How aggressively must a dude pursue you for you to take a bite?

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
Okay so I know virtually every lady on here is a dime piece that has to beat the men off with a stick. I get that.

But I'm wondering . . . did anyone here find that their relationship didn't result from their SO chasing them down and wooing them for months and months? I mean, does the man always have to *fight* to be in a relationship with you?

Can lukewarm interest bubble up into a deep, passionate, abiding love?

Signed,

A Chick Who Guys Have to "Get to Know" Before They Want Her :rolleyes:
 
He can be as aggressive as he wants. If I ain't feeling him, then he won't get anywhere...period. I either like him or I don't.

I let my current SO chase me, you know...initiate phone calls, dates, etc., but did he have to "wear me down?" Nope...we had a mutual attraction to each other from day one.
 
A man can be lightly persistent and help me focus on his potential. By persistent, I mean that he's proactive about arranging dates. He calls intermittently yet regularly to say hello, doesn't stay on my phone long, but keeps himself relevant. He is proactive about learning about my interests and keeps things fresh and light.

I find aggressive men to be annoying and can't help but think its a sign of desperation - why would anyone want someone who doesn't want you in return?!
 
Syrah said:
A man can be lightly persistent and help me focus on his potential.... but keeps himself relevant. He is proactive about learning about my interests and keeps things fresh and light.
!
Click to expand...

I like a man who knows exactly what he wants.
I figure if a man is into me, he'll arrange dates, and phone me regularly (like everyday)... keep himself fresh in my mind... if not everyday, there is some form of contact.. like an email....
 
Well, not very aggressively. But I just like regular contact, whether by phone calls or dates. If he's not trying to do any of that on a regular basis, then on to the next, because obviously he's not interested in me.

Now, like MaiTai said, if I'm not attracted to him in any way, then it doesn't matter what he does.
 
chocolat79 said:
Well, not very aggressively. But I just like regular contact, whether by phone calls or dates. If he's not trying to do any of that on a regular basis, then on to the next, because obviously he's not interested in me.

Now, like MaiTai said, if I'm not attracted to him in any way, then it doesn't matter what he does.
Click to expand...

Exactly. He should definitely show interest but guys that are TOO aggressive turn me off. Makes me think they have stalker potential. The minute I feel like they're overdoing it, I shut down.
 
If I'm not interested him aggressively pursuing me is a turn off. There has to be some attraction on my part to him for me to welcome his pursuit.
 
Not too aggressively. If I like him, then I like him and he won't need to 'wear me down'. Please don't do that, sir :lol:
 
If I'm not interested, it doesn't matter how aggressively a guy pursues me. I have to feel something. But even if I'm interested, if a guy comes on too strong I'll get creeped out so there needs to be a balance.
 
There are a few guys who are pursuing me aggressively as we speak, every morning the "good morning" text calling when I get off, asking for dates etc. I don't like any of them like that, so they are wasting their time actually...I know I should tell them to stop it but my often declination and minimal feedback should be notice enough.

But to answer the question, I'm with the ladies above if I don't feel an authentic connection it doesn't matter how hard you pursue.
 
Pretty Brown Eyes said:
If I'm not interested him aggressively pursuing me is a turn off. There has to be some attraction on my part to him for me to welcome his pursuit.
Click to expand...

:yep: Agreed. Typically men dont have to chase/wear me down- I dont play hard to get because I don't like games. If I'm into and attracted to the guy pursuing me then I will respond to his advances. If not then they are wasting thier time.
 
I don't think many are really answering Glib's core question. :lachen:

She doesn't really want to know what's the maximum level of aggressiveness that you find tolerable. She wants to know what's the minimum amount of persistence, courtship, pursuit, etc, you are willing to accept from a man.

Glib, I am not a dime piece, "that girl", or whatever else. However, I do not respond to lukewarm romantic interest from men. If a guy wants to hang out on a friendly basis, and I enjoy his company and have nothing better to do, fine, I can hang, and he doesn't have to contact me regularly, etc. But if he wants to take it to the next level with me, he has to express strong interest and some degree of persistence. Anything else would require too much hard work on my part, and keep me on edge and insecure.
 
I don't think you have to be a dime piece to need a stick to keep the men away. All you need is to be female and men will always be pursuing you no matter what.

If a guy isn't interested in the beginning, it can grow into something more but I wouldn't bet on it. A lot of women hang around a guy, calling themselves friends, secretly hoping that it turns into something more. Friendships develop into romance all the time, but not when they become friends only because the guy isn't attracted to her and puts her in the friend category.

I wouldn't hang around waiting for some guy to realize that he does find me attractive because there's a huge chance that he never will. I'd rather be with someone who knew he wanted me from the beginning.
 
A man doesn't have to "go hard" for me per se, but he has to be consistent. Don't pursue for a month, disappear for 3 weeks and bring your raggedy @$$ back around. I have a short attention span
 
I think this is an excellent question. For me I like to take it really really slow in relationships. When it comes to a man being aggressive to be with me he should meet somewhere in the middle. If he and I are meant to be then he can just be himself, but @ the same time when he's aggressive it show me how much he's into me that he would work so hard to be w/ me.
 
Syrah said:
And texting is not a sign of persistence...its a sign of immaturity...
Click to expand...

THIS!!!

I haven't read through the entire thread as of yet...but you had me on pause with this. I PROMISE you I was just telling a friend of mine this EXACT thing just the other day! I had an old flame resurface via text... after some back and forth over a small period of time (casual convo...how you doing..blah blah), he begins to tell me he wanted what we had again and that he was willing to put in the effort...ALL VIA TEXT. Really son..I'm supposed to take you serious right now?

#epicFAIL

Now I know that some things are easier said when not face to face, but at the end of the day, you man up and get'er done.


But I digress slightly...

To answer the OP, I personally, don't want to be "chased", but I want someone who wants me as much as I want them. Sometimes that happens over time and sometimes it is instantaneously.

ETA:: Got the memo about OP's true question.

So..for me to take someone seriously, I need him to make his intentions clear. I do not feel at this age, I should have to guess where/if I fit into someones big picture. Why waste my time and yours? I do appreciate consistency and think highly of those not easily shaken. But I would rather not be stalked. :look:


~S~
 
Last edited:
ebonylocs said:
I don't think many are really answering Glib's core question. :lachen:

She doesn't really want to know what's the maximum level of aggressiveness that you find tolerable. She wants to know what's the minimum amount of persistence, courtship, pursuit, etc, you are willing to accept from a man.
Click to expand...

THIS!!!

This is really my question . . .
 
At minimum he should seem to be attracted to me and interested in me. He should ask for my phone number. He should ask me out and pay. He should call me often. For each woman though it's different. In the end each woman has to set their own minimum, the minimum any man must bring, as well as their maximum, how far they as a woman will go to get a man's attention. For example IMO flirtation is okay on my end, but I would never ask a guy for his number or ask him out: EVER. But that's me. Some women might not even want to flirt. To each her own, you know? Some women date men and are happy to talk a few times a week. I need daily contact. Each woman has to think about what they need from a man (minimally) and what they are willing to give (maximally).

Honestly, for me, lukewarm would be a turnoff. But again, to each her own. Some women might see it as a challenge. And it has nothing to do with being a dime. It's about having a certain level of respect for one's self. You can look in the mirror and say I may not be the prettiest, or thinnest, or whatever, but I offer a lot and someone will take notice. Heck there are so many examples of dimes who aren't happily married: ie., Halley Berry, Lisa Raye, etc. Many gorgeous women being run through. And everybody knows a plain woman who is adored and romanced and married and happy.

So, trust yourself to be able to set standards that work for you. Trust that God has a plan. Trust that there is a man in this world who will find you irresistible and will consider you to be a dime (even if you know you aren't :giggle:).
 
Mai Tai said:
He can be as aggressive as he wants. If I ain't feeling him, then he won't get anywhere...period. I either like him or I don't.

I let my current SO chase me, you know...initiate phone calls, dates, etc., but did he have to "wear me down?" Nope...we had a mutual attraction to each other from day one.
Click to expand...

Exactly, I either like you, or I don't. If I like you, there will be no need to wear me down. But I would at the very least expect active effort on his part. Call me, express interest, want to take me out and enjoy my company.

qchelle said:
Not too aggressively. If I like him, then I like him and he won't need to 'wear me down'. Please don't do that, sir :lol:
Click to expand...

:yep:

ebonylocs said:
I don't think many are really answering Glib's core question. :lachen:

She doesn't really want to know what's the maximum level of aggressiveness that you find tolerable. She wants to know what's the minimum amount of persistence, courtship, pursuit, etc, you are willing to accept from a man.
Click to expand...
To answer Glib's question then, I'd expect phone calls from him to see how I'm doing. Not asking for long extended convos, but in the beginning I'd expect phone calls, some form of communication to let me know he's thinking of me. More over, I'd expect him to express interest in us hanging out w/ each other. Not only official 'date' 'dates' :lol:, but even little things like going shopping with each other, just doing little things together. Oh!, I'd really like it if he was man that makes himself useful, and helpful to me in the beginning. Men like to be needed and like to help you if you let them, so if I mention a problem that you can help with I expect you to offer yourself. For ex, I'm a total girly girl, so if I had a car, or handy issue.. something... I'd expect him to help me out and express some type of solution. I'm big on the 'little things', so for me this would be just as important if not more important than a date or a phone call. To hell w/ a bunch of red roses and shyt, help me out! I like doers. That's my love language.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top