Horrid hair comment - need encouragement.

isioma85 · May 25, 2006

I'm a newbie, I just started with LHCF bout two months ago and I've begun my hair rehab, thanks to you guys.

Anyway, this past weekend I took down the braids I had, and got my first relaxer in about 4 months. I wore my hair in a ponytail for the weekend, moisturising in preparation for my sew in protective style weave coming up. My cousin's friend was in the house and saw me with my ponytail, and asked me why i looked so dull. I honestly didn't get what he meant, and he explained that I shouldn't have cut my hair, to which I told him I didn't, this was my real hair, and I was actively trying to grow it. He then told me from what he saw, I didn't look like my hair would ever grow at all, and I looked like one of those suffering malnourished Tutsi refugees with scanty hair, and I shouldn't let people see me without my weave, cos that's the only way I'll get long healthy hair on my head.

My hair's not that bad. It's not spectacular, I've only got 8 inches in the front and middle, and the back is the real Chernobyl of my head - just 1.5 inches.

. My ponytail's only about two or three inches long, and when I wear my hair straight back, it barely grazes the nape of my neck, on account of the short back area.But it's mine, and I'm trying to grow back the midback length hair I had as a kid, and now this kind of comment?

It's made me more determined, but I need some encouragement, cos it dampened my spirits a bit :sad:

. I mean, lots of ladies on here have nice stories about how people wonder if their hair's weave, and how their hair gets caught under their turtle necks and in their coat zippers, and this is the comment I get for my hair efforts.

I know I'll get there eventually , SL, APL, BSL, WL, all the L's! :grin:

u ladies suggest anything to help back hair catch up with front and middle growth? I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,
:user:

KhandiB · May 25, 2006

OMG.. That is TERRIBLE ... Sorry ...

You gotta do it for yourself therefore what anyone has to say negative use it as motivation

hopeful · May 25, 2006

That was just mean. Why would someone say something so unkind? Well, I would suggest from here on don't share your efforts or goals with anyone but LHCF and people you know for sure are supportive and understanding. In about six months your cousin's so-called friend will be wondering why your hair is so pretty. Try your best to let it go, the comment was uncalled for and VERY IGNORANT.

Shine-On · May 25, 2006

I don't have any suggestions, I just wanted to let you know that I was listening (reading) and feel your frustration. What is your hair type?

One's look is very different when in and out of false hair and just as it's difficult to break the habit of wearing braids/weaves, it seems equally as difficult for people to accept the visual shock of the two looks. However, I do agree his comment was rude and completely uncalled for. Please don't let ignorant people discourage you.

Are you having success with wearing extensions? You only mentioned the length of the front and middle, are you also having trouble growing the sides?

harden718 · May 25, 2006

I wouldn't worry about what HE said. My husband always say negative things about my hair but I just do what I have to do and keep it healthy.
Basically, just do you and later on they all will see what you were trying to accomplish.

harden718 · May 25, 2006

I wouldn't worry about what HE said. My husband always say negative things about my hair but I just do what I have to do and keep it healthy.
Basically, just do you and later on they all will see what you were trying to accomplish.

harden718 · May 25, 2006

I wouldn't worry about what HE said. My husband always say negative things about my hair but I just do what I have to do and keep it healthy.
Basically, just do you and later on they all will see what you were trying to accomplish.

ayoung · May 25, 2006

I can not STAND when people feel the need to tell somebody about themselves and are just MEAN! Why not keep your mouth shut????? Who cares if he doesn't like your hair---why did he feel the need to state it?!!

Please don't let him get you down! Just continue to get/keep your hair healthy and you will see your hard work payoff. (((hug)))

PS. Be sure to treat your hair right under your sewin. I hope you see LOTS of growth when you take it out.

BrwnSugaBabee · May 25, 2006

What a jerk! People can be so stupid sometimes. Don't let him get you down. He is probably insecure, and talking ish helps him feel better about himself. You WILL get there. Like anything worth having it takes time to acheive. Just be patient, and keep up with the protective styling. Shake the haters off! ;-)

isioma85 · May 25, 2006

Shine-On said:
I don't have any suggestions, I just wanted to let you know that I was listening (reading) and feel your frustration. What is your hair type?

Are you having success with wearing extensions? You only mentioned the length of the front and middle, are you also having trouble growing the sides?

I think I'm a 4a, as in my naps are truely nappy. :grin:

.

When I wear extensions, my hair gets a lot of growth cos I'm not playing with it all the time (a v.bad habit of mine). My last sew in was what got my Chernobyl (back of my head) about 3 inches of growth in 2 months, which I trimmed to about an inch and a half. I wash and condition my hair under the sew in every week.

And now that you mention it, the sides are the exact same length as the back. Hmm. :ohwell:

Kimberly · May 25, 2006

I'm sorry this person said that to you. It was uncalled for and, I'm sure, unsolicited. Youalmost have to take on a "don't care what other people think" attitude because a lot of us have had to deal with negative comments from friends and family. Come here for your hugs and tips and good advice and you will be showing the naysayers in no time. :grin:

MissYocairis · May 25, 2006

isioma85 said:
asked me why i looked so dull. I honestly didn't get what he meant, and he explained that I shouldn't have cut my hair, to which I told him I didn't, this was my real hair, and I was actively trying to grow it. He then told me from what he saw, I didn't look like my hair would ever grow at all, and I looked like one of those suffering malnourished Tutsi refugees with scanty hair, and I shouldn't let people see me without my weave, cos that's the only way I'll get long healthy hair on my head.

I. Am. ABSOLUTELY. Speechless.....

What kind of human-being INTENTIONALLY tries to hurt another for absolutely no reason whatsoever? I am shocked. You MUST...MUST not take anything he has said for a grain of salt. He has some serious self-image issues in order to say such things. He must really, REALLY feel bad about who he is. I'm horrified. Don't pay that bastid no mind, Isioma! :mad:

nelli711 · May 25, 2006

Girl, I'm sorry for what he said to you. Some people can be so ignorant. Don't let that discourage you from achieving the length that you want. My suggestion to you is to just baby your hair and keep it in a protective style, make sure those ends are moisterized.

carameldiva · May 25, 2006

The other ladies here have given you some great advice. Just ignore his ignorance and keep doing tha right things. We all have setbacks from time to time, just keep on keeping on and keep ya head up. We are here for you.

so1913 · May 25, 2006

That's terrible. Use this as motiviation...you know, "I'll show you!" kind of thing. It's ignorance...just keep looking forward to the day when you will go to him and say "remember when you said......" In situations like these, it's best to turn the negative vibe into a motivational one. Follow the wonderful advice available on this board and you are well on your way.

Phoenix · May 25, 2006

Kimberly said:
I'm sorry this person said that to you. It was uncalled for and, I'm sure, unsolicited. Youalmost have to take on a "don't care what other people think" attitude because a lot of us have had to deal with negative comments from friends and family. Come here for your hugs and tips and good advice and you will be showing the naysayers in no time.

ITA. It's almost as if the negative comments are part of the process. You have to trust that you are doing the right thing for your hair and just dismiss what anyone else says. I've dealt with so many rude comments...but now that I'm .5 inches from armpit the same folks are starting to take notice and now and then they even swallow their pride enough to give me compliments. Don't worry...you'll make him eat his words.

Mizani_Mrs · May 25, 2006

Was he hi? What was he smoking on? :look:

No seriously, he is straight up ignorant. But I hope you don't let him get you down... You just continue giving TLC and he'll see how beautiful your hair is. When i was younger, all the boys used to think it was cool to say something extra mean, so that is what i am assuming he was trying to do. Sorry for him hurting your feelings. But girl...the good news is as long as you keep doing what you do...you will have some results soon!!!

Princess Pie · May 25, 2006

isioma85 said:
from what he saw, I didn't look like my hair would ever grow at all, and I looked like one of those suffering malnourished Tutsi refugees with scanty hair, and I shouldn't let people see me without my weave, cos that's the only way I'll get long healthy hair on my head.

Your cousin's friend is an idiot! WHO is HE anyway!?! What gives him the right to make those statemants; is he an expert on hair? You should just ignore him. Some men, and women, can be very dumb and RUDE. He obviously knows nothing about about hair, hair care, or being a decent person.

Faith · May 25, 2006

WTH?! Why was he so mean to you? WTH was that about? Did you turn down his advances or something? :shocked:

I hope you told him off. What did your cousin say? What an a$$hole. Just do your thing and ignore him...JERK

dannie · May 25, 2006

Oh hecks no :eek:

!!! Who does he think he is making that type of comment about somebody hair, and better yet what they should be, can't do and oughta do with it.

See this is the type of ignorance that some our people feel the need to inflict on each other and it's just uncalled for.

We all have our starting point, and this is yours. I promise you if you take care of your hair you will make progress and you will see changes. Healthy, long hair is not some impossible dream it's something that you have to work at. So please don't let that arse discourage you.
Ignore the stuipd people and keep doing what you do it will not be in vain. Then next time you see him and your hair is looking fierce take it down and swing it in his face!!!!

WomanlyCharm · May 25, 2006

Don't pay no mind to stupid comments from ignorant childish people like that. :mad:

You do what you feel you need to do to get your hair healthy and looking good!

And you know what? I know in my heart you are going to prove that stupid jerk WRONG.

And we'll all help you do it, every step of the way, 'cause we're one big happy (hair) family on this board!

Denim And Leather · May 25, 2006

isioma85 said:
I'm a newbie, I just started with LHCF bout two months ago and I've begun my hair rehab, thanks to you guys.

Anyway, this past weekend I took down the braids I had, and got my first relaxer in about 4 months. I wore my hair in a ponytail for the weekend, moisturising in preparation for my sew in protective style weave coming up. My cousin's friend was in the house and saw me with my ponytail, and asked me why i looked so dull. I honestly didn't get what he meant, and he explained that I shouldn't have cut my hair, to which I told him I didn't, this was my real hair, and I was actively trying to grow it. He then told me from what he saw, I didn't look like my hair would ever grow at all, and I looked like one of those suffering malnourished Tutsi refugees with scanty hair, and I shouldn't let people see me without my weave, cos that's the only way I'll get long healthy hair on my head.

My hair's not that bad. It's not spectacular, I've only got 8 inches in the front and middle, and the back is the real Chernobyl of my head - just 1.5 inches.. My ponytail's only about two or three inches long, and when I wear my hair straight back, it barely grazes the nape of my neck, on account of the short back area.But it's mine, and I'm trying to grow back the midback length hair I had as a kid, and now this kind of comment?

It's made me more determined, but I need some encouragement, cos it dampened my spirits a bit . I mean, lots of ladies on here have nice stories about how people wonder if their hair's weave, and how their hair gets caught under their turtle necks and in their coat zippers, and this is the comment I get for my hair efforts. I know I'll get there eventually , SL, APL, BSL, WL, all the L's!

u ladies suggest anything to help back hair catch up with front and middle growth? I'd appreciate it.

Thanks,

WHAT A JERK!!! :mad:

Don't let that ignorant person dash your dreams of growing your hair....you can do it! Looking at all the Fotki albums have been pretty inspiring to me. Growing your hair out is possible!

For 16 years I wore a weave because I was under the misguided thought that I could not take care of my own hair. For years, I had short hair underneath all that weave, because I didn't take care of what was underneath. One day, I decided to take better care of what's underneath, and that hair grew out. I finally got the confidence to wear my own hair out. This was almost a year and a half ago, and I started out with hair a little past the shoulders. I still didn't care for it like I should have, and only just begun my hair journey last month. My hair now is 3 inches away from brastrap length, and feels healthier than it has ever felt.

There was a similar thread a week ago, a girl here had a beauty salon worker make some mean remarks about her wanting to grow her hair out.

An one and on...I see this way too much, not just with hair growing, but in other things. Sometimes I think that we (black people) can be our own worst enemy when it comes to encouraging one another. :wallbash:

Sorry for the digression.

You can do it, it's possible!

blkbeauty · May 25, 2006

isioma85 said:
My cousin's friend was in the house and saw me with my ponytail, and asked me why i looked so dull. I honestly didn't get what he meant, and he explained that I shouldn't have cut my hair, to which I told him I didn't, this was my real hair, and I was actively trying to grow it. He then told me from what he saw, I didn't look like my hair would ever grow at all, and I looked like one of those suffering malnourished Tutsi refugees with scanty hair, and I shouldn't let people see me without my weave, cos that's the only way I'll get long healthy hair on my head.

The next time he ask you that, ask him why does he look stupid...lol! I would like to be mature about it, but the best way to stay encourage is to know that people who think, judge, and live to discourage others is just a reflection of how they feel about themselves. It is no way, that a person who is totally happy - GENUINELY, would ever make a negative comment like that. They would try to build or encourage you.

At any event know that you make your hair. The hair shouldn't make you. And regardless of your length that you are still beautiful, because you are you!

isioma85 · May 25, 2006

Thanks ladies!

I feel the love all the way over here! All your comments really inspired me and have made me feel better. I"ll keep on with my hair journey, and accept the comments as a natural occurence of people putting you down when you're trying to do something positive to improve yourself.

Faith, you were right, he tried to holla at me before and I said no. That's probably what fueled the meanness! :grin:

I thank you ladies again and again, :kiss:

.I'm going to start a photo album soon so I can marvel at my growth as it happens, starting today! :cool:

Y'all make me feel like I got hair down to my booty already! :creatures

Love, Hair, and FlipFlops! :kiss:

Faith · May 26, 2006

isioma85 said:
Faith, you were right, he tried to holla at me before and I said no. That's probably what fueled the meanness!

Love, Hair, and FlipFlops!

I KNEW IT! So predictable...lol. Ignore the idiot.

The comment was probably more based on the fact you dissed him...******. LOL! Laugh EXTRA HARD knowing that is why...hehehe