How long do you date before letting him see where you live? (non-coloring)

[Glib Gurl]

Yes, the scene from "For Colored Girls" is coming to mind where the poor Lady in Yellow, let that man over to her apartment to cook for him and he ended up raping her in the living room

Now, needless to say, you don't let a dude see your place on the second date. But in general, how long do you wait before your comfortable enough to let a person see where you live (at least for the purpose of picking you up/dropping you off)? My "sister in law" (I say that because she and my brother are going to be engaged any day now) said she waited 3 months before letting my brother see her place.

(And this is not even getting to the issue of coloring. Let's just assume that's off the table.)

 

[Ediese]

It's 3 months for me too. I'm not a very trusting person, and I've had a stalker in the past. I can't be too careful nowadays. I definitely don't mind meeting them somewhere for our date. I'm paranoid. I catch myself looking in my rearview mirror before I pull in my garage too. lol

 

[Theo]

Lol thanks for the spoiler! I still haven't seen For Colored Girls!!!

It depends on where I know the person from. People that I met through mutual friends or an organization, I'm less wary of, than a complete stranger who is completely foreign to my circle.

 

[Jazzmommy]

I'm just getting back into dating after a divorce so I am trying to figure this stuff out too. I was thinking 3 months (based on Steve Harvey's coloring rule I suppose). But, if I know the person from mutual friends, I might go 2 months maybe.. I dunno??

 

[Glib Gurl]

Lol thanks for the spoiler! I still haven't seen For Colored Girls!!!

Whoops - sowwy! Seriously though, I feel like I did you a favor . . . that scene was traumatic . . .

 

[Mis007]

This will depend on the chemistry of the person, I believe you will know off the bat on the first date whether he will ever know where you live or not and how soon!

 

[Britt]

Going forward, I'd say about 2 months depending on how things are going w/ the guy. I am NOT eager at all to have anyone up in my place like that. I let my ex come over very quickly, but we ended up sleeping together quickly anyway. I do think about this often and dudes won't be coming up in my house getting all comfy, chilling in my bed, drinking up my juice, and seeing the ins and outs of my place like that. No sir. I have a friend that has dudes in and out her place and i'm just like . That's just way too close for comfort, my place is not a 'chill spot' so early on. I just don't want a man to get some comfy soo soon that he becomes complacent and just thinks we could just chill in the crib. Now that I do regret w/ my ex.

 

[kandake]

It depends on chemistry and how our dating process is progressing. If we talk frequently and go out on actual dates 1-2 times a week. I'm okay with him coming to my home at the one month mark. If our "relationship" is progressing a little slower than the above, I would say 2-3 months.

ETA: I haven't always followed what I've written above but it's what I strive for. And I will say that the scene from "For Colored Girls" had a profound affect on me. I know that those things can happen but to actually see it . I been giving men the side-eye since that movie.

 

[Glamourstruckk]

I'd shoot for as long as possible. What does he need to see my place for? I'll meet him wherever we're hanging. That way I can leave if there is a problem! lol.

 

[DayStar]

FH didnt know for a good 8 months.

 

[Spiffy]

Great thread, I was told until you have a great feeling that he's not crazy and wouldn't try something like what happened in the "For Colored Girls" film, so I'd say at least 90 days.

Always meet him at places, don't let him pick you up, etc. Also, be careful because some guys may take this policy personally and decide to follow you home or look up your home. It happens.

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

I have only let 1 man see my place...not that I date a lot...I do a lot of talking to, but not a lot of dating. We have been dating 6 weeks now and he came over 2 weeks ago. He is the only person whose energy was right...

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Great thread, I was told until you have a great feeling that he's not crazy and wouldn't try something like what happened in the "For Colored Girls" film, so I'd say at least 90 days.

Always meet him at places, don't let him pick you up, etc. Also, be careful because some guys may take this policy personally and decide to follow you home or look up your home. It happens.

to all of this especially the bolded.

I think how you meet plays a role in it though. For someone you've met online or is a complete stranger, then you need to be beyond cautious. But if you are set up by friends who you trust that can vouch for dude then loosen the reigns a bit, but still pay attention to any red flags that come up.

All that said, I definitely think the second date is far too soon to have a dude up in your home.

 

[dlewis]

Whoops - sowwy! Seriously though, I feel like I did you a favor . . . that scene was traumatic . . .

I HATED that movie. It was awful.

 

[dlewis]

When I was dating it was 3 months. But they had to come by to pick me up, just didn't come inside.

If I were dating now IDK. My aunt never had a man she was dating in her home, since her divorce, she didn't want anyone around her daughter. I agree with that. IDK how she feels about that now.

 

[Avyn]

This is a good question. I have been very liberal with this in the past. I see that I need to be more conservative.

 

[gabulldawg]

Interesting thread. I have always let my date see where I lived on the first date, since I expected him to pick me up. Yes I am/was old school! It was different with my DH because he already knew where I lived before we started dating (friend of my cousin's).

 

[MissJ]

A few months. I really need to feel like I know the person first, and even then he has to stay in ONE ROOM!

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

I'm kinda amazed that you ladies are able to date for awhile and the guy hasn't ever seen where you live.

The reason I say this is because I've had men actually follow me home (these are men that I've never spoken too) so I don't think I'd be able to keep where I live a secret. This is why it would probably take me months before a man was ever invited over to my place. I mean, how do you make sure he's not tailing you home after a date?

 

[foxee]

For the past few years I have made a point to live at properties with a concierge and/or limited access, so even if a guy knows where I live he cannot get to my door. Typically I'll allow a man to enter my apartment after a couple months, if I feel comfortable enough.

 

[cheetarah1980]

It would be several months before I allow a man to just chill up in my place. But I would allow him to pick me up to go out on the 3rd or 4th date.

 

[HoneyA]

Yes, the scene from "For Colored Girls" is coming to mind where the poor Lady in Yellow, let that man over to her apartment to cook for him and he ended up raping her in the living room

You see this whole movie had me on edge. I was mortified at that scene. Had me reconsidering this whole dating thing. I usually go by vibe. If I feel comfortable, not a big deal. If I get the distinct feeling "do not let him see where you live just yet" that's what I will go by. Either way, he is not coming up to my apartment any time soon even if he does see where I live.

 

[Katherina]

You guys are spoilers!
I'm not willing to put myself in danger. Hopefully when I move to a new place it will have very restricted access to outside people, even if that means I'll have to shell out more cash than I'd like. My safety is too important! Especially because I'll be living alone. I plan on being quite private in this regard.

 

[mscocopuff]

When I was dating, it was usually 3-4 months. I always drive myself to the dates also. I have had a stalker and that is not cool. You have to be careful now-a-days. The time is different now.

 

[YankeeCandle]

I waited one year before letting my now-SO into my apartment. For that whole first year, he would drop me off outside my building and I would go into the lobby and up to my apt door alone.

The first time I let him into my apt was in the presence of a female friend whom he was helping with her luggage (she was staying with me for the weekend).

But that broke the ice, because after that, I began letting him come over for short visits a few times a week.

 

[Bublin]

I've not yet seen the movie but now i'm kind of scared.

I've been dating a guy for 6 weeks and we have gotten quite close already - talk for hours on the phone, he has opened up alot to me about his life, i have even had a quick conversation with his daughter over the phone but not yet met her. I have picked him up from his house but as yet he has not picked me up from mine.

It feels like its the right time to invite him over for the evening......but now i don't know. i just don't want him to get all cosy and cut the actual 'dating' aspect short.
On all our dates he has paid and done the driving all but once when i picked him up. All other times i have driven to a meeting spot and then continue in his car.

It would be sooo nice to sit on the sofa and cosy up and watch a movie but maybe it's too soon.....i dunno.....urrrghh...i hate dating.

 

[glamazon386]

I waited a long time. It was several months.