I don't think I can transition... HELP

[moriahar]

I'm on a ledge about to jump in a pool of creamy crack. I've been back n forth with the idea of transitioning versus a long stretch for the past few months. I'm 23 weeks post and really like the idea of growing my natural texture out but now....

I don't think I can do it

My hair at the line of demarcation is not smoothing out when I blow dry or flat iron, but instead curling up and tangling. I've noticed this a time or two before but it was only a few strands so it wasn't a big deal. This time its all over my head in random spots. And when I try to comb thru (r heaven forbid brush), it ain't nothing purrty. I had hair snapping and twisting up in odd ways.

I dont know what to do. I'm honestly ready to relax it. Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions???

 

[Nina_deF]

What helped me:
Only comb/brush and smooth with conditioner in the shower/bath.

COCONUT OIL is a savior.
It's my only leave in and it's extremely moisturizing.
Sometimes I follow up with castor oil.

 

[Anew]

I can only say when you're truly ready to, you'll find a way to make it work be it BC or some kind of style you can wear where you can keep from having to do your hair too often.

I relaxed July 31 after 6 months and regret it the very next day, now I have to start all over again... But I can honestly say I don't want to relax anytime soon. At any rate, this is about you not me, lol, so I hope whatever you decide works out for you..

 

[KBA]

Did you try some curlier styles (ie. rod sets, curly roller sets etc), so you aren't straightening the hair and stressing the demarcation line?

That may buy you a few more weeks to evaluate your decision.

I've just started my transition, but I say 'hang in there"....

 

[JayAnn0513]

curly styles, buns, braids, sew in weave..... There comes a point in some people's transitions that fighting the curl is a waste of time.

 

[bbdgirl]

What helped me:
Only comb/brush and smooth with conditioner in the shower/bath.

COCONUT OIL is a savior.
It's my only leave in and it's extremely moisturizing.
Sometimes I follow up with castor oil.

^^^^I can't agree with the above more, but being that not everyone's hair is the same, you have to find something that works for you. I am at 17wks attempting to stretch for 20-24 weeks. I find that I really have to stop fighting my hair and honestly unless I plan to flatiron on full heat power, it is not going to respond and get really straight. So there is really no point in my burning it. So I find that now I have to wet it down with water and oils to get it to behave. Luckily my hair likes water and oils. Fighting with your hair only leads to breakage.
Bottomline is you have to do what is good for you and your hair. I am not going to tell you not to relax, but sometimes there comes a point where the stretching leads to breakage and loss of hair.
For me not every stretch is the same. Sometimes I can barely make it to 12weeks...
I hope that helps.

 

[-PYT]

Sorry to hear your frustration, OP. I'm a little bit further in my transition than you but we are probably experiencing the same amount of newgrowth.

After about 8 weeks I found it useless to continue trying to wear my hair down. Our hair does NOT want to be straight anymore call it a rebellion! You probably just have to take some time to mentally transition before your hair follows suit. I wish you the best and as the other ladies suggested, comb/manipulate your hair only when wet with water/product/conditioner, avoid heat, and moisturize frequently to nurture that line of demarcation! HTH

p.s. Stalking fotkis helps as well

 

[MummysGirl]

Hey OP. The main thing is - think hard about this, do you want to transition now or maybe later? Will you regret it if you relax and then think - "I could have been x months into my transition now?"

I decided to transition cos I was 100% ready, I had been thinking about transitioning in the future but never put a time to it. At 7 weeks post, I decided I was ready to transition and it has been an interesting but fun journey.

How long is your hair? I was about shoulder length when I started my transition so I was pinning up my hair and using headbands. About 20 weeks post, braidouts and twistouts became part of my transition regime and this decision made things so much easier I cowash 3-4 times a week and DC twice a week, I ONLY detangle my hair when it's damp/wet with conditioner in it - I detangle while rinsing out my conditioner and I detangle with a wide tooth comb after applying my leave in to my damp hair.

I don't do extensions, weaves or wear wigs but those are options as well.

I'd like to help in anyway so PM me of you need some help... You can check out my fotki for style ideas...

If you do decide to relax and then transition later... enjoy your hair

 

[moriahar]

Thx ladies. I really needed your support. I'm off the ledge for now (at least until wash day.)

I honestly don't want to relax my hair. I KNOW that I will regret it. I went back to bunning with my phony afro puff and also twist outs. I guess these will become more permanent until I can grow out the rest of my relaxer.

My NG

 

[SEMO]

I have found that Kid's Organics Shea Butter Detangling lotion (I may be paraphrasing the name) is a miracle when it comes to knots and detangling. It helps on wet AND dry hair (though I only try to detangle when my hair is wet).

 

[DDTexlaxed]

Maybe you just need help with finding a style that you can transition with. I am at that point now. Tomorrow will mark my 5 months of transitioning. I have never gone this long without a relaxer. I also realize that impatience has cost me so many times. This time I'm researching you tube and fotkis as I've never have before. I am trying to learn how to be less reliant on heat.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

@Moriahar, your new growth is beautiful. It's time to up your moisturizing.

Have you considered getting a steamer? Also you may want to up the ante on your conditioners to some that are heavier weight and extremely detangling. Here are some products that are moisturizing and very detanglin:

Elucence Moisture Balance conditioner
Blended Beauty Herbal Reconditioner (a deep treatment)
Karen's Body Beautiful Hair Milk (I add this on top of any conditioner and I can finger detangle)
Renpure Organics Moisturizing conditoiner (good oils in this one and available at Rite Aid)
Lustrasilk cholesterals
John Masters Organics Citrus & neroli Detangler
Mop Top Daily Conditioner
Jessicurl Too Shea
Karen's Body Beautiful Luscious Locks Hair Mask (DT)
Robert Craig conditioner

A great co-wash that I love to use is GVP Biolage Matrix conditoning Balm. It's very thick, so I dilute it on my head. If I cowash with this, my detanglin is like half done already.

Oil rinses - cowash, rinse, apply oil (lots of it), smooth through with fingers (no combing or brushing), hot water winse, apply moisturizing detangling conditioner and detangle. Finish with a cool water rinse.

Co washing or treatments with herbal mixtures; there are some herbal mixtures that are mucilaginous and help add resiliency to the hair. Fenugreek and marshmallow are two. I occasionally co-wash and treat my hair with sysiphus spina christi. When mixed with water it has an egg-white type of consistency and smooths very nicely into my hair. Like henna or cassia, you have to dunk your hair into a filled sink or bathtub before you rinse in order to get the particles out.

Coconut cream deep treatment - 2tbs of coconut cream concentrate, 2 tbs of coconut oil, 1 serving size container of plain yogurt. Blend and apply in sections paying attention to your new growth.

Hopefully these tips will help you stay the course.

 

[LoveCraze]

Yes I would also like to reiterate that you may want to start doing curly styles without the use of heat. Try bantu knot outs, braid outs, twist outs. Accessorize with hair jewelry, head bands,flowers and scarves. Please make sure you keep your hair moisturized and make sure you are replenishing the protein back in your hair that relaxers have the tendency to strip from their hair. Also utilize youtube for hair styling ideas.
HTH.We're all here for you!!

 

[Mercie]

I just finished a 6-month stretch on Sunday.
For the stage that you are in now you REALLY need to moisturize your newgrowth.
My edges were starting to thin until, I realized it was because I was takin the NG forgranted. I used satin rollers and bantu knots for styling.

 

[Ltown]

I'm sorry you feel like this but everyone go through this phase. I'm 50 weeks post and with the help and support from the ladies here I would not have made it. I've read and stalk just about everyone that was natural or transitions(thank you ladies) and took the tips that have already been mention. We are here to support you in whatever decision you make.

 

[Platinum]

........

 

[moriahar]

Maybe you just need help with finding a style that you can transition with...... I am trying to learn how to be less reliant on heat.

I think that these twistouts will do it for me especially once I figure out a good way to make them last and be frizz free ALL day. But it's so hard cause I love to play in my hair.

@You and I both becoming less reliant on heat. I LOVE my blow dryer and flat iron. I could never see me permanently breaking up with them.nono:

 

[moriahar]

What helped me:
Only comb/brush and smooth with conditioner in the shower/bath.

COCONUT OIL is a savior.
It's my only leave in and it's extremely moisturizing.
Sometimes I follow up with castor oil.

Where are you ladies buying you coconut oil from? I've check around at a few bbs here in Detroit and I'm not seeing it. Only coconut oil grease (mixed with petroleum and or mineral oil etc.) Am I missing something???

 

[loulou82]

Virgin coconut oil is not purchased at the BSS. Go to a health food store, vitamin store, grocery store, internet, etc. Unrefined or extra virgin coconut oil is better than refined.

 

[Diva_Esq]

I'm on a ledge about to jump in a pool of creamy crack. I've been back n forth with the idea of transitioning versus a long stretch for the past few months. I'm 23 weeks post and really like the idea of growing my natural texture out but now....

I don't think I can do it

My hair at the line of demarcation is not smoothing out when I blow dry or flat iron, but instead curling up and tangling. I've noticed this a time or two before but it was only a few strands so it wasn't a big deal. This time its all over my head in random spots. And when I try to comb thru (r heaven forbid brush), it ain't nothing purrty. I had hair snapping and twisting up in odd ways.

I dont know what to do. I'm honestly ready to relax it. Has anyone else experienced this? Any suggestions???

I soooooooo feel your pain! My last relaxer was 5/2/09...so I'm at 21 weeks tomorrow & I volley back and forth between long stretches (just 2-3 relaxers a year) or completely transitioning. I also have considered just doing a "halo texlaxer" (just relaxing my edges very lightly every 4 months) to keep from relaxing my whole head. IDK... Part of me wants to ride it out so I can see what a full head of my naturally wavy will be like. It's been a lot of work, but I have fallen in love with my hair, texture, and my skin, body, etc through this process. I relaxed after my first transition 2 years ago at 11 months. And I had cut 8 inches after my new growth had grown to chin length. Now this time around, I keep thinking I could've been completely natural by now. Part of me just wants 2 relaxers a year b/c reversion is frustrating! I workout a lot and I'm a dancer too, so it can be hard. I am about an inch from APL stretched. My goal is BSL then MBL and if I can take it, WL hair. I am trying not to relax! Let's support each other!!!!! I don't fight my hair. I bun for 1-2 weeks wet with lots of full-strength con in it. I wear it flat ironed for a week and back up it goes. I rock headbands. I've found great products that lay my edges down. I stalk this board. I stalk fotkis/ blogs (especially Pocahontas' & Pretty Eyes & DLewis). Whatever you decide to do, keep conditioning, keep learning and good luck, mama!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I think that these twistouts will do it for me especially once I figure out a good way to make them last and be frizz free ALL day. But it's so hard cause I love to play in my hair.

@You and I both becoming less reliant on heat. I LOVE my blow dryer and flat iron. I could never see me permanently breaking up with them.nono:

I hear you. It is a struggle for me, too.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

I gave up the styling for my 15-16 months of transitioning. I conditioner pooed often, used leave ins, single braids or cornrows then joined the wig challenge! The line of demarcation was a horror with breakage and tearful tangling so I solved the problem with oils in my conditioner and silicone lotions-temporary relief so I could separate the strands for braids/twists. I really wish now I had simply big chopped earlier and avoided all the stress.

 

[India*32]

At least you can wear a bun. It's not picnic for my twa either. I can comb my hair and the next minute it's tangle again. This tight curl is too much. I'm waiting for my FHI blow dryer and flat iron to smooth this tangle mess. The point is, nothing is easy, but we're in for the long haul. I'll be patient with You. Believe you me its a struggle. Happy Hair growing.

India

 

[nikki2229]

Most people say that month 6 or 7 is the hardest. During the months, I just cowashed and brushed my hair in a bun while in the shower. I also brought half wigs around month 7 or 8 just to give my hair a break. Month 9.5, my hair hit a brick wall. The cowashing started to make my hair feel dry and it was breaking slightly from airdrying. The last few weeks I have been using a mild protein and blow drying and flat ironing my hair and it is doing better. I have cowashed my hair 2 times this week and it feels great, no tangling. I oiled my hair today before the cowash.

 

[asubeauty]

I feel you... I'm a little bit over 6 months in and I've hit a brick wall myself. I've been doing twist outs (but they don't last more than a day) and flexi rods to help with the struggle... I just don't want to mess with it.

I'm looking for someone who can do a good full head weave in my area.

 

[moriahar]

UPDATE

SIX MONTHS, 3 WEEKS AND 1 day into my stretch(transition???)
I had a SEVERE moment of weakness yesterday... I broke down and scheduled an appointment for a relaxer. I called a stylist a few doors down from my job. I told her that I wanted a relaxer and a cut(my ends are really horrible thanks to my wool winter coat BRING ON THE SILK TRIANGLE SCARFS).

She hesitantly said ok "BUT I need to tell you now that I specialize in healthy hair and most of my clients are natural or growing our their relaxers. I'd prefer to show you an alternative to relaxers." (Most of he clients get a press or flat iron, which I'm ok with. My hair is just getting to a point where I don't feel like dealing with it.)

After that I was relieved and explained my story to her. She told me she'd be more than happy to see me & help me through my rough phase.

I have an appointment set up for this afternoon at 3. Wish me luck ladies. I've seen her work on a few of her clients as they were leaving out (in fact that's how I got her card). I like what she does I'm so excited that I can't get any work done. Can't wait to post pics and let you know how my experience went.

 

[AllAboutMoi]

You were lucky to find a stylist that is familiar with and used to transitioning hair. Wish I could find one here. Good luck girl!

 

[bravenewgirl87]

This could be your hair's way of saying that is time to cut. If you still don't want to BC yet, I would suggest doing an medium-strength protein treatment followed by a moisturizing conditioner, then invest in some braids, twists or micros.

 

[moriahar]

This is my hair today. We'll call this the before picture. lol

 

[joytimes10]

I'm struggling too. But I'm learning to respond to the needs of my hair.

Winter is here and the air is drier so my braid outs look frizzy after the 1st day. I rebraid at night w/ watered down AO HSR condish and a dab of shea butter and ecostyler clear gel on the ends and roll the ends on perm rods. This calms the frizzys and gets me through another day. By day 4, I usually break down and cowash again for more moisture. I think I'll be transitioning until this time next year, so I've made my peace with it and settled in for the long haul.

If I don't feel up to it, I leave my hair alone, because it takes a lot of patience to detangle gently and work with the 2 textures.

Hang in there, OP. But at the end of the day, do what is right for you.