How do you teach him to be chivalrous?

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
So, Dutch Chocolate - even though he is as sweet as can be - doesn't have much dating experience . . . either that or every girl he's dated didn't find it necessary to teach him how to hold open the door for you and things like that. (Honestly I think it's the former . . . he's green just like I am . . . I suspect that he hasn't spent that much time around women and just isn't use to social norms like that.)

Well, even though I'm a feminist, I am also a chauvinist :lol: I want men to hold open doors for me and all that jazz. How can I teach him to do that? Do I just stand back like an idiot when he walks through and then wait for him to pick up the hint? :look:
 
i don't know if you can :-/ especially since you two seem to be in the early stages of the relationship? i suppose waiting at the door or even falling behind him when walking so he has to open the door first. although that could end up awkward :look:

to get my SO to pump my gas i told him straight up my male friend ALWAYS pumps my gas for me. he was like "and?" but then he started to do it :) haha.
 
Wait until you watch a movie, or something, that shows a dude opening a door for his lady - preferably one where she reacts badly to it......

You then chime in with -

loveeyes.gif
Oh, I just love it when guys open the door for me - it's so chivalrous, and sometimes I wish I lived in more chivalrous times.

Then, the next time you are at a door, hang back a tiny bit. Enough where you could open the door, but he is closer to the door.

If he's paying attention to you - and he wants to impress you - he should pick up on it.

Rinse and repeat. :lachen:

I've given DH more 'hints' via watching TV shows/movies than a little bit - relationships, child care, family life, etc, etc, etc..... ;)
 
I used to be nonchalant about things like this. Now I'll sit in the car and I won't move until he comes around and opens the door. I'll get out and say "thanks (smile, blink, blink), you are so sweet" and he closes it back. He feels good, I feel good. It's all good. You just introduce one thing at a time and be patient. Oh and as JustKiya said, I hang back at doors as well. No more charging at the door like I used to before LOL.
 
Then, the next time you are at a door, hang back a tiny bit. Enough where you could open the door, but he is closer to the door.
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Do this first; but if he doesn't get it, resort to the below.

Now I'll sit in the car and I won't move until he comes around and opens the door.
Click to expand...

If this doesn't work, then it's time for a talk . . .
 
I just tell them. It might just be me, but I think being upfront about it is the best way to go. It might be just the guys I've dated, but hints don't work lol!

Its all about the delivery, though.... if we're walking out the store and I'm holding the bag, I will say "I don't know why I'm holding all these bags... are you gonna help me out?" I know it sounds attitudinal, but do with with a smile and it should be okay. Or you could just ask "Hey these are pretty heavy, would you hold this for me?" Even if its not heavy.... just hand it over. The only thing you should be carrying is your purse... and maybe the lightest of the bags. If there are a lot of them. Maybe.

I also agree with hanging back before opening the door. You shouldn't feel like an idiot for expecting him to open the door. He should feel silly, not you. If he doesn't do it, just smile and ask... "Are you going to get the door for me?"

He should pick up on things pretty quickly this way. I had to ask my SO to do stuff in the beginning as well, but now he does it pretty naturally.

Also, for it to come naturally to you, learn expect these types of things to be done for you from any guy you're hanging out with, even if you're not dating them. I expect my male friends to do that type of stuff too. And they do. Its really not that serious, you know?
 
Is he French or Norwegian :lachen::look: Sorry, I'm kidding! no I'm not ... lol !!!

Men/boys need to get these lessons at home from the mother and father, and even the grandparents if they are around. Women… men/fathers should raise their sons keeping in mind the fact that there will be a woman/wife that will have to deal with their son some day. They need to learn how to cook and clean themselves. AND, they need to learn how to be gentlemen. They need to have good examples at home, and parents who are living what they are preaching.

Sometimes, not all the time, but sometimes trying to teach a man these things after he has left home is like trying to teach an OLD DEAD DOG new tricks. :lachen:This needs to start being taught from DAY 1. There are some men who are “teachable.” Some … SOME dogs can learn new tricks.:rolleyes:

EXAMPLE:

This one guy, let’s just call him “ MONICASHOE” opened the car door for me for the first time at his parents house and his father saw. His father asked if something was wrong with the car door :lachen: So, you can see that he did not learn chivalry at home from mother or father.
 
Oh Glib, if he doesn't have much dating experience, just think......:love: you could teach he everything. Yall could learn together. Doesn't that sound wonderful.:blush:
 
HoneyA said:
I used to be nonchalant about things like this. Now I'll sit in the car and I won't move until he comes around and opens the door. I'll get out and say "thanks (smile, blink, blink), you are so sweet" and he closes it back. He feels good, I feel good. It's all good. You just introduce one thing at a time and be patient. Oh and as JustKiya said, I hang back at doors as well. No more charging at the door like I used to before LOL.
Click to expand...

What she said....

I actually would walk in front of him when you get to a door, then stop. Hold your purse in both hands (if your natural inclination is to open the door). Then wait.

When you go back to get in the car. Stand outside. What is he gonna do? Drive off and leave you? Then if he makes an issue of it...then it's either a teachable moment or your sign to bounce.

I remember one of the biggest arguments I had with an ex was my opening my own doors. I was a feminist then...I know better now! LOL
 
I have no problem telling them, what they need to do. It is amazing how many guys don't have a clue what the SHOULD be doing when it comes to chivalry, my main issue is when walking with a male I should NEVER be on the outside so I will physically move them to the outside then tell them "a female is always supposed to be on the inside, what if a car splashes would u want me to get all wet, lol?" But seriously, whether its a date or just a male friend I take those moments as teachable moments and men learn better by doing...shoooo, I teach my son that he is never to leave my daughter walking on the outside of him and at 5 he tells her she needs to walk away from the street, he tells her she is supposed to wait for a "man" to open doors...lol, use those moments as teachable moments.
 
JustKiya said:
Wait until you watch a movie, or something, that shows a dude opening a door for his lady - preferably one where she reacts badly to it......

You then chime in with -

loveeyes.gif
Oh, I just love it when guys open the door for me - it's so chivalrous, and sometimes I wish I lived in more chivalrous times.

Then, the next time you are at a door, hang back a tiny bit. Enough where you could open the door, but he is closer to the door.

If he's paying attention to you - and he wants to impress you - he should pick up on it.

Rinse and repeat. :lachen:

I've given DH more 'hints' via watching TV shows/movies than a little bit - relationships, child care, family life, etc, etc, etc..... ;)
Click to expand...

And a great movie for this and ALL chivalrous behavior is Kate & Leopold with Hugh Jackman and Meg Ryan.
 
i was dating a guy and i told him that one thing that i found attractive about a man is a gentleman and he started opening the door and going out of his way to be more like what i described. i guess it was because he liked me. i appreciated his effort but i'm not really into him but i do believe if a guy wants to gain your attention he will do it.

on the other hand i was on a date with another guy long time ago and we got to his car, he was on his side and me on mine. I said "aren't you going to open the door for me?" His response...."It's open..." LOL. I was like ummmm i mean physically open MY door. He did it then but NEVER again. We stopped dating (not just because of that)
 
I hate those darn key fobs that automatically open the door. They are a great invention on one hand but as for teaching chilvary, they are the devil.

I have found that a good way to teach SS (14 now) is to allow DH to hit the button to unlock the door but then to wait & let SS physically open the door for me.


lkg4healthyhair said:
on the other hand i was on a date with another guy long time ago and we got to his car, he was on his side and me on mine. I said "aren't you going to open the door for me?" His response...."It's open..." LOL. I was like ummmm i mean physically open MY door. He did it then but NEVER again. We stopped dating (not just because of that)
Click to expand...
 
*twitch* That's one thing I can't do - I can't stand to wait for someone else to open the car door for me. :lol: I'm too impatient to wait for him to walk around the car. :lachen: Now, if it's a super special occasion, I might. I think I waited on our wedding day, but that was more cuz I needed help with the dress. :lol:
 
Well, sometimes actions can teach, other times, you may have to speak up. All of the other posts have been good suggestions. I usually fall back a little bit so the guy can open the door. I actually have a friend who is married who will NOT touch a door, EVEN if he's parking the car, she will stand there until he comes or someone else gets the door, LOL.

I went out on a date once and the guy didn't open the car door for me. I didn't say anything the first time that evening, but I told him on the second time getting back in the car, that I am used to guys opening the car door for me. He apologized and did it from that time forward. So I guess it depends on the guy with how you approach.
 
If you get to the door first, turn a bit towards him and don't open the door. keep on talking and smiling and being nice, and just wait. it will take a second but will feel longer. anyway that usually works for me. after that they don't forget.

same goes for letting him walk on the curb side of the street. I usually just slip on to the other side. after that he'll get it.


eta- waiting for him to open the door doesn't make you look like an idiot. (unless you're physically looking idiotic while you stand there. that's why I suggest you turn and talk to him, not just stand there and look at the door)

IMO it sends him the message you are to be treated a certain way, and that stuff adds up!
 
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