How do you stop being needy?

yuhlovevybz

yuhlovevybz

Well-Known Member
As people saw in my other thread, I have issues with staying with people who treat me wrong because I get clingy and needy. I don't know why, I feel like having someone will make me happy but a lot of the times it makes me hurt and feel lonely once they aren't around anymore. I end up in very, very bad situations because of this. I was sitting in my room today feeling absolutely devastated over a guy who never even treated me like a human being. Why would I even feel that way that I would want his company? I really start to think I have issues after awhile. I went to counselling but it didn't help. The woman just stared at me for 20 minutes and then told me I should cry. I do enough of that on my own I don't need for you to watch me do it.

Has anyone else ever had this problem? More importantly, how do you get over it and get past it. I try and I'm extremely happy for lapses of time, but then it goes away and I feel sad again. What do you do and how do you stop it before you meet another guy and get swept up in the same wave again....
 
Self. Self acceptance, self restraint, self worth, self exploration, self respect, self love.

How you act, react and allow people to treat you is a choice you make multiple times a day.

It starts and ends with you and the commitment to do better for yourself, not for a relationship, not for friends or family. You are your own best advocate. Get your mind right and the rest will follow.
 
Well, the only way to stop being needy is to get your needs met. What do you need out of life to be in balance again? Make a list and pursue it endlessly. Be clear and upfront about what you want and need.
 
Find another therapist, they are not all the same. A really good therapist can make a big difference.
 
I used to be this way for a long time. The root is low self-esteem. I co-sign on finding a better therapist. Also, it'll take time; don't expect to see results in a few weeks or even a few months. I also cosign on making a serious commitment to change.

The biggest way I got over this was to realize my worth. One you realize that you are worthy of (and capable of getting) a man who respects you and adores you, you won't settle for less. It has to come from within (i.e., a healthy self-esteem). No matter how many people tell you "You can do better than that jerk" ... if you don't have a healthy self-esteem, you won't believe it.
 
I agree set at therapy sounds like a good idea. But feel free to vent on here as necessary. I know I felt like you did at one point in time. Therapy helped, getting closer to God helped a lot. When I realized God loved me unconditionally, it gave me the freedom to love myself the same way. And once I started loving myself, I was able to accept that same love from others.

Bad relationships just didn't fit into to the life I had made for myself. It stopped making sense. I've come such a long way from back then, so I know it's possible for you.
 
Stop making these men responsible for YOUR happiness. Learn to love yourself, and know that God did not create you, so you could be somebody elses punch bag.
 
Loving and accepting yourself is key. And I mean deep love, compassion, appreciation, and understanding.
 
Cosigning with what others have said. I would also add that based on what you wrote before it sounds like you may be seeking validation from men in unhealthy ways and when they disappoint and/or reject it makes you feel unloved and even hungrier for validation from men.

It sounds simplistiic but it really is about knowing that you in and of yourself are enough. That you don't need a man to know your worth or feel valued. Once you get to the point of standing in your own self love and acceptance you can then be truly vulnerable and open in relationships in healthy ways.

A good therapist can help you sort some of it out or sometimes a good spiritual counslor depending on what resonates for you.
 
it took me a while but i began to realize that i deserve the best and its better to be alone than lonely. i have been celibate for almost 2 yrs and not dated much in that time.....its made things crystal clear to me. just a few years ago, i would try to work with men who weren't even worth my time. i've now been considering all i want in a mate on a mentally. physically and spiritual level and working on being the best person i can be. i have been concentrating on my life's purpose. as the ladies stated therapy is a great idea.....sometimes issues such as these are rooted in childhood or our early relationships with men. there is no true love without self love/acceptance. you cannot give or receive love fully without these.:yep:
 
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Yulovevybz, sounds like your trying to fill a lonely spot only God can fill. I was like that as a young person but the guy let me down, I was devastated, he was my dream, my world and I had no clue his heart was not with me. I ignored all the signs due to stars in my eyes. When I woke up I turned to the one who loved me most. He restored my self esteem and joy! I vowed to never allow anyone including husband to ever take GOd's spot again.
 
Continue to see your therapist. If you only went once, she was probably trying to get to know you. The first session is never how the rest goes. The first (sometimes the first two or three)is an intake session.

Therapy can help you explore the reasons why you stay with these men. You can do it on your own, but only you know if you can do that without some help.
 
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