CarLiTa
Well-Known Member
Ladies, I’m hoping this is an informational thread for the married ladies and those with successful dating experiences to help the rest of us figure how to do this, and how to do it smoothly.
Most of us know that we need to set standards when dating someone new, but I (and maybe others as well) have trouble picturing the actual implementation of said-standard setting: how to express them to the guys in our lives, what words to use, when to set those boundaries, etc.
My thinking is usually that the guy and I will discuss and set boundaries overtime, after the initial get-to-know-you stages… but a few of the guys I've met often cross the line before such a conversation can even happen
Scenario 1: I’m on a 2nd date with a guy, after a fantastic first date. Halfway through date 2, as we’re taking a long walk, he randomly pulls me in and plants one right on my lips. I’m like: :-O The thing is, I am not comfortable with intimacy so soon, and at that point, I’m still figuring out if I like the guy enough to let him go there. So, it’s still much too early for my liking. I’m confused, and he’s confused too by my reaction, because I did not know that this is something I was supposed to tell him on date 1. So, this initial moment of intimac. Turned out to be very awkward.
Question: How do I let someone know that I do not want to go there at all for at least a few dates? Dodge attempts? (what if taken offguard?)
Scenario 2: On a 3rd date, as we’re walking, homeboy puts his hand on my behind. I’m shocked, but my tipsy behind giggles:rollseyes: But I tell him not to do that. [Wasn’t very effective, thanks to the tipsy giggle that preceded]
Overall though, I want to avoid situations like this one. I feel that I am often taken aback by such forwardness and I don’t know if this is a message that I am sending that I am okay with that, but I am NOT. I know that on dates 1-2, we got to know each other’s backgrounds, but did not set ground rules for what behavior is/isn’t acceptable while we’re hanging out.
This leaves me wondering: Do you lay out the rules before they even act? Or do you set standards as the opportunity arises? (which, in some cases, means that the guy is overstepping limits, as he did above) In either case, what words do you use? How do you say it?
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If you’d like, you can post your scenarios and how you handled them, or what you would have done in a particular case. I feel that I’m somewhat at a loss about when to define what the boundaries are. [Usually, I get pissed and tell them off when they’ve REALLY crossed the line, and decide to cut them out of my life… but maybe their behavior can be prevented sooner].
Most of us know that we need to set standards when dating someone new, but I (and maybe others as well) have trouble picturing the actual implementation of said-standard setting: how to express them to the guys in our lives, what words to use, when to set those boundaries, etc.
My thinking is usually that the guy and I will discuss and set boundaries overtime, after the initial get-to-know-you stages… but a few of the guys I've met often cross the line before such a conversation can even happen
Scenario 1: I’m on a 2nd date with a guy, after a fantastic first date. Halfway through date 2, as we’re taking a long walk, he randomly pulls me in and plants one right on my lips. I’m like: :-O The thing is, I am not comfortable with intimacy so soon, and at that point, I’m still figuring out if I like the guy enough to let him go there. So, it’s still much too early for my liking. I’m confused, and he’s confused too by my reaction, because I did not know that this is something I was supposed to tell him on date 1. So, this initial moment of intimac. Turned out to be very awkward.
Question: How do I let someone know that I do not want to go there at all for at least a few dates? Dodge attempts? (what if taken offguard?)
Scenario 2: On a 3rd date, as we’re walking, homeboy puts his hand on my behind. I’m shocked, but my tipsy behind giggles:rollseyes: But I tell him not to do that. [Wasn’t very effective, thanks to the tipsy giggle that preceded
] Overall though, I want to avoid situations like this one. I feel that I am often taken aback by such forwardness and I don’t know if this is a message that I am sending that I am okay with that, but I am NOT. I know that on dates 1-2, we got to know each other’s backgrounds, but did not set ground rules for what behavior is/isn’t acceptable while we’re hanging out.
This leaves me wondering: Do you lay out the rules before they even act? Or do you set standards as the opportunity arises? (which, in some cases, means that the guy is overstepping limits, as he did above) In either case, what words do you use? How do you say it?
---------------------
If you’d like, you can post your scenarios and how you handled them, or what you would have done in a particular case. I feel that I’m somewhat at a loss about when to define what the boundaries are. [Usually, I get pissed and tell them off when they’ve REALLY crossed the line, and decide to cut them out of my life… but maybe their behavior can be prevented sooner].
I don't know. 
he, and a couple of other guys I've gone out with, seem to assume that they're bedroom eyes
really bad things can happen and nobody will side with you. You will have "he should have punched her softly not punched her so hard" 
types judging what happened later on 
