Another thing, that is slightly related. Follow your gut. Let me tell you something...my dating life has improved since I stopped asking my girlfriends (aka the hen house) for advice. I only ask men about how men think. I go to my gf's for clarity on my end.
You might meet a guy and you may be on the fence about him, so what do you do? You go and ask your bestie and take her advice to heart (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). You will not know what works for you unless you give some guys a shot on your own terms.
You get to know the difference if you date enough.
I literally sat down one day and thought about the things I enjoyed about my exes. I wrote down the commonalities. I don't keep a list of things I don't like because I don't want to attract it. However, I do know my deal breakers off hand like smoking, drug dealing as a profession, doesn't have friends etc.
I wasn't sure about my non-negotiables at first either, but now I'm pretty sure thanks to socializing.
**There will sometimes be grey area, that's when you evaluate if the pros out weigh any particular cons. For example I'm seeing someone who has the traits on my list but is super duper busy. One of my main love languages is "quality time", so now I have to decide if I can work with this.
Thank you all. It's been great reading all your thoughts. The reason I asked this question is because sometimes you are not sure whether you compromised or settled. e.g many women say they would never marry a man with a child or who has been divorced. Then you meet a man who has been divorced and he comes correct with you, or you meet a man with one child who he takes care off, things didn't work out but the child's mother has moved on with her life and they've managed to work out their issues concerning the child. Some see getting with this man as a compromise while others see it as settling. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if this man does what you need him to do in order to be with you despite having these major bumps in his life?