He's cute to be a black guy...

[nappystorm]

I went to visit a friend of mine this weekend. She is into rock and roll and I'm into hip hop. We compromised and we to a club that has a mix of races and plays a variety of music. She met a guy she liked and I met one I liked.

On the way home, I told her he lifted his shirt to "show me what he was working with" and she remarked, "yeah he was cute for a black guy" *record scratch*

I support her decision to date only white guys, I actually like that we have different tastes in men, but this statement has been bothering me ever since.erplexed

 

[mz tracy 25]

What race is your friend?

 

[nappystorm]

Black.......

 

[runwaydream]

i have a friend like that. i've decided to stop discussing race w. her b/c her antiblk men stance drove me up the wall

 

[10WordzOrLess]

She's entitled...It may not be my cup o' tea, but I don't think I'd be losing sleep over someone commenting "I only date BLACK WOMEN, they are the best, and I won't mess with the rest!"...To be honest, I'd be smiling all day.

Like runway dream said, it's probably best to stay away from that subject, as I'm sure she could say something that could make you much angrier if that's her opinion. My own family says things that makes me want to strangle them.

Aren't there other things that you like about your friend you like besides her taste in men and music?

 

[panama_princess6]

Thats ignorant. I have a friend like that and she does the same thing. She even told me I should be glad that our children are light skin instead of dark. I just learned to agree to disagree... but I really do think that is ignorant.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

If you know that her taste/preference is "white men" meaning that on an average day she is not looking at black men...as you do...she is seeking "white men"...why would it be weird to you for her to say "for a black guy" when that isn't her preference? Just like for me...George Clooney is one fine white man to me...would my statement make you feel some kinda way? *which he is to me btw*

No...I don't think so...I think it caught you off guard that she said "for a black guy" that she was taking interest in something that you picked out and with him being black and all...sorry JMO and are looking for a reason as to why she said it when nothing is really there...its not that serious...the gurl is just being who she is and made a comment towards something outside her norm...if your feeling some kind of ways about it...then sever the ties with her and move on to another friend...

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Thats ignorant. I have a friend like that and she does the same thing. She even told me I should be glad that our children are light skin instead of dark. I just learned to agree to disagree... but I really do think that is ignorant.

This friend of yours is totally different from OP friend in this case...I don't believe there are any similarities...OP friend dates outside her race and listens to different music..."whats wrong with that?"...wanting children to be another skin color is a whole nother ball game...that has to do within oneself love/hate and insecurities....no way can these two be compared...JMO...

 

[newbiemom]

The statement doesn't seem odd since you mentioned she is not normally attracted to black men. She probably shocked herself to be checking for him.

 

[-Kąditty-]

Yea I agree, I do not see anything wrong with what she said considering black men are not her preference. I would have actually laughed when she said it but I am silly like that.

 

[nappystorm]

This friend of yours is totally different from OP friend in this case...I don't believe there are any similarities...OP friend dates outside her race and listens to different music..."whats wrong with that?"
Um nothing. When did I say it was? AGAIN, I don't care about her not preferring black men or listening to different music. She's been doing that for years. To be honest, she has more in common with white guys. I didn't care if she found the guy attractive (I was actually surprised she did).

...wanting children to be another skin color is a whole nother ball game...that has to do within oneself love/hate and insecurities....no way can these two be compared...JMO...

It was "for a black guy" part that threw me. Statements like that are just a just personal pet peeve of mine. WTH does that mean? I just thought this statement was extremely ignorant and was horrified that she would say it. Personally, I think it's the exact same thing as saying "cute to be dark/fat/skinny, etc"

Personally, I don't date women but I don't say "oh you're pretty to be a woman". I don't prefer perms but I don't say "oh you're hair is beautiful to be relaxed". If you have to add a "to be ...." after a compliment just SFTU (not directed at you MrsAriannaAmbers, in general) and leave it alone.

 

[inspiration150]

OP I get why it bothered you. I know some ppl would say blah blah blah this girl is pretty for a black girl or pretty 4 a dark skinned girl. I always felt statements like that are ignorant for the simple fact that if someone is pretty then they just are. Saying pretty for "fill in the blank" is like that person trying to downgrade that particular quality IMO. Its like someone saying pretty for "fill in the blank" because they weren't expecting them to be smart or pretty because they are black or "fill in the blank".

However, you know your friend. So only you know what place she was coming from or how she said it. It is perfectly possible that she meant it to say you know she is into white guys, thats her thing, and what she had better attraction or experiences. So she could be saying while I like white guys, I can see why you would find him appealing.

Personally, I don't like when ppl use statements like that anyways, because they can be deemed offensive.

 

[nappystorm]

OP I get why it bothered you. I know some ppl would say blah blah blah this girl is pretty for a black girl or pretty 4 a dark skinned girl. I always felt statements like that are ignorant for the simple fact that if someone is pretty then they just are. Saying pretty for "fill in the blank" is like that person trying to downgrade that particular quality IMO. Its like someone saying pretty for "fill in the blank" because they weren't expecting them to be smart or pretty because they are black or "fill in the blank".

However, you know your friend. So only you know what place she was coming from or how she said it. It is perfectly possible that she meant it to say you know she is into white guys, thats her thing, and what she had better attraction or experiences. So she could be saying while I like white guys, I can see why you would find him appealing.

Personally, I don't like when ppl use statements like that anyways, because they can be deemed offensive.

Exactly!!! If they are cute/smart/funny, what does it matter that they are black/white/brown...

 

[ebonylocs]

Hmmm. I see why OP was a bit taken aback.

OP doesn't have a problem with her friend's preferences in men and music, just with her statement re black guys.

"He's cute to be a black guy" implies that black men are not usually cute. Which implies a put down of the men that OP ordinarily dates. It's the kind of exceptionalism that basically disses everyone else in that group:

Friend is basically saying to OP: "Black men are not usually up to my looks standards, but this one is, so you have my "approval" to be interested in him."

That's a kind of provocative statement. And impolite. And unnecessary.

 

[jamaraa]

Black men say this ALL THE TIME about BW (esp darker ones and/or those w/ long hair grown from scalp), so turnabout is fair play, IMHO.

 

[GreenD]

I think if you're attractive/cute, you're attractive/cute. I doesn't matter what your race/ethnicity is, you're just attractive/cute. I really don't see attractiveness as a race, skin color, age or gender. No homo, but I think there are tons of attractive people in this world, both men/women, black/white/yellow, purple with pink polkadots, both young and old!! At the end of the day a cute face is a cute face.

But her preference is just that. I probably would've looked at her a little crazy especially if she said it in a condescending way, as if it was a problem with liking black men, and her preference was way better. I think it's a fine line between a preference and a prejudice.

 

[panama_princess6]

This friend of yours is totally different from OP friend in this case...I don't believe there are any similarities...OP friend dates outside her race and listens to different music..."whats wrong with that?"...wanting children to be another skin color is a whole nother ball game...that has to do within oneself love/hate and insecurities....no way can these two be compared...JMO...

My point was she was saying that if our kids were dark skinned they wouldn't be cute... Why can't we just have beautiful kids? Or like the OP why can't the guy just be cute? My friend dates white men listens to different types of music, but I know shes not insecure shes just ignorant and makes ignorant comments.

 

[MD_Lady]

Black men say this ALL THE TIME about BW (esp darker ones and/or those w/ long hair grown from scalp), so turnabout is fair play, IMHO.

I COMPLETELY understand why the comment rubbed the OP the wrong way, but I've heard way too many BM make qualified statements about BW for me to get upset about it.

 

[pisceschica]

Black.......

At first I was going to say, well she's white so I would not be surprised. But her being black, that statement surprises me. Either way that is not something that would bother me even though her preference is not her own.

 

[Vintageglam]

"He's cute to be a black guy" implies that black men are not usually cute. Which implies a put down of the men that OP ordinarily dates. It's the kind of exceptionalism that basically disses everyone else in that group:

I don't think this is what she meant. I think what has been stated before is closer to the point i.e. more than her preference points squarely in the direction of white men and so for HER "he was cute for a black guy" in the sense that she doesn't usually pay much attention to black guys.

Ladies lets not get flustered on this point and flip the script for a minute i.e as humans we tend to be drawn to to that which is familiar to us. I have white friends who have no interest in dating other races but are respectful to them because that is what they have grown up with and are familiar with. I also have black male friends and siblings and cousins who also exclusively date black women. They also sometimes say when they meet my white, Asian, Arabic or Indian female friends "she is cute for a _____ girl". Period. No malice or harm intended. Its a fact. Their preference emotionally and physically has been set at a default point and seeing someone they can appreciate the beauty of makes them question that.

Also I feel that maybe the friend felt she was in the company of a friend and could express herself freely without fear of judgment because as you stated earlier you have always been supportive of her preference.

 

[softblackcotton]

I totally get your friend though. I have TONs of friends like this. I went to an Ivy League and most of the black women that I met there were like this. I don't really blame them. The black men to women ratio there was 1 for every 5 black women. The ones that actually wanted to date black women vs latina, asian, and white women were very few and far between. So many of us began to notice the advances of men of other races. Since graduating I have moved back to south to finish my masters. I found that in the real world it's hard to find a black man that I could actually relate to on educational and social standpoint. I've met so many broken dudes down here with jail records, baby mamas, and illegitimate children. Nothing good. The very, very few "good" black men who are well educated, good-looking, and have a clean slate act like they are god's gift. When the pickings are slim in your own yard, you have no choice but expand your horizons. Although I feel this way, I would not say something like "cute for a black guy" just like I abhor when people say "cute for a dark skinned girl"

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I totally get your friend though. I have TONs of friends like this. I went to an Ivy League and most of the black women that I met there were like this. I don't really blame them. The black men to women ratio there was 1 for every 5 black women. The ones that actually wanted to date black women vs latina, asian, and white women were very few and far between. So many of us began to notice the advances of men of other races. Since graduating I have moved back to south to finish my masters. I found that in the real world it's hard to find a black man that I could actually relate to on educational and social standpoint. I've met so many broken dudes down here with jail records, baby mamas, and illegitimate children. Nothing good. The very, very few "good" black men who are well educated, good-looking, and have a clean slate act like they are god's gift. When the pickings are slim in your own yard, you have no choice but expand your horizons. Although I feel this way, I would not say something like "cute for a black guy" just like I abhor when people say "cute for a dark skinned girl"

I have been saying this for YEARS on here. Some people just don't get it though. Add to the equation that I am the only black person in my family and grew up eating goulasch, cabbage rolls and apricot cookies... and, well. *shrugs* I don't end up dating black guys (well, I'm married now, but anyway).

ETA: but I would NEVER say someone is "cute for an ____" or whatever, as I find that mean and ignorant. I have been on the recieving end of that barb so many times and it always rankles.

 

[jamaraa]

At first I was going to say, well she's white so I would not be surprised. But her being black, that statement surprises me. Either way that is not something that would bother me even though her preference is not her own.

Why does her being Black and expressing such sentiments surprise you? Is it because rarely BW actually say/admit such things aloud?

 

[GreenD]

I totally get your friend though. I have TONs of friends like this. I went to an Ivy League and most of the black women that I met there were like this. I don't really blame them. The black men to women ratio there was 1 for every 5 black women. The ones that actually wanted to date black women vs latina, asian, and white women were very few and far between. So many of us began to notice the advances of men of other races. Since graduating I have moved back to south to finish my masters. I found that in the real world it's hard to find a black man that I could actually relate to on educational and social standpoint. I've met so many broken dudes down here with jail records, baby mamas, and illegitimate children. Nothing good. The very, very few "good" black men who are well educated, good-looking, and have a clean slate act like they are god's gift. When the pickings are slim in your own yard, you have no choice but expand your horizons. Although I feel this way, I would not say something like "cute for a black guy" just like I abhor when people say "cute for a dark skinned girl"

I was soooo confused when I was told that. Hey, I'm still confused.... erplexed Like I don't know what that means. So am I just an attractive girl, or only attractive for dark/brown skinned, because they're usually unattractive?

I'm so loss, and I guess I'll remain loss because I can't make sense of such ignorance. I don't speak that language.....

 

[nappystorm]

I was soooo confused when I was told that. Hey, I'm still confused.... erplexed Like I don't know what that means. So am I just an attractive girl, or only attractive for dark/brown skinned, because they're usually unattractive?

I'm so loss, and I guess I'll remain loss because I can't make sense of such ignorance. I don't speak that language.....

Right!!! Personally, I date all races. I don't think BW should only limit themselves to BM.

It was really just the "for a black guy part".
I have another black friend who doesn't date black men and she was also like WTH??

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

I had a friend (now we are acquaintances) who informed me that she only dates clear guys because black men cannot provide her the lifestyle she is accustomed to (she is a obgyn and from her perspective, there are not a lot of brothers who can come to the table with what she brings

 

[inspiration150]

I was soooo confused when I was told that. Hey, I'm still confused.... erplexed Like I don't know what that means. So am I just an attractive girl, or only attractive for dark/brown skinned, because they're usually unattractive?

I'm so loss, and I guess I'll remain loss because I can't make sense of such ignorance. I don't speak that language.....

Like I said before her friend could be coming from a place of preference and thats cool. She could just be saying she sees why she thinks he is cute. But lets not think any ol' body who says something like that is coming from the same place. You have to divulge in what context. Strangers come up to ppl and say crap like that all the time. They are definitely in most cases coming from a place of ignorance. If you are cute, then it should stand on its on. You don't need any clauses or prepositions in there. Thats just me.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Why does her being Black and expressing such sentiments surprise you? Is it because rarely BW actually say/admit such things aloud?

See...IMO...ya'll want to be politically correct and not get real...thats why its a surprise.. because BFF's/homegurls/girlfriends...say sh*t like this all the time...KIR..@Bolded

and just read me out ya'll...

When I seen this post...cause I didn't want to do it...I said real life are you kidding me?....a compliment......has someone feeling some kind of ways...keep in mind this is a friend... a good enough friend that you thought to take into consideration her like/dislikes when choosing to go out together...ya'll having fun, drinking, (if you are)...meeting people and having a great time!

REAL TALK!...Whats the difference between what she said once OP made her comment: Damn...that ninja waaassss cute!?! (and I know ya'll ain't gonna keep it real and say yea...I woulda made that comment...but I will...)...there was none...but what was said caught the OP off guard because of the background her friend has...I mean its the same black man getting talked about...

She says to OP the guy you like is cute and handsome for a black guy...Keep in mind that she never woulda looked at twice and instead of OP being like gurl yes...he's fine and moving on...this sat in your soul and bothered you...all the while she didn' think twice because what she said was purely innocent...and in her own manner...so what I am saying if it bothered you so much why not let her know the friendship isn't working out...and get a new friend....

I don't want my friends to ever feel like I am making them feel some kind of way and neva address me...please let me know because I sure am gonna let them know...its not a problem...When I am with FRIENDS...because I don't take the word lightly I am subjected to hear some off color/not politically correct sh*t and not take offense to it and just give them the look and move on...if something is getting out of hand I will address as such as I love all races/creed/kind/retards*some of the nice ones*/human/and aliens that is on this eath and feel that everyone has a story to tell...I digress

 

[inspiration150]

See...IMO...ya'll want to be politically correct and not get real...thats why its a surprise.. because BFF's/homegurls/girlfriends...say sh*t like this all the time...KIR..@Bolded

and just read me out ya'll...

When I seen this post...cause I didn't want to do it...I said real life are you kidding me?....a compliment......has someone feeling some kind of ways...keep in mind this is a friend... a good enough friend that you thought to take into consideration her like/dislikes when choosing to go out together...ya'll having fun, drinking, (if you are)...meeting people and having a great time!

REAL TALK!...Whats the difference between what she said once OP made her comment: Damn...that ninja waaassss cute!?! (and I know ya'll ain't gonna keep it real and say yea...I woulda made that comment...but I will...)...there was none...but what was said caught the OP off guard because of the background her friend has...I mean its the same black man getting talked about...

She says to OP the guy you like is cute and handsome for a black guy...Keep in mind that she never woulda looked at twice and instead of OP being like gurl yes...he's fine and moving on...this sat in your soul and bothered you...all the while she didn' think twice because what she said was purely innocent...and in her own manner...so what I am saying if it bothered you so much why not let her know the friendship isn't working out...and get a new friend....

I don't want my friends to ever feel like I am making them feel some kind of way and neva address me...please let me know because I sure am gonna let them know...its not a problem...When I am with FRIENDS...because I don't take the word lightly I am subjected to hear some off color/not politically correct sh*t and not take offense to it and just give them the look and move on...if something is getting out of hand I will address as such as I love all races/creed/kind/retards*some of the nice ones*/human/and aliens that is on this eath and feel that everyone has a story to tell...I digress

I understand what you saying. If it realli bothers her she should talk to her friend. I agree. I mentioned before that its possible that she didn't mean it negative at all. I will keep it real. I say thats a cute white guy or black or w/e. But saying that is a bit different then saying he is cute for a black guy. When I say he is a cute black guy, I am using it as a description. He is a cute guy who is black. Now saying cute for a black guy is saying he is a cute guy who unexpectedly is black. He is cute for someone of african descent. That it is an abnormality. It realli is a kinda backhanded compliment. In context it doesn't seem that bad, but if you said it to the person your referring to then it can definitely be taken the wrong way.

It is in the context. I do believe that only the op would know how she meant it. The friend could of meant it innocently, but the way it was expressed may not have been the best choice of words. If you know your friends and you know they don't mean it that way then its w/e.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I understand what you saying. If it realli bothers her she should talk to her friend. I agree. I mentioned before that its possible that she didn't mean it negative at all. I will keep it real. I say thats a cute white guy or black or w/e. But saying that is a bit different then saying he is cute for a black guy. When I say he is a cute black guy, I am using it as a description. He is a cute guy who is black. Now saying cute for a black guy is saying he is a cute guy who unexpectedly is black. He is cute for someone of african descent. That it is an abnormality. It realli is a kinda backhanded compliment. In context it doesn't seem that bad, but if you said it to the person your referring to then it can definitely be taken the wrong way.

It is in the context. I do believe that only the op would know how she meant it. The friend could of meant it innocently, but the way it was expressed may not have been the best choice of words. If you know your friends and you know they don't mean it that way then its w/e.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm...I gotcha...I sure didn't see it that way...the whole backhanded compliment...very good view...

@Underlined....I think because I say things similar to this (OP friend) amongst my friends (my circle of friends all different race/religion are very comfortable to allow folks to slide all over the place with certain things) that in my mind I'm thinking what is strange about what is said? because I hear/say all the time stuff/?'s like this...but maybe its my way of saying things a certain way that I can pull this off when its being done...and not have folks feeling some kinda way...

@Bolded ...The choice of words...JMO...she was fine with what was said since I know black men aren't her cup of tea at all...I woulda been surprised and said "Gurl shut the front door...you finding black men attractive? and gotten more info...since I obviously thought you only liked white men..."**thats just the nosiness in me!***

***but that George Clooney to me is fine ya'll...let me go find him and see if he got some black in him***ttyl