I don't regret it because it made me better....

dede1129

dede1129

Well-Known Member
Ladies,

What are some things that you have been through in relationships that made you go :nono: but at the end of the day you are grateful for the lessons you learned from it because it ultimately made you a better person and partner???
 
Hi

To keep it short and simple...for me I would say being too nice, forgiving or always giving a person the benefit of the doubt. A person that cares for you would not hurt you in any way.

I dont regret being that way, i am learning to be a certan way for the right person. Not every man deserves or even wants a good woman.
 
I was in a year long relationship that I knew was no goodfor me from day one. I learned many lessons from that relationship and can promise you some things will never be repeated in my life, I regret that time in my life.
 
I compromised some of my values in order to get him but didn't realize I would have to keep compromising in order to keep him. That was a no no in the long run.
 
For me..keeping my legs closed, and that I have no interest in dating just to date. Relearned this lesson recently and the experience helped to cement some of my personal, forgotten values.
 
Dealing with bad relationships helped me realize how good it feels to be treated nice and respected once the good one came along. Once you get that feeling you will never let yourself be mistreated again.

People say I'm picky but I really don't care. If you're not capable of treating me the way I want to be treated then keep it moving.

I've learned that men will treat you how you allow them to treat you. Men read women and put them in categories right away. If you want to be easy then they won't take you out or have any respect for you. If you demand respect they will either give it to you or leave you alone. No loss to you if they do.
 
In general, I've learned what responses to expect and what my response will be/should be in certain matters. What's worth it and what isn't. When to leave, when to be quiet, when to say something, when to pull back, when to move around. All that. So things aren't as much trial and error.
 
I have bipolar. Pretending to be mentally healthy does not make it so. Be honest about the condition because eventually, it's going to show itself. Warning people and making them aware of your "bad side" is not whining or being needy. It's helping them make an informed choice about whether or not they want to be in a relationship with you.

**SaSSy** said:
Never invest so much energy into a man who was lukewarm about me
Click to expand...

So true. A co-worker is going through this. She adored a guy that was just "yeah, she's nice" about her. She is now raising his two babies (3 years old and 7 months) while he chills with his new girlfriend. :nono: My heart really breaks for her when she talks about it. She's such a nice woman.
 
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Dont let the lonely or horny control you or your cootie cat....
Remember voicemail,letters,photos an videos are documentation :look:
 
if it doesnt feel right don't force it.
stop doing all kinds of things thinking he'll be crazy about me because of it. he shouldve been crazy about me from the get go.
if im the only one compromising..not working
 
IMFOCSD said:
Hi

To keep it short and simple...for me I would say being too nice, forgiving or always giving a person the benefit of the doubt. A person that cares for you would not hurt you in any way.

I dont regret being that way, i am learning to be a certan way for the right person. Not every man deserves or even wants a good woman.
Click to expand...


^This! Thank you for this post. I have had people tell me after a failed relationship that Im too nice and to learn to be cruel to people. I just cant allow myself to become vicious and mean spirited because of a man. I will not apologize for who I am and any man who will truly love and respect me wont find any reason to test how nice I am.


Also I learned to never let a red flag slide, and if my mom, friends, and family arent feeling him, thats a sign in itself to run. Everybody knew my ex was no good but me.
 
All my screwed up relationships have made me who I am today. There is no rush to get married. Take time to get to know the person. If you can resist the lure of intercourse that's even better. Emotions have a way of getting twisted when you factor sex into the equation.

Don't believe me? Have you ever heard of a woman or man busting up windows or going bad over someone they are just casually acquainted with?
 
^^^yes girl that dayum oxytocin will do a woman in almost every time.

I takes me years to conclude a no regrets mentality. Usually right after something undesirable happens/results in my life, I have all types of thinking going on, like the gazillion ways I could have done something different. But I'm a perfectionist so I used to go in on myself for every little thing. Now as a married woman, I look back on everything as a lesson that brought me to who and what I am today. If I look back on everything as a learning tool that will prevent me from repeating the same mistakes, I'm good in my book.
 
My last relationship was a disaster for a bunch of different reasons, but the main lesson for me was to not stick around in a relationship with someone you're not attracted to hoping that I'll eventually fall in love with him. It made us both miserable in the end. Let him go so he can find someone who's into him.
 
Really know yourself before entering ANY relationship (including friendships!), know your absolute deal breakers and TEST them. You may think you won't accept XYZ and next think you know your in XYZ knee deep. Also forgive yourself if you do!

However, my one lesson I got loud and clear is that if I'm not into someone, get out early! I stayed in my last relationship because he was a faithful man. My biggest fear in a relationship is to be cheated on (possibly because of my abandonement and trust issues). As a result I stayed out of fear of other men. Of course now I'm paranoid up to wazzoo but still better than lack of love, I'd even go as far to say...nah, too mean. Let's just say, I was NOT into him.

ETA- Disconnect from the exes for at least a year IF you are going to be friends later on. Otherwise disconnect completely! Tough lesson to learn for me.
 
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Hmm . . . I wish I didn't have to learn so many hard lessons in life, but I'm definitely glad I learned them. Through my dealings, I've learned about setting boundaries in my life, listening to my intuition, being a better judge of character and paying attention to/heeding my "feelings". If a person makes me feel anxious/insecure and overall not "safe", I know this is someone I need to steer clear of.
 
Uh I don't know but I don't regret making concoctions that sent the ninja to the emergency room several times. Runny mouth makes for a runny arse.........
I stayed away from runny mouth ninja's after that.
 
sylver2 said:
if it doesnt feel right don't force it.
stop doing all kinds of things thinking he'll be crazy about me because of it. he shouldve been crazy about me from the get go.
if im the only one compromising..not working
Click to expand...


I haven't even finished reading the whole thread, but this right here is HUGE. Women need to stop auditioning for men, because trust, when they are crazy about you, you don't have to do jack for them - I mean nothing; they are just happy to be in your presence and they do all the "auditioning" to stay in your life,
 
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