How important is marriage to you?

[MsKipani]

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about marriage. I'm 25 and people around me are getting married or waiting for that engagement. I've been with my SO for 4 years and he probably is the one, but I'm still not ready for marriage. I want to be married, but I'm not in a rush. I feel like so many women are counting down and plotting for that wedding ring and I wonder if I'm not wanting it enough or if they want it too much. Are women caught up in the fantasy of the wedding day or do they really desire to be married? I'm rambling, but it's a concern of mine and I'm just trying to figure out my own beliefs/hang ups.
How do all of you ladies feel about it? Why do you want to be married? Do you have a plan/age set for the deadline to be married? Just some random thoughts...

 

[Caramela]

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about marriage. I'm 25 and people around me are getting married or waiting for that engagement. I've been with my SO for 4 years and he probably is the one, but I'm still not ready for marriage. I want to be married, but I'm not in a rush. I feel like so many women are counting down and plotting for that wedding ring and I wonder if I'm not wanting it enough or if they want it too much. Are women caught up in the fantasy of the wedding day or do they really desire to be married? I'm rambling, but it's a concern of mine and I'm just trying to figure out my own beliefs/hang ups.
How do all of you ladies feel about it? Why do you want to be married? Do you have a plan/age set for the deadline to be married? Just some random thoughts...

I think setting a deadline for yourself is the worst thing you could do. When it's meant to happen, it will happen. No need to stress or force it. When you do, it will wind up being wrong.

 

[Farida]

I don't believe in deadlines for getting yourself married. They cause desperation, pressure and some women just settle for the 1st man that comes around.


I do think marriage is important. Some people say it is a piece of paper, but if it really is just a piece of paper, why are people so dang afraid of it?

 

[BAP28]

marriage is important to me..am i counting down the days hell nah--when it happens it happens

but i wont be in a rlp with someone for several yrs without us going in a certain direction whether it be marriage or our sep ways...not gonna be with someone for yrs and yrs and we r not moving upwardly in our situation...

 

[Britt]

Are women caught up in the fantasy of the wedding day or do they really desire to be married?

I think this is the answer for some right here.
I'm 25 and in no way shape or form ready to be married. I think a lot goes into marriage, so much so, I probably can't even fully grasp all what goes into it. *I* personally think there is a lot of emotionally growing that needs to be done and issues cleared out the way before people get married. Things people need to get out their systems, unresolved issues that could be brought into the marriage, etc. I think at 25 (pls don't stone me) many people aren't there yet. When I speak to older people, (even reading the posts on this board) they tell me you are def. not the same person you are when you were in your early-mid 20s. You have more of a sense of security and knowing yourself as you get older.
I know someone who is 25 and she's married and she still has the desire to do the things of a singleton eventhough she really loves her hubby. I think she got married way too young. There is soo much more that goes into marriage than 'i love him so much he's the one'..... there are a lot of factors to take into consideration, and quite frankly, I'm just not ready for all of that yet.

To answer your question, YES I want to meet Mr. Right and get married... just not now.

 

[MsKipani]

I think this is the answer for some right here.
I'm 25 and in no way shape or form ready to be married. I think a lot goes into marriage, so much so, I probably can't even fully grasp all what goes into it. *I* personally think there is a lot of emotionally growing that needs to be done and issues cleared out the way before people get married. Things people need to get out their systems, unresolved issues that could be brought into the marriage, etc. I think at 25 (pls don't stone me) many people aren't there yet. When I speak to older people, (even reading the posts on this board) they tell me you are def. not the same person you are when you were in your early-mid 20s. You have more of a sense of security and knowing yourself as you get older.
I know someone who is 25 and she's married and she still has the desire to do the things of a singleton eventhough she really loves her hubby. I think she got married way too young. There is soo much more that goes into marriage than 'i love him so much he's the one'..... there are a lot of factors to take into consideration, and quite frankly, I'm just not ready for all of that yet.

To answer your question, YES I want to meet Mr. Right and get married... just not now.

ITA...I hate to hear of people that married someone just because that should be the next step or because they feel obligated to

I think all relationships get to a point where it's either get married or go your separate ways

I'm also not a believer in dating someone for 10 years either...unless both people mutually have no interest in ever getting married

 

[Syrah]

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about marriage. I'm 25 and people around me are getting married or waiting for that engagement. I've been with my SO for 4 years and he probably is the one, but I'm still not ready for marriage. I want to be married, but I'm not in a rush. I feel like so many women are counting down and plotting for that wedding ring and I wonder if I'm not wanting it enough or if they want it too much. Are women caught up in the fantasy of the wedding day or do they really desire to be married? I'm rambling, but it's a concern of mine and I'm just trying to figure out my own beliefs/hang ups.
How do all of you ladies feel about it? Why do you want to be married? Do you have a plan/age set for the deadline to be married? Just some random thoughts...

I'm so glad you bought this all up. I think society has conditioned everyone to think that marriage is something that women think about since birth and men are not so inclined to think about until the last minute.

If sex and the city has taught us anything, THAT is simply not true.

I was feeling pressure from ex-SO's family - we had been together on and off for 5 years and folks were always like "so when ya'll getting married?" "Why don't ya'll just get married already". And folks always thought HE was the one with the hangups.

When they found out it was me it was like "HUH??" :::crickets chirping:::

Folks just DIDN"T GET IT.

I'm not on a time line and I feel like people who do have one of those time lines:
- go to college
- meet the one WHILE in college
- get engaged right around graduation
- stay engaged for a year
- get married
- have 2.4 kids
- buy suburban
- live happily ever after

Those folks are more in love with the IDEA of marriage - what marriage symbolizes rather than what it is. Folks don't dream of arguments of taking the trash out. And folks don't dream about discussing who's going to pay for the kids' field trips. And folks don't dream about discussions about 401K and buying homes (when he's got good credit and yours is the pits or vice versa). Folks don't dream about 2 years + 2 kids into it when sex has gone from a 4 times weekly thing to MAYBE once a month.

Marriage is important. But marriage isn't a joke, its not a game and it isn't for the faint of heart. I'm not doing it until I'm ready (emotionally, spiritually, financially and sexually).

 

[MsKipani]

I'm so glad you bought this all up. I think society has conditioned everyone to think that marriage is something that women think about since birth and men are not so inclined to think about until the last minute.

If sex and the city has taught us anything, THAT is simply not true.

I was feeling pressure from ex-SO's family - we had been together on and off for 5 years and folks were always like "so when ya'll getting married?" "Why don't ya'll just get married already". And folks always thought HE was the one with the hangups.

When they found out it was me it was like "HUH??" :::crickets chirping:::

Folks just DIDN"T GET IT.

I'm not on a time line and I feel like people who do have one of those time lines:
- go to college
- meet the one WHILE in college
- get engaged right around graduation
- stay engaged for a year
- get married
- have 2.4 kids
- buy suburban
- live happily ever after

Those folks are more in love with the IDEA of marriage - what marriage symbolizes rather than what it is. Folks don't dream of arguments of taking the trash out. And folks don't dream about discussing who's going to pay for the kids' field trips. And folks don't dream about discussions about 401K and buying homes (when he's got good credit and yours is the pits or vice versa). Folks don't dream about 2 years + 2 kids into it when sex has gone from a 4 times weekly thing to MAYBE once a month.

Marriage is important. But marriage isn't a joke, its not a game and it isn't for the faint of heart. I'm not doing it until I'm ready (emotionally, spiritually, financially and sexually).

Yeah, I've come to the realization that most women are brainwashed into believing that they have to get married right away. I'm so clueless on what type of engagement ring I want and what the best halls in my area are to get married in. Whenever I would be around female co workers all they would do is talk about rings and who's engaged and when their bf is going to propose and I felt so out of the loop. They've all gone ring shopping with their boyfriends and I'm like the last store we left together was Game Stop ...lol..
I feel like the fantasy of marriage has people misguided and out of focus

 

[Farida]

I do agree that people put a lot more thought now into weddings than marriages. I have a co-worker who always complains about her bf, and she knows he is not the right one, but she is always entering wedding contests, she will marry him any day just for the wedding.

 

[spelmanlocks]

I had a friend and a cousin that got married at the court house and neither marriage lasted so you can not be caught up in the idea of a fantasy wedding and your marriage can still be crap.

But marriage is very important to me. I think when two people feel they are ready they should do it although they should make sure they are they make all attempts to be adequately prepared and understand the seriousness of marriage. To me it doesn't matter if you marry when you're 25 or 35, if you're not adequately prepared for it then its going to be hard to make it work.

 

[Britt]

Those folks are more in love with the IDEA of marriage - what marriage symbolizes rather than what it is. Folks don't dream of arguments of taking the trash out. And folks don't dream about discussing who's going to pay for the kids' field trips. And folks don't dream about discussions about 401K and buying homes (when he's got good credit and yours is the pits or vice versa). Folks don't dream about 2 years + 2 kids into it when sex has gone from a 4 times weekly thing to MAYBE once a month.

Marriage is important. But marriage isn't a joke, its not a game and it isn't for the faint of heart. I'm not doing it until I'm ready (emotionally, spiritually, financially and sexually).

...Some people have no clue what goes into a marriage. There are soo many unforseen issues and both partners should def. discuss them prior to getting married, cause that lustful feeling you have for your SO will not conquer the problems and if you already have problems, marriage will only make it worse .

 

[locabouthair]

Marriage is important. But marriage isn't a joke, its not a game and it isn't for the faint of heart. I'm not doing it until I'm ready (emotionally, spiritually, financially and sexually).

I agree. I've never been married but from what I have heard from the ladies on here and IRL, it's not all peaches and cream it's hard work. thats why I dont want to wait until i'm ready.

I'm still young, 23. but i dont feel any pressure to find a husband and get settled down before 30. 30 is still pretty young to me. If I don't get married til late 30's 40's i wont be upset. I want to travel and enjoy my single life. There is nothing wrong with getting married early but I am in no rush.

 

[foxxymami]

Oh.My.Goodness......you just said a MOUTHFUL!

This is oh so true. I've been feeling this way lately. I have to admit, in my early 20's I felt like it was a rite of passage to make your college sweetheart your future hubby. When we broke up (my ex bf in college) I was very lost and derailed. Unfortunately I have to report that it affected more than one area of my life because for the first time in my youth, things didn't go according to the grand timeline.

Now that I'm in my mid 20's, like Britt said, you see things so differently. The way I look at marriage and relationships now is that--I'd rather work on and build a beautiful, loving, strong long term relationship with my boyfriend for years before marriage, rather than falling for the hype of getting married after a year or two and having a strained, bad marriage. Not saying either of the two scenarios are the usual, but just to think that once upon a time I wanted to get married just for the sake of being married....well I've come a long way. Allowing myself to remove marriage as my focus and ultimate "goal" has afforded me the ability to have a more stable, loving, and low-stress relationship with my SO.

MsNadi, your words really spoke to me. I'm printing this out

I'm so glad you bought this all up. I think society has conditioned everyone to think that marriage is something that women think about since birth and men are not so inclined to think about until the last minute.

If sex and the city has taught us anything, THAT is simply not true.

I was feeling pressure from ex-SO's family - we had been together on and off for 5 years and folks were always like "so when ya'll getting married?" "Why don't ya'll just get married already". And folks always thought HE was the one with the hangups.

When they found out it was me it was like "HUH??" :::crickets chirping:::

Folks just DIDN"T GET IT.

I'm not on a time line and I feel like people who do have one of those time lines:
- go to college
- meet the one WHILE in college
- get engaged right around graduation
- stay engaged for a year
- get married
- have 2.4 kids
- buy suburban
- live happily ever after

Those folks are more in love with the IDEA of marriage - what marriage symbolizes rather than what it is. Folks don't dream of arguments of taking the trash out. And folks don't dream about discussing who's going to pay for the kids' field trips. And folks don't dream about discussions about 401K and buying homes (when he's got good credit and yours is the pits or vice versa). Folks don't dream about 2 years + 2 kids into it when sex has gone from a 4 times weekly thing to MAYBE once a month.

Marriage is important. But marriage isn't a joke, its not a game and it isn't for the faint of heart. I'm not doing it until I'm ready (emotionally, spiritually, financially and sexually).

 

[foxxymami]

Again, I just love this thread Came across it again and wanted to bumpity bump

 

[dlewis]

I'm not on a time line and I feel like people who do have one of those time lines:
- go to college
- meet the one WHILE in college
- get engaged right around graduation
- stay engaged for a year
- get married
- have 2.4 kids
- buy suburban
- live happily ever after

Wow, that looks like my timeline for my kids.

 

[Candy_C]

important enough to wait for it