I have spent the most part of my life defining myself through people and things. I have friends that have successful jobs and I'm still trying to finish school. So naturally I get discouraged and feel that they are so intelligent and I have failed in the school department. I set out to get my degree years ago and here I am years later finishing up. I would surround myself with friends who really were not my friends.
I would get in relationships and love so hard and not believe I was worthy of that same love. I looked at my parents relationship and decided early in life that I could never have a happy marriage. I would always feel according to age that I was supposed to be at a certain point in life. I just never had a moment of rest and peace.
I would laugh on the outside but inside I was crying. I was the one uplifting people. I would get cards from my friends telling me how grateful they were for being a true friend. I would try to do everything so my love ones could feel happiness. Inside I was unhappy. I spent so much of life feeling as if I wasn't deserving of happiness and true friendships. I was afraid to succeed because I thought that I was undeserving of it. I stayed in selfish relationships because I felt it was apart of me. I was consumed with worrying about BF's and what they were doing that it was crazy.
All this simply because of wrong doings I had done in the past. Mistakes made growing into an adult.You would have thought I murdered someone
I realized that I was inprisoning myself all these years based on my sins from the past. I felt that I wasn't worthy of forgiveness even though I had already asked God for forgiveness. I realized that I had not forgiven myself, therfore any negative energy and things and people in my life I believed was part of who I was.
I had a long talk with God and he showed me that it's not his will for me to imprison myself. I have been forgiven and I need to forgive myself. I told him I was afraid to be happy and that I knew how to bring happiness to others. In the mist of my talk a sense of peace came over me. He allowed me to love me in that moment. He allowed me to let go of others perception of me and lean on my perception of me and His perception of me. I feel peace within my soul. I no longer have the desire to worry about others and why they behave the way they do. I no longer have the energy to sit and be resentful and hurt. I spent so much time concentrating on negative energy, that I have lost so much time that was intended for myself.
Today I am happy and I look forward to happy things in my life. My soul has finally found peace. I realize that I have to exude postive energy to bring positive energy to my life. I longed for a best friend all my life and I realized I had one all along God and myself
I would get in relationships and love so hard and not believe I was worthy of that same love. I looked at my parents relationship and decided early in life that I could never have a happy marriage. I would always feel according to age that I was supposed to be at a certain point in life. I just never had a moment of rest and peace.
I would laugh on the outside but inside I was crying. I was the one uplifting people. I would get cards from my friends telling me how grateful they were for being a true friend. I would try to do everything so my love ones could feel happiness. Inside I was unhappy. I spent so much of life feeling as if I wasn't deserving of happiness and true friendships. I was afraid to succeed because I thought that I was undeserving of it. I stayed in selfish relationships because I felt it was apart of me. I was consumed with worrying about BF's and what they were doing that it was crazy.
All this simply because of wrong doings I had done in the past. Mistakes made growing into an adult.You would have thought I murdered someone
I realized that I was inprisoning myself all these years based on my sins from the past. I felt that I wasn't worthy of forgiveness even though I had already asked God for forgiveness. I realized that I had not forgiven myself, therfore any negative energy and things and people in my life I believed was part of who I was.I had a long talk with God and he showed me that it's not his will for me to imprison myself. I have been forgiven and I need to forgive myself. I told him I was afraid to be happy and that I knew how to bring happiness to others. In the mist of my talk a sense of peace came over me. He allowed me to love me in that moment. He allowed me to let go of others perception of me and lean on my perception of me and His perception of me. I feel peace within my soul. I no longer have the desire to worry about others and why they behave the way they do. I no longer have the energy to sit and be resentful and hurt. I spent so much time concentrating on negative energy, that I have lost so much time that was intended for myself.
Today I am happy and I look forward to happy things in my life. My soul has finally found peace. I realize that I have to exude postive energy to bring positive energy to my life. I longed for a best friend all my life and I realized I had one all along God and myself
