How do I have this conversation?

[blkbeauty0866]

Ok Ladies~

A little background. I'm a Christian woman who has a co-worker I consider a friend. She is a minister. She is married to a man with a terminal illness (who lives at home). She has 3 disabled children. She is having an affair. This affair has her behaving out of character - to say the least, she has done some FOUL THINGS...(ie..man in her house, around her children. vacationing with him at another co-workers vacation home, and he's a Jehovah witness ) She knows how I feel about it, I try to encourage her to end the affair. I pray for her. I do not judge her, cuz I don't have a heaven or hell to put her in. But I do judge/hate the sin. Here's my dilemma;

She has asked me to be her "armour bearer" for a preaching engagement on tomorrow. I want to support her, but knowing what I know, I don't want to annouce to the church that I support her as a minister because right now, IN MY OPINION she is not suppose to be preaching. I've never been an armour bearer and I'm not even sure why she wants me to be hers.

I love her, but I'm scared to tell her the reason why I'm declining, cuz I don't want to hurt her. I dont want to come off judgemental either. I'm not sure how to have this conversation, however I'm sure I don't want to do this. I thought about telling her I was ill and couldn't make it. However, I think this is a conversation I need to have with her.
Please help me.

Thanks in advance,
BBeauty

 

[OhmyKimB]

Pray. But however tell her the reasons that you are not comfortable doing this for her. Ask her to forgive you if you hurt her in anyway but you cannot support as a minister right now. Only as a friend.

 

[blkbeauty0866]

Thank you for your reply Beyond Blessed. Asking her to forgive me for hurting her is so key, that is what I was missing.

Thank you

 

[Shimmie]

Pray. But however tell her the reasons that you are not comfortable doing this for her.

Ask her to forgive you if you hurt her in anyway but you cannot support as a minister right now.

Only as a friend.

Beautiful advise.... Absolutely beautiful. :Rose:

 

[Laela]

Hi, blkbeauty,

It's clear you've made up your mind so I can understand your dilemma with the approach. You know your friend better than we do, but I agree with BeyondBlessed that asking her to forgive you before you explain is a reasonable approach. She, as your friend, should be able to respect your wish that you do not do something you don't want to do. That's what love is about.

God bless

Ok Ladies~

I don't want to annouce to the church that I support her as a minister because right now, IN MY OPINION she is not suppose to be preaching. I've never been an armour bearer and I'm not even sure why she wants me to be hers.
....
I'm not sure how to have this conversation, however I'm sure I don't want to do this.

Thanks in advance,
BBeauty

 

[blkbeauty0866]

Laela,

This Christian walk is hard enough. I feel that I cannot miss this opportunity to stand up and please God. There are enough instances DAILY in my life that I have to repent for, if we know better we should do better, right?


God bless you!

 

[Laela]

Absolutely

I've put myself in this position and, honestly, I would not be her armour bearer. Showing any support of her ministry knowing that she is doing things that don't line up with the Word of God would make my action hypocritical to me. I'd still be her friend but she'd get a lot of talk and Scripture; approaching her with love is what's critical. The Bible says we should not hate another in our hearts but to rebuke so as not to share their guilt.

Laela,

This Christian walk is hard enough. I feel that I cannot miss this opportunity to stand up and please God. There are enough instances DAILY in my life that I have to repent for, if we know better we should do better, right?


God bless you!

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

Ok Ladies~


She has asked me to be her "armour bearer" for a preaching engagement on tomorrow. I want to support her, but knowing what I know, I don't want to annouce to the church that I support her as a minister because right now, IN MY OPINION she is not suppose to be preaching. I've never been an armour bearer and I'm not even sure why she wants me to be hers.

I

That's very tough. But if she openly told about her affairs...I'd be upfront with her. You are declining because you cannot support her deception. How is a minister going to help me and they are creeping on the side??? Why does she need support for her ministry? Is she wanting to become head pastor?

Don't be afraid, she needs to be confronted with the truth. I'd probably distance myself as well from her..be a friend but not run in the same circles. Our friends and their behaviors can affect our own lives. I feel sorry because, well, she's deceiving herself and others...and was so unhappy in her marriage. Stress from terminal illness can do crazy things to people...to the family. You need to confront her with scripture so she can see clearly.

 

[Laela]

You went straight for the jugular.. I love it!

I'm glad you added that last line... because:

"Bad company corrupts good character." 1 Corin 15:33

I think what's hard for her (OP please correct me if I'm wrong) is that she has an established friendship and isn't getting into a new one. Then there's the circumstances surrounded her friend's life. A terminally ill hubby and disabled children is a lot on one's plate. That's not to justify an affair. Oh, no. Wrong is wrong.
But some compassion may be needed in a situation like that. There's always the possibility of her being repentant and stopping the affair. If she's not planning to or doesn't care, that's a whole other ball game...
Yes, some distancing is good, moreso to protect the OP's relationship with Christ (and to take a stand for God) than anything else.

OP - Does her husband know? Are you close to your friend's children?

That's very tough. But if she openly told about her nasty affairs...I'd be upfront with her. You are declining because you cannot support her deception. How is a minister going to help me and they are creeping on the side??? Why does she need support for her ministry? Is she wanting to become head pastor?

Don't be afraid, she needs to be confronted with the truth. I'd probably distance myself as well from her. Our friends and their behaviors can affect our own lives.

 

[brg240]

I think you need to bring it to the leadership at her church honestly.

I just read this earlier today.

"17The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching. 18For the Scripture says, "Do not muzzle the ox while it is treading out the grain," and "The worker deserves his wages." 19Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses. 20Those who sin are to be rebuked publicly, so that the others may take warning. " - I Timothy 5:20 (NIV)​

Please don't feel bad, because you are doing nothing wrong. I think you should tell her that you can't support her while she is in sin. You still love her and will pray for her but you standing with her isn't something you can do.