I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

[Nanyanika]

TRANSITIONING!! My hair is already naturally thick.... and its getting worse as its growing in, i remember the struggles i had to manage it when natural, and how my head killed me as my hairdresser tried to braid my big coarse bush. I'd either have to give up, having healthy hair and blow dry or press, before braiding, because its getting too much. i'm wearing braids right now and if you see my roots its like a forest, my texturized ends are thick as it is. I WANT THINNER MANAGEABLE, SOFT HAIR. What the hell am i gonna do?

 

[Marseeya]

Den, though I'm not natural nor transitioning.. I have to tell you ..Please don't give up.. I'm looking at those gorgeous waves and I'm in Awe, I believe if you get over this hurdle you and your new texture will become friends and it will become easier to handle.

Call me silly but I simply love the look of thick, natural waves and lil spiral curls. (especially in very long lengths) .. Its absolutely gorgeous to me.. And though I couldn't quite do the whole natural thing (thus, I understand your frustration) I have to say Don't give up!

-Marseeya

 

[SparklingFlame]

Den, please hang in there! Your hair is too gorgeous for you to turn back now! Actually I thought you were already natural, but please dont give up. There have been plenty of days when I have been frustrated and just wanted to shave all my hair off again, but I just relax, relate, and release! LOL! I have a friend who just insists that the very thing you are going thru will happen to me and I will cave in and get a perm but I know I won't. My hair is sooooooo thick, even when I wore a relaxer so I know what I'll be in store for once my hair gets as long as yours. You have hundreds of women behind you, Den, so hang tough. I know I'll need you once my hair gets to be your length! Don't let me down!!!!

 

[Nanyanika]

Den, though I'm not natural nor transitioning.. I have to tell you ..Please don't give up.. I'm looking at those gorgeous waves and I'm in Awe, I believe if you get over this hurdle you and your new texture will become friends and it will become easier to handle.

Call me silly but I simply love the look of thick, natural waves and lil spiral curls. (especially in very long lengths) .. Its absolutely gorgeous to me.. And though I couldn't quite do the whole natural thing (thus, I understand your frustration) I have to say Don't give up!

-Marseeya

Thanks for the words of comfort......i know what is going to happen, i'll probably end up wearing braids for life, because i can't deal with it. When i was natural for 25 years this is all i did because i couldn't cope with it, the advantage is that my hair grew long but i couldn't leave it out or style it, as pressing/blow drying left my hair brittle.it would be a mess.

 

[StartinOvah]

i understand your frustration. and really, if you find dealing with a relaxer more, well, relaxing, by all means do it. i know you have learned how to have healthy hair whether it is natural or not.

but if i may make a public plea for you to stay natural, here it is:


pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee don't! you are one of my hair-pirations. you're one of the albums i secretly stalk. you were one of the first names i saw when i joined lhcf. and then when i saw you on the grow afro hair long website, i said "this lady knows what she's doing!". i think your hair is beautiful and if i had a head of hair that long and full, i would suffer through the pain (maybe...you sound quite through with it!).

but, you do what you like. you know, no pressure...lol!

 

[Nanyanika]

Den, please hang in there! Your hair is too gorgeous for you to turn back now! Actually I thought you were already natural, but please dont give up. There have been plenty of days when I have been frustrated and just wanted to shave all my hair off again, but I just relax, relate, and release! LOL! I have a friend who just insists that the very thing you are going thru will happen to me and I will cave in and get a perm but I know I won't. My hair is sooooooo thick, even when I wore a relaxer so I know what I'll be in store for once my hair gets as long as yours. You have hundreds of women behind you, Den, so hang tough. I know I'll need you once my hair gets to be your length! Don't let me down!!!!

Thanks for encouraging me to be strong. I'm not enjoying my hair at all, i can't see what could be nice about it. I dread taking out my braids, because it takes too much patience, time and care. I'll definitely have to begin blowdrying to help with manageability. I've been thinking about relaxing but i'll have to get rid of the texturizer parts first before carrying out a virgin relaxer. I would hate to let anyone down, but i'm one of weak ones. SORRY

 

[teenie]

I understand how it is since I am transitioning as well, I'm 13 months into the transition.....and some days I want to cut it off or get a relaxer, then I have to remind myself why I am transitioning in the first place (I just love the texture of a natural head of hair, its just the most beautiful thing) sooooo STAY ENCOURAGED!!! and keep experimenting with different styling tools and products.....to tame my bush lately I've been washing every two weeks then applying a heavy cream leave in and letting it air dry in bantu knots then flat ironing and my hair is becoming trained to straighten easier and stay that way, I want to give the maxi glide a try though to see if it straightens better

**Oh and your hair is beautiful and I wish my hair was as thick as yours!!*

 

[Nanyanika]

i understand your frustration. and really, if you find dealing with a relaxer more, well, relaxing, by all means do it. i know you have learned how to have healthy hair whether it is natural or not.

but if i may make a public plea for you to stay natural, here it is:


pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee don't! you are one of my hair-pirations. you're one of the albums i secretly stalk. you were one of the first names i saw when i joined lhcf. and then when i saw you on the grow afro hair long website, i said "this lady knows what she's doing!". i think your hair is beautiful and if i had a head of hair that long and full, i would suffer through the pain (maybe...you sound quite through with it!).

but, you do what you like. you know, no pressure...lol!

The only good thing about my hair is that it can grow well and is strong. This is not enough for me anymore. I remember all those times when i was natural, having combouts, terrible detangles, dry hair ends, trying different products, adding protein to my hair and ended up with dry hair. Putting on a brave face as if i'm having a great time with it. nut i wasn't. ITS SCARING ME OR I'M SCARING MYSELF.

 

[SparklingFlame]

Thanks for encouraging me to be strong. I'm not enjoying my hair at all, i can't see what could be nice about it. I dread taking out my braids, because it takes too much patience, time and care. I'll definitely have to begin blowdrying to help with manageability. I've been thinking about relaxing but i'll have to get rid of the texturizer parts first before carrying out a virgin relaxer. I would hate to let anyone down, but i'm one of weak ones. SORRY

You may be going thru a phase. Give it a few weeks and see how you feel. But if its as bad as all that, give yourself what you need to make it better for you. I know sometimes I will be on a hair craze, and then I'll fall off it and won't want to touch my hair for a while and the cycle goes on and on. If you have that much dread.....relax it (I can't believe I said that!!! LOL!). I'll just have to go to your album and look back....***in the background playing "Its So Hard To Say Good-bye To Yesterday"**** look back at Den1 in all her wave glory!!!

But seriously, if it will give you peace, go ahead and do what you gotta do.

 

[Nanyanika]

You may be going thru a phase. Give it a few weeks and see how you feel. But if its as bad as all that, give yourself what you need to make it better for you. I know sometimes I will be on a hair craze, and then I'll fall off it and won't want to touch my hair for a while and the cycle goes on and on. If you have that much dread.....relax it (I can't believe I said that!!! LOL!). I'll just have to go to your album and look back....***in the background playing "Its So Hard To Say Good-bye To Yesterday"**** look back at Den1 in all her wave glory!!!

But seriously, if it will give you peace, go ahead and do what you gotta do.

EMOTIONAL BLACKMAILER LOL
Its up and down all the way. Sometimes i think i should be in a mental institution, i'm certain members here are thinking Den'1s going off her head.

 

[Nanyanika]

The problem with me is i can give good advice but i can never sort out my own issues. i helped a friend bc, applied products to her hair, which bought out her natural curls/coils. Her hair is growing so fast, she doesn't need any other product than a spray moisturiser or curl activator gel/oil mix and co washes and she always has soft hair. i can't nothing with my rough up head.

 

[Nanyanika]

I understand how it is since I am transitioning as well, I'm 13 months into the transition.....and some days I want to cut it off or get a relaxer, then I have to remind myself why I am transitioning in the first place (I just love the texture of a natural head of hair, its just the most beautiful thing) sooooo STAY ENCOURAGED!!! and keep experimenting with different styling tools and products.....to tame my bush lately I've been washing every two weeks then applying a heavy cream leave in and letting it air dry in bantu knots then flat ironing and my hair is becoming trained to straighten easier and stay that way, I want to give the maxi glide a try though to see if it straightens better

**Oh and your hair is beautiful and I wish my hair was as thick as yours!!*

I'll have to take a few tips from you and start using heat again to keep it the textures the same. Your hair is amazing!!! i would happily trade places with you.

 

[SparklingFlame]

I'll have to take a few tips from you and start using heat again to keep it the textures the same. Your hair is amazing!!! i would happily trade places with you.

Den, do you know how many sistas on this board would kill to have your hair, myself included. Your hair is beautiful! I don't think I have ever seen anybody with waves like yours before and I WISH my hair would do what yours is doing. But....I do understand. I need to CW my hair right now and I am not looking forward to it. Its a big bush when its wet especially and it takes me a while to wade thru it all. But, to me its worth it in the end. You'll be ok Den!

 

[Nightingale]

Do whatever works for you. If that means relaxing, go for it!

 

[hopeful]

Do you think having long, swinging relaxed hair would make you happy? There are so many ladies on this board with beautiful, relaxed hair--are they the ones you admire most now? If you really really really want relaxed hair (and are pretty sure your hair could handle it) why not, and as far as the texturized parts, could you have a corrective done on them? If you do relax are you going to cry for days because you miss your curly thick head of hair? LOL I'm just asking cuz I just want you to be happy. Take your time and make the choice that you think will bring you the most joy. I miss my natural hair now too but honestly when I remember the shrinkage and the hours it took to braid my entire head I just say oh well. I think the problem is that we like natural hair and we love our own hair but it is just to much for US to handle and it causes us more stress than we can handle too. Girl it's a touch decision I know but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck.

 

[ayoung]

Denise,
You, your album and your hair have really helped me in my natural journey! I'm doing the C& G right now---b/c of you

I totally understand what you are going through--in the 3 years I've been natural I have gone through it tons of times. Do what makes you happy! It is hair--and have fun w/ it---you can always go natural again in the future.

When I was considering a relaxer this last time (Nove 05) I decided to get my hair straightened (w/ Maxiglide--hair went right back when I washed it) to see if it was what I really wanted. Maybe you could do that? I missed my hair though---so I knew I didn't want one---right now--who knows in the future.

I had feelings of letting people down if I got a relaxer (mom went natural b/c of me--I went natural b/c of godmom etc..) but end the end---do what will make you happy.

 

[nurseN98]

I love your hair Den1, you've been an inspiration for me when I was contemplating going natural. But honestly, taking care of your hair should not be so angst-ridden. I would love to see you as a natural but I know already that I'm only going to let my hair get to a certain length because I won't be able to deal with it patiently. If you want to stay natural maybe you should just keep your hair a shorter length to keep it manageable. If you want thinner, manageable, soft hair I would agree that another texturizer or relaxer would be the way to go.

I can't see myself ever going back to a process but I am not fighting with my hair every day (just every other..) But then again our experiences are different. I feel you should be able to enjoy your hair so if relaxing or texturizing is the way to do that I say go for it. I will STILL admire your hair!

 

[Cheleigh]

I love your hair Den1, you've been an inspiration for me when I was contemplating going natural. But honestly, taking care of your hair should not be so angst-ridden. I would love to see you as a natural but I know already that I'm only going to let my hair get to a certain length because I won't be able to deal with it patiently. If you want to stay natural maybe you should just keep your hair a shorter length to keep it manageable. If you want thinner, manageable, soft hair I would agree that another texturizer or relaxer would be the way to go.

I can't see myself ever going back to a process but I am not fighting with my hair every day (just every other..) But then again our experiences are different. I feel you should be able to enjoy your hair so if relaxing or texturizing is the way to do that I say go for it. I will STILL admire your hair!

ITA!

I am one of the biggest proponents of transitioning and/or natural hair on this board, I think. BUT, I don't believe people should torture themselves regarding their hair (or any other beauty factor, but I digress). IF you feel like you cannot or will not manage your natural hair (and you've had 25 years to know whether you can/will or not) and IF you think that texturizing or relaxing it is the best way to for you to feel at peace with your hair, then I say do it. Honestly, you've had some angst over your hair for more than a minute, and you're a better woman than I, because I would have already made a decision and moved on. Think about it/write a list of pros and cons/meditate/whatever you decide, just be at peace with it, because you will know you have made the best decision for yourself at this time.

 

[Elizabeth26]

I don't have any advice but I wanted to offer encouragement. I think you do what makes you happy and confortable.

 

[shawniegee]

I don't have any definate advice, just that the best choice is YOUR CHOICE. Maybe you should just give yourself a mental break from your hair. Can you find a style with minimum or no manipulation? I know when I'm stressing about the best choices to make, i.e.(conditioners, should I clarify, should stretch relaxers, should I transition, etc...), I slap braids in my hair until I know what's next. This hair thing can be but shouldn't be stressful. It's a journey!

I think your natural hair is gorgeous! And there is no wrong decision when it comes to what's best for you!

 

[MissYocairis]

DEN!! Hang in there. Your hair, though it's hard to manage, is absolutely beautiful. I had been wanting to ask you what your hair type is? I have absolutely NO experience with transitioning but I CAN tell you that every sister I see with a head of hair natural and beautiful like yours it makes me WISH and HOPE and LONG.....you are just experiencing a rough patch. Please hang in there!

 

[tastesosweet]

Den don't give up. Your hair is soooo gorgeous! The last thing you truly want is some thin, limp hair. You might want to try twist extensions--they are easier to remove then braids. Hang in there!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Miss Denise,

Don't you DARE relax that beautiful hair! Not when a Maxiglide provides the same look without the commitment to chemicals.

I have stalked your album long enough to watch you go from natural to a texturizer back to natural. Chemicals didn't seem to be the answer for you in the past, so what has happened now that makes you think that has changed?

I'll get off my soap box now and just say that I will continue to admire your hair regardless of what you do. I would just hate to think of you relaxing now and then a few months down the road, you announcing that you're going to start transitioning again.

Good luck girl!

 

[Browndilocks]

If it makes you feel any better Den, I transitioned for 4 years. I've certainly had my hair drama. But alas, my hair is thick, long and beautiful and I love my hair more now than with a relaxer! I've been able to really learn my hair through my frustration and mistakes. The learning process wasn't always fun but I think its been worth it.

Check out the hairstyle I'm wearing today. It's my weekly bun and I snapped this pic with my phone. Simple but shows off my hard earned texture. After years of relaxing, I'm really proud of it. Good luck either way but please stay encouraged, because you have beautiful hair!

 

[Nanyanika]

Den, do you know how many sistas on this board would kill to have your hair, myself included. Your hair is beautiful! I don't think I have ever seen anybody with waves like yours before and I WISH my hair would do what yours is doing. But....I do understand. I need to CW my hair right now and I am not looking forward to it. Its a big bush when its wet especially and it takes me a while to wade thru it all. But, to me its worth it in the end. You'll be ok Den!

I used to like my hair a little better, maybe i'm so tired of my hair journey that its not a hobby anymore. I'm striving to reach the degree being comfortable with my hair. I'm not there yet, after 3 years.

 

[Nanyanika]

Do you think having long, swinging relaxed hair would make you happy? There are so many ladies on this board with beautiful, relaxed hair--are they the ones you admire most now? If you really really really want relaxed hair (and are pretty sure your hair could handle it) why not, and as far as the texturized parts, could you have a corrective done on them? If you do relax are you going to cry for days because you miss your curly thick head of hair? LOL I'm just asking cuz I just want you to be happy. Take your time and make the choice that you think will bring you the most joy. I miss my natural hair now too but honestly when I remember the shrinkage and the hours it took to braid my entire head I just say oh well. I think the problem is that we like natural hair and we love our own hair but it is just to much for US to handle and it causes us more stress than we can handle too. Girl it's a touch decision I know but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck.

Probably would. Yes there are msany relaxed heads i admire on this forum. I wouldn't chance corrective my texturized parts they've been to hell and back due to stylists underprocessing my hair textures. That's the only reason why i transition to rid of the textures in the first place. I felt cheated on my texturized journey. Fcing the possiblity of being natural again, i'd have to learn all over again, the same products, technquies, styles that worked for me years ago may not necessarily work as a newly natural.

 

[Nanyanika]

Denise,
You, your album and your hair have really helped me in my natural journey! I'm doing the C& G right now---b/c of you

I totally understand what you are going through--in the 3 years I've been natural I have gone through it tons of times. Do what makes you happy! It is hair--and have fun w/ it---you can always go natural again in the future.

When I was considering a relaxer this last time (Nove 05) I decided to get my hair straightened (w/ Maxiglide--hair went right back when I washed it) to see if it was what I really wanted. Maybe you could do that? I missed my hair though---so I knew I didn't want one---right now--who knows in the future.

I had feelings of letting people down if I got a relaxer (mom went natural b/c of me--I went natural b/c of godmom etc..) but end the end---do what will make you happy.

You're right i could go natural again in the future, if i decide to relax it again. As soon as I remove these braids I will try myself to a blow-out and let my hair breath before adding anymore braids.

 

[Nanyanika]

I love your hair Den1, you've been an inspiration for me when I was contemplating going natural. But honestly, taking care of your hair should not be so angst-ridden. I would love to see you as a natural but I know already that I'm only going to let my hair get to a certain length because I won't be able to deal with it patiently. If you want to stay natural maybe you should just keep your hair a shorter length to keep it manageable. If you want thinner, manageable, soft hair I would agree that another texturizer or relaxer would be the way to go.

I can't see myself ever going back to a process but I am not fighting with my hair every day (just every other..) But then again our experiences are different. I feel you should be able to enjoy your hair so if relaxing or texturizing is the way to do that I say go for it. I will STILL admire your hair!

I agree that it shouldn't be a stressfull journey, unfortunsately it has been. If i went natural again, i'd defintely have to keep it cut just below shoulders so that have just enough length to style with but not to long and thick to handle. but i also remember the days i had shoulder length hair, the hair sticks outwards more and seemed thicker. Thinner and softer hair is what i'm after. Thanks for your support

 

[Nanyanika]

ITA!

I am one of the biggest proponents of transitioning and/or natural hair on this board, I think. BUT, I don't believe people should torture themselves regarding their hair (or any other beauty factor, but I digress). IF you feel like you cannot or will not manage your natural hair (and you've had 25 years to know whether you can/will or not) and IF you think that texturizing or relaxing it is the best way to for you to feel at peace with your hair, then I say do it. Honestly, you've had some angst over your hair for more than a minute, and you're a better woman than I, because I would have already made a decision and moved on. Think about it/write a list of pros and cons/meditate/whatever you decide, just be at peace with it, because you will know you have made the best decision for yourself at this time.

Tell my hair to stop torturing me!! lol
the issue i'd have to remove the previously chemically altered textures from my head before relaxing. I currently do not have enough newgrowth to put the descision into action. So its GROW GROW GROW enough, then chop, then relax.

 

[Nanyanika]

DEN!! Hang in there. Your hair, though it's hard to manage, is absolutely beautiful. I had been wanting to ask you what your hair type is? I have absolutely NO experience with transitioning but I CAN tell you that every sister I see with a head of hair natural and beautiful like yours it makes me WISH and HOPE and LONG.....you are just experiencing a rough patch. Please hang in there!

My hair-type is 4B.....I'm hanging on because i haven't really got a choice