How Do You Break Away From A Friend Or Acquaintance?

Fine 4s

Fine 4s

Well-Known Member
And before you answer..."you just do" here's my real problem.
Is it possible to keep someone who brings negative vibes at a distance but not completely cut off. Or is it best to just cut them off. The negative vibes are such where anything and everything about you is fodder for gossiping about you.

What say you? I'm thinking more and more about the saying about the company you keep....
 
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Hi, go with your feeling on this.

I've had to take a step back from a friend 20+ years repeatedly told me that I was an after thought and she was too busy to return my calls.

BUT - when she called it was always because she needed something.

I don't think you need confirmation to go with your gut on this one. You can see the writing on this. If you go, you will get upset. Why willingly pay to upset yourself.
 
Don’t go. Trust your gut. If you go, you’ll be hyper alert and drive yourself crazy trying to dissect everything that person says to you.

Plus when details of their discussions come out, you won’t be involved because you weren’t there.
 
vVzMDMB.gif
 
2019 I will not let negative, controlling, manipulative, downlow haters have the privilege of being in my life outside of work hours! If friends or foe want to be around me, they need to get a large bottle of “ACT RIGHT or GET RIGHT” or I have my bottle of “GET LOST!!!”
 
itsallaboutattitude said:
Hi, go with your feeling on this.

I've had to take a step back from a friend 20+ years repeatedly told me that I was an after thought and she was too busy to return my calls.

BUT - when she called it was always because she needed something.

I don't think you need confirmation to go with your gut on this one. You can see the writing on this. If you go, you will get upset. Why willingly pay to upset yourself.
Click to expand...
I am glad to read your comment.. I did the same, well sort of, I dont communicate with long time friend... We still sometimes send each other holiday texts, for me its like a group text... Eitherway, i am commenting because a sentence that got me was, she only reaches out if needs something... I knew the friendship would wither because she never reached out, so thats that... oh yea he wants to do Brunch after last text.. I thought about it, but yea its going to be a no... Eventhough looking for girlfriends, have a lot of guy friends... #rambling


Back to OP: Are you good at putting people on ignore?
 
@Fine 4s I know you don’t want to hear “you just do it”, but that really is it. You have to cut her off... There isn’t much anyone can say to make you not care or feel guilty, initially. You just have to let those feelings pass. And they will, once you begin to reap the benefits of not having this toxic person in your life. Know with your head that you’re making the right decision and push through whatever negative feelings you attach to it.

And she is most likely going to talk crap about you. If anyone comes to tell you with what she is saying, tell them that you don’t want to hear it and you don’t care. If they don’t respect that, they may need to be next on your list.
 
Find a group of people who are also not interested in toxic relationships.

If I was actual close friends with my other coworkers then I would go and not sit near said person. I lean this way because this is a scheduled agreed upon dinner date. One night won’t make or break me and I’d stop making plans with her after that.

I would especially do this if I was at a point in my life when that person no longer has a hold on me. I.e. when they start flexing instead of responding to what they are saying I’m mostly just sorry for them.

Moving forward plan your own stuff without the toxic person. I.e. invite the people who you really like to a dinner date at your place or a restaurant.

If your coworkers are really cool with this person they probably are “birds of a feather” and you aren’t seeing it or they are followers who need a strong personality to latch on to. If they object to going to an event without the toxic person they likely fall into one of these categories.
 
Do you realize she probably talks about you now? What difference is her talking about you going to make? Does she have a heaven or hell to put you in? Look inside yourself to see why you think you need validation from someone who isn't even your friend. If she's at the top of your list of people that you want nothing to do with, that's all the motivation you need.

Be more willing to fight for yourself. It is 100% okay to say "this is just not working for me". You don't even have to tell her that. Just tell that to yourself until you do not feel guilty for doing what's best for you.
 
@AnjelLuvs
I don't usually and it would be hard for me to do. I don't like or want to do anything intentionally harsh to anyone. If I know that I am doing something to hurt someone, I feel guilty and go into this I'm-a-horrible-person-phase-of-self-flagellation.
@Browndilocks Thank you!
I will keep re-reading all these posts.

Please do not quote - more vulnerability.
 
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I had a similar situation, with a girlfriend I went to college with and we stop being friends due to her always needing something from me and the other group of women. I notice when we would get together it would turn into them gossiping about her. I do not engage in gossiping about former friends or ex's, in any situation. I learned a lot about myself and eventually got a new group of friends. I will say go to the dinner and enjoy and be cordial. Just going forward to let those know, you would like to not be considered for any events, to where the other party is involved. I agree with most of the women comments on here, toxic friendships are just that and you have to put yourself first. I stay far away from people that try to involve me in mess, and eventually as time passes girl it will become so easy that you won't feel the effects of those types of people being in your space, because you won't allow it.
 
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Browndilocks said:
Do you realize she probably talks about you now? What difference is her talking about you going to make? Does she have a heaven or hell to put you in? Look inside yourself to see why you think you need validation from someone who isn't even your friend. If she's at the top of your list of people that you want nothing to do with, that's all the motivation you need.

Be more willing to fight for yourself. It is 100% okay to say "this is just not working for me". You don't even have to tell her that. Just tell that to yourself until you do not feel guilty for doing what's best for you.
Click to expand...
I just had to quote this because Browndilocks is making so much sense. People like the lady you are dealing with are what I call "negative vibe merchants." I'm sure your life will be richer without her. I got rid of my negative vibe merchant almost four years ago. I haven't missed that cow at all. I regret that I gave her sorry butt as much ear space as I did.
 
Browndilocks said:
Do you realize she probably talks about you now? What difference is her talking about you going to make? Does she have a heaven or hell to put you in? Look inside yourself to see why you think you need validation from someone who isn't even your friend. If she's at the top of your list of people that you want nothing to do with, that's all the motivation you need.

Be more willing to fight for yourself. It is 100% okay to say "this is just not working for me". You don't even have to tell her that. Just tell that to yourself until you do not feel guilty for doing what's best for you.
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Wish I could like this 1 million times!!!! @Fine 4s, life is too short, you gave this chick more energy than she deserved in your 20's - don't repeat that mistake in this phase of your life.
 
Best phrase I borrowed from... Mariah Carey... yes crazy Mariah... is.... “I don’t know her”. I repeat that to myself regarding those toxic co-workers. And.... if anyone should ask me about her, guess what.... “I don’t know her”. Now, if only I could add the meme, to my post.
 
GetHappy2014 said:
Best phrase I borrowed from... Mariah Carey... yes crazy Mariah... is.... “I don’t know her”. I repeat that to myself regarding those toxic co-workers. And.... if anyone should ask me about her, guess what.... “I don’t know her”. Now, if only I could add the meme, to my post.
Click to expand...
giphy.gif


For emphasis and to provide visual context. :lol:

But yeah, she ain't worth it. Do the slow fade and let her go.
 
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