How to keep a man...

SelahOco

SelahOco

Well-Known Member
Coming from a place of wisdom and your own experience...what tips and advice would you give someone who is interested in a meaningful, longterm, mutually beneficial relationship?

We talk alot about weight and personal upkeep (which is part of it too) but what about personality, choosing battles, uplifiting, caring, communication, etc. If you have a good man, how do you keep him? If you lost a good one, what would you have done differently? Any tips?
 
DH and I are up early talking about this, so I'll make my reply now:
  • Communicate - It's important to talk about your feelings and listen to his. Sometimes we think it's all about us (and it is :rolleyes:) but he has a POV as well and he deserves to be heard and respected.
  • Fall Back - Sometimes men can't see the full pciture the way a woman can. But if they can't see it, you can't force it. Sometimes just fall back and let him learn. Be supportive when he does and he'll thank you for it. It could take longer than you would like for it to sink in, so use your descretion to push the matter if needed.
  • Be Yourself - You is beautiful, and your confidence is what drew him to you in the first place. If you're feeling insecure, voice it with friends, family, or even him. But once it's voiced and you have good feedback...shake off insecurity and remember you were wonderfully made.
  • Consider the Source - Keep people out of your ear when it comes to your relationship. If you seek counsel do so from people in good relationships or people you really respect. Keep your friends out of your business, and don't tell your business to folks. If you really have a concern, find someone you can trust, who won't gossip about you, who cares for you both.
  • Kindred Spirits - Make God or your higher power the center of your relationship. If you have a common source of knowledge, understanding, morals, standards, accountability there's a good baseline for resolving conflict and making decisions.
There's so much more, but I know when yall wake up there will be some good stuff added.
 
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First off, your siggy is HILARIOUS! I spit out my water when I read the caption.

Back on topic...I think you and your husband are on point with what really makes a relationship work. So glad you posted this because I was starting to feel like I'm walking around with some kind of secret knowledge or something, since all folks really talk about is the physical, which for me is the icing, not the meat of a relationship.

Nothing like being in a good, HEALTHY relationship with another beautiful person....just nothing like it.

I would only add that mutual respect is very important. Don't put out there what you don't back by tearing each other down. Respect yourself by respecting your mate.
 
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Answer: Find one that WANTS to be kept.

No offence but many women have tried all those great points mentioned above but on the wrong man. In the past i have, but they didn't work.


I have been with my SO, whom i love to bits (now fiancé) for 3.5 years.

When angry I'm like a lioness and will argue like no tomorrow(aries girls, you know what i mean)....(...he's the same:wallbash: probably worse than me->Leo), I've added 25 pounds while he's not added a pound (he's slim and tall) :ohwell:, i rarely put on make up when we're home together, i don't cook unless i feel like it, and cleaning in this house is two way....:whip:, and i don't have a high sex drive so he's not getting it as much as he'd like. Also, we live together, have done so since 7 months after we met.

I guess some will say, I've done everything 'not' to keep him.:rolleyes:

Despite all this, he proposed to me when i had a full head baggy on my head (wonder how i looked)...in December.

I'm not sure there is a right way to keep a man...i do feel there is a right man for every one...when you find him, you'll need no tips to keep him. He'll love you and always come back to you, flaws an all.
 
Henrietta, I agree, that's like the FIRST requirement...he's gotta want to be in a monogamous relationship too.
 
Henrietta said:
Answer: Find one that WANTS to be kept.

No offence but many women have tried all those great points mentioned above but on the wrong man. In the past i have, but they didn't work.

I'm not sure there is a right way to keep a man...i do feel there is a right man for every one...when you find him, you'll need no tips to keep him. He'll love you and always come back to you, flaws an all.
Click to expand...

Excellent points! Congrats on your engagement. It sounds like a lovely relationship.
 
Henrietta said:
Answer: Find one that WANTS to be kept.

No offence but many women have tried all those great points mentioned above but on the wrong man. In the past i have, but they didn't work.


I have been with my SO, whom i love to bits (now fiancé) for 3.5 years.

When angry I'm like a lioness and will argue like no tomorrow(aries girls, you know what i mean)....(...he's the same:wallbash: probably worse than me->Leo), I've added 25 pounds while he's not added a pound (he's slim and tall) :ohwell:, i rarely put on make up when we're home together, i don't cook unless i feel like it, and cleaning in this house is two way....:whip:, and i don't have a high sex drive so he's not getting it as much as he'd like. Also, we live together, have done so since 7 months after we met.

I guess some will say, I've done everything 'not' to keep him.:rolleyes:

Despite all this, he proposed to me when i had a full head baggy on my head (wonder how i looked)...in December.

I'm not sure there is a right way to keep a man...i do feel there is a right man for every one...when you find him, you'll need no tips to keep him. He'll love you and always come back to you, flaws an all.
Click to expand...

Two thumbs up, You are so right. If a man wants you, he just does and it is up to him to be motivated to want to kept and comitted. :yep:
 
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Henrietta said:
Answer: Find one that WANTS to be kept.

No offence but many women have tried all those great points mentioned above but on the wrong man. In the past i have, but they didn't work.


I have been with my SO, whom i love to bits (now fiancé) for 3.5 years.

When angry I'm like a lioness and will argue like no tomorrow(aries girls, you know what i mean)....(...he's the same:wallbash: probably worse than me->Leo), I've added 25 pounds while he's not added a pound (he's slim and tall) :ohwell:, i rarely put on make up when we're home together, i don't cook unless i feel like it, and cleaning in this house is two way....:whip:, and i don't have a high sex drive so he's not getting it as much as he'd like. Also, we live together, have done so since 7 months after we met.

I guess some will say, I've done everything 'not' to keep him.:rolleyes:

Despite all this, he proposed to me when i had a full head baggy on my head (wonder how i looked)...in December.

I'm not sure there is a right way to keep a man...i do feel there is a right man for every one...when you find him, you'll need no tips to keep him. He'll love you and always come back to you, flaws an all.
Click to expand...

i agree. if you're with a shallow man that wants the material: beauty, body, booty, he'll leave you when its gone. the key is finding a man that loves the entire you.
 
My tips:

1. Listen to everything he has to say, don't cut him off and start nagging at the first word :nono2:

2. Listen to understand; don't do this ----> :ignore:

3. Communication (tell him how you feel and the things you want)

4. Take initiative sometimes and be spontaneous and in control :naughtycouch: :kiss4: :poledancer: A little surprise won't hurt ;)

5. If you know he's having a day like this at work :office: send him a cute little text that just says a simple :iloveyou: or even something naughty if you wish

6. Don't be afraid to put your pride aside and say :imsorry: first if you know you've done something wrong

7. If you don't really know how to cook (like me) try to surprise him with his favorite dish, or just try to cook a good meal for him that you think he would like.

8. Find things that you like to do together, hobbies and activities.

9. Encourage each other in each of your endeavours.

10. Be there for each other, even when you're mad at each other. Earlier this summer, someone broke into my SO's house and stole all his stuff. We had gotten into a big argument the day before. When he called the next night and told me what happened, I was over there bright and early that very next morning to be there for him and help him find his dog.

11. Be respectful of each other.

12. Limit the name calling. Talk about things like adults should, try not to scream at him.
 
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Henrietta said:
Answer: Find one that WANTS to be kept.

No offence but many women have tried all those great points mentioned above but on the wrong man. In the past i have, but they didn't work.

I'm not sure there is a right way to keep a man...i do feel there is a right man for every one...when you find him, you'll need no tips to keep him. He'll love you and always come back to you, flaws an all.
Click to expand...

This is so on point!!! DH says the only way I'm getting rid of him is if he dies.
 
IF he's a good man and truly loves and/or wants you:

Stop nagging, raising your voice and talking down to him. He's your husband not your child.

Check your tude. You may not actually SAY I hate you or You're stupid but your body language does.

Pick your battles. Stop arguing about EVERY.SINGLE.GOT.DANG.THING!!!!! You may very well be 100% correct BUT let him have the final word/decision and LEARN that he has a wise wife when he screws it up.

And when he does screw it up, Never say I told you so:nono: Not with tude, raised eyebrow, or body language. Once you start dissing them they start separating from you mentally and will begin to put you in "your place" in his mind.

Let him at least THINK he makes some of the decisions for the home. DH THINKS he picked the furniture, paint colors, Mercedes S500, my jewelry.......:grin: They just want to be considered. If it's YOUR home then he's not gonna be so pressed to get there.

Give him some space in the house and let HIM decorate it. You don't have to micromanage his life and......

Look nice around the house and stay fit. Target has a lot of nice "Lounge around the house while being comfortable and still look hot" pieces for about $12 and under. If you're not dowdy and drab then he'll enjoy looking at you and will be more prone to want to please you.


And if your DH isn't a good man? Well I personally have never met someone who ended up in a jacked up relationship without SOMEONE or SOMETHING giving you a clear warning not to do it.:wallbash: So if you're dating and have received the, "Are you SURE he's the right one" or the, "Maybe y'all should wait" advice..........










LISTEN TO THEM DUMMY!!!!!! THEY'RE TRYING TO SAVE YOU:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:
 
Ms.Honey said:
IF he's a good man and truly loves and/or wants you:

Stop nagging, raising your voice and talking down to him. He's your husband not your child.

Check your tude. You may not actually SAY I hate you or You're stupid but your body language does.

Pick your battles. Stop arguing about EVERY.SINGLE.GOT.DANG.THING!!!!! You may very well be 100% correct BUT let him have the final word/decision and LEARN that he has a wise wife when he screws it up.

And when he does screw it up, Never say I told you so:nono: Not with tude, raised eyebrow, or body language. Once you start dissing them they start separating from you mentally and will begin to put you in "your place" in his mind.

Let him at least THINK he makes some of the decisions for the home. DH THINKS he picked the furniture, paint colors, Mercedes S500, my jewelry.......:grin: They just want to be considered. If it's YOUR home then he's not gonna be so pressed to get there.

Give him some space in the house and let HIM decorate it. You don't have to micromanage his life and......

Look nice around the house and stay fit. Target has a lot of nice "Lounge around the house while being comfortable and still look hot" pieces for about $12 and under. If you're not dowdy and drab then he'll enjoy looking at you and will be more prone to want to please you.


And if your DH isn't a good man? Well I personally have never met someone who ended up in a jacked up relationship without SOMEONE or SOMETHING giving you a clear warning not to do it.:wallbash: So if you're dating and have received the, "Are you SURE he's the right one" or the, "Maybe y'all should wait" advice..........










LISTEN TO THEM DUMMY!!!!!! THEY'RE TRYING TO SAVE YOU:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:
Click to expand...

This is so on point! Church.
 
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