How much time is TOO much time spent together?

I agree with your friend. IMO who cares what everyone else thinks. My husband and I have been together for 11 years (married for 5) and spend most of our time together. Of course here and there he has a guys night out and I hang with my friends but on most days its me and him :yep:

We didn't live together until after we were engaged but hey do what makes you happy.



Congrats on your relationship!!
 
I think the issue comes in when you lose your own self and own identity. Thats the only way I see spending too much time with your boo would hinder you. For instance, if you like to go to church, or go to shows, or go to the gym etc. don't stop doing those things. If he wants to go along with you, even better, if not, don't just stop doing the things you enjoy to be all up under your boo.

I spend the majority of my time with my boo, but i dont let it stop me from doing the things i enjoy.
 
Agreed with ^^^

If you and your SO like spending that much time together and it just flows....then keep doing it. The issue is about "identity", not just "independence". If you start ditching your friends for him, then we have a problem. If you stopped doing the things you love because of him, then we have a problem. Mates are supposed to be a part of our world, a huge part even, but not the whole thing. Balance is what's healthy.
 
Fine 4s said:
Girl chat...

Some folks seem to believe that spending lots of time (i.e. practically LIVING with a new SO- and by 'new' I mean 6mos-1yr in) is not healthy. I'm starting to think that this philosophy is culturally based.

Growing up, you spent as much time as you could with your SO. Most social activities were shared activities. However, we were young. Americans place a HIGH value on independence (at 18 the child leaves the home or at least can) and it seems like even IN a relationship one ought not encroach valuable freedom. I remember explaining to my friends back home that one guy I dated ‘wanted his space.’ They could NOT understand that concept at all. It’s either you ARE together or your NOT plain and simple lol. Even the whole concept of 'dating' took me YEARS to understand and to some extent I still don't quite get the purpose of dating multiple people. But every culture has its own belief around topics such as dating and marriage.

Most people from my cultural background (and some Africans I've met as well) tend to see this topic differently while most of my AA friends believe one ought to maintain their 'independence.' One person, whom I agree with saw it quite simply. She stated, why do something alone that you can do together JUST because society believes you shouldn't spend a lot of time with your new bf? Says who? I thought about my current relationship and I can't quite find a reason to stay at home alone just because. He has his home and I have mine (5 mns apart.) Why be apart when we’re both not doing anything? I’m in my mid 30’s and he in his mid 40’s so perhaps we see it that way because of our age and experience? To us, we much rather do the majority of our activities together, it just flows that way. This is separate from going out with friends, I'm talking about when both people have no plans. So, should one resist the urge to spend time with an SO? That would seem manipulative, childish and inauthentic IMO.

My conclusion to this is simply, if both people want to live together, no matter how new the relationship is, it’s THEIR decision to make and there’s nothing right or wrong about it. This has no bearing on an individual’s independence or freedom.

Ladies, what are the pros and cons of spending the majority of your time with your SO? What changes when you get married? Can you have your ‘space’ within a shared space? I’m learning this relationship thing, this is my first healthy relationship as an adult and I have sooooooooooo many questions :grin:
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I take it that you've never lived with an SO before? I'm going to keep this short: living together is a marriage in and of itself. Don't do it unless you've guys have reached a point in your relationship where you want to take it to the next level. Just because you guys are together all of the time doesn't warrant a merging of bills. :nono:. Bills are not the only important thing going on in a household. But I've already stated the meat and potatoes of it, lol
 
^ I learned the hard way! But this wasn't about me just a general discussion on relationships. Someone also mentioned being 'too available' is also unhealthy. They suggest that by being so, you eventually become unappreciated...
 
Fine 4s said:
^ I learned the hard way! But this wasn't about me just a general discussion on relationships. Someone also mentioned being 'too available' is also unhealthy. They suggest that by being so, you eventually become unappreciated...
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Being too available is just a way of saying you don't have your own "life". Yes, not having your own identity is unhealthy. But 2 adults can actually spend a lot of time together without relinquishing their individuality. Especially in the beginning....that's the honeymoon period!

You start to become unappreciated when another person decides to stop appreciating you. You can't force someone to appreciate you, lol. Your role, on the other hand, is to create and maintain boundaries. So if you feel like doing something special for your boo...just don't do it all the time. That's how it becomes expected and 'un-special'.
 
I don't see it as an independence issue, more like co-dependence. I think it's unhealthy to make one person your whole world where you can't function unless they're with you.

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