He's a workaholic....

[daydreem2876]

Ok ladies I need some help...

My MonkeyButt (theoretically, we are not "together" but we are not "apart" and I have to refer to him as something... It really is a different discussion for a different day ).

Anyway, my MonkeyButt is a workaholic and that is starting to take its on him physically. His job is pretty demanding, he works all hours of the day and night for days on end, and when he is not there they call him to ask questions. Of course, he thinks he is Superman and when he is asked, he will always come through. On top of that he is the dependable friend and brother, so whenever anyone needs anything they call MonkeyButt who is there in a flash to help in anyway.

Now, I can't stop him from being who he is (that's part of the reason I like him) and would not dare to try because I cant stop him from being who he is. But here recently, he keeps telling me he's tired, he looks drained, and overall he is not taking good care of himself (not eating well, not getting proper rest, etc.). My plan is to get out there (we are long distance) for a weekend, fix him a few good meals for his freezer, get him some vitamins and herbs, hang some black out curtains (he cant sleep during the day), and other relaxation activities

But it is really going to take more than that and I really dont know how to approach it with him. How do you tell Superman that he needs to slow down, go see a doctor, and tell people to kick rocks sometimes because he needs a little me time

 

[GreenD]

LOL, man you sound like me verbatim!! Mine is the same way, even so much to the point I told his mom and dad for them to intervene. He didn't like it, but he had to see my intentions for doing so. I love him like crazy and as I told him I needed him to be around for a very long time. It just kept going in one ear and out the other until (as he said), his life flashed before his eyes. I don't know exactly what happened medically but he was at work and felt that his coworkers were going to have to call an ambulance. Some how he gathered himself and was able to finish the day. But he said that was it and that he was going to slow down, and he has some.

My advice is to just be supportive and keep being who you are. Don't let his actions change you, as he probably really needs you more so now than ever. He needs his rock, his anchor. Just try to make his life more relaxing and at ease when you're with him. I'm sure he'll appreciate it all. I've learned through my experiences that my hubby is a darn good provider and it sounds like your Monkeybutt is too, thus their constant need to work. He sounds like a really good man too, so hold on tight. Things will change in time and he won't be your Monkeybutt any more.

 

[newbiemom]

OK. don't be mad but are you his gfor his fwb. Because not to be mean if you are going to play the position you should have the title. If you are concerned about his health get some articles on webmd so you have facts about stress and exhaustion. Men like facts. This way you won't sound like the nagging wife. Maybe when you go visit him, a dr appt might be needed so his dr. can explain how important proper nutrition and downtime is for him.

 

[LovingLengths]

I would just tell him straight up, " People are taking advantage of you and your generosity, you shouldn't have to go without just because they don't want to make money themselves, and always hold their hand out to you expecting something. Start saying no..." I told my boyfriend this, well now he is an ex. Slowly but surely he didn't have to work his a** off for others, because he realized how their neediness affected him. Just keep being supportive of him.

 

[daydreem2876]

LOL, man you sound like me verbatim!! Mine is the same way, even so much to the point I told his mom and dad for them to intervene. He didn't like it, but he had to see my intentions for doing so. I love him like crazy and as I told him I needed him to be around for a very long time. It just kept going in one ear and out the other until (as he said), his life flashed before his eyes. I don't know exactly what happened medically but he was at work and felt that his coworkers were going to have to call an ambulance. Some how he gathered himself and was able to finish the day. But he said that was it and that he was going to slow down, and he has some.

My advice is to just be supportive and keep being who you are. Don't let his actions change you, as he probably really needs you more so now than ever. He needs his rock, his anchor. Just try to make his life more relaxing and at ease when you're with him. I'm sure he'll appreciate it all. I've learned through my experiences that my hubby is a darn good provider and it sounds like your Monkeybutt is too, thus their constant need to work. He sounds like a really good man too, so hold on tight. Things will change in time and he won't be your Monkeybutt any more.

The bolded is what I am trying to do. Honestly, we both can't freak out at the same time. In the short term, I am trying to get the man some proper rest and some well balanced meals . I can't fix the long term problem, he has too. But, if I could subtly push him towards addressing (read manipulate ) into addressing the problem I think it would add a few years to his life.

OK. don't be mad but are you his gfor his fwb. Because not to be mean if you are going to play the position you should have the title. If you are concerned about his health get some articles on webmd so you have facts about stress and exhaustion. Men like facts. This way you won't sound like the nagging wife. Maybe when you go visit him, a dr appt might be needed so his dr. can explain how important proper nutrition and downtime is for him.

It is a fwb situation, it is what it is. But my focus is more on being a friend at this point, and less on the benefits. Minus the benefits, I would do the same for a female friend who I see coming apart.

I do understand your point in asking, because I am not trying to come across as a nag or just try to go in and regulate the situation. I am not his mother and I refuse to behave like one. He is a grown black man and you cant tell them what to do. That is why I am looking for a to be supportive and put the bug in his ear that he needs to reassess how he is doing things with other and how he takes care of himself.

I would just tell him straight up, " People are taking advantage of you and your generosity, you shouldn't have to go without just because they don't want to make money themselves, and always hold their hand out to you expecting something. Start saying no..." I told my boyfriend this, well now he is an ex. Slowly but surely he didn't have to work his a** off for others, because he realized how their neediness affected him. Just keep being supportive of him.

The funny thing is the last time I saw him, he told me the same thing. So he recognizes the issue and that something needs to be done, which is good.