Girl chat...
Some folks seem to believe that spending lots of time (i.e. practically LIVING with a new SO- and by 'new' I mean 6mos-1yr in) is not healthy. I'm starting to think that this philosophy is culturally based.
Growing up, you spent as much time as you could with your SO. Most social activities were shared activities. However, we were young. Americans place a HIGH value on independence (at 18 the child leaves the home or at least can) and it seems like even IN a relationship one ought not encroach valuable freedom. I remember explaining to my friends back home that one guy I dated ‘wanted his space.’ They could NOT understand that concept at all. It’s either you ARE together or your NOT plain and simple lol. Even the whole concept of 'dating' took me YEARS to understand and to some extent I still don't quite get the purpose of dating multiple people. But every culture has its own belief around topics such as dating and marriage.
Most people from my cultural background (and some Africans I've met as well) tend to see this topic differently while most of my AA friends believe one ought to maintain their 'independence.' One person, whom I agree with saw it quite simply. She stated, why do something alone that you can do together JUST because society believes you shouldn't spend a lot of time with your new bf? Says who? I thought about my current relationship and I can't quite find a reason to stay at home alone just because. He has his home and I have mine (5 mns apart.) Why be apart when we’re both not doing anything? I’m in my mid 30’s and he in his mid 40’s so perhaps we see it that way because of our age and experience? To us, we much rather do the majority of our activities together, it just flows that way. This is separate from going out with friends, I'm talking about when both people have no plans. So, should one resist the urge to spend time with an SO? That would seem manipulative, childish and inauthentic IMO.
My conclusion to this is simply,
if both people want to live together, no matter how new the relationship is, it’s THEIR decision to make and there’s nothing right or wrong about it. This has no bearing on an individual’s independence or freedom.
Ladies, what are the pros and cons of spending the majority of your time with your SO? What changes when you get married? Can you have your ‘space’ within a shared space? I’m learning this relationship thing, this is my first healthy relationship as an adult and I have sooooooooooo many questions