breack.
on one hand i want to have long straight waist length hair for the first time in my life
But then again ever since i was young i felt like i was being wrong, I am more proud to be black then anyone i know, it makes my family sick sometimes-they be like "oh lord, im rasing a malcom x" But here i am getting relaxers-and i know its not to be "white", but its because i want to look pretty, and no im not wrong for saying straight hair is pretty, because i know natural hair is beautifull as well
And then i know God blessed me with this hair, and im just changing it, not because i sat down and thought about it and was aware that i wanted to-but because i've been going with the flow- and i think straight relaxed hair is dead and if i had natural hair it would be character, and black people are the ONLY people in the WORLD with this type of hair, meant to be different and special...and we should all be proud-and here i go just mosying along conforming....
I dont know what to do...I dont want to do it now because i dont want to be bald, but i am selling out so bad to myself. Did any naturals feel this way before transitioning? I hope im not just crazy.I guess i'll just wait untill i reach my hair goal, and cut my relaxed heair as the natural hair grows-but you know what... i dont even have that curly beutifull hair anyway, when my hair is natural, its just straight and thick, and just nappy...i cant win

 

[onepraying]

Oh, im so sad. Im only 16 right now, but i really feel like i should be natural, i def. dont want to chop off my hair and i need to get touchups or else the hair i have will breack.
on one hand i want to have long straight waist length hair for the first time in my life
But then again ever since i was young i felt like i was being wrong, I am more proud to be black then anyone i know, it makes my family sick sometimes-they be like "oh lord, im rasing a malcom x" But here i am getting relaxers-and i know its not to be "white", but its because i want to look pretty, and no im not wrong for saying straight hair is pretty, because i know natural hair is beautifull as well
And then i know God blessed me with this hair, and im just changing it, not because i sat down and thought about it and was aware that i wanted to-but because i've been going with the flow- and i think straight relaxed hair is dead and if i had natural hair it would be character, and black people are the ONLY people in the WORLD with this type of hair, meant to be different and special...and we should all be proud-and here i go just mosying along conforming....
I dont know what to do...I dont want to do it now because i dont want to be bald, but i am selling out so bad to myself. Did any naturals feel this way before transitioning? I hope im not just crazy.I guess i'll just wait untill i reach my hair goal, and cut my relaxed heair as the natural hair grows-but you know what... i dont even have that curly beutifull hair anyway, when my hair is natural, its just straight and thick, and just nappy...i cant win

Yes I did....when I became a born again Christian I had given up so much of which I felt was a part of the "world" yet I was still changing my hair structure. God was convicting me and I didnt' understand why....I relly like long straight hair...but he began to show me that my hair had never flourish while it was relaxed.....The conviction got to be too much and I found the liberty and courage to trudge forward and made the concious decision to grow out my relaxer...

I'm not saying anything is wrong with relaxing ones hair if they so choose. It was just wrong for ME (and believe me, I have asked God why I can't relax like others w/o no worries and He impressed on my heart "What's for you is for you" I asked Him to give me a love for my natural hair, regardless as to it's texture)
.....You have to get past what your hair will be like, what others will say and go for what will make you truly happy...and free.

Your mind set has to change concerning hair type and what could happen.

Now, during transitioning, there are ways to prevent the breakage or atleast slow it down to a bare minimum. You will get some, but with proper care, you can make it through...

I suggest you study some transitioning threads, and albums and ask lots of questions then decide....you can pm me anytime and I'm sure other transitioners as well...we are here to help....

~op~

 

[naptrl]

I think that you have to be comfortable with yourself no matter how your hair is. If you want relaxed hair, then keep it healthy and be happy with it. If you want it natural, then keep it healthy and be happy with it. Relaxed people are not selling out, and natural people are not "more" black or being any truer to themselves. It's a decision that you have to make based on your hair and your styling preferences. Since you're 16, you need to think about having fun with your hair, but keep it healthy because when you get our age (if you take care of it) you can have some extremely long beautiful thick hair. I wish I had found this site when I was your age. And by the way, you don't have to chop your hair off to go natural, just transition and keep it moisturized. HTH
naptrl

 

[ThinNnappy]

Yes I did....when I became a born again Christian I had given up so much of which I felt was a part of the "world" yet I was still changing my hair structure. God was convicting me and I didnt' understand why....I relly like long straight hair...but he began to show me that my hair had never flourish while it was relaxed.....The conviction got to be too much and I found the liberty and courage to trudge forward and made the concious decision to grow out my relaxer...

I'm not saying anything is wrong with relaxing ones hair if they so choose. It was just wrong for ME (and believe me, I have asked God why I can't relax like others w/o no worries and He impressed on my heart "What's for you is for you" I asked Him to give me a love for my natural hair, regardless as to it's texture)
.....You have to get past what your hair will be like, what others will say and go for what will make you truly happy...and free.

Your mind set has to change concerning hair type and what could happen.

Now, during transitioning, there are ways to prevent the breakage or atleast slow it down to a bare minimum. You will get some, but with proper care, you can make it through...

I suggest you study some transitioning threads, and albums and ask lots of questions then decide....you can pm me anytime and I'm sure other transitioners as well...we are here to help....

~op~

Thank You SOOOO much. Every thought i make has God in it, for the most part, i cant sin for the life of me. It scares me how different i am compared to teenagers my age..but im very grateful. I think that you are kind of an inspiration that God as well influenced your decision.

 

[ThinNnappy]

I think that you have to be comfortable with yourself no matter how your hair is. If you want relaxed hair, then keep it healthy and be happy with it. If you want it natural, then keep it healthy and be happy with it. Relaxed people are not selling out, and natural people are not "more" black or being any truer to themselves. It's a decision that you have to make based on your hair and your styling preferences. Since you're 16, you need to think about having fun with your hair, but keep it healthy because when you get our age (if you take care of it) you can have some extremely long beautiful thick hair. I wish I had found this site when I was your age. And by the way, you don't have to chop your hair off to go natural, just transition and keep it moisturized. HTH
naptrl

I am very confortable with myself, and i know one is not more black
Its just the person that i am, and i kinda think more of hair, i think of it as a part of me that God created and its all about me believeing that i should be honoring who i am truely-i do love myself either way it goes, and will have fun with my hair, but i need to be true to myself..i dont know its kind of confusing to me, i cant really explain it-but its nothing about being more black or non comfortable with myself-and what you said is why i want to hurry up and make a choice, so i can have long long hair when i get yalls age
Thank you alot though, i guess im still trying to find myself, And finding myself right now is important to me, so that im not just doing what everyone else is doing-i treasure being independent- i dont know, but this really seems like the right way

 

[Crissi]

Why dont you try something like the crown and glory method?

 

[onepraying]

Its just the person that i am, and i kinda think more of hair, i think of it as a part of me that God created and its all about me believeing that i should be honoring who i am truely-......... but i need to be true to myself..i dont know its kind of confusing to me, i cant really explain it-but its nothing about being more black or non comfortable with myself-and what you said is why i want to hurry up and make a choice, so i can have long long hair when i get yalls age
Thank you alot though, i guess im still trying to find myself, And finding myself right now is important to me, so that im not just doing what everyone else is doing-i treasure being independent- i dont know, but this really seems like the right way

This was so true of me and it became less confusing when I started excepting this..excepting who I was or what God wanted ME to be...

I took the plunge at having a little less than shoulder length hair because I was learning so much about healthy hair care and didn't want to wait until my hair was down my back before I decided to transition...especially since I don't believe in cutting hair. Transtioning wasn't easy, but once I made the decison, I felt a freedom that I can't describe...it took patience and gentle hands to get through the first year...but I made it, I'm here...14 months post relaxer ..I have 4.5 inches of newgrowth and 1-2.5 inches of relaxed hair left...the Lord broke the ends off steadily.

My hair is growing stronger and faster(well..I guess I should say I'm retaining what I'm growing!) If I want long flowing hair, I can press or flatiron, no biggie...I don't know if my conviction will ever be lifted ...I just want to go where the Lord leads me...

 

[*ElleB]

Oh, im so sad. Im only 16 right now, but i really feel like i should be natural, i def. dont want to chop off my hair and i need to get touchups or else the hair i have will breack.
on one hand i want to have long straight waist length hair for the first time in my life
But then again ever since i was young i felt like i was being wrong, I am more proud to be black then anyone i know, it makes my family sick sometimes-they be like "oh lord, im rasing a malcom x" But here i am getting relaxers-and i know its not to be "white", but its because i want to look pretty, and no im not wrong for saying straight hair is pretty, because i know natural hair is beautifull as well
And then i know God blessed me with this hair, and im just changing it, not because i sat down and thought about it and was aware that i wanted to-but because i've been going with the flow- and i think straight relaxed hair is dead and if i had natural hair it would be character, and black people are the ONLY people in the WORLD with this type of hair, meant to be different and special...and we should all be proud-and here i go just mosying along conforming....
I dont know what to do...I dont want to do it now because i dont want to be bald, but i am selling out so bad to myself. Did any naturals feel this way before transitioning? I hope im not just crazy.I guess i'll just wait untill i reach my hair goal, and cut my relaxed heair as the natural hair grows-but you know what... i dont even have that curly beutifull hair anyway, when my hair is natural, its just straight and thick, and just nappy...i cant win

I am not here to criticize u but you just contradicted yourself with these two statements. Being that we as Blacks, Black women especially have had such a long history of social issues dealing with HAIR, the decision to go natural is not only a physical one, but a mental and emotional one. You just have to learn how to completely and totally secure with who you are. With ur statements, it doesnt truly seem like you are completely comfortable with loving your hair as you should. It also seems that you think you should go natural because that is what you SHOULD be doing, and not what you WANT to be doing.

Listen to your heart and do what it tells you. Forget the politics involved and then make your decision. But remember, learn to embrace it first and foremost, and like I said before it doesnt seem like you have. If you don't being natural will not make you any happier than being relaxed. And both after all, are just a way to wear your hair.

We are on this board to help, if u have any concerns or any worries there are plenty of people share their insights and advice as well as encouraging words. I am not natural myself, but you can PM anytime and I'll answer . I know complete self acceptance sometimes is a struggle, and that is y it definitely goes deeper than just HAIR.

And listen to the India.Arie Song "Hair" it hits it right on the money.

"I am not my hair/I am not this skin/I am not your expectations; NO"---India.Arie

*ELLEB

 

[bettytoo]

Hi i went natural when i was 14 .I don't regret.I was hanging around with pan african people.And yes i hated my kinky hair.Being natural show me that you don't have to have straighter hair to be beautiful.Give natural a go.or wear braids.then cut it of.IF you don't like it.you alway's get a relaxer a again good luck.

 

[S-A]

I agree with not needing to do the big chop to go natural. I dont like people doing it blindly and regretting not trying transitioning instead. Big chops are not the only way to go natural, people say do it that way in order for you to not have any illusions of your natural texture and for you to learn how to care for it as it grows out.

I grew mine out with braids and canerows but I wasn't under an illusions of my texture anway as I had been natural for a long time before. If you do decide to go natural try the braids/conrows/braidouts etc to grow your hair out, you can do all sorts of creative styles.

But at the end of the day do whats right for you, if you want to be relaxed, do so, if not try natural after learning about the styles you can achieve. But at the end of the day be happy.

 

[so1913]

I am not here to criticize u but you just contradicted yourself with these two statements. Being that we as Blacks, Black women especially have had such a long history of social issues dealing with HAIR, the decision to go natural is not only a physical one, but a mental and emotional one. You just have to learn how to completely and totally secure with who you are. With ur statements, it doesnt truly seem like you are completely comfortable with loving your hair as you should. It also seems that you think you should go natural because that is what you SHOULD be doing, and not what you WANT to be doing.

Listen to your heart and do what it tells you. Forget the politics involved and then make your decision. But remember, learn to embrace it first and foremost, and like I said before it doesnt seem like you have. If you don't being natural will not make you any happier than being relaxed. And both after all, are just a way to wear your hair.

We are on this board to help, if u have any concerns or any worries there are plenty of people share their insights and advice as well as encouraging words. I am not natural myself, but you can PM anytime and I'll answer . I know complete self acceptance sometimes is a struggle, and that is y it definitely goes deeper than just HAIR.

And listen to the India.Arie Song "Hair" it hits it right on the money.

"I am not my hair/I am not this skin/I am not your expectations; NO"---India.Arie

*ELLEB

Good advice ELLEB. I agree with a lot of what you've stated here.

 

[ChocoKitty]

I went natural (for the second time) about 12 years ago. I was just tired of the touch ups and thinning. If you don't want to do a BC just let the relaxer grow out steadily and get trims. This is how I transitioned. I'd get trims until eventually I had a enough new growth to have my hair cut into a chin length bob (straightened).. Before I found LHCF I did not know a thing about transitioning or BC'ing but God gave me widsom on how to deal with my two textures. He will continue to give you wisdom too.

No matter what descision you make--remember you'll be armed with a lot of information, support and inspiration from this forum.

 

[LovelyZ]

Its just the person that i am, and i kinda think more of hair, i think of it as a part of me that God created and its all about me believeing that i should be honoring who i am truely-i do love myself either way it goes, and will have fun with my hair, but i need to be true to myself..

Hmm, I hear you about being "true" to yourself. When I got married I wanted to be the "real" me: my real hair, my real nails, everything genuine. But I guess some people could say I wasn't really me because I had on makeup, a bra for lift, and relaxed hair.

We wear deodorant to smell nice. That is not the way God made us, so is that not being true to yourself?

If the only way to be true to yourself is to exist EXACTLY as God made you, you would walk around ashy, chapped lip, deodorant-less, etc. I persoannly don't want to live like that so I guess I will never be "true" to myself.

 

[Cheleigh]

I didn't feel liked I needed to be natural. I WANTED to be natural. It didn't matter what my natural texture looked like, or how much I liked or didn't like straight hair. It wasn't that my relaxed hair was breaking off or damaged or in sad repair. I wasn't trying to prove anything to anyone. I just really wanted to be a natural head. Of course, I don't regret my decision one bit. I only regret that I didn't have the foresight to transition much earlier.

Give yourself time. I transitioned for a year before I cut the the relaxed hair out. When you are ready to be natural for you, you'll know it.