I Feel Like I Need a Break from...

[Supergirl]

MY church. No, it's not that I need a break from church altogether but from my church. There are some things that I'm just not comfortable with and haven't been for a while. I believe that discernment is one of my gifts and so sometimes I feel unsettled about things that happen at my church. I don't look forward to going most times.

The problem is that this seems to bother my husband. He more or less, loves our church. I understand his argument about families attending church together. But if the truth be told, many of the men in our church are very involved and we don't really attend church *together* anyway. He has to be there before me so we don't ride together. We don't sit together in service, because he is serving in a certain capacity. (that doesn't bother me, I'm just making a point that we kind of attend separately anyway)

I've never felt like my relationship with Jesus should be tied in to any particular church.

So, I just feel like I should visit elsewhere for a while.

Help me please

 

[Honey6928215]

Good Morning, Supergirl!

I'm here on Sunday morning, too. I'm going to be cooking breakfast in a little bit. I know how you feel. I've been attending my church for over 25 years. And I see the growth and changes...so good and some bad. Needless to say the bad pretty much outweighs the good. Don't get me wrong, my pastor still preach the word. Thank God for the internet. But usually it's the people that I can't deal with, know what I mean? I assume this is your reason.

I'm visiting other churches but it seems that I'm pretty tied to my home church. But I understand where you are coming from.

 

[kayte]

God bless you... It is beautiful you have a covenant relationship

I have a 'home" church but I do visit other churches to feed me
especially if they offer something my church does not.(tho my church is pretty well near perfection!)
For example I can attend a mass every day any time of day
there is an Sunday candlelight scve and quiet medtitation every week in another one,and a hands-on-healing ...etc

Maybe praying with your husband about this subject ..together?
and maybe a rotating joint schedule to accomodate you both as afamily ....w/out your personal intimate search for God being compromised.

One of our ministers in my midtown NYC church has a family....his wife is a minister in another church in Brooklyn.and they have a son under the age of two.....
so other families pbly deal with this too.

 

[gn1g]

Prayerfully you and your DH can sit down an reason together. What happens if you go visit another church and really love it??

Women tend to be ore intuitive or discerning than men. Although the bible speaks a great deal about men being in the leadership role.

 

[Poohbear]

SuperGirl, I've been feeling the same way about my church...

 

[discobiscuits]

I have gone through the same thing with my churh home. I've been a tithing, ministry participating member for 19 years. In the beginning I was fine with belonging to a "mega" church. I was fine with the "afro-centric" teaching. I was fine with everything. I was learning and growing and (I believe) called into mininstry* there. Now, FF to the present and my pastor in the recent, oh I don't know 6-8 years or so, has contradicted some of his past teachings.

When I first became a member he taught about and against mega churches that had jets and millionaire pastors and "celebrity" status. He taught against materialism etc., etc.. But then he goes and gets a jet and explains it away, he lives on a "compound", and I don't know when the last time I saw an expense report (we used to get them annually and it showed every penney the church received and where it went). There is a VERY long list of things I won't list everything, those are just examples. I'm also not the only one. We've lost thousands of members for that long list. We've even had smaller churches disassociate themselves, but I digress.

Now, I am not God therefore I cannot see/read my pastor's heart but I can hear and I do listen and I can read. I am not judging him, but I am guarding my heart. My pastor, in my opinion, has partially become exactly what he used to preach against. I do not even tithe there anymore because as the steward over God's money, I am responsible for it and if I consciously tithe where it appears (based on the Godly biblical teaching I used to get) that the tithe is not being utilized correctly I have to answer for that.

I said all that to say this: it hurt me for a while. I prayed heavily about it. I begged God for permission to leave my church and find a new one. I have yet to get his permission to leave. I believe he sent me there for a reason and I have not completed it. Either that or my church and pastor with all their flaws are still better than the other choices out there. I do get wonderful word from other ministries and since I don't physically attend church I try to keep up online.

So, Supergirl I feel you and your predicament. I hope that you and your husband come in agreement and get on one accord about this matter (regardless of whether you stay there or get another church). Sadly, this is one of the many reasons I have chosen not to marry. We have to work as a team with our mates and we also have to submit to our husbands as the spiritual head of the family. I hope and perhaps I'll pray that if nothing else, he will listen to your concerns and allow you to attend somewhere else or maybe he will find a church with you. It is kinda funny, most of the time women have a hard time getting men to even go to church and yours does not want to get out. Gotta love that at least.



*Note: all Christians are called into the ministry of reconciliation. In my post I specifically meant a lay and/or ordained ministry calling.

 

[Supergirl]

I have gone through the same thing with my churh home. I've been a tithing, ministry participating member for 19 years. In the beginning I was fine with belonging to a "mega" church. I was fine with the "afro-centric" teaching. I was fine with everything. I was learning and growing and (I believe) called into mininstry* there. Now, FF to the present and my pastor in the recent, oh I don't know 6-8 years or so, has contradicted some of his past teachings.

When I first became a member he taught about and against mega churches that had jets and millionaire pastors and "celebrity" status. He taught against materialism etc., etc.. But then he goes and gets a jet and explains it away, he lives on a "compound", and I don't know when the last time I saw an expense report (we used to get them annually and it showed every penney the church received and where it went). There is a VERY long list of things I won't list everything, those are just examples. I'm also not the only one. We've lost thousands of members for that long list. We've even had smaller churches disassociate themselves, but I digress.

Now, I am not God therefore I cannot see/read my pastor's heart but I can hear and I do listen and I can read. I am not judging him, but I am guarding my heart. My pastor, in my opinion, has partially become exactly what he used to preach against. I do not even tithe there anymore because as the steward over God's money, I am responsible for it and if I consciously tithe where it appears (based on the Godly biblical teaching I used to get) that the tithe is not being utilized correctly I have to answer for that.

I said all that to say this: it hurt me for a while. I prayed heavily about it. I begged God for permission to leave my church and find a new one. I have yet to get his permission to leave. I believe he sent me there for a reason and I have not completed it. Either that or my church and pastor with all their flaws are still better than the other choices out there. I do get wonderful word from other ministries and since I don't physically attend church I try to keep up online.

So, Supergirl I feel you and your predicament. I hope that you and your husband come in agreement and get on one accord about this matter (regardless of whether you stay there or get another church). Sadly, this is one of the many reasons I have chosen not to marry. We have to work as a team with our mates and we also have to submit to our husbands as the spiritual head of the family. I hope and perhaps I'll pray that if nothing else, he will listen to your concerns and allow you to attend somewhere else or maybe he will find a church with you. It is kinda funny, most of the time women have a hard time getting men to even go to church and yours does not want to get out. Gotta love that at least.



*Note: all Christians are called into the ministry of reconciliation. In my post I specifically meant a lay and/or ordained ministry calling.

Bless YOUR heart. I understand about not having permission (from God) to leave. I feel that too. I just haven't been lead to drop my church altogether. Still, a little break is in order. Today, I went to visit somewhere else and it was just kind of refreshing. Maybe I'll do this once or twice a month for a bit. My husband doesn't object to me visiting other churches, so this doesn't cause a problem. But I can tell that he doesn't really understand my concerns about our home church.

 

[PassionFruit]

I wrote a post on this forum about a month ago, expressing similar feelings as the OP... Im STILL dealing with some of the issues... but as someone said, I didnt feel I had permission to leave....

and God has worked some things out... worked some so called church people out of my life and as painful as that was, I know its for the greater good in the long run... and my pastor has been directly dealing with me & some of my issues ( as far as things that were occuring within the church)

Fast & Pray... seek God for the answer... if you need to move, dont do it before God says its ok
If you stay, as God for more guidance

 

[Nice & Wavy]

MY church. No, it's not that I need a break from church altogether but from my church. There are some things that I'm just not comfortable with and haven't been for a while. I believe that discernment is one of my gifts and so sometimes I feel unsettled about things that happen at my church. I don't look forward to going most times.

The problem is that this seems to bother my husband. He more or less, loves our church. I understand his argument about families attending church together. But if the truth be told, many of the men in our church are very involved and we don't really attend church *together* anyway. He has to be there before me so we don't ride together. We don't sit together in service, because he is serving in a certain capacity. (that doesn't bother me, I'm just making a point that we kind of attend separately anyway)

I've never felt like my relationship with Jesus should be tied in to any particular church.

So, I just feel like I should visit elsewhere for a while.

Help me please

This has recently happened to a couple I know. Like you, she felt the same way and her husband felt much the same way as your husband.

She persisted and they both agreed to leave their church, much against how her husband really felt in his heart, he wanted to please his wife, so they left.

They went to a few places, not finding what they wanted, they began to stay home.

Instead of going back to where they originally were, they stopped going to church altogether.

Her husband, after 20 years of serving the Lord...started drinking again. His excuse was that he felt he let his family down by not standing as the head of his home and remaining where he was, until God gave him the answer to leave.

They are both struggling in their relationship now and the children are definately affected by it.

I'm not sharing this to say that this happens to most families...it doesn't. But I am sharing this to say.....please, whatever you do...make sure that you both are in agreement and that the Lord wants you both to use your gifts elsewhere. YES, its that important.

Dh and I counsel so many couples that have these types of experiences..its not an easy thing to witness at all.

I will be praying for you and your husband as you both make your decisions with this.

Loving you with the love of the Lord!

 

[Supergirl]

Thanks N&W. I appreciate it as always.