How to UN-INVITE a Family Member...?!

[femmedusiecle]

I really need help. I've been praying and praying about this matter.

Because of an extreme amount of family disturbances and drama, I made the decision not to invite 2 of my aunts (my mom's sisters) for the sake of PEACE; also, I don't want them reporting my wedding day to other family members...ya know, gossiping. So, one of my cousins (a daughter of one of the aunts who is not invited) told me that her mom is so mad and talking about me like hell to the other aunt, saying that no matter what they should get an invitation bc we're family. This, of course, upsets me but I stand my ground.

Yesterday, the same cousin told me her brother AND mom as well as the other aunt/aunts are now talking about my family members, my wedding; saying that he's going to bring his mom just to get back at me....?!??!

I INVITED her brother, this cousin of mine, because I thought we were fine! Granted, I haven't spoken to him since '07 when we were at another fam member's wedding, but...I've never had probs with him. Now that I know what he's doing I REALLY don't want him there.

He's already received my invitation, however, I want to un-invite him. If he shows up, I'll just have someone kick him out lol! Seriously guys, I need your advice.
I thought about writing a sweet, direct letter with a hint of sarcasm:
Dear ******,
How've you been?? I'm so excited about my big day that's around the corner! So excited, in fact, that I didn't realize I exceeded the max number of guests I can have at my venue by five! So, unfortunately, as crazy as this may be, I have to recant my invitation. I figured, family members who I'm not really close to or close friends whom I've known for years. It's tough because you ARE my cousin whom I admire and want to share the very special day with, which is why I invited you in the first place. No hard feelings, ok? If you did the same to me, I'd understand and respect your decision because there is ALWAYS a reason behind something.

Sincerely,
********

LOL....help

 

[Keen]

Pick up the phone and tell him you didn't invite your aunt for a reason and if he plans on bringing her, he is not invited. Or get your mom to do it.

 

[femmedusiecle]

despite him bringing his mom to get back at me, would you still invite him with him making slanderous remarks about me and my family?

 

[carcajada]

I agree with picking up the phone and talking it out with the brother. All of the he said-she said gossip is adding fuel to the fire.

I'll go a step further and say try to smooth things out in the best way you can with those aunts. You're setting yourself up for even more drama by not inviting them because they're already gossiping and using other family members against you.

You definitely don't want regrets about your decision or still have your wedding gossiped about, crashed by the aunts or whatever despite all the drama you're going through now to keep them from coming.

 

[OhTall1]

This isn't going to be the answer that you want to hear, but if you already have this type of family drama, uninviting your cousin is going to be just like pouring gasoline on a fire. Everyone you want to exclude will show up out of spite.

I agree with picking up the phone and talking it out with the brother. All of the he said-she said gossip is adding fuel to the fire.

I'll go a step further and say try to smooth things out in the best way you can with those aunts. You're setting yourself up for even more drama by not inviting them because they're already gossiping and using other family members against you.

ITA. Making preparations to kick uninvited family members off the premises doesn't exactly sound like a drama free affair.

 

[january noir]

Child, you got a mess on your hands. Too late now, but a destination wedding would have better fit the bill with all this family drama going on. Only parents/grandparents, siblings and wedding party could be there. You could easily have had a BBQ or picnic back home for the "rest of the family" if you wanted to include them in something.

I'll pray that everything works out for you, but it sounds like a mess to me!

 

[bimbabe]

Uninviting is just tacky....try to reason with him first. If that doesn't work stick to your guns...tell him his mom isn't invited and if that upsets him to the point where he doesn't want to attend then thanks for RSVPing "Will not attend"

 

[Sade]

Yeah Try to call and reason with this cousin. Uninviting this family member will just create more drama on your wedding day. If you can call and talk sense to this cousin please do so. If not try to have someone at the wedding on the day of who will keep the drama away from you. Sorry to hear this is happening to you.

 

[hopeful]

Enlist your mom and your fiance's help and support with all of this. You should not be shouldering this alone.