How do let him know I'm serious.

Au-natural

Au-natural

Well-Known Member
I told him it was over. I wanted to be single again... it may come across to him as if I'm crying wolf but this is the 3rd major lie and I'm hurt as hell. Problem- we live together, we have a child together and although I want it to work I can't trust him. He thinks in over reacting by saying its over but how to I let him see how I feel and understand that I may be gone for good?

excuse the typos... its the phone.
 
Well as of now to leave our home would be hard. Everything is split down the middle bills, phone plan, everything. I have kicked him out before and he slept in his car for a week thwmen went to my brothers house. He is not the type who would fight for the relationship. He is more of the type to fight to call my bluff.

excuse the typos... its the phone.
 
He's on the couch. I actually left with my daughter yesterday and didn't come home. He didn't call to even see if me or his child was alright.

excuse the typos... its the phone.
 
CDW said:
Actions speaks louder than words.....there has to be some action behind "its over!"
Click to expand...

I know. I just feel like what's next? Me spending extra money to stay at a hotel? I have to work with him. I wake up at 4am to go to work. He drops our daughter off at the sitter while I'm at work then he goes to work at 2pm. I pick her up at 6 and so on... we just signed our lease in March so moving is not an option.

excuse the typos... its the phone.
 
You have to make a plan to unsplit the expenses, then. As long as you two are still there you look like you aren't saying anything but "woof." Which, if you aren't right now looking to move on and find somewhere to live without him, you are.
 
Au-natural said:
I know. I just feel like what's next? Me spending extra money to stay at a hotel? I have to work with him. I wake up at 4am to go to work. He drops our daughter off at the sitter while I'm at work then he goes to work at 2pm. I pick her up at 6 and so on... we just signed our lease in March so moving is not an option.

excuse the typos... its the phone.
Click to expand...


Ok....you need an exit strategy. Maybe not short-term but certainly by the time that lease is up. You CANNOT have sex with him during this period. He will not take you serious if you continue to sleep with him. Since you can't leave, you have to show him in other ways: cut out sex, don't cook for him, do laundry, etc. treat him like a room-mate. This is how you have to deal with him during the interim.

But please start thinking about March 2012.
 
Here is a plan....

look for a new job IMMEDIATELY!
look for a new place to stay that you can afford....
don't talk to him for a few months....NO contact whatsoever....
he'll get it then...
then you can talk about visitation with your child....

otherwise you're just going to continue to be full of excuses....if you really want out....get the hell out!
 
CDW said:
Ok....you need an exit strategy. Maybe not short-term but certainly by the time that lease is up. You CANNOT have sex with him during this period. He will not take you serious if you continue to sleep with him. Since you can't leave, you have to show him in other ways: cut out sex, don't cook for him, do laundry, etc. treat him like a room-mate. This is how you have to deal with him during the interim.

But please start thinking about March 2012.
Click to expand...

See, that would be the norm. We fit in sex when we can fit it into our schedules, I only cook when we're off together... besides he's a chef and he has more time in the day so he does laundry and ill meet him to help when I get off. We where really building a life together and I thought we were both honest with what we wanted. I was waiting for a proposal... but he has once again shown me he I can't trust him... and he that he doesn't care abt what we where trying to build because he wont fight to keep me or he may think I'm bluffing and I'm gonna cave.

excuse the typos... its the phone.
 
He visited his ex girlfriend who came into town. I found out by seeing a picture that she took of him when they where together and tagged, that He untagged and tried to hide from me. He lied ant seeing her then he lied ant the photo, he lied abt trying to delete it...

excuse the typos... its the phone.
 
Au-natural said:
He visited his ex girlfriend who came into town. I found out by seeing a picture that she took of him when they where together and tagged, that He untagged and tried to hide from me. He lied ant seeing her then he lied ant the photo, he lied abt trying to delete it...

excuse the typos... its the phone.
Click to expand...

Wow Au-natural, that was really disrespectful of him. If my boyfriend were to do something like that, I would wonder if he still had feelings for his ex. It would also make me think that he would want to be with her. I don't see how he would want to jeapordize his relationship with you to go and see his ex girlfriends. Did he say why he went to see his ex?
 
Find someone to take over his or your half of the lease. That is, you both get new roommates and live apart. It's going to be hard to convince anybody, including him, that it's over if you're living together.

But do you really want it to be, or do you hope he'll see you leaving and promise to do better?
 
Or if you have a relative nearby, or friend, see if you can stay with them until the end of the lease and plan and prepare to get your own place. That way you are truly staying in separate places. By your "how do I let him know I may be gone"...you're already saying "maybe". Leaving is not a bluff. If you do it, you do it. You don't hope he comes after you. You leave. If he does, then great, if not you move on. You can't make a guy fight for you. If he does great, perhaps he'll get his ish together...that is if you trust him enough for that, if not, then you're moving on to greener pastures. And you're puting your focus on your daughter, and building a future for the both of you instead of including him in it.
 
I think you should stop saying you want it over. The only way to say that is to separate! I used to say that to my ex, I was like "If things dont change I am out..." Got my self sorted and within three months I as outta there. I dont make idle threats. He was speechless. He thought I just need some "space", and I was like well "watch this space then":lol: I dont like liars and one to many strikes on major trust breaking lies is enough for me to want out.

Is it possible for you to leave or for him to leave. Either way you will have to sort yourself out and figure out how you are going to handle bills if these are split between you at the moment. Get your head together before you make a life changing decision for your and your child.
 
ITA with luckiestdestiny I had to move in with relatives when me and my ex split up, we had a lease and I knew I couldn't afford both places, so until such a time when I could, I lived with a relative. Is your name on the lease? Then I would NOT advise just up and moving unless you can work something else out, you don't want that negatively impacting your credit score. And when you say you work together, you mean you actually work together at the same place? Exes can work together, if you like your job and you are building a career there, then I wouldn't just leave...I made that mistake (lol) good luck to you, only YOU know where your relationship is going.
 
Au-natural

you need to work something out with friends or relatives to keep your baby and pickup another job or 2 ( part or full-time) so you can stockpile you money and get outta there. for as long as you live with him he knows not to take you seriously and thinks that things will blow over and be back to the way they were. i know you think it maybe hard to do thinks on your own/starting over but it can be done, people do it everyday. is your name on the lease? how old is your child? children sense everything no matter how small they are, if they are bigger you are setting up a situation to have them believe that they can disrespect or be disrespected by a SO later on in life.....i've seen scenarios such as these too many times to count. i wish you well and i know that you are angry, hurt and disappointed but in time you'll be just fine.

i am also wondering what's going on with you that you don't deem yourself worthy of receiving respect. may i suggest you picking up a copies of you can heal your life, 101 power thoughts, and anger releasing all by the author louise hay. these also come in an audiobook format so you could listen to them in the morning on the way to work and at night before bed. i am also a fan of the authors wayne dyer, iyanla vanzant, and ester & jerry hicks. its time you reprogram your thinking cause our thoughts truly shape our reality. you and everyone the world over deserves the best of everything.:yep:
 
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Au-natural said:
I told him it was over. I wanted to be single again... it may come across to him as if I'm crying wolf but this is the 3rd major lie and I'm hurt as hell. Problem- we live together, we have a child together and although I want it to work I can't trust him. He thinks in over reacting by saying its over but how to I let him see how I feel and understand that I may be gone for good?
Click to expand...

Au-natural said:
See, that would be the norm. We fit in sex when we can fit it into our schedules, I only cook when we're off together... besides he's a chef and he has more time in the day so he does laundry and ill meet him to help when I get off. We where really building a life together and I thought we were both honest with what we wanted. I was waiting for a proposal... but he has once again shown me he I can't trust him... and he that he doesn't care abt what we where trying to build because he wont fight to keep me or he may think I'm bluffing and I'm gonna cave.
Click to expand...
OP, I'm no relationship guru, so I'm just asking a question.

Are you really serious? You said "I may be gone for good." and twice you mentioned that he wasn't fighting for you or the relationship.

So are you truly done and ready to be outta there? Or do you just want him to think you are serious so that he will change for the better in order to get you to stay?
 
Definitely agree that actions speak louder than words. As long as you continue to make excuses for why you can't leave he won't take you seriously. :nono:
 
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