How do you keep your cool when you REALLY like someone?

How old is he?

You said he wants to date but doesn't want a relationship. Are you okay with just dating him then for now knowing he's dating other people? If so how long are you willing to do that? These are things you have to decide for yourself and you may not know the answers now but they may become clearer as time progresses I think....

You need to be clear on what the two of you want/don't want before you can decide how to proceed IMO.
 
zzirvingj said:
You need to be clear on what the two of you want/don't want before you can decide how to proceed IMO.
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That right there.^^^

It seems like he wants to be single, yet have you on lock. Um, it doesn't work that way bro. If you are just going to see him casually, I would stay away from your home and his home. Some how "casual" in a person's home usually ends up in the bed, on the floor or on the couch. KWIM
 
Fine 4s said:
I hear ya ThickHair LOL!

Problem is, I'm super lazy and busy during the week with long 12 hour days so really, I'd prefer lying up in a bed too! Throw in some kisses and hugs and I'm good LOL
I can't quite balance my desire with what's BEST for me...I'm not sure he wants to keep me on lock actually. I think he knows I'll be dating too but maybe it's a risk he doesn't mind taking :S I guess, I don't think it's a bad thing that he wants to date giving his situation and in fact, it's probably best that he stays single and/or dates others before attempting to be with me anyway...get it all out of your system boo.

But you two are right, I need to be CLEAR what we both want. BUT aren't those talks usually the ones that push them away? I don't want to seem pushy. My male bf tells me that I should play it cool and that in HIS experience the women that men end up wifing up are those that never raised the issue of 'where is this going?' Wouldn't it be best to chill for a bit before having that kind of talk. Personally, after the summer, I think if he wants to play around still, I can KIM no love lost just bad timing and lack of desire I guess...

Thanks ladies!!!!!
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Stop being lazy. If this is all you want from this friendship with him then so be it. Now just think if you start a relationship with him, he will think all the other stuff you did with him ie "Being Lazy" was cool. Then you could possibly start a thread about, my man never takes me out, he always wants to chill in the house, he is so lazy. Well, you never required him to take you out. You are setting yourself up, if in the future you want a relationship with this dude. I would treat him like a girlfriend. Do you lay up in the bed with your girlfriends, just because you are lazy? At this point in time he is a friend, don't let him smell the cookie, because he will eventually get hungry.

Please, please don't tell me he is different. Most straight men will smell the cookie for a while but eventually he will want to eat some.
 
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It sounds like you want something more serious than he does and it sounds like you are interested in him for long term commitment more than he wants that with you.

Just my opinion. You've held onto him (in your heart) all these years and he's never committed to you. Let him go and find someone more serious who wants what you want.

After you cut off this cuddle and long convo thing, when and if he is ever ready, he will pursue you in the right way. If not, someone worth it will. You definitely don't want to be just another 'side piece' which is the direction this will eventually take.
 
I really think you are in for more confusion, disapointment and frustration. How about just being friends for now?
 
Man speak translation:
"I don't want anyone getting hurt" =
I want to smash, but I have no intention of making a commitment to you. SO if you give me the cookie, I will gladly tear it up... but that's it and that's all. So don't come crying when I dog you out, because you have had advance notice that all I want is booty."
 
CurlyMoo said:
I really think you are in for more confusion, disapointment and frustration. How about just being friends for now?
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I agree. What is your end goal? If you want to casually date him then fine, but if your eventual goal is marriage and children then I'd say pass on him.

I know how hard that will be since y'all already reconnected and are intimate to some level.

How long will you wait for him? Are you supposed to put your relationship life on hold while he "comes around" to wanting a relationship again?

Please don't play with your emotions, you might get burned:nono:
 
Fine 4s said:
I hear it loud and clear ladies.....
OK...now onto the transition which will be oh so hard....
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What is going to be so hard about it? Really if you don't visit each other at each other's home's 90% of the problems will be out the window. Fine 4s, you are making this hard on yourself because you really want to be with this dude, he just doesn't feel the same way.
 
Fine 4s said:
I hear ya ThickHair LOL!

Problem is, I'm super lazy and busy during the week with long 12 hour days so really, I'd prefer lying up in a bed too! Throw in some kisses and hugs and I'm good LOL
I can't quite balance my desire with what's BEST for me...I'm not sure he wants to keep me on lock actually. I think he knows I'll be dating too but maybe it's a risk he doesn't mind taking :S I guess, I don't think it's a bad thing that he wants to date giving his situation and in fact, it's probably best that he stays single and/or dates others before attempting to be with me anyway...get it all out of your system boo.

But you two are right, I need to be CLEAR what we both want. BUT aren't those talks usually the ones that push them away? I don't want to seem pushy. My male bf tells me that I should play it cool and that in HIS experience the women that men end up wifing up are those that never raised the issue of 'where is this going?' Wouldn't it be best to chill for a bit before having that kind of talk. Personally, after the summer, I think if he wants to play around still, I can KIM no love lost just bad timing and lack of desire I guess...

Thanks ladies!!!!!
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Is your male bf married?

I understand what he's saying and I can even relate to bringing up this subject and things going "downhill" from there. But if a relationship goes downhill based on a person wanting to know where it's going, I'd be willing to bet it was going to head downhill at some point anyway.

Ya'll are adults so having such a conversation when it's appropriate to do so should be expected. Time is on the man's side; it's not on ours...they can wait longer to make decisions about being with someone.

I read an article recently that stated that alot of married women were the ones to bring up the subject of marriage first with their SO's. Every experience is different. I've been in your shoes so I can relate; everyone will give you different advice about what to do but like I said earlier it all comes down to what you want...

Best of luck!
 
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