How to deal when your prayers aren't answered?

[Glib Gurl]

Sisters, I need serious advice.

What do you do if you've been praying about a particular issue for years and God's answer seems to be "no"? I'm thinking of situations that are completely out of your hands - e.g., praying to heal from a long-term illness or disability; praying for a mate; etc.

What do you do when you have been praying (and wishing and hoping and fasting and doing even more praying) yet your request (which really feels like a "need" as opposed to a "want") isn't met?

I think I know the answer - you need to "surrender" the issue and ask God to help you go on. But from a theological perspective, how can you do this? How can you heal your hurting heart? And how do you then deal with versus that promise that if we "seek" then we shall "find"? And if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts"?

A serious faith crisis is brewing . . . please help! (Also, please, please, please - be real in your advice . . . no "just read your Bible and pray.)

Thank you . . .

 

[Lucia]

bumping
good question.

 

[CoveredGirl]

.

 

[CandiceC]

God's answer to what you desire (within His will) isn't "no." Delay doesn't equal denial. I would say to keep praying and believing. What will change about your situation if you just give up after all these years? Nothing. So keep holding on!
What I've just told you is what I keep in my mind at all times. I am currently believing in something (read: life changing) that is out of my control so I handed it over to the Lord. There is almost nothing I can do to change the situation because the Lord has to work it out for me. I like to be in control so it was hard for me to let go at first. I was going to give up if I couldn't just have what I wanted. But now that I have handed it to the Lord, I'm in a peaceful place.
God can do anything and he can and will answer your prayers. Maybe not when you want them answered, but he will answer them. He has a plan for you. Stay in His will. He's working everything out for you. Remember His ways are not our ways. His thoughts are above our thoughts (Isaiah 55:8,9.)

 

[envybeauty]

I am there right now. At times, I want to throw my hands up about it, but since it is just that serious, I cannot. I simply press forward.

I also sow a seed. I help other people with the same problem because while my current resources cannot help me to the fullest, they can be a blessing to others.

I *know* it is hard, but you simply have to wait sometimes. I have been waiting over 5 years for what I want.

Sisters, I need serious advice.

What do you do if you've been praying about a particular issue for years and God's answer seems to be "no"? I'm thinking of situations that are completely out of your hands - e.g., praying to heal from a long-term illness or disability; praying for a mate; etc.

What do you do when you have been praying (and wishing and hoping and fasting and doing even more praying) yet your request (which really feels like a "need" as opposed to a "want") isn't met?

I think I know the answer - you need to "surrender" the issue and ask God to help you go on. But from a theological perspective, how can you do this? How can you heal your hurting heart? And how do you then deal with versus that promise that if we "seek" then we shall "find"? And if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts"?

A serious faith crisis is brewing . . . please help! (Also, please, please, please - be real in your advice . . . no "just read your Bible and pray.)

Thank you . . .

 

[CandiceC]

I am there right now. At times, I want to throw my hands up about it, but since it is just that serious, I cannot. I simply press forward.

I also sow a seed. I help other people with the same problem because while my current resources cannot help me to the fullest, they can be a blessing to others.

I *know* it is hard, but you simply have to wait sometimes. I have been waiting over 5 years for what I want.

Regarding the bolded... I've been doing this too! It feels good to encourage and help others that are going through rough times and/or are waiting for their blessings. Satan wants us to be down and sad, but we can turn things around while we're waiting by being an encouragement to others. This also helps keep our own spirits up. Besides, it's a lot easier for others to be receptive to those that have been/going through some things (especially similiar things) cause they know you can relate.

There may be some Christian resources (online or elsewhere) that address your circumstances. You may even find some testimonies to read to keep you going.

 

[Coffee]

I am there right now. At times, I want to throw my hands up about it, but since it is just that serious, I cannot. I simply press forward.

I also sow a seed. I help other people with the same problem because while my current resources cannot help me to the fullest, they can be a blessing to others.

I *know* it is hard, but you simply have to wait sometimes. I have been waiting over 5 years for what I want.

I noticed you said "waiting 5 years for what you want". What you may want could be different than what God knows that you need. While you are waiting are you still doing all you can for God, attending and working in the church, and helping others without the expectation that God will notice and it'll help with getting your prayer answered? Do you read your bible and pray for other people rather than just yourself? This is where faith comes in, trusting that God knows and will do what's best for you. We are here to glorify God, and work for Him, not the other way around. I always thought that the scripture that you mentioned "that promise that if we "seek" then we shall "find"? And if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts" was meant in the context that He will give you/us the desires of your/our heart if it's something you/we need to help with doing His will" not that God will automatically give you/us the desires of your heart just because.
It would be too easy to worship God if He granted us every desire of our hearts. One thing I have noticed is that we never question God when He does answer our prayers, we don't say "why did God answer my prayer and give me what I prayed for". Only when God does not answer or give us what we want or something happens that we think isn't "good" that we question God. Keep your faith dear Sister and continue to lean on and trust in God. Use this time to grow in your knowledge and understanding of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ!

 

[Shimmie]

Hi Precious 'GG'

I may have to come back to this thread, because you are in search of an answer that applies to you personally. Opinions and other's experiences are not going to give you the peace and the answers that you are seeking.

I will say this. This life we live is by faith; and faith must be challenged to prove itsself and to prove us.

God wants to know, if we will continue to pray, even when things do not always go our way.

Will we still bless His name, when we've been put to shame?

Will we still say yes, when others have received more; and we received less?

The real question is will we answer His prayers? The prayers that we will yet still love Him even when it seems He has not answered ours.

God wants so much for us to love Him for Him, even when we've exhausted, our faith and expectations. Even when we're ridiculed, chastised, falsely accused. Will we yet still love Him for Him.

The truth is, our prayers never go unanswered, we just have to know what it is to be prayed for each situation. We have the Holy Spirit to help us.

Precious GG, whatever it is, don't lose faith, neither lose your trust. It's not so much about the answers, for many of our prayers are needed to train us in our spiritual growth.

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, is a perfect example. "Nevertheless...not my will..." Jesus still came out, victorious.

God bless you, angel...

ETA: One of the biggest stratgies of satan is to 'lure' Christians to trust in sources outside of God and God's plan. Abraham made this error with Hagar, and had Ishmeal. To this very day many of the wars in the Middle East have been because of the eminity between Isaac and Ishmeal. The generations of these two brothers are still going on.

King Saul could no longer get his answers from God, and he willfully sought a witch to bring Samuel from the dead.

In this say and time, souces such as psychics, mediums, "The Secret - the loa (laws of attraction) are totally outside of God. For those involved are those who have chosen to seek someone / something other than God.

I strongly admonish you not to allow yourself to seek anything or anyone other than the Lord. satan uses these sources to weaken you from the use of the power of God's word. The loa, gives homage and credit to the universe, not God. God's word says, , 'Be not deceived, for God is not mocked. " God cannot be replaced or duplicated. The loa is man/satan alliance. It's deceiving to those who are lured in. Don't be fooled into thinking that the loa can give you what God didn't. That's what satan wants.

We either trust God or we don't. If we don't, we can learn.

 

[envybeauty]

My wait has been a long one and I feel that it is within God's will for me.

I'll tell you why.

A friend of mine applied for a job that she really wanted. She was perfect for it. It was her supervisor's position, as he was promoted. She already knew the line of work, the demands of the job, etc. She put forth her best effort during the application process and I helped her along the way so I saw her determination to get the job. She did not get the job. She sued. She won the lawsuit. She won the appeal too. She had to interview again for the position. She did not get the job.

She decided that it was not God's will for her to have that job. I don't agree with her. I believe it was her error during the application process the second time that led to her not getting that job.


I believe that God's will is manifested by what He puts on your heart and in your mind. It was not HIS will for her to be a lawyer, a doctor, a nurse, a police officer because He did not put that in her heart nor did her mind turn to such professions. She pursued the profession that was in her heart and she prepared her mind for it by going through various trainings, etc. She did not get the job because of her own error in thinking that she won on appeal and you could not tell her anything going into that interview. She was just too cocky then to get the position. She did not humble herself going into the interview.

My situation is similar in that I am pursuing something that is in my heart. I have also gone to different trainings to prepare my mind for it. If it was not God's will for me to pursue what it is I am seeking, then why put it on my heart. I pray that either He removes the desire from my heart or He helps me with this desire.

Am I wrong for thinking this way? I seek and welcome all responses.

GG: sorry if hijacking your thread for a bit.

I noticed you said "waiting 5 years for what you want". What you may want could be different than what God knows that you need. While you are waiting are you still doing all you can for God, attending and working in the church, and helping others without the expectation that God will notice and it'll help with getting your prayer answered? Do you read your bible and pray for other people rather than just yourself? This is where faith comes in, trusting that God knows and will do what's best for you. We are here to glorify God, and work for Him, not the other way around. I always thought that the scripture that you mentioned "that promise that if we "seek" then we shall "find"? And if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts" was meant in the context that He will give you/us the desires of your/our heart if it's something you/we need to help with doing His will" not that God will automatically give you/us the desires of your heart just because.
It would be too easy to worship God if He granted us every desire of our hearts. One thing I have noticed is that we never question God when He does answer our prayers, we don't say "why did God answer my prayer and give me what I prayed for". Only when God does not answer or give us what we want or something happens that we think isn't "good" that we question God. Keep your faith dear Sister and continue to lean on and trust in God. Use this time to grow in your knowledge and understanding of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ!

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm with you Glib Gurl. I feel that way right now too, but God uses the smallest examples with me sometimes to show me how much I HAVE to TRUST HIM and only HIM. I'll share a small one from last night.

I got hungry around 9:00. I hadn't eaten dinner yet, b/c I wasn't hungry earlier. Anyway, I left around 9:20 to go get something to eat from one of the new Chipotle's (yum). I had to stop and get gas. I couldn't find the place and it closed at 10:00, so I had to rush there. I kept going the wrong way, and then I turned around. I thought, "oh no, I'm not going to get there." I started seeing fast food places, like McDonald's, Wendy's, etc. I was like "I guess I'll just have to get something to satisfy my hunger, even though it's not what I really want." But I felt God press on me to keep going. So I did, and on my car clock, it said 10:00 when I actually, finally got to the place. I didn't even park in a parking lot. I just knew the door was going to be locked, but something said "just try." So I did. And sure enough, the door wasn't locked. I went in and one of the girls behind the counter kind of gave that eye roll look (she was a sister) and I heard her say "I hate when people come in at the last minute." I figured that all the food was going to be gone, but to my surprise, there was still food. They had just started cleaning up.

A guy (manager I think) came up and said "what would you like?" I ordered my Chicken burrito, and he was so nice. The girl even helped him make it. I felt so bad about coming in at the last minute, so I said "I'm sorry to make you all wait like this, I know how much you hate it when people come at the last minute." And what he said really stuck with me. He said "don't be sorry, you came to eat, and we are here to make sure you get your meal"

I know the story above is a little corny, but I really felt God's love in that small, but significant moment. These little moments are the things that keep me reminded of the fact that in the hardest times, yes, God wants us to hold on and HE does want to be there! And with God, until the "last" minute, He's still working. I've really realized this. He's not like us. People could live very vile lives and curse God throughout their lives, but even if they come to appreciate him even if it's in their last breath, that's what really counts to Him. So also know that even when it doesn't look like things are going a certain way, even in the "last minute" things can and do turn around when God is behind them!

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Hi Glib Girl,

As I was reading your post, this came to my remembrance...this is something that I read a while ago, and it helped me when I wanted an answer and I know it will help you as well: (Sorry about the fonts...they won't change for me after I copied and pasted)

When God Says, “No.”


by Jamie Atchley

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica]Have you ever prayed for something fervently—prayed with faith—then sat back and waited for God’s answer? You waited…and waited…and waited. Until one day you began wondering “Why hasn’t God answered my prayers?” [/FONT]​

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica]After all, we have all heard sermons that give us the keys to an effective prayer life. Follow the steps, one, two, three, and you are guaranteed an answer. Indeed, God will answer all of our prayers; but what those sermons, and we, often forget is that “no” is an answer, too. What do you do? What does it mean? How do you handle it when God says “no”? [/FONT]

Over the last two years, God has been saying “no” to me in response to a prayer that is very dear to my heart. I have taken great comfort and instruction through these years from examples God has given us of other prayers He did not grant. ​

One of the most touching examples of prayers denied is the story of Elizabeth and Zechariah. In the first chapter of Luke, we are introduced to this couple. Luke tells us the situation very succinctly in verse 7: “But they had no child because Elizabeth was barren and both were advanced in years.” ​

Imagine the years of tearful requests this couple made to the Lord. Try to feel the pain and frustration each month when they realized their prayer had been rejected again. As the months turned into years, the prayers must have grown more and more desperate, for each year as the couple grew older, they knew their chances of having a child grew dimmer. ​

And yet, after all these years, well past the age of having children, that is the request they continued to make of God. Until one day, as Zechariah, who was a priest, was burning incense in the Temple, an angel said to him, “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard, and your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son…” (verse 13) ​

At this point, you may be thinking that this story is a poor example of God’s rejecting a plea, for He granted their prayer. In fact, the child He gave the couple grew up to be the prophet that “prepared the way” of the Lord (Luke 7:27). The fact is, Zechariah and Elizabeth almost certainly did not pray in their for God to wait to give them a child until their old age. they wanted a child right away. And God’s answer to THAT prayer was “no.”​

Even though God had plans for them to ultimately have a son, Zechariah and Elizabeth were unaware of those plans. Yet in the face of years of Divine denial, they were still individuals of faith—people who believed in praying for the desires of their heart and in a God who listened to those prayers. What are some lessons we can learn from this couple? ​

God Always Has an Answer -Like it or not, “no” is an answer, too. Although it is safe to assume that the couple was grieved at receiving this answer, it is apparent that they still viewed God as one attentive to their prayers. Just because God did not grant their prayer, Zechariah and Elizabeth did not give up on praying. They may have wondered why He did not grant it, but they never confused a negative response for a lack of one. If they had, why would they have persisted in praying? In fact, sometimes for our own good, or that of others, “no” is the only​

answer that a loving God would give.​

Probably all of us can think of prayers in the past which we are very grateful now that God did not grant. When Elijah, for example, was discouraged by attempts on his life, even after his incredible victory over the priests of Baal, he prayed to God that he might die (1 Kings 19:4). God did not grant that prayer. Instead, God sent Elijah sustenance for a journey, and forty days later, God met with Elijah in a cave. Do you think Elijah regretted God’s “no”? Perhaps the “no” for which we should be most grateful, though, was in response to a prayer made in a garden one night. As a result of that “no”, one man died so all can live.​

God Sometimes Says “No" to Good People -Certainly, the Bible indicates that sometimes our prayers are not granted because of sin in our lives (James 4:3; 1 Peter 3:7), but it is also true that sometimes our prayers are rejected for other reasons. For example, Job’s problems, as well as the fact that God would not answer his pleas for relief, were attributed by Job’s friends to sin in Job’s life (Job 4:7-9). God’s apparent unresponsiveness, they reasoned, had to be because of sin (regardless of the fact that they could not identify the sin), because their theology did not allow good people to suffer. What the friends could not know because of their human perspective was the conversation to which we are privy in Job 1:6-12. This passage shows us that God’s refusal to grant Job’s prayer for relief had nothing to do with Job’s sinfulness. Quite the contrary, Job was chosen because of his righteousness. rather than punishing Job, God was showing Satan and teaching Job a lesson: that it is good to serve God whether or not you receive any physical benefits from your faithfulness.

And what of Elizabeth and Zechariah? Had God said “no” to them all those years because they were sinful? Luke 1:6 tells us “…they were both righteous before God, walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.” But, verse 7 continues, “they had no child…” It is wise, when it appears that the effectiveness of your prayer life is being hindered, to examine your life to see if you are walking in sin and God is trying to prod you back into His way. But if after honest self-evaluation, you know you have repented of any sin in your life and are trying to walk in God’s way, do not continue to castigate yourself for some “unknown sin” for which God must be punishing you. Remember that the only truly righteous person who ever lived was denied a fervent prayer.


God Always Has a Purpose -We may not know that purpose while we are receiving our “no.” In fact, we may never know His purpose for saying “no” while we are here on this earth. When God closed Rachel’s womb, for example, there was no divine message to her explaining why. But Genesis 29:31 tells us that this was the Lord’s way of comforting Jacob’s other wife, Leah, for the fact that Rachel was loved by Jacob and she was not. Indeed, opening Leah’s womb and closing Rachel’s may have been the only way to secure Leah’s conjugal rights, for Jacob needed offspring, and only the wife he despised could give him children.

Elizabeth and Zechariah may have never seen a reason for God’s delay, but read farther into Luke 1. When the angel of the Lord explains to Mary what is about to transpire in her body, she is incredulous. It is very difficult for her to believe that what the angels says will happen, is possible (verse 34). What proof does the angel offer Mary that God has the power to do what the angel has said? He tells her about her kinswoman Elizabeth’s pregnancy. His point to Mary is that if God can do what is biologically impossible and make Elizabeth conceive when she is too old, He can do what is biologically impossible and make Mary conceive while she remains a virgin. Would Elizabeth’s having a child at the age of twenty have helped Mary believe the angel’s message? God always has a purpose. Just as He did to these people—and they were real people—God sometimes says “no” to our prayers.

Studying God’s “no’s” in other peoples’ lives, though, is much easier than applying the lessons to our own. Ungranted prayers will always disappoint us, but here are some suggestions to keep them from disillusioning to us:

 

[Nice & Wavy]

When God says “No”…


Affirm His Presence -“No” does not mean that no one is home up there. We may get a negative response, but any response necessitates a responder.

Affirm His Power -Just because God will not, does not mean He CANNOT. He is able to do abundantly more than we can ask or even think (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Affirm His Purpose -We do not always know what this purpose is, but we can affirm THAT it is; and because of what God has revealed to us of Himself, we know that His purpose is all-loving and all-wise.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Hello Ladies

Thank you so much for your responses. I haven't had time to really sit down and digest them. I want to do that before I really respond. But in the meantime I just wanted to say thanks.

 

[Shimmie]

Right back at you, precious 'GG'...

don't give up on For it continues to flow into God's heart, not just His ears. Your prayers are open love to Him and it makes His day to hear from you in prayer.

 

[caligirl2385]

THIS IS A GREAT THREAD.

 

[Glib Gurl]

I will say this. This life we live is by faith; and faith must be challenged to prove itsself and to prove us.

God wants to know, if we will continue to pray, even when things do not always go our way.

Will we still bless His name, when we've been put to shame?

Will we still say yes, when others have received more; and we received less?

The real question is will we answer His prayers? The prayers that we will yet still love Him even when it seems He has not answered ours.

Wow @ the bolded. So deep. Thank you Shimmie

 

[Glib Gurl]

My situation is similar in that I am pursuing something that is in my heart. I have also gone to different trainings to prepare my mind for it. If it was not God's will for me to pursue what it is I am seeking, then why put it on my heart. I pray that either He removes the desire from my heart or He helps me with this desire.

Am I wrong for thinking this way? I seek and welcome all responses.

GG: sorry if hijacking your thread for a bit.

No apologies necessary - I wonder about things like this a lot myself . . . I often automatically assume that if it's something *I* want then of course God doesn't want it (because God wants us to do what He wants us to do, not what we want to do - messed up thinking, I know, but that's the thought-process that I wrestle with.)

 

[Glib Gurl]

Thank you all again for your responses. It seems that the consensus is to keep on praying - no matter what. And I guess part of the key is that remembering that prayer is conversation with God . . . not just me asking for things, but letting Him talk to me as well. My prayer life definitely needs a shot in the arm . . . I'm pondering all of these things.

Thank you ladies. (((hugs to all)))

 

[madamdot]

Sisters, I need serious advice.

What do you do if you've been praying about a particular issue for years and God's answer seems to be "no"? I'm thinking of situations that are completely out of your hands - e.g., praying to heal from a long-term illness or disability; praying for a mate; etc.

What do you do when you have been praying (and wishing and hoping and fasting and doing even more praying) yet your request (which really feels like a "need" as opposed to a "want") isn't met?

I think I know the answer - you need to "surrender" the issue and ask God to help you go on. But from a theological perspective, how can you do this? How can you heal your hurting heart? And how do you then deal with versus that promise that if we "seek" then we shall "find"? And if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts"?

A serious faith crisis is brewing . . . please help! (Also, please, please, please - be real in your advice . . . no "just read your Bible and pray.)

Thank you . . .

I am right there with you. I am evening reading the book "When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer."

Well what I do when I started feeling that panic welling up is pray for others. I have seen God answer my prayers for others and it encourages me. But I would suggest talking to people and helping others with the same problem, sometimes things will become clear to you.
For example, it's happened that in my search for work someone herself was looking for work reached out to me (a stranger) to offer a word of advice. It ended up that I had spoken to someone the day before looking for someone just like her - She got the job. Helping others can help you, even if its simply clarifying God's answer to you.

I hope all that rambling made sense. I will pray for you.

 

[Glib Gurl]

I am right there with you. I am evening reading the book "When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer."

Well what I do when I started feeling that panic welling up is pray for others. I have seen God answer my prayers for others and it encourages me. But I would suggest talking to people and helping others with the same problem, sometimes things will become clear to you.
For example, it's happened that in my search for work someone herself was looking for work reached out to me (a stranger) to offer a word of advice. It ended up that I had spoken to someone the day before looking for someone just like her - She got the job. Helping others can help you, even if its simply clarifying God's answer to you.

I hope all that rambling made sense. I will pray for you.

That is a wonderful idea!

 

[Poohbear]

I noticed you said "waiting 5 years for what you want". What you may want could be different than what God knows that you need. While you are waiting are you still doing all you can for God, attending and working in the church, and helping others without the expectation that God will notice and it'll help with getting your prayer answered? Do you read your bible and pray for other people rather than just yourself? This is where faith comes in, trusting that God knows and will do what's best for you. We are here to glorify God, and work for Him, not the other way around. I always thought that the scripture that you mentioned "that promise that if we "seek" then we shall "find"? And if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts" was meant in the context that He will give you/us the desires of your/our heart if it's something you/we need to help with doing His will" not that God will automatically give you/us the desires of your heart just because.
It would be too easy to worship God if He granted us every desire of our hearts. One thing I have noticed is that we never question God when He does answer our prayers, we don't say "why did God answer my prayer and give me what I prayed for". Only when God does not answer or give us what we want or something happens that we think isn't "good" that we question God. Keep your faith dear Sister and continue to lean on and trust in God. Use this time to grow in your knowledge and understanding of our Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ!

Thank you for your post! It was very touching and helpful to me.