How do you .....

[Lisa]

tactfully tell a guy you don't want to go out with him or you don't want to give him your number (because you're not interested)? Let's say he is someone you will see everyday and you don't want to insult him or he is a relative of a friend and you don't want to make things awkward but you're really not interested!

Can you tactfully say no? I haven't had very good luck with this! The first time this happened I just told the guy I wasn't interested. That blew up in my face because one of my co-workers (who I thought was my friend) stopped talking to me ! The last time this happened to me I lied and told the guy I had a boyfriend but he started avoiding me and it was awkward. I later heard through the co-worker grapevine that he was telling people I don't date white guys erplexed.

Is there a way to do this tactfully?

 

[ThickHair]

If you say you are not interested and he doesn't get it, that is his problem. Your issue seems to be what other's think. It really shouldn't matter what other's think, if you don't want him you don't want him.

If you work with this dude and he doesn't leave you alone then you need to speak with HR. Also make sure that your actions follow your words. I think that is when people usually run into trouble, they say no, but continue to be wishy washy with the person. No need to be an itch, but you need to be firm and he needs to know that you mean business.

 

[carcajada]

Unfortunately if a guy is acting that butt hurt, then 9/10, it wouldn't have mattered how you told him - he was gonna act like a "b" anyway.

Also, I would stick to your way of saying you aren't interested. Any guy not wanting to waste his time will appreciate that. After all, the ones who become babyish after rejection aren't guys you'd want to date just based on that quality alone. #manup

 

[hopeful]

You have every right to say no, period. No I won't give you my phone number. No, I'm not going out with you. You know, thanks but no thanks. Grown folks ain't gotta be over explaining themselves. I teach my daughters they ain't got to explain themselves to no one either. Just no. Get over it already. And to the co-worker who stopped talking to you boooo! That is their problem, not yours. Don't take that on sweetheart.

 

[anon123]

"I'm really flattered, but that's okay" said with a smile ???

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Unfortunately if a guy is acting that butt hurt, then 9/10, it wouldn't have mattered how you told him - he was gonna act like a "b" anyway.

This happened to me recently. He wont even look my way now. Oh well.

 

[Lisa]

So in other words put on my big girl bloomers and take the fall-out like a man . I hate to hurt peoples feelings and I don't like the uncomfortable aftermath (I'm a wimp) .

Edited to add: But I always tell them I was just hoping there was an easier or nicer way to do it without lying.

 

[chickle]

I usually say, "no thanks, I am enjoying being single right now" or something of that nature. Then I try to steer the conversation towards something else so that it doesn't end on a bad note.

 

[Thiends]

Him: "I think you're really pretty and I was just wondering if you want to go out some time."
Me: *laughing the entire time* "Oh, what a funny compliment, haha, you are hilarious, haha! Did you hear about [insert fascinating topic here]?"

That should take care of most self-respecting men, but some hopeless ones might need more reinforcement:

Him: "Seriously, I think you are gorgeous and I really want to explore us."
Me: "Oh, HAHAHA, I love your sense of humor! [Insert name] is even prettier than me and I think she would appreciate a man as kind as you. I'm going to go tell her right now how funny you are." *Walks until out of sight then runs at full speed without looking back*

Just keep reiterating how funny he is and redirecting the conversation to interesting news topics, fresh gossip, or some other girl he can go talk to. At no point should you let him make you respond to the conversation he is trying to have. Don't even talk about your mutual compatibility or lack thereof. Next time you see him, act completely normal and jovial as if the prior conversation never happened and refuse to acknowledge that you ever discussed anything like you and him dating. Just keep it moving.

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Sooooo what's wrong with him?

 

[Katherina]

"I'm really flattered, but that's okay" said with a smile ???

Him: "I think you're really pretty and I was just wondering if you want to go out some time."
Me: *laughing the entire time* "Oh, what a funny compliment, haha, you are hilarious, haha! Did you hear about [insert fascinating topic here]?"

That should take care of most self-respecting men, but some hopeless ones might need more reinforcement:

Him: "Seriously, I think you are gorgeous and I really want to explore us."
Me: "Oh, HAHAHA, I love your sense of humor! [Insert name] is even prettier than me and I think she would appreciate a man as kind as you. I'm going to go tell her right now how funny you are." *Walks until out of sight then runs at full speed without looking back*

These two approaches don't work for me because dudes think the laughter is a mixed signal.

Although most men get the point when I clearly say no once or twice, with certain ones I just have to keep saying no because they try every avenue. "No number." "No lunch." "No, I'm not interested and it's never going to happen." Most of all, "NO FRIENDS" The extra persistent ones are often foreign guys, so maybe that's just how they roll in XYZ country.

My advice is just to make sure you're not sending a mixed signal.