c*c*chic*
Well-Known Member
UPDATE! how do I deal with this?
Ok so here we go....whew.... lol
I met this guy in october of 07 it was the best thing since ceramic hot plates to me. He's a sweetheart, charming, well mannered yada yada yada, ya'll know the spewl. at the time I had just gotten out of a relationship that last off and on for 5 years with a guy who was a born again geek that wanted to be a pimp fro mthe payers club
aka hot mess. so at the time I wasn't looking for a relationship, i was at a point in my life where I just wanted to have fun. for the first 2 months we would go out twice a week and just have a time. right around christmas we had sex for the first time. In the beginning we both were content with not wanting to do the relationship thing. I let him know where I stood and he let me know where he stood. He had also gotten out of a year and a half relationship 2 months before he and I met. At the time I planned on leaving to move to florida in 08 so I didnt really expect for things to last this long. since then he's told me that he loves me and has made jokes like "you ever heard that saying that says something like "if you ever wanna know what your wife is gonna look like when she gets older, look at her mom"? your mom is a cutie!" he's also discussed marriage but I didn't go in too deep with him. didnt see the logic in that.
fast forward to three months ago He and I had the relationship talk. I told him that this situation we have was cool with me but now I want more. I want a commitment. I told him, after such and such time you know what you want and what you don't want. I understand what we spoke on in the beginning but things are different now and if you don't want to be with me that's fine I respect that but let me know so I know how to make my next move. I didn't say it in an angry or rude way I was just real about it, no sugar coating. I find that that's the best way for them to understand. He told me he wasn't ready so I said "well, it's been fun, i'll always have love for you, we had good times but I deserve better. Im not mad at you, I've learned alot from you. You're the only man who has taken time out to listen to me and get to really know me. You're the only one who's always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on and i'll always love you for that. but this can't continue" he said he understood my decision and that he still loved me and he hopes we can still be friends. For about 3 weeks we didn't really speak, lil bits and pieces of texts but that was it. So he hits me up on a tuesday morning telling me how he's gonna tell my mom how her daughter kicked him to the curb, he said it jokingly but i knew he was still feeling some type of way. I told him, if you tell her that she's just going to ask you what did u do. but seriously no 1 kicked you to the curb, you took a cab there. I didn't like where things weren't going between us so I did what I had to." he went on to say "but I loved you and you know it" i replied " did i? cuz I thought a man who loved me would committ to me?" he told me I was right but he wasnt ready right now, things just werent right. I didn't push the convo in that direction anymore because I didn't want to stir up anymore hurt.
Now, I spoke to one of my very close male friends to see what he thought about this and his response was "theres a big chance that he does love you but when a man says things just arent right it means that the timing could be off meaning, maybe his money isnt right or he isnt at a level in his career where he feels like he can court a woman and do all the things a man should for her. he has to feel like a man. so for the time being, if you really love this man, stick it out for a little while longer but DONT give him things that he isn't supposed to get. keep ur cookie in the jar and make him prove his love for you". and when I thought about it, it kind of made sense, as far as the job/timing thing. He works 7 days a week and he has child. right now im torn. I love him and i dont know what to do! all advice is welcomed!!!
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UPDATE!
Well ladies it's done for good. I sent him an email letting him know where I stood and what I wanted. I let him know that I'm done and IF he does decide to come back it'll only go down On MY terms and my terms only. It's gonna hurt for a few days but I'll be fine.
Ok so here we go....whew.... lol
I met this guy in october of 07 it was the best thing since ceramic hot plates to me. He's a sweetheart, charming, well mannered yada yada yada, ya'll know the spewl. at the time I had just gotten out of a relationship that last off and on for 5 years with a guy who was a born again geek that wanted to be a pimp fro mthe payers club
aka hot mess. so at the time I wasn't looking for a relationship, i was at a point in my life where I just wanted to have fun. for the first 2 months we would go out twice a week and just have a time. right around christmas we had sex for the first time. In the beginning we both were content with not wanting to do the relationship thing. I let him know where I stood and he let me know where he stood. He had also gotten out of a year and a half relationship 2 months before he and I met. At the time I planned on leaving to move to florida in 08 so I didnt really expect for things to last this long. since then he's told me that he loves me and has made jokes like "you ever heard that saying that says something like "if you ever wanna know what your wife is gonna look like when she gets older, look at her mom"? your mom is a cutie!" he's also discussed marriage but I didn't go in too deep with him. didnt see the logic in that.fast forward to three months ago He and I had the relationship talk. I told him that this situation we have was cool with me but now I want more. I want a commitment. I told him, after such and such time you know what you want and what you don't want. I understand what we spoke on in the beginning but things are different now and if you don't want to be with me that's fine I respect that but let me know so I know how to make my next move. I didn't say it in an angry or rude way I was just real about it, no sugar coating. I find that that's the best way for them to understand. He told me he wasn't ready so I said "well, it's been fun, i'll always have love for you, we had good times but I deserve better. Im not mad at you, I've learned alot from you. You're the only man who has taken time out to listen to me and get to really know me. You're the only one who's always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on and i'll always love you for that. but this can't continue" he said he understood my decision and that he still loved me and he hopes we can still be friends. For about 3 weeks we didn't really speak, lil bits and pieces of texts but that was it. So he hits me up on a tuesday morning telling me how he's gonna tell my mom how her daughter kicked him to the curb, he said it jokingly but i knew he was still feeling some type of way. I told him, if you tell her that she's just going to ask you what did u do. but seriously no 1 kicked you to the curb, you took a cab there. I didn't like where things weren't going between us so I did what I had to." he went on to say "but I loved you and you know it" i replied " did i? cuz I thought a man who loved me would committ to me?" he told me I was right but he wasnt ready right now, things just werent right. I didn't push the convo in that direction anymore because I didn't want to stir up anymore hurt.
Now, I spoke to one of my very close male friends to see what he thought about this and his response was "theres a big chance that he does love you but when a man says things just arent right it means that the timing could be off meaning, maybe his money isnt right or he isnt at a level in his career where he feels like he can court a woman and do all the things a man should for her. he has to feel like a man. so for the time being, if you really love this man, stick it out for a little while longer but DONT give him things that he isn't supposed to get. keep ur cookie in the jar and make him prove his love for you". and when I thought about it, it kind of made sense, as far as the job/timing thing. He works 7 days a week and he has child. right now im torn. I love him and i dont know what to do! all advice is welcomed!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
UPDATE!
Well ladies it's done for good. I sent him an email letting him know where I stood and what I wanted. I let him know that I'm done and IF he does decide to come back it'll only go down On MY terms and my terms only. It's gonna hurt for a few days but I'll be fine.
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) Do what you have to do and move on. JMHO.
I'm in the exact situation... I mean EXACT. I've fallen back 
