How Do You Stop Fantasizing?

emerald06

emerald06

New Member
Simple question. You're married and you want to stop fantasizing about another man.

In this scenario, there is no risk of cheating as that has been decided against from jump. You just can't keep the distracting thoughts away and you don't want to feel guilty.

Looking forward to your suggestions.
 
emerald06 said:
Simple question. You're married and you want to stop fantasizing about another man.

In this scenario, there is no risk of cheating as that has been decided against from jump. You just can't keep the distracting thoughts away and you don't want to feel guilty.

Looking forward to your suggestions.
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You can't stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop it from building a nest in your hair.

The thought may come into your head, but you don't dwell on it. Push the thought out with another thought, scripture, or whatever you choose to focus on.

After a while it will stop and you will stop remembering or thinking about it. That's how I control all my thoughts.
 
thoughts are fed. i've gone so far as to discontinue listening to certain music or watching certain things that lead my mind towards inappropriate thoughts. if i see the person regularly i limit those interactions. i don't eat cheesecake if i'm on a diet...you get the idea.

as for no possibility of action...a thought births an act, which can birth a habit, which can influence character.
 
Great advice ladies....:yep:

I'll also add some input because even though I'm not married, I once had to get over this guy who had broken my heart. I had mentally moved on from him, but emotionally and physically, I was still somewhat attracted to him.

Some things that helped me were:
-Imagining him in silly, stupid, or awkward clothes/costumes/situations that would be a DEFINITE turn-off for me.

So, for example, I imagined him in awful clothes, going to the bathroom, vomitting , embarrassing himself in public, etc. :nono: It may sound really SILLY to do, but trust me, not only will you get a LAUGH when you envision these scenarios with him in them, but you will also start to see that he's not so "sexy" anymore.....

It was silly, but it actually worked! :grin:
 
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Re- invest all that spent energy back into your relationship:yep:. Its one of those things that you have to stick with as it can take months I think.

One thing I noticed from the time I was in this situation was, because the other guy seemed so new and exiting, it in turn made my partner seem boring and old news. It was like my body was just empty when I was with him because all my emotion, desire and attention was focused on someone else.:ohwell:

If you try to think about the things you like about your current partner, how you met, what happened, what you first liked about them, maybe go back to a place that means something to both of you. Spice up the sex, make an effort. Force yourself on a daily basis, it can bring your attention back to DH/SO and stop the obssessing on the other man.

I've heard from people who have been married/very long term relationships, this really helped them get over their distractions. I also tried this a few times with my ex, it did work. However, I didn't stick with it and gave in to my thoughts. I was in a bad relationship/ low compatibility, so I liked my fantasy world tbh :look:

If I had a relationship and companionship worth saving, that is what I would do. Along with the other suggestions in the thread to do with avoidance.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Great advice ladies....:yep:

Some things that helped me were:
-Imagining him in silly, stupid, or awkward clothes/costumes/situations that would be a DEFINITE turn-off for me.

It was silly, but it actually worked! :grin:
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I agree. It helps to imagine them as human, in human situations. Often times we see people at their best, so it's easy to get caught up because they seem so perfect. Although, if you were actually with them, you would see that they are just as human as everyone else and actually not so glamorous.

Vanthie said:
Re- invest all that spent energy back into your relationship:yep:. Its one of those things that you have to stick with as it can take months I think.

One thing I noticed from the time I was in this situation was, because the other guy seemed so new and exiting, it in turn made my partner seem boring and old news. It was like my body was just empty when I was with him because all my emotion, desire and attention was focused on someone else.:ohwell:

If you try to think about the things you like about your current partner, how you met, what happened, what you first liked about them, maybe go back to a place that means something to both of you. Spice up the sex, make an effort. Force yourself on a daily basis, it can bring your attention back to DH/SO and stop the obssessing on the other man.

I've heard from people who have been married/very long term relationships, this really helped them get over their distractions.
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I've experienced the bolded and it really isn't fair to your partner. I just think of everything that I love about my SO and think about why I chose them in the first place. That always brings me back to the present in my relationship if my thoughts drift.
 
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