How do you tell your friend/ business partner you have feelings for him??

S

sunshine91496

Member
Hi, I rarely post anymore but I couldn't think of a better place to come to get some dating advice.

I have been into one of my male friends for almost four years. We have a close working relationship and opened a small business together, and are just good friends overall. I want to tell him I have feelings for him. I have asked so many people guys and girls and got the panoply of answers from:

1) Tell Him
2) Don't Tell Him, men are supposed to chase so he will pursue you when he is ready.
3) Don't tell him, date other men instead, then he'll be interested,
4) let it go
5) He hasn't asked you out on a date yet, so why do you think he would want to now.


I'm so confused I am not a big dater and have finally after 30 plus years come out of my shell to open myself up again to a relationship after heartbreak, so I don't even know where to start.

I think there is a healthy attraction between us but lately I noticed our conversations have switched completely to business, when we used to talk about everything and anything. We used to flirt etc a lot more, but I guess I was waiting for him and he was waiting for me and neither of us did anything about it- so now we are in the friend and business zone.

I am not worried about messing up the friendship because that would only come up on his end, because I just want a resolution to this issue. If he's not interested, yes I would be disappointed, but then at least I could move on. I have brought it up previously but I could never say it out fully it was always in some half-spoken way ( I guess I wanted him to figure it out) so it was always like some unresolved issue. The thing is our business is about to move forward to the next level, and I KNOW, that I will not be able to sit around and give my all to this if we don't address this issue, I just have this fear of pouring years and years more into this business and then he walks in with a fiancee, kids, wife etc., after all the support I have given, I know I would be devastated, and I promised myself I would never be in a position to feel that way again.

Anyways, what do you ladies think? and How have any of you let your male friends know you were interested? thanks
 
Hmm...

My first thought is that an adult man (is he in 30s?) should be able to take the initiative to approach you if he is interested.

I'm not totally against a woman making the first move when it's a chance meeting but you obviously spend enough time together where he has had multiple opportunities to let his feelings be known if they were there.

As the old rule says though: Don't mix business with pleasure.
 
You should not have gone into business with him, if maintaining a business relationship with him is also contigent upon forming a romantic relationship.

If you tell him be prepared that:

-He may not feel the same way
-If he does have feelings for you...it may not work out

In the event the above happens...what will happen to your business?

I don't know how serious you are about the business vs. pursuing the relationship. If he wasn't your business partner and just a friend, I'd say go for it, but this is a sticky situation.

If he does share the same feelings for you and want to pursue something serious...I believe he will or would have.
 
whoaaaa nelly... i been sippin a lil t'day yall, so scuse me for a min..but'r uh..

lemme git dis hea straight...

u are infatuated with ur friend/bidness partner....

u wanna tell him, but don't know how.

you don't wanna put ur "all" into this bidness unless u tell him how u feel --this unresolved issue. it's only unresolved for you tho....

*lights up a newport one hunnit & rolls up da sleeves*

guess what? he ain't interested cuz if he was, u wouldn't be writting this thread and imma tell u why.

the one thing that stuck out to me in ur thread was this sentence below:

I noticed our conversations have switched completely to business, when we used to talk about everything and anything.

dat might be it. u gotta be careful when dealin wif men sometimes, especially when runnin off at da mouth...tellin any and everything aboutcha self ain't cute...feel me? they'll take certain things that you've said and put it in their memory rolodex. and this is prolly why the conversations has switched. he was prolly interested at one time, but it may have been something you said that turned him off.

u can't be tellin men da gospel truths even if yall are cut buddies...can't do it. they don't need to know everythang about'chu. he's suppose to rack his brain and figure you out. you done made it easy for him by tellin everything.

then again, i could be wrong tho.


don't put all ur stock into this. accordin to u, ur just coming out of a 30 year shell. go out and date other men.
 
I wouldn’t do it. Men usually don’t wait four years to let a woman know the deal. I’m sure you’re a sweet girl but I think, “He’s just not that into you” Been there done that, got that tshirt.. had a male BFF that I just knew I was going to snag….HA! Men are a crazy species. If a man is into you, you’ll know it. My vote is to go find another fish in the sea.
 
I wouldn't do it either. You really shouldn't mix business with pleasure and if you really believe in this business that you all have together then you should just think of him as a business partner who you get along with extremely well.

I would keep my conversation extremely business and respectful.

You don't want to be the one sexually harrassing someone? I say this becasue he has probably gotten your hints... and has send one your way as well by changing the tone of his conversations over time.

He probably will avoid the situation and continue to deflect your advances until you say something - and then - will be in an uncomfortable position to reject you outright.

Even if there is a 50/50 chance it's not worth your time thinking about.

I say find someone MORE fabulous and move on romantically with someone else.
 
I'm sure that the ladies have already broken it down for you, so I'll just add "Don't sh*t where you eat".
 
Dear Sunshine,

Don't do it. I can only imagine the situation....as harsh as this may sound...you should read the book "He's Not That Into You"...which I read but don't often suggest due to the cursing, etc., but the author, a male, states some really true facts about men/women and relationships...those of which when I look back over some things in my own personal life experiences, I would have noticed way more signs and moved on way sooner in many of the relationships I have entered into....before I became a Christian....

I don't know of any meaningful, long-lasting relationships, both Christian and non-Christian, where the woman chased the man...

Plus the way it sounds, is that maybe your motive for entering into the business relationship was to form a relationship??? if that's not true then forgive me, but if it is, how unfair to him (your business partner) ...especially if he did bring a fiancee, wife, kids...how would you conduct business then?

My suggestion is that you let it go, the ideal, and as Kirk Franklin would say, " mama said what you love, let it go, and if it comes back, then it's back to stay"

Lose yourself in God and let him or whomever God has for you in a perfect place!

God bless,
Nicole
 
I wouldn't do it. Let him come to you. If after four years he has not made a move, then I would not count on him making one now. If he happens to start expressing interest (either indirectly or explicitly) then don't rush into anything either way.

Try to make time in your schedule to start dating, and let it be known (in a round about way) that you have been dating. Perhaps that will finally nudge him.
 
Hi, I am joining the chorus of ladies telling you not to do it. In reading your post, one sentence really caught my attention, "I have brought it up previously but I could never say it out fully it was always in some half-spoken way ( I guess I wanted him to figure it out) so it was always like some unresolved issue." How do you know that his new business-like attitude towards you is not a result of finally realizing that you want something more and he doesn't? I don't advise pursuing men for the following reasons: (1) Like one poster said, you never know if he is with you because he wants to be or because you make it easy to be with you. He doesn't have to do any work. (2) He is tentative and unable to "close" the deal. To that I ask, "why?" Why would you want to be with a man that that does not have the skill or ability to acquire that which he desires? (3) People should start off how they mean to carry on in relationships. If you don't want to be chasing after him emotionally and physically once you are together, I would advise against chasing him prior to getting together.

In any event, my main read on this situation is that he is very likely not interested because if he were, he would have already stepped (especially if you are throwing out signals, no matter how weak they are). Girl, go out and snag another man cause we all know there are plenty of fish in the sea.
 
Wow, first of all I have been in this same situation before and I will
start out by saying "No, do not tell him anything"!

If you want to resolve this issue, then do whatever you have to do to
first resolve it with yourself first. This means, go ahead and be just fine
with the idea of him having a fiance, kids or wife... and truly be happy
for him.

If there's all this confusion in the midst of you two concerning whether
or not something is going to pop off, then maybe nothing will.

When a man wants a woman and sees his future with her in it, he will:

1.) Let it be known verbally
2.) Show it and prove it with his actions
3.) Always be consistent
4.) He will also not keep you guessing, because he is serious

Don't make this man your priority when you may only just be his option.
Go out there and see about creating your own options and get back into
the dating field. Put all this energy into reinventing yourself some way or
some how to get your mind off of him. Get a new look, do something different
with your hair and feel good about yourself and have the attitude of "I am a
great catch, and any man would be lucky to have me as his woman"... men
loves a confident woman. So with a new attitude, vibe and energy you will
attract a man who you'll know within weeks and not 4 years whether or not
he is into you without a doubt.

No matter what happens, Don't let
your heart be troubled over this. :)
 
I think that in the long run you would *likely* be better off resolving this within yourself without saying anything to him. If you'd like to tell him so that you can possibly start something, I think that's pursuing and better left to him. If you'd like to tell him so that you can just get it off your chest, I'd say that venting and closure are overrated, as weighty and important as they seem at the time.

If you do choose to tell him, just don't get caught up in any ambivalence on his part, like "I'm attracted to you, but..." or "Maybe after a little while..." He'll either want to be with you or not. I agree with others who've said that if he has feelings for you, you would more than likely know already.
 
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