I am at the end of my rope (long post)

[larry3344]

I honestly am in the brink of tears this forum has seriously been a support system for me and been diggin in my pockets . Now I am back home from school for the summer and I have been using essential oils and such and I am pretty sensitive to the fact that my mom does not like bad smells so I tend to use my sweet smelling products but she's been on my back saying that my stuff stinks(I used oyin juices and berries, curls whipped cream and JBCO) the jbco, which contain eos' I especially apply at night so not to disturb her. But she's saying ever since I came home the house has been smelling bad and she threatened me that she will throw away my hair products. I have work so hard to nurse my hair back in health...I just don't know what to do... I am planning to get braids soon. But I feel like the only thing I will be restricted to using is water in order not to disturb her. Everything I use seems to upset her. I don't know what to do, I almost feel like she's doing it on purpose.

The reason why I say she is doing on purpose os because whenever I do something that she is not of fond she thinks of everything to make me give up on it. She has done this my whole life if she doesn't like it no one else should either. Please I really need advice.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

I honestly am in the brink of tears this forum has seriously been a support system for me and been diggin in my pockets . Now I am back home from school for the summer and I I have been essential oils and such and I pretty sensitive to my mom not liking bad smells so I tend to use my sweet smelling products but she's been on my back saying that my stuff (I used oyin juices and berries, curls whipped cream and JBCO) the jbco I especially apply at night so not to disturb her. But she's saying ever since I came home the house has been smelling and she threatened me that she will throw away my hair products. I have work so hard to nurse my hair back in health...I just don't know what to do... I am planning to get braids soon. But I feel like the only thing I will be restricted to using is water in order not to disturb her. Everything use seems to upset her. I don't know what to do, I almost feel like she's doingit on purpose.

The products you mentioned don't smell bad to me, don't tell her about your products. I could see if you were using MTG or something like that but this sounds like nonsense to me...keep it quiet about your hair efforts.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Awwwe i'm sorry

Well, it's your moms house, so it has to be her rules. What you may want to do if you can is ask her what about the scents does she not like then not use those products if you can help it. Maybe her nose is just very sensitive??? What products does she use on her own hair and do they have a smell?

 

[RadiantBeauty]

I honestly am in the brink of tears this forum has seriously been a support system for me and been diggin in my pockets . Now I am back home from school for the summer and I have been using essential oils and such and I am pretty sensitive to the fact that my mom does not like bad smells so I tend to use my sweet smelling products but she's been on my back saying that my stuff stinks(I used oyin juices and berries, curls whipped cream and JBCO) the jbco, which contain eos' I especially apply at night so not to disturb her. But she's saying ever since I came home the house has been smelling bad and she threatened me that she will throw away my hair products. I have work so hard to nurse my hair back in health...I just don't know what to do... I am planning to get braids soon. But I feel like the only thing I will be restricted to using is water in order not to disturb her. Everything I use seems to upset her. I don't know what to do, I almost feel like she's doing it on purpose.

The reason why I say she is doing on purpose os because whenever I do something that she is not of fond she thinks of everything to make me give up on it. She has done this my whole life if she doesn't like it no one else should either. Please I really need advice.

I suggest that you try to explain to her the importance of healthy hair care, and the positive impact it has on your life now. You should also offer to assist your mom in helping her with her hair care journey too! Maybe if she experiences the positive impact that it has had on you she will have a change of heart.

 

[krikit96]

How old are you? I mean, are you still a minor? I would just tell my mom that she is being a bit too "extra" and that you spent your money on your products and if she throws them out she owes you a full refund.

Is your mom's hair short? My mom is a hater too and she is what I call a "Toxic Family Member" because she looks down on everything I do, but my hair is APL and she is barely ear length for the whole time I've known her. (I'm now 30) It hurts when you realize that a loved one is a hater and is constantly giving you negativity, but its part of life.

Maybe your mom doesn't like the sweet smell. Tell her when you finish using your products, y'all can go to the BSS together and pick out stuff from a list of products you found that do the job you need and she can smell them and give you her approval. It sounds ridiculous, and maybe she'll see how petty she is being... maybe she will really go and y'all can have a resolution. But BET my momma would NOT be throwing out my products and not giving up the loochie! I don't care who she is...

Just because you the momma don't mean you are always right. Respect after a certain age ... well, lets just say after a certain age, if you don't respect me, I will respectfully keep you out of my life in order to keep from disrespecting you back.

ETA: I agree with the person who said that you shouldn't tell your mom what you are doing. Ask your mom what she wants you to use and then act like you are using it. I bet she doesn't even notice the difference if you keep using your own products. She sounds like a hater. No disrespect to your momz... I'm just sayin...

 

[larry3344]

thank you ladies I really appreciate this my mom went out walking I'll wait for her to get back so that I can talk to her.

 

[larry3344]

How old are you? I mean, are you still a minor? I would just tell my mom that she is being a bit too "extra" and that you spent your money on your products and if she throws them out she owes you a full refund.

Is your mom's hair short? My mom is a hater too and she is what I call a "Toxic Family Member" because she looks down on everything I do, but my hair is APL and she is barely ear length for the whole time I've known her. (I'm now 30) It hurts when you realize that a loved one is a hater and is constantly giving you negativity, but its part of life.

Maybe your mom doesn't like the sweet smell. Tell her when you finish using your products, y'all can go to the BSS together and pick out stuff from a list of products you found that do the job you need and she can smell them and give you her approval. It sounds ridiculous, and maybe she'll see how petty she is being... maybe she will really go and y'all can have a resolution. But BET my momma would NOT be throwing out my products and not giving up the loochie! I don't care who she is...

Just because you the momma don't mean you are always right. Respect after a certain age ... well, lets just say after a certain age, if you don't respect me, I will respectfully keep you out of my life in order to keep from disrespecting you back.

ETA: I agree with the person who said that you shouldn't tell your mom what you are doing. Ask your mom what she wants you to use and then act like you are using it. I bet she doesn't even notice the difference if you keep using your own products. She sounds like a hater. No disrespect to your momz... I'm just sayin...

I am 19 so no I am not a minor.

 

[Denise11]

Maybe if you sit down with your mother and respectfully explain to her how important this is to you, maybe she'll listen. People tend to listen more when you are calm and respectful. She is your mother and she loves you, even when she's getting on your nerve.

Ask her if it'll be okay if you close the door so that she can't smell the scents.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I am 19 so no I am not a minor.

You are still under her roof though. I'm just saying. Respectfully speak with her making no demands or telling her what she bet not do.

 

[Missi]

I feel ya pain.....even though my mother didn't threaten to throw away my hair products...I don't do my hair when she's home. I'm in the bathroom using Amla oil and she can smell it all the way in her room yelling that it stinks and she can't concentrate. Lmao. Pretty much my soap, oil, anything ayurvedic is sensitive to her nose. My mother is very extra. Love u mommy.

 

[msa]

You are still under her roof though. I'm just saying. Respectfully speak with her making no demands or telling her what she bet not do.

I agree. I'm 23 but I still don't make demands of anybody up in here because it isn't my house.

But, I do think she's being extra. Especially because those products don't smell strongly...well maybe the jbco but I've never had that. I know the Oyin stuff wears off super quick.

I think you should 1) not talk to her about your hair and 2) do your hair when she's not home and make sure you have a fan going 3) do it in your room instead of a common area of the house 4) keep your products in your room as much as possible.

Anyway, it seems like she's trippin' for no reason but she is your mom so you'll have to make some accommodations.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

Can you use unscented products and lay off the EO's until you live on your own?
Seems like that would be a good way of avoiding conflict while you still live there.

 

[larry3344]

thx ladies once again and i do love my mom but sometimes she makes life a little complicated...lol but thank you for the encouragement I really appreciate this.