I Don't Get Him....

[MzK]

I've been seeing a guy since July of this year...it's nothing serious, just a fling thing (benefits). Well, in this relationship (and I use that word lightly), you're not supposed to be emotionally attached (though we have expressed that we like each other--but that's it).

Okay: Ever since he and I got 'involved', now he's like....sensitive. erplexed
Like, he accuses me of 'not speaking to him' and such when I see him with his buddies, etc., but I'm thinking b/c of how our....'partnership' is, that wouldn't be a issue (yet he claims it isn't--yet tlks about it). Now, we're having little spats--and they're becoming frequent when we do tlk.....*sighs*

LOL--I hope I'm making sense. I guess what I want to know is: What's his problem?????

 

[kismettt]

i read in some magazine that the perfect candidate for a FxckBuddy is someone that you like, yet would not date because of their "but" (he's xyz but...he's abc & therefore, not suitable to date).

apparently you are aware of his "but" and he is not aware of yours or has started to catch feelings & therefore is willing to overlook it.

you should straight up ask him if he is starting to think more seriously about you because that could lead to more issues if you don't talk about it.


OR

he's just a possessive fool who wants his cake & wants to eat it too

 

[MzK]

i read in some magazine that the perfect candidate for a FxckBuddy is someone that you like, yet would not date because of their "but" (he's xyz but...he's abc & therefore, not suitable to date).

apparently you are aware of his "but" and he is not aware of yours or has started to catch feelings & therefore is willing to overlook it.

you should straight up ask him if he is starting to think more seriously about you because that could lead to more issues if you don't talk about it.


OR

he's just a possessive fool who wants his cake & wants to eat it too

Was it Cosmo? J/k. Thx for the info.

He's being really weird--all concerned about ME catching feelings (I do like him...but I don't talk about my feelings, atleast not on purpose)--I'm trying to stay levelheaded about this, yet all the while, he's acting stoooopid w/me, being all...Stooopid, lol.

 

[onyxdreams]

It's time to let him go! if you both agreed to not cathcing feelings for whatever reason and now he is acting weird it is time to move on before he start to show his true self.

 

[ashessehsa]

Tell him he needs to know his role and PLAY his role. I always put it like this: if you are a potato (side dish) don't try and become a steak (main dish). Potatoes are NOT meant to be the focus of your meal (life).

 

[kismettt]

Was it Cosmo?

lol actually no, it was an older woman's magazine. i think i was bored at my mom's friends house.

 

[kismettt]

Tell him he needs to know his role and PLAY his role. I always put it like this: if you are a potato (side dish) don't try and become a steak (main dish). Potatoes are NOT meant to be the focus of your meal (life).

what about loaded potato skins? that's enough food for a meal


ignore me, i'm just being stoopid

 

[MzK]

*sighs*

Seriously, this is my first time being in one of these--I'm more of a relationship type gurl, but.......well, things/ppl happen in one's life, lol.

Anyways--did I mention he's 30? Yea. 30--and acting like he's 15!

He told me I've "changed" since we've gotten involved. Yet won't explain. ::rolls eyes::

He talks about things to me, yet says it is NOT an issue.

Keeps telling me what I need to do, lol.

I really didn't expect him to act like this--I really thought I was going to be the one to catch feelings first--IF that explains his behavior change.

 

[bluediamond0829]

Girl i had the same thing happen to me with this one guy. He went from being one way to Mr. Sensitive, all wanting to be up under me and holding me. While all along he's tellin me im not the affectionate person and how i act too much like a man--hmmm i wonder how that started to happen(these type of relationships i have my guard up so i dont catch feelings) and im 3 different ppl(one that texts him, one that is on yahoo im with him, and one in front of him) as he would say LOL. I think we went wrong when we started hanging out outside the house.(which i just thought of it as me and someone hanging out) He was really possessive though because he wanted to know how many times a day my mom and I would talk(which her and I have a great relationship), he didnt really like my mom and I's relationship, when i got promoted he didnt want me tellin my mom how much i made, and then he wanted to sit up there and tell me oh since u moved up to manager its time to let some people go--he was talkin about my childhood friend and my Soror. Then if i wouldnt jump when he said jump or answer the phone when he wanted me to it just would start a argument and for him not to want to talk to me the next day. Since he started acting the way he was which i think he caught feelings because i damn sure didnt for his behind after all this DRAMA we started having more arguments EVERY week about petty stuff. One week was him talkin about a title when i wasnt askin to be his girlfriend at all.

I'm like negro please.

Oh but also lets not talk about when we would go out we would end up spliting the ticket or for lunch like the other day when he stopped talkin to me the day before and started back talkin to me he wanted me to go by Zaxbys and pick him up something to eat on my way to drop his food off and give him some kisses. Thats when i was like ummm no. I'm going where i want to and money is getting low so im not buyin u nothing.

.....And yes he's 30 something years old, has 2 kids from 2 different baby mama's and smokes(and im not talkin about cigarettes)--so this is all the reasons that I would not consider him to be a boyfriend...oh and to top it all off is selfish as hell....he got disappointed as he says when i got sick when we were getting ready to go out...im like are u kidding me and wouldnt talk to me like for 10 minutes at the table LOL cuz he was holding his head down...

But i realized this actually been knew this sometimes u have to let things go to allow for the good things to come in. I could see how both our relationships could become something more mentally and maybe even physically abusive....so sometimes we need to allow these type of people to exit out of our lives because there is so much better out there in the world for us....they are only bringing us down and weighin us down..

Good luck and I hope you make the right decision---bcuz hun i have let that one go it was way too much drama then i could stand for at this point in my life when things are going so well..

 

[MzK]

Girl i had the same thing happen to me with this one guy. He went from being one way to Mr. Sensitive, all wanting to be up under me and holding me. While all along he's tellin me im not the affectionate person and how i act too much like a man--hmmm i wonder how that started to happen(these type of relationships i have my guard up so i dont catch feelings) and im 3 different ppl(one that texts him, one that is on yahoo im with him, and one in front of him) as he would say LOL. I think we went wrong when we started hanging out outside the house.(which i just thought of it as me and someone hanging out) He was really possessive though because he wanted to know how many times a day my mom and I would talk(which her and I have a great relationship), he didnt really like my mom and I's relationship, when i got promoted he didnt want me tellin my mom how much i made, and then he wanted to sit up there and tell me oh since u moved up to manager its time to let some people go--he was talkin about my childhood friend and my Soror. Then if i wouldnt jump when he said jump or answer the phone when he wanted me to it just would start a argument and for him not to want to talk to me the next day. Since he started acting the way he was which i think he caught feelings because i damn sure didnt for his behind after all this DRAMA we started having more arguments EVERY week about petty stuff. One week was him talkin about a title when i wasnt askin to be his girlfriend at all.

I'm like negro please.

Oh but also lets not talk about when we would go out we would end up spliting the ticket or for lunch like the other day when he stopped talkin to me the day before and started back talkin to me he wanted me to go by Zaxbys and pick him up something to eat on my way to drop his food off and give him some kisses. Thats when i was like ummm no. I'm going where i want to and money is getting low so im not buyin u nothing.

.....And yes he's 30 something years old, has 2 kids from 2 different baby mama's and smokes(and im not talkin about cigarettes)--so this is all the reasons that I would not consider him to be a boyfriend...oh and to top it all off is selfish as hell....he got disappointed as he says when i got sick when we were getting ready to go out...im like are u kidding me and wouldnt talk to me like for 10 minutes at the table LOL cuz he was holding his head down...

But i realized this actually been knew this sometimes u have to let things go to allow for the good things to come in. I could see how both our relationships could become something more mentally and maybe even physically abusive....so sometimes we need to allow these type of people to exit out of our lives because there is so much better out there in the world for us....they are only bringing us down and weighin us down..

Good luck and I hope you make the right decision---bcuz hun i have let that one go it was way too much drama then i could stand for at this point in my life when things are going so well..

You guys go out, considering you're just FWBs? Hmm....I'm still learning about this whole thing, lol.

 

[Bunny77]

You guys go out, considering you're just FWBs? Hmm....I'm still learning about this whole thing, lol.

Some FWBs do, some don't.

If I was gonna do the FWB thing, I'd want some pretty clear-cut rules to make sure that there are no misunderstandings or expectations on either side. I don't know if I could go out with one, but that's me!

 

[MzK]

Some FWBs do, some don't.

If I was gonna do the FWB thing, I'd want some pretty clear-cut rules to make sure that there are no misunderstandings or expectations on either side. I don't know if I could go out with one, but that's me!

@ the bolded: Maybe--therein lies the problem w/ my situation. He never stated "detailed" rules about our..thing--other than "don't catch feelings".

 

[bluediamond0829]

Well I figure anyway these type of relationships don't last long. All the FWBS relationships tht I have had in the past didn't last tht long and we didn't go out. He only suggested it and from there we would sometimes. But see our thing was tht we used to do a lot of chattin and txtin before he we became FWBS. We knew some of the same ppl. So maybe tht wasn't a good mix at all.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Some FWBs do, some don't.

If I was gonna do the FWB thing, I'd want some pretty clear-cut rules to make sure that there are no misunderstandings or expectations on either side. I don't know if I could go out with one, but that's me!

Agreed.

I never went out in public or before 10pm with any of my FWB's, and we had some pretty clear cut rules.

a. I hit you up, don't hit me up.
b. I won't hit you up before 10pm
c. If we're not meeting up for an.. 'appointment', there is NO need for us to talk.

I remember I started a FWB with this one dude earlier towards the end of the summer.... Mennnnnnnggggg listen! I thought everything was all good, I made it clear to him that the 'arrangement' would work out perfectly because I have ZERO interest in getting to know him on a personal or even general level. I would call him when I wanted to link up, if he didn't hear from me then that meant I was fine (in other words, this was completely about ME fulfilling MY needs).

I thought everything was all good, and next thing you know after we link up for the first time he's asking me if I want a bite to eat. I had to literally kick him out and then he would hit me up EVERYDAY to find out how I'm doing, what I'm doing, when we gonna hang, etc etc.

Girl, he got sprung quickly and as a result I had to block his phone number and delete him off of every single form of communication we previously held. His last message to me was "What did I do wrong? How do I fix it?"

You back the *** up, that's what.

OP, if he's getting all boyfriend-like, let that go. Unless that's what you want.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

dudes act like it's the female who is going to catch feelings, but I swear they are way more likely to do so... esp if the cookie is real good.

 

[MzK]

dudes act like it's the female who is going to catch feelings, but I swear they are way more likely to do so... esp if the cookie is real good.

I haven't been "around the block", so-to-speak.....--but no complaints yet!
So I dunno if it's that.

I just want him to explain WHY he's acting like a retard. LMAO.

 

[MzK]

However, are FWBs supposed to be selfish, SELFISH ?--Like, only one of the partners gets what they want, and yet either A: do a half-assed job w/ sex for the other partner or B: Dont reciprocate at all?erplexed

I don't mind giving--but I thought in these types of "agreements": it goes both ways.....

 

[ashessehsa]

People overuse the FWB term. People forget what the F stands for...hello...FRIENDS lol. If you can't be friends and hang out in a non sexual way, then you aren't FWB, you're just sleeping with each other.

 

[ThickHair]

People overuse the FWB term. People forget what the F stands for...hello...FRIENDS lol. If you can't be friends and hang out in a non sexual way, then you aren't FWB, you're just sleeping with each other.

Yes I agree a lot of people confuse F$*k Buddy with FWB. Those are 2 very distinct things.

 

[CarLiTa]

i get the inkling you like him too ... and/or are quite pleased that he's "fallen"

maybe he wants to take this beyond that stage? but that's for him to initiate, I guess, though you can... soften up... when he start discussing emotional matters with you. If he sees that it's coming from a genuine place (and not a 'hm i'm just entertaining ur emotional antics') then he may (or may not) make the official move.

 

[MzK]

Yes I agree a lot of people confuse F$*k Buddy with FWB. Those are 2 very distinct things.

What's the difference?

Seriously--I'm clueless.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I've been seeing a guy since July of this year...it's nothing serious, just a fling thing (benefits). Well, in this relationship (and I use that word lightly), you're not supposed to be emotionally attached (though we have expressed that we like each other--but that's it).

Okay: Ever since he and I got 'involved', now he's like....sensitive. erplexed
Like, he accuses me of 'not speaking to him' and such when I see him with his buddies, etc., but I'm thinking b/c of how our....'partnership' is, that wouldn't be a issue (yet he claims it isn't--yet tlks about it). Now, we're having little spats--and they're becoming frequent when we do tlk.....*sighs*

LOL--I hope I'm making sense. I guess what I want to know is: What's his problem?????

It sounds like he's starting to catch some feelings.

You know, a lot of men (and even women) make the assumption that women are always the ones more emotional and such. But I'm starting to realize that men ALSO have feelings. Men are much more sensitive than women realize. They especially become more "sensitive" when the woman is not just putting all her cards out there. You'd be surprised!!

Plus, sleeping together all the time is a VERY intimate act. I don't see how two people can continue to sleep with each other without either party EVER developing feelings. That's just not possible IMO. If the "arrangement" goes on long enough, trust me....SOMEONE somewhere down the line will catch feelings. I don't think men and women were really made to just sleep together without having some "commitment" or relationship in the mix somewhere, because sleeping together automatically raises the odds that someone will develop deeper feelings for the other somewhere down the line. *shrugs* It's just a fact of nature. But....that's just MY own humble opinion!

If you don't like this guy "like that", then maybe it's time you two have a talk, because maybe you were okay with the FWB idea, but now it is becoming more and more apparent that he's not so "okay" with it. If he were okay w/the dynamic between the two of you, he wouldn't be getting all upset and "hurt" if you didn't say hello to him when he's out w/his friends. Catch my drift??

 

[MrsHdrLe]

I agree with Carlita and Crystalicequeen. As humans, it is near impossible to be so intimate (you're swaping souls as well as fluids even if you're using condoms) and not feel connected to the partner over time. Men are not robots nor aliens and many a stalked woman can bear witness to this fact. That's why it's so important to make sure the person you're having a fling with is NOT crazy or emotionally unstable.
The last time I pulled one of these relationships, things did change over time and we did get emotionally involved (wedding: May 2010)

 

[ThickHair]

What's the difference?

Seriously--I'm clueless.

FWB is a person who you like as a friend and can hang without getting serious and you roll around in bed ever now and again.

A FB you screw and roll, no need for formalities or socializing.

 

[Bachelorette]

They especially become more "sensitive" when the woman is not just putting all her cards out there. You'd be surprised!!

True Dat. When you're not eating out of the palm of their hands, they get all retarded.

The last time I pulled one of these relationships, things did change over time and we did get emotionally involved (wedding: May 2010)

Nice. To think people say such arrangements cant ever lead to marriage.

 

[MzK]

FWB is a person who you like as a friend and can hang without getting serious and you roll around in bed ever now and again.

A FB you screw and roll, no need for formalities or socializing.

^This almost sounds like a one-nighter.erplexed

Thanks for the clarification!

 

[darlingdiva]

Agreed.

I never went out in public or before 10pm with any of my FWB's, and we had some pretty clear cut rules.

a. I hit you up, don't hit me up.
b. I won't hit you up before 10pm
c. If we're not meeting up for an.. 'appointment', there is NO need for us to talk.

I remember I started a FWB with this one dude earlier towards the end of the summer.... Mennnnnnnggggg listen! I thought everything was all good, I made it clear to him that the 'arrangement' would work out perfectly because I have ZERO interest in getting to know him on a personal or even general level. I would call him when I wanted to link up, if he didn't hear from me then that meant I was fine (in other words, this was completely about ME fulfilling MY needs).

I thought everything was all good, and next thing you know after we link up for the first time he's asking me if I want a bite to eat. I had to literally kick him out and then he would hit me up EVERYDAY to find out how I'm doing, what I'm doing, when we gonna hang, etc etc.

Girl, he got sprung quickly and as a result I had to block his phone number and delete him off of every single form of communication we previously held. His last message to me was "What did I do wrong? How do I fix it?"

You back the *** up, that's what.

OP, if he's getting all boyfriend-like, let that go. Unless that's what you want.

I think the bolded is a very important FWB rule. Also, some people go out w/ their F-buddy (dining, etc.), but I don't recommend it. It's about THE SEX, THE WHOLE SEX, AND NOTHING BUT THE SEX.

The only other things I'd need to know about the F-buddy is his medical history (in terms of STD's) and if he's sleeping w/ other people. I'd want him to let me know, though, so I could decide if I wanted to continue our situation.