I don't mind if you see other men........

[Bublin]

A friend of mine is very unhappy with her SO and Father to her young baby. She is seriously contemplating leaving him. He knows this and desperately wants to be with her.

One evening she told him that they should call it a day on the relationship.

He said to her, 'I don't want us to split up. I don't mind if you meet someone else and even sleep with them, just don't leave me'.

She said she lost all respect for him and felt disgusted but also felt sorry for him.

What would you do?

 

[8HoursFromHome]

I'm sad at the whole situation. In this day and age when everyone is a 'baby momma' or 'baby daddy', she actually has a man that's willing to stay, she needs to work on whatever it is she needs to work on to make it work... At least give it a serious try...

 

[Syrah]

So what, he likes the IDEA of a SO but not the ACT of having and maintaining one?!
That's not how we get down, especially when there's a child involved.

Are they living together? If so, this is all about him having someone to share the bills with. Nothing more, nothing less.

Otherwise, I'd straight up tell him that's unacceptable. Given that there's a child involved, this isn't a scenario for ultimatums - this is where you have to get creative about the value of the relationship not only to you but to the child. But if he wants to be that wishy-washy and not commit, its time to take a walk.

Why do the answers to these what-if scenarios always have the same answer? Either the dude commits, or its time to walk.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

i would lose respect if a guy said that to me. why? i can't think of a man who would be fine with his woman being with other men UNLESS he'd been with other women. it's like he failed a test he didn't even know he took by saying that.

 

[phynestone]

But do you know how many women have said, either through words or actions, the exact same thing. He's no better than a lot of women.

I feel sorry for him. He needs to pick up his self-esteem and run away from this relationship, but not his child. He needs to learn how to view himself the way God does or he will teach his son how to be a victim in life and relationships.

 

[Theo]

if she's ready to walk, she should walk.

poor guy though. to get to the point where you feel you need to say that... you must have hit rock bottom

 

[paragon1day]

She should walk if she's not gonna try to make it work but she should try. Address her concerns to him MORE THAN ONCE and give examples of how he can make things better.

But the comment would not make me lose respect. It's the same as him saying "I love you so much that I want you happy, even if it's not with me." The only difference is he wants to stay, LOL

 

[Whimsy]

Some men are very submissive and into cuckhold relationships. Maybe he's just one of those dudes.

Poor things.

 

[song_of_serenity]

What about him makes her want to leave? I'm hinting at a lack of a backbone. :S

 

[Ladybelle]

I'd tell her to run, not walk. Sounds like he has mental issues that will only get worse if she stays with him. I mean, it sounds really dangerous.

 

[FlowerHair]

I don't think it's very uncommon for people to beg on their bare knees and do things they normally wouldn't do when they are facing an unvoluntary breakup.

If I were your friend, I would just follow my original plan to break up and move on.

Nothing good can come out of having 2-3 men when one of them really wants you to be with only him, in his heart of hearts.

 

[Bublin]

Background.....
This man is very much still under his mother's rule. He is extremely overweight and is still gaining. His mother tells him that a woman should do
everything for him and he just needs to go out to wk.
He knows this is wrong yet does nothing around the house and is also very tight
with his money. She spends, he doesn't. He also seems lethargic and just doesn't
seem motivated.

He moved out of mummy's house into her
house. If he moves out he will have to go
back home. He does nothing with\for their baby.

Yet he says he desperately loves my friend and doesn't want to leave.

I think he is acting like a puppy that just needs a home.

Its actually kind of weird and creepy.

 

[FlowerHair]

It sounds as if he's depressed, which isn't so strange if he's overweight and is facing a breakup with the woman he loves and has to move back to his mother. That kind of situation would make most people depressed...

What is your friend planning to do?

What kind of advice does she want - to break up or not?
Why did they get together in the first place?

 

[TayMac]

Creepy is right!

Is she unhappy with his weight? Was he not big when they made that baby?

 

[Zuleika]

Background.....
This man is very much still under his mother's rule. He is extremely overweight and is still gaining. His mother tells him that a woman should do
everything for him and he just needs to go out to wk.
He knows this is wrong yet does nothing around the house and is also very tight
with his money. She spends, he doesn't. He also seems lethargic and just doesn't
seem motivated.

He moved out of mummy's house into her
house. If he moves out he will have to go
back home. He does nothing with\for their baby.

Yet he says he desperately loves my friend and doesn't want to leave.

I think he is acting like a puppy that just needs a home.

Its actually kind of weird and creepy.

Then I understand why she wants to leave him. I would too. Question: why did she get with him in the first place? It just seems like he never had much going for him to begin with. I mean he used to leave with his mother for goodness sake. Then moved straight into hers?

 

[ebonylocs]

Background.....
This man is very much still under his mother's rule. He is extremely overweight and is still gaining. His mother tells him that a woman should do
everything for him and he just needs to go out to wk.
He knows this is wrong yet does nothing around the house and is also very tight
with his money. She spends, he doesn't. He also seems lethargic and just doesn't
seem motivated.

He moved out of mummy's house into her
house. If he moves out he will have to go
back home. He does nothing with\for their baby.

Yet he says he desperately loves my friend and doesn't want to leave.

I think he is acting like a puppy that just needs a home.

Its actually kind of weird and creepy.

Love is as love does. He says he loves your friend but he doesn't seem to be doing much to show that - not being involved with their child, unmotivated, not helping around the home. He seems to think that love is some magic word you say to get people to stay, regardless of what is actually happening in the relationship. It sounds more like dependence / desperation to me. Who / what does he have to turn to apart from her?

 

[Bublin]

It sounds as if he's depressed, which isn't so strange if he's overweight and is facing a breakup with the woman he loves and has to move back to his mother. That kind of situation would make most people depressed...

What is your friend planning to do?

What kind of advice does she want - to break up or not?
Why did they get together in the first place?

She still seems to be always giving it one more try. She even says he revolts her and she finds him unattractive.
Her previous partner was ....drum roll......a NARCISSIST......so someone like him, sweet and adoring of her, laid back, not putting her down, seemed like a breath of fresh air. She put his looks to one side. Of course this guy has turned out to be a complete wet blanket to her.

Creepy is right!

Is she unhappy with his weight? Was he not big when they made that baby?

She said he was big when they first met but now he is almost 'Jerry Springer' type fat (i have met him ). To make things worse she has recently lost most of her baby weight and looks great.

Love is as love does. He says he loves your friend but he doesn't seem to be doing much to show that - not being involved with their child, unmotivated, not helping around the home. He seems to think that love is some magic word you say to get people to stay, regardless of what is actually happening in the relationship. It sounds more like dependence / desperation to me. Who / what does he have to turn to apart from her?

He has both his Mum and Dad but Dad is like him, ruled by the Mummy. He hs brother's, don't know about friends but i'm sure he has some, he seems like a nice guy (but in know better than to judge someone on a casual basis like that, what someone is like in a relationship can be different to how they act in public)

I have asked her if he could be depressed and she said they have talked about that and it seems not. He is just lazy and goes through life with a 'can't be bothered' attitude. He is a true Mummy's boy and wants my friend to treat him the same way. The comment about sleeping with other guys made her step back, it was a shocker and she doesn't know if she can stay with a man that suggests such a thing.

 

[ThickHair]

Question: why did she get with him in the first place? It just seems like he never had much going for him to begin with. I mean he used to leave with his mother for goodness sake. Then moved straight into hers?

ITA, sounds like he wasn't much to start with and she may have been in the mode of better to have a man then none at all, and she let him in. Shame on her. Plus she made a kid with this dude, forever connecting her with him. Mmmmmk

ETA: I am sure while she was trying to break up with him a while ago, he intentionally go her knocked up to keep her and now she is pissed, because he knew that she didn't want him anymore. (Sarcasm of course)

 

[jamaica68]

i would lose respect if a guy said that to me. why? i can't think of a man who would be fine with his woman being with other men UNLESS he'd been with other women. it's like he failed a test he didn't even know he took by saying that.

I was thinking the same thing.

 

[FlowerHair]

She still seems to be always giving it one more try. She even says he revolts her and she finds him unattractive.
Her previous partner was ....drum roll......a NARCISSIST......so someone like him, sweet and adoring of her, laid back, not putting her down, seemed like a breath of fresh air. She put his looks to one side. Of course this guy has turned out to be a complete wet blanket to her.



She said he was big when they first met but now he is almost 'Jerry Springer' type fat (i have met him ). To make things worse she has recently lost most of her baby weight and looks great.



He has both his Mum and Dad but Dad is like him, ruled by the Mummy. He hs brother's, don't know about friends but i'm sure he has some, he seems like a nice guy (but in know better than to judge someone on a casual basis like that, what someone is like in a relationship can be different to how they act in public)

I have asked her if he could be depressed and she said they have talked about that and it seems not. He is just lazy and goes through life with a 'can't be bothered' attitude. He is a true Mummy's boy and wants my friend to treat him the same way. The comment about sleeping with other guys made her step back, it was a shocker and she doesn't know if she can stay with a man that suggests such a thing.

I don't know what to say Bublin.

I guess she made her bed and now she has to lie in it.

The only way out of that situation is to leave. I don't even know what she's waiting for.