How to make it work with very demanding careers

J

justNikki

Well-Known Member
My intended is the principal at a high school. He is very dedicated to his job and the kids in his school, making sure that all graduates have scholarships, that kids have a fatherly relationship with him if need, finding resources to help their families so the kids don't have to stress about their next meal clothes to wear, a safe place to stay, etc. he is a beautiful person and I love him for this.

The caveat is his job is so demanding that he's often too busy for a lot of time together. I also have a very demanding position and a young son at home so my time is also limited.

I've dated a CEO And that was tough. The connection was really tough to build with our lifestyles. We've managed to build the connection, but it's been ridiculously difficult. It worries me because everyone needs love and attention, but I don't want to lose a great guy because he's a great provider and a very good leader in his position.

Ladies who have spouses that are away for along periods of time or who have spouses who have very demanding jobs, how do you work it out, particularly if your job is also very demanding?
 
Either having a relationship is a priority or it isn't. I honestly think that what he does for a living and who he helps means very little if you don't feel important, like a priority, and tended to. No one is that busy. People find time for what is important to them, period.

Honestly, if I were you, I'd get out now. How you feel will only get worse as he gets more comfortable. And you don't want someone you have to beg for attention because then he becomes the important one, and put on a pedestal, and that will get old really quickly.
 
DH travels weekly for his very demanding job, I have a demanding job and we have two children. We have been married for more than a decade.

My best advice is to know what you want and need from your relationship. If you expect family dinner together every night at 6pm and date nights every Friday and Saturday, this may not be the guy for you.

Quality of, not quantity of, communication is key.

Schedule time in each other's outlook calendars to spend time as a family with your son and alone as a couple.

If an event is after, say 7pm, check in with each other to see if the evening commitment would interfere with a family obligation. Not permission, checking in.

Figure out ways to support each other's activities, interests, careers - maybe you can attend events for his school and go out for dinner/drinks/movies after.

Sneak in a daytime date if you both have off of work.

Have a team of reliable babysitters so you can have date nights and/or weekends away.

Take every bit of vacation available and unplug to relax, refresh and strengthen your connection.

Outsource household chores or consolidate them to get them done during the workweek so that when the weekend comes you are spending quality time together, not running to Costco and the dry cleaners or doing yardwork.

Schedule all your personal appointments when he's busy/away as much as possible to keep your calendar flexible when you two are together.

Keep it hot, sexy and grown in the bedroom. :bdance: If your time is limited, make it count! :blush:

I fill the time we are apart working on the things I love, pursuing my hobbies, spending quality time with our kids, having unlimited time to chat with my family and girlfriends - me fulfilling me so that I still have a vibrant life to share when we come back together.

Good luck!
 
Thanks for the replies ladies.

startch, this is exactly what I'm talking about. I can't really judge him too much hopeful because I also have a very demanding life outside of a relationship myself. I want to make it count and find out what's worked for other's who are in marriages that have similar circumstances.

I'm a divorcee who's relationship grew apart for the same reasons, we both had very demanding jobs, but I'm not in a position to quit my job at this time so that's just not an option.

I have to find a way to make a relationship work and I'm tired of passing up good guys because of career choices. I believe it's possible to work, I just need some ideas.

Part of my problem has been lack of trustworthy sitters, but since my son is older, I'm more open to more options now.

We mostly do lunches and dinners are at the house a lot of times with our children (because he's a divorcee as well). We do have outings away from the children but it's getting to be more with the children. I'm just concerned this pattern could get old.
 
He will be available a lot more in a few weeks, that I know. They just finished up with graduation and they're doing a staff development series right now. He usually attends a couple of conferences right before summer starts and then we have more time when we can be together, just us. I'm actually thinking of long term...can I keep this up. We've been at it like this now for 2 years. I worry that so much time apart leaves the door open for infidelity. I may be projecting issues from my previous marriage into this one though.
 
imma try not to be long winded...

This is tough because demanding jobs require a lot from an individual...and you do have to think longterm..

prior to dh i dated everyyyyyyyy type of man with a high powered job and i took note of what worked for me and what didn't..im not one of those women that my dh could spend days/weeks/a substantial amount of time away from our home and i be okay with that...

some ppl absence makes their heart grow fonder for me it is the opposite--i like a partner who i see daily/tons of qt...and has a career that allows for a decent quality of life...i knew very early on i wanted a man who was veryyyy successful but at what cost to me and our relationship/family...

the ladies have provided a lot of good advice..in the end one has to ask themselves does this situation make me happy, make sense, does it work?

good luck OP and Im glad you are thinking about this now versus later
 
lux10023 said:
imma try not to be long winded...

This is tough because demanding jobs require a lot from an individual...and you do have to think longterm..

prior to dh i dated everyyyyyyyy type of man with a high powered job and i took note of what worked for me and what didn't..im not one of those women that my dh could spend days/weeks/a substantial amount of time away from our home and i be okay with that...

some ppl absence makes their heart grow fonder for me it is the opposite--i like a partner who i see daily/tons of qt...and has a career that allows for a decent quality of life...i knew very early on i wanted a man who was veryyyy successful but at what cost to me and our relationship/family...

the ladies have provided a lot of good advice..in the end one has to ask themselves does this situation make me happy, make sense, does it work?

good luck OP and Im glad you are thinking about this now versus later
Click to expand...

I'm very similar to you on that....I don't need to be AROUND you all of the time, but I do need to put in more work on the little things that keep people mentally into each other. Physical connection is great, but over time, if you're not careful (as we weren't in my previous marriage), distance can turn into loneliness. I know we (I say we because I'm guilty of it as well) have to work harder on maintaining the connection when we're running through life's rat race, in the home and outside of the home (we don't live together, but spend a lot of down time together at each other's homes). Both of us often bring work home also so with the kids and all of this work trying to provide the best for our children and live the American dream, it could go left.

Thanks ladies who have replied. I am open to anyone suggestions from those who have successfully done what I'm trying to do.
 
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