How long does it take you to let go of setbacks?

[SerenityBreeze]

I just cant seem to let them go, I am always thinking, "Man, If I had not cut XX inches" or "If my hair did not fall out due to XX my hair would be this much longer"

If you are able to just let it go..how on earth do you cope?

I cant even bare to wear it down until I get back to the length before my setback.

 

[planodiva]

I like this thread.

I think I am able to let go of a setback when my current progress surpasses where I was when something went wrong. And if you think on it--a setback makes you wiser (a parable for life) and forces you to change things up. Am I right!?

I had a stylist in Jan 04 that burned my edges out with a relaxer that was too strong and I constantly think on that major set back. Then I found LHCF and a stylist that truly listened to me and was REALLY focused on healthy hair. Now I have the absolute best stylist who is impressed with my wealth of knowledge acquired here. And women with the same hair goals as myself.

Just Let Go!!! Think of Bad Boys II (Wooh-Saaa)

 

[BrwnSugaBabee]

It depends on the degree of the setback for me. I had to cut my very short (ok short for me..it was neck length) last year(check siggy rant) But I am over it. I look at the positive...At that time I was holding on to some scraggly ends..I believe that cut helped me start fresh!

 

[sareca]

I like this thread.

I think I am able to let go of a setback when my current progress surpasses where I was when something went wrong. And if you think on it--a setback makes you wiser (a parable for life) and forces you to change things up. Am I right!?

I had a stylist in Jan 04 that burned my edges out with a relaxer that was too strong and I constantly think on that major set back. Then I found LHCF and a stylist that truly listened to me and was REALLY focused on healthy hair. Now I have the absolute best stylist who is impressed with my wealth of knowledge acquired here. And women with the same hair goals as myself.

Just Let Go!!! Think of Bad Boys II (Wooh-Saaa)

@ wooh-saaa. I thought I was the only one that quoted Bad Boys.

Until I get to my goal I'm probably not going to let go of the 1.5 inches I had to cut off. Even tho it's back now. I find myself thinking it would be 1.5 LONGER if I hadn't.

 

[amy1234]

...until I'm able to overcome it and surpass the length I was at before the mishap

 

[inthepink]

For me, it also depends on the degree of the setback. My most recent setback was 6 weeks ago and I still haven't gotten over it. I don't think I will for a while and that's b/c I spent the last 3 years trying to grow my hair back after a bad relaxer. I was on the good path and the stylist came along and screwed up what I worked hard for - for 3 years!!

 

[HoneyDew]

I think about my setbacks, but it does not take me long to move on. Life is too short.

 

[LaNecia]

I think about my setbacks, but it does not take me long to move on. Life is too short.

I'll to that! It's done, it's over, I can't change it. Keep it movin'.

 

[MissFallon]

I am just letting go from December 29th when I cut my hair all off. I keep thinking "damn if I just left it alone and didnt get that damn sew-in" then I finally got over the fact that my hair came out. When I had the damage from the sew-in my longest strand was APL but I just cut it all even to SL. Now I'm like "damn if I didnt cut it to SL I would be back to BSL by now" But now I am 2 inches from BSL and getting over it. I figure it was for the best and that it would grow back soon enough. Though I must admit that I am still too uncomfortable to wear my own hair down or even in a pony tail. I wear in a phony pony in curls or in a bun.

 

[KiniKakes]

I havent had any major setbacks that required me to cut off a few inches or anything like that..... but I have a tendency to continually dwell on a mistake that I made and feel REALLY bad about it. I think thats just my personality in general though, im a worrier and i obsess about things, unable to let them go.

For example...... several months ago, when it was still cold, i forgot about the fact that my hair was out, and i roughly zipped my coat up.... and a good chunk of hair was caught in the zip, and although i gently unzipped it, i still think about what that probably did to my ends from time to time and it makes me so annoyed. erplexed

In the last few weeks, I have snagged my peeling fingernail polish in my hair.... and when I try to gently remove my fingers from my hair where I was scratching..... several long strands of hair are torn off in the nail. This also bothers me, and its hard not to dwell on it.

And most recently..... I decided to wear my hair down for my sisters graduation (because my sister KEPT insisting).... and i was wearing a rough, woolen sweater over my little sundress. And I had it down for only a couple of hours before i ended up putting it up, because i felt too guilty and couldnt enjoy it. And now, a couple of weeks later, i am still wondering how much damage I did to my ends while it was rubbing against that rough sweater. I should have gone with my gut instinct and just put it up.... but nooo, i just had to be grown and wear it down for the graduation. *Bad Yakini, Bad Yakini*

So yeah, God forbid i ever have a major enough setback to have to trim off the ends. It would probably take me YEARS to get over something that "traumatizing," lol. I wish i could just "move on" like many of you ladies.... but its just in my nature to be so anxious/worry/ruminate. It sucks.....

 

[pretty-girl#1]

I have recently had a 2-3" set back. On friday I went home from work and took out my sew in weave. I washed my hair and since I haven't had a relaxer in a whole year, my hair was really curly and the ends were straight. I hated those pearmed ends and felt they were taking away from my beautiful curls. I just grabbed a pair of sizzors and choppa styled in my head until I had cut off all those ends!!!!!!!!!! I felt like the biggest dumb arse in the world because I had been on my hair care journey from neck length a whole year and had finally made it to collar bone comfortably! I looked a hot mess with the curly hair too! My sister came home and was like WTF did u do to ur hair. I felt so bad about my impulsive behavior and I was sad for like 3 days. Then, I finally realized I had done the damage!

I cut my hair to 7" all the way around, but at least my ends were healthy, I was still at shoulder length, and I could still wear my hair in a donut bun. I also realized going natural is not for me. I believe natural hair is absolutely beautiful, but I know it is not for me. I've decided to go on a realistic 2 year hair journey and I won't be satisfied until I get 12" of hair added to my head. That would put me at waist length. I'm not angry anymore about it, but I have learned alot about my hair and my hair goals have changed. Remember, it only takes a second to ruin what you have worked months to attain so be extremely careful with how you handle ur hair. I'm o.k. about my set back. I'm going to use it as a set-up for longer more healthy tresses in the future. HHG

 

[MizaniMami]

As petty as this sounds ( but I know my LHCF sistas will understand) I cut my hair about a week ago and I can't let go! It set me back about 2-3 mos. I only cut about 2-3 inches too.

It looks thicker and healthier but I can't get over it. I keep thinking how it will look once I wear it down. It's so short to meerplexed

I don't know, therefore I didn't vote. But I think I will get over it once I meet BSL.

 

[MissFallon]

I know I posted earlier but just a few minutes ago I discovered something. I was putting my MN in my hair and noticed that I had a really long (1" from Waist Length) hair strand. At first I figured it was left from my phony pony, but then I tracked it all the way to my scalp. I am guessing that it was one hair that I didnt cut Dec. 29th. Now I am all depressed because that could have been the length of all of my hair and I could be closing in on waist length instead of bsl. It makes me mad because now I am dwelling on the fact that I could have the long length that I wanted instead of being embarrassed about my hair now. This might be one of those setbacks that will take me until I get to WL to get over and that might not be for a year or so

 

[Wildchild453]

I still haven't gotten over a major set back. I had some serious heat damage and I was initially gonna just wait it out andlet it grow out but I hated the way my hair looked - it was so ugly. So i ended up chopping it all off. I came out the barber shop w/ 1/2 in of hair. I loved the cut and I love how my hair was growing out but I'm pretty sure I would have been at brastrap by now if I hadn't

Oh and I'm pissed with myself b/c I began to neglect my ends, which you can't do when you dye your hair. So my hair started breaking and I lost some good length and I still need a trim. Yay for mistakes

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Sadly to say, i am not the most forgiving sista. And I NEVER forget....

 

[SerenityBreeze]

Ok, so I am not the only one! I thought I may have been loosing it for a second there. For the most part I think we all have gained something from our mistakes.


[ I'm o.k. about my set back. I'm going to use it as a set-up for longer more healthy tresses in the future. HHG[/QUOTE]

I like that; flipping a "set back" to to a "set up" for healthy hair. That is very positive thinking. A lot of you ladies had many positive comments to ease the pain. I will think about them each time I begin drifting into thought about how much longer my hair would have been.

Question - Ladies who have let it go - have you reached or surpassed your goal?

 

[chocolate01]

I get over it as soon as it happens, I cut 1" (I think) in April and I let it go as soon as I got out of the chair, I can't even rememver the exact amount I had taken off.

 

[ibm girl]

Nice thread, Serenity. I feel a lot better about my recent setback after posting the dirty details here. I have to say reading about how all of you deal with setbacks great and small is helpful, too. Like Kini, I am a huge worrier and I tend to dwell on issues totally out of my control. Since (I'm told) I'm a control freak...therein lies the problem!

I have to continually remind myself that it is just hair. And it's a blessing to have any, whether it is natural, relaxed, long or short. We're all supposed to respect the journey, right? And wish ill upon all who cross us on our path to luscious locks!

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

I am still mad at myself. It seems so surreal. I was sitting in my stylist chair and she was very pleased with my growth!! I was really happy because I worked really hard to maintain my hair.... so then someone please tell me whyyyyyyyyyyyy is it that when she asked if I wanted to keep my layers I said yes. And I watched two to three inches fall in the front while she dusted the back. I looked in the mirror and could have cried.


No more trims for me until December.

 

[Nature'sWay]

I try to learn from my mistakes and do better the next year or six months around. My set backs have consisted of trying new things such as going natural, and before then trimming too often. I have not had a trim in about six months and I have relaxed my hair back because the natural thing was too time consuming for my daily schedule. I may decide to go natural again when I get older but I doubt it if I have my desired length and it is healthy.

 

[EMJazzy]

I won't be able to 'get over' my setback until I surpass my first hair goal of APL stretched. look:

 

[charmtreese]

I won't be able to 'get over' my setback until I surpass my first hair goal of APL stretched. look:

I feel the same way. Im still hung up on a major setback I had back in nov 06. I think of it often when I feel that Im behind in my 2nd goal of APL. However, I am glad that I had the setback early on in my journey. Small setbacks dont bother me too much. But the big ones are like

 

[gymfreak336]

I would love to say that I get over it quickly but I don't. I might not cry per say but I do think about it. With the time that I have put in, I should be apl by now but I am still hovering at shoulder length and I need to cut another 2-3 inches to be honest. One thing that has helped it that I have redefined my hair goals.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I'm coping with that now.
Over the weekend my hair was dryish/tangled due to a recent henna treatment even though I'd wash and dried it since then. Because of that the hair dresser used a flat brush and combed out my hair while WET! There were so many tanges and this chick was not gentle.
When I got home I was convinced I lost crazy length and thickness (even though I can't really see it) so I had already put aside scissors to cut my hair. Fortunately I got a call from my lil' adopted sis (from the adopt a sis challenge) and she convinced me to put down the scissors. I will be wearing my hair up, pinned in a bun with my little swoop bangs down for the next 2 weeks. That is how I will let go of my setback!

*glances at scissors*

 

[taj]

I recently had a setback when a stylist butchered my hair from BSL to APL. Approximately 4-5 inches was cut off. Unfortunately, I have been a victim of this by other stylist. However, this was the first time I became furious. I was so upset that I started a thread about it entitled "Hair Disaster Stories ". With the help of the ladies on lhcf & family, it took 2-3 weeks for me to let go. I just came to the conclusion that my hair is gone and there is nothing that I can do to get it back, at that point. Dwelling on the situation was not solving the issue or making it it any better, nor would it regain the loss of my hair. It was a lesson to be learned. Sometimes in life you have to live and let go of the past or things that's beyond your control. I have decided to trim my own hair to prevent this from re-occurring. Ladies, how many times ladies do we ask for a trim and get the total opposite?

 

[locabouthair]

im still suffering from a setback from last year. im in the process of letting ti go and to stop stressing over it. it was making me so unhappy about my hair. im just gonna take care of it and hope for the best. im tired of stressing over this.

 

[Luvmylife]

When I get to my final goal length, then I'll let go of my setbacks. Until then, I'm holdin' a grudge. I'm thinking about stupid stuff I did to my hair back in 1994!

 

[northernbelle]

The recovery period from a setback is relative to the severity of the problem which resulted in the setback. My ends coming out would be considered a mild setback, and is an indication that it may be time for a trim. My hair breaking close to the scalp and leaving a one inch lock of hair is more serious and requires a deeper intervention.

 

[KhandiB]

Ill let you know after I cut my hair next month

I hope Ill be happy about it, but since I know me, Ill be in my woulda shoulda coulda mode

 

[PeaceFlow]

Its doesnt massively bother me, I do reflect from time to time on disasters of yester year but mostly Im trying to figure out what went wrong and how to change it

The way I get on with stuff is by knowing that today is today and what am I going to do to move forward. I do believe "What ifs" are benificial but only when queried into the future. What ifs into the past are a waste of time and energy. Draw a line ----------- This is where I am today and face forward.

Its really just a state of mind, by focusing what you could have done instead of the great stuff you are not congratulating your blessing and accomplishments.