I am so lost and confused...

[maddywoo13]

Ok today I went to my stylist today for a relaxer (I didn't even get it) and she along with EVERYONE else around me chastised me for my new regimen (co washing, DC, etc.) and I'm not even doing alot. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and yet still I'm doing something wrong! She's urging me to NOT DC my hair, NOT to CO-wash and WAIT TWO WEEKS to wash my hair and let HER do it and she doesn't do none of the things above....I just don't get it. I'm trying to grow my hair and try to take new roads to make that happen but then theres this. Mom doesn't make it any better (I'm 16, no freedom at all), she forces me to go to salon every 2 weeks and basically tells me all this stuff im doing is stupid and ridiculous and its gonna make me broke and then theres my sister telling me that I need to stop as well. And I start moisturizing and coating with a oil and she [my stylist] tells me, instead, the night before I go to her, drench my hair in olive oil sleep with a plastic cap and let her wash it out the next day and I'm told that oil doesn't moisturize, its just a coater so I have no idea if that'll even work.

I guess this is just vent, or maybe I need advice, either way I have no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go back to leaving my hair completely alone but only drink water instead of sugar drinks for a year and see how that goes.

 

[nodisrespect]

RUN AWAY FROM THAT STYLIST.

 

[Irresistible]

Aww sweetie, your young and they dont understand why your doing all this, even us grown up folks get it from others, so how much more do they think they can influence your decisions and knowledge? listen, this is what you tell anybody that says oil isnt a moisturizer , "The oil itself may not be moisturizing but the properties in them are and they are helping me seal moisture into my hair' OR you know what dont even bother, just keep doing it and let the results speak. As for your hairdresser this is so common, dont tell her what your doing anymore, they want credit for everything! Just keep doing what your doing and when you have achieved results , they will simply shut up! But I would try to talk to your mother about that stylist and what she is saying to you and how you feel!

Ok today I went to my stylist today for a relaxer (I didn't even get it) and she along with EVERYONE else around me chastised me for my new regimen (co washing, DC, etc.) and I'm not even doing alot. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and yet still I'm doing something wrong! She's urging me to NOT DC my hair, NOT to CO-wash and WAIT TWO WEEKS to wash my hair and let HER do it and she doesn't do none of the things above....I just don't get it. I'm trying to grow my hair and try to take new roads to make that happen but then theres this. Mom doesn't make it any better (I'm 16, no freedom at all), she forces me to go to salon every 2 weeks and basically tells me all this stuff im doing is stupid and ridiculous and its gonna make me broke and then theres my sister telling me that I need to stop as well. And I start moisturizing and coating with a oil and she [my stylist] tells me, instead, the night before I go to her, drench my hair in olive oil sleep with a plastic cap and let her wash it out the next day and I'm told that oil doesn't moisturize, its just a coater so I have no idea if that'll even work.

I guess this is just vent, or maybe I need advice, either way I have no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go back to leaving my hair completely alone but only drink water instead of sugar drinks for a year and see how that goes.

 

[MD_Lady]

Ok today I went to my stylist today for a relaxer (I didn't even get it) and she along with EVERYONE else around me chastised me for my new regimen (co washing, DC, etc.) and I'm not even doing alot. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and yet still I'm doing something wrong! She's urging me to NOT DC my hair, NOT to CO-wash and WAIT TWO WEEKS to wash my hair and let HER do it and she doesn't do none of the things above....I just don't get it. I'm trying to grow my hair and try to take new roads to make that happen but then theres this. Mom doesn't make it any better (I'm 16, no freedom at all), she forces me to go to salon every 2 weeks and basically tells me all this stuff im doing is stupid and ridiculous and its gonna make me broke and then theres my sister telling me that I need to stop as well. And I start moisturizing and coating with a oil and she [my stylist] tells me, instead, the night before I go to her, drench my hair in olive oil sleep with a plastic cap and let her wash it out the next day and I'm told that oil doesn't moisturize, its just a coater so I have no idea if that'll even work.

I guess this is just vent, or maybe I need advice, either way I have no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go back to leaving my hair completely alone but only drink water instead of sugar drinks for a year and see how that goes.

IMO, if it works, WORK IT. As long as what your doing for your hair is helping you (and not doing any harm), you should stick with it no matter how unconventional it may seem to others.

 

[Chromia]

A lot of stylists think they know best, but they often don't. That's ridiculous that she urged you not to DC. And waiting 2 weeks to wash? A stylist should know that it's ok to wash more often than that. Older does not equal wiser and this is a good example. Maybe she thinks she can talk to you like that because you're 16.

I'm sorry that your mom & sis aren't supportive.

I don't know if I have any good advice. Maybe you can show your mom some fotki albums of some of the ladies here who co-wash and DC and have beautiful hair. Maybe if you explain to your mom that a lot of ladies here don't go to salons at all or they rarely go she might start to understand. You've probably tried explaining that to her already, though.

Maybe you can start by telling your mom that you want to start going to a different stylist, then you can find a good, knowledgeable stylist who will tell your mom that you're right about hair care. Your mom might realize you're right if a stylist tells her that what you're doing is right.

 

[explosiva9]

You need a new Stylist because obviously she doesn't know what she is talking about.

Oil is a sealant which is why you apply a moisturizer first. Co-washing is great in place of poo'ing all of the time. Keep doing what you are doing and figure out what works for you.

People are always against change and stuff they don't know and since you are young, people will automatically assume you don't know what you are doing. Prove them wrong!

 

[Simply_Kelz]

Girl, we're YOUNG, they love to tell us we're wrong their right. It doesnt matter what we do right, if we're not paying them to do it, it's wrong in their opinion.

I didn't tell ANYONE what my regimen was or plans or goals, I just showed them the progress. You can't argue with success.

Please don't let them discourage you.

 

[Menina Preta]

Ok today I went to my stylist today for a relaxer (I didn't even get it) and she along with EVERYONE else around me chastised me for my new regimen (co washing, DC, etc.) and I'm not even doing alot. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and yet still I'm doing something wrong! She's urging me to NOT DC my hair, NOT to CO-wash and WAIT TWO WEEKS to wash my hair and let HER do it and she doesn't do none of the things above....I just don't get it. I'm trying to grow my hair and try to take new roads to make that happen but then theres this. Mom doesn't make it any better (I'm 16, no freedom at all), she forces me to go to salon every 2 weeks and basically tells me all this stuff im doing is stupid and ridiculous and its gonna make me broke and then theres my sister telling me that I need to stop as well. And I start moisturizing and coating with a oil and she [my stylist] tells me, instead, the night before I go to her, drench my hair in olive oil sleep with a plastic cap and let her wash it out the next day and I'm told that oil doesn't moisturize, its just a coater so I have no idea if that'll even work.

I guess this is just vent, or maybe I need advice, either way I have no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go back to leaving my hair completely alone but only drink water instead of sugar drinks for a year and see how that goes.

Hmm, this is why I'm a firm advocate of 'doing you' and not letting anyone, including your 'stylist' know your regimen changes, until you have visible results, b/c there are lots and lots of naysayers and folks who just don't know any better.

To the OP, I would just keep cowashing and keep it moving if that's something you want to do. Or perhaps you could wash once a week, DC, and style on your own and perhaps your mom will leave you alone and not force you into the sylist's chair.

 

[LaPetiteCoquette]

Hmm, this is why I'm a firm advocate of 'doing you' and not letting anyone, including your 'stylist' know your regimen changes, until you have visible results, b/c there are lots and lots of naysayers and folks who just don't know any better.

To the OP, I would just keep cowashing and keep it moving if that's something you want to do. Or perhaps you could wash once a week, DC, and style on your own and perhaps your mom will leave you alone and not force you into the sylist's chair.

I totally agree. Even if you have visible results, let them think it's their "growing hands" that did the trick. And you keep doing what you're supposed to. I learned the hard way not to tell anyone except DH what I'm doing. Besides most of the people who tell me anything have jacked hair. The only person who has banging hair who used to tell me stuff about my new practices was my mom, but she's one of those women who can do anything (or nothing at all) and her hair will still grow and we have totally different hair types. Anyway, keep your practices to yourself. That's what we are here for ... No need to share the love unless someone specifically asks you (and trust me they will after they see your beautiful hair).

 

[Supergirl]

I'll give her credit on the olive oil thing. This is a form of pre-pooing, which keeps the shampoo from being so harsh to your hair. But overall, many stylists know that if we become too good with our own hair then that cuts down on our need for them and that cuts into their income.

Continue to do what will make your hair healthy and let the results speak for themselves. I hope this stylist doesn't try to sabotage you. Can you get a different one?

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Girl, we're YOUNG, they love to tell us we're wrong their right. It doesnt matter what we do right, if we're not paying them to do it, it's wrong in their opinion.

I didn't tell ANYONE what my regimen was or plans or goals, I just showed them the progress. You can't argue with success.

Please don't let them discourage you.

I totally agree. My parents aren't totally gun ho about my regimen,and a stylist told me I was krazy and in do need for a trim as well as a relaxer. Just be firm voice what you want with your stylist and continue what you are doing to your hair. COntinue with the cowashing deep conditoning treatments and protective styling. It will take a while but you will definitely see growth! Just keep at it.

 

[Simply_Kelz]

Maybe you can show your mom some fotki albums of some of the ladies here who co-wash and DC and have beautiful hair. Maybe if you explain to your mom that a lot of ladies here don't go to salons at all or they rarely go she might start to understand.

Girl, you know how that goes. We all have good hair and stuff
Or, if we keep on, it'll fall out.

 

[Simply_Kelz]

I totally agree. My parents aren't totally gun ho about my regimen,and a stylist told me I was krazy and in do need for a trim as well as a relaxer. Just be firm voice what you want with your stylist and continue what you are doing to your hair. COntinue with the cowashing deep conditoning treatments and protective styling. It will take a while but you will definitely see growth! Just keep at it.

 

[Christa438]

Girl, we're YOUNG, they love to tell us we're wrong their right. It doesnt matter what we do right, if we're not paying them to do it, it's wrong in their opinion.

I didn't tell ANYONE what my regimen was or plans or goals, I just showed them the progress. You can't argue with success.

Please don't let them discourage you.

ITA! couldn't have said it better . Maybe you could Pretend you're listening to them but keep to your regimen, just keep your co-washing and dcing to yourself. lol i feel like Im urging you to be sneaky or somethin . you are definitely on the right track and you know what it takes to achieve the results you want; but though Im in love with co-washing daily, another option is to use a daily leave-in + sealing and there are plenty of gorgeous-hair havin ladies who use this option and wash every two weeks.
HHG with whatever you decide to do.
(((hugs)))

 

[The Princess]

I remember going to an hairdress , and she was for the growth of my hair, which at the time was at BSL, she always DC my hair and gave me products to take home with me to put on my hair until I come back again, she would also urge me to wash my hair in between her visits (every 2 weeks) but me at that age (16 as well) was to scared, cause I didn't know how to do my hair and my mom didn't want to deal with it. This hairdress just might be out for a buck, just be careful and continue to do the stuff that you learned from here. My hairdress would also give me freebies if I came in every week. I love that hairdresser, and if you don't feel comfortable that your head is in good hands you going to second guess everything she do, you might be young, but you make the rules for your hair. Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel about going to her.

 

[DivaD04]

Ok today I went to my stylist today for a relaxer (I didn't even get it) and she along with EVERYONE else around me chastised me for my new regimen (co washing, DC, etc.) and I'm not even doing alot. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and yet still I'm doing something wrong! She's urging me to NOT DC my hair, NOT to CO-wash and WAIT TWO WEEKS to wash my hair and let HER do it and she doesn't do none of the things above....I just don't get it. I'm trying to grow my hair and try to take new roads to make that happen but then theres this. Mom doesn't make it any better (I'm 16, no freedom at all), she forces me to go to salon every 2 weeks and basically tells me all this stuff im doing is stupid and ridiculous and its gonna make me broke and then theres my sister telling me that I need to stop as well. And I start moisturizing and coating with a oil and she [my stylist] tells me, instead, the night before I go to her, drench my hair in olive oil sleep with a plastic cap and let her wash it out the next day and I'm told that oil doesn't moisturize, its just a coater so I have no idea if that'll even work.

I guess this is just vent, or maybe I need advice, either way I have no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go back to leaving my hair completely alone but only drink water instead of sugar drinks for a year and see how that goes.

Well if you have the freedom to buy your own products I'd suggest keep dc'n and cow'n but don't broadcast it to the family. It'll just draw unwanted attention and unwanted arguments. evoo isn't a moisturizer but a sealent so you may want to look into products that actually moisturize and of course seal ur moisture in w/ oil. Did your mom choose the stylist, b/c if she didn't and she's just sending you to one, I'd look into finding one in the area that specialize in hair care and one who actually care about hair growth if I were you. Otherwise, if your mom is laying down the law hard, I'd just deal until I was 18. And believe your hair will be waiting for you.

 

[maddywoo13]

I remember going to an hairdress , and she was for the growth of my hair, which at the time was at BSL, she always DC my hair and gave me products to take home with me to put on my hair until I come back again, she would also urge me to wash my hair in between her visits (every 2 weeks) but me at that age (16 as well) was to scared, cause I didn't know how to do my hair and my mom didn't want to deal with it. This hairdress just might be out for a buck, just be careful and continue to do the stuff that you learned from here. My hairdress would also give me freebies if I came in every week. I love that hairdresser, and if you don't feel comfortable that your head is in good hands you going to second guess everything she do, you might be young, but you make the rules for your hair. Talk to your mom and tell her how you feel about going to her.

I'm jealous! I've only had two stylist in my life, one of them used harsh products on my hair and its not course and this one. I wish I had a stylist to encourage me to take good care of my hair and stop encouraging me to be dependent on a person to do it.

Thanks, ALL of you for the advice. I'm think I am gonna just keep what I do to myself and make sure my mom doesn't know a thing about it. I really do believe that people try to manipulate my way of thinking because I'm young and that irks me to death. But you know, you guys inspired me to keep on

 

[Enchantmt]

We all know what its like to have no voice and no income at a young age. Make a post in the salon review forum asking ladies for a stylist in your area who practices the LHCF principles of hair care. In a calm and respectful manner, let your mother know you arent comfortable with your current stylist anymore. Maybe your mom will let you change stylists if you can find something close to you in the same price range. Once you get the ins and outs of good hair and can do the daily/weekly maintenance yourself, you will only need a stylist for trims, relaxers and maybe special occassion styles. Conditioning washes, wrapping, roller wrapping and rollersets are the easiest and least damaging, IMO. Good luck! (((hugs)))

 

[ladylibra]

I'm jealous! I've only had two stylist in my life, one of them used harsh products on my hair and its not course and this one. I wish I had a stylist to encourage me to take good care of my hair and stop encouraging me to be dependent on a person to do it.

Thanks, ALL of you for the advice. I'm think I am gonna just keep what I do to myself and make sure my mom doesn't know a thing about it. I really do believe that people try to manipulate my way of thinking because I'm young and that irks me to death. But you know, you guys inspired me to keep on

good for you babe! i know when we first start out on this hair journey, we want to share all our newfound knowledge with others... and 9 times out of 10 they're looking at us like "you're doing WHAT now? no no girl we're black we gotta do XYandZ." but it was exactly that line of thinking that let me know i was on the right track, because even before hair forums i was doing some "unconventional" stuff and i believe my hair was better for it.

best of luck and HHG

 

[alundra]

My mother tried to discourage me too when I first went here. I'd wash my hair a week after getting it done and she would say "Your hair is going to fall out if you keep washing it that much" and she'd always say "You're washing your hair AGAIN?!"
Then a month later she was asking me for tips.

I say keep doing what you're doing. Talk to your mother about switching a stylist like other's say. It's really hard when you're that age -- my grandmother was making me go to a stylist almost once a week then too! And she used the hot comb! (Am I showing my age here?)

Blessings to you, I hope everything works out.

 

[myronnie]

I'm 16 too and I stopped going to my stylist when I found LHCF. I became a self-relaxer (I had to get the approval from my mom of course..and this took about 6 months lol ) and I've never looked back!

 

[gymfreak336]

Maddy, I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you still have alot of control over your hair.

Unfortunatly, our parents are not always the best listeners so until you graduate and get to college, try to make the best out of the situation. When you get a little older and are about to get your own part time job, you will be able to gain even more control. I know its fustrating because you are trying to grow your hair but trust me, you can still accomplish your goals. Don't give up!!!

First things first, stop talking about it. Don't try to explain to people because unless they are open to learning, it isn't going to do anything. When you want to talk hair, come here!

Now, lets make a list of what you can control and what you can't.

What you can control

1. Daily moisturizing

2. Extra conditioning treatments. You can do this in the off week from your bimonthly salon visits.

3. Eating right....plently of fruit, veggies, protein, water. See if you can buy a basic multivitamin.

4. Protecting your hair at night. Look into pin curls, cross wrapping, satin wraps and bonnets, a satin pillow case

5. Scalp massages- help increase blood flow and very relaxing too. You can use any oil, coconut is very good and cheap. You can get it at a health food store or a grocery store

6. Pre-Relaxer Treatment- before you go in for your touchups, start putting extra moisturizer on your previously relaxed hair to help keep it strong and prevent overprocessing 3 days before your visit. I like Cantu cream for this and you can find it at walmart. You can also clarify your hair yourself the wash before your mother takes you back to the salon for your relaxer touchup.

7. Post Relaxer Treatment- Wash your own hair the week after your relaxer so you can give yourself a mild protein treatment if the stylist won't. You can try something like ORS replenishing conditioner that they sell in little packets for about 2 bucks at walmart or anydrug store.

8. Possibly getting a new stylist- Talk with your mother to see if she is willing to take you to someone else. Check out the salon review section to see if you can find someone else in your area. Where are you in NC?


What you can't control

1. You can't control your mother taking you to a stylist


See........

Now look at what you can control and at what you can't. You have more power than you think. You just have to maximize it.

When it comes to things like trims and what not don't be afraid to stand your ground. You can do this by just asking questions. For example, you can say, well how much are you going to take off? She might say, not much. Then you say well how much is not much? Take your hair and ask her to show you. Sometimes asking questions can help open up the dialogue so that she doesn't feel like you are attacking her and so that you don't feel helpless.

 

[ebonylocs]

Great reply gymfreak!

OP, I'm with all those who say you should keep your business to yourself.

I for one don't understand ladies who have their stylists all up in their regimen and feel the need to consult them on every change. To me, a stylist is someone you go to for a specific service, and you get that done, pay them, and go on your merry way.

I don't know how some of us have got to the stage where we are afraid to even wash our hair on our own. I mean, that's just basic grooming.

When I was 16, my mom surely wasn't telling me what to do with my hair. I had my hair natural at the time, and wanted to keep it that way. She had my sis both had fairly long healthy relaxed heads, but I just wasn't interested. Anyway, I had been doing my own natural hair since I was about eight (my mom saw that whenever she did it, I would pull it out and do it the way I liked it, so she just left me to it ). When I eventually decided I wanted my hair pressed, I told my mom, and she took me to get it done. WHen I eventually decided I wanted a Wave Nouveau, she took me to get that done. Otherwise she just let me get on with it. 16 is plenty old to decide for yourself what the hair on your head should look like. But if that's just not possible in your household, then do like gymfreak and the other ladies have said, and control what you can, without making any announcements.

 

[A_Christian]

Ok today I went to my stylist today for a relaxer (I didn't even get it) and she along with EVERYONE else around me chastised me for my new regimen (co washing, DC, etc.) and I'm not even doing alot. I'm trying to keep it as simple as possible and yet still I'm doing something wrong! She's urging me to NOT DC my hair, NOT to CO-wash and WAIT TWO WEEKS to wash my hair and let HER do it and she doesn't do none of the things above....I just don't get it. I'm trying to grow my hair and try to take new roads to make that happen but then theres this. Mom doesn't make it any better (I'm 16, no freedom at all), she forces me to go to salon every 2 weeks and basically tells me all this stuff im doing is stupid and ridiculous and its gonna make me broke and then theres my sister telling me that I need to stop as well. And I start moisturizing and coating with a oil and she [my stylist] tells me, instead, the night before I go to her, drench my hair in olive oil sleep with a plastic cap and let her wash it out the next day and I'm told that oil doesn't moisturize, its just a coater so I have no idea if that'll even work.

I guess this is just vent, or maybe I need advice, either way I have no clue what to do. Maybe I'll go back to leaving my hair completely alone but only drink water instead of sugar drinks for a year and see how that goes.

I don't tell my stylist my regimen, they don't really need to know,lol. Most of them are always going to tell you to let them do everything since that's how they make their money.

 

[robot.]

i'm sorry, dear. i'm a young'un too, so i can definitely relate to what you're going through. it's important to remain firm in your beliefs and keep on track! you've been doing your research, you've been experimenting, and soon, you'll have gorgeous hair that shows all your hard work.

your stylist is just trying to make money. seriously - she told you to stop DCing? time to find a new stylist and quick! and being young, it feels like adults often discredit what you say, doesn't it? my mother wanted to hassle me about my hair practices until recently. i'm still learning and trying to do things right, so her heckling isn't welcome or necessary. but stay strong! i think by finding LHCF, you already know more about hair than most people.

just keep at it! and when you need encouragement, just come to the board and message those close to your age? i know it can get tough and i would be more than happy to wish you well! i'm doing so now!