crlsweetie912
Well-Known Member
I can't really describe what's going on with me. I am at work now and I will try to type this without falling apart.
I am the single parent of three sons, without whom, THANKS TO GOD, I would have given up on life a long time ago.
I have always been the strong one, the one whom everyone goes to and lays out their problems, the one who people look to in a crunch. Lately, this has been burdening my spirit. I feel like a boulder is laying on my spirit. About 2 years ago, the man that I thought loved me, cheated on me while my youngest son was still a baby. This broke my heart, but by the grace of God, I kept pushing. God has blessed me to fininsh my AA degree, get a good job, and with the ability to serve Him at a church home wherein I am taught by a faithful man of God. Only I have still been beseiged with people "needing things" from me. I am often at the church 3 or 4 days a week. I serve as head usher on the usher board, and on Sundays I am usually there at least 1 to 1.5 hours before service starts, doing jobs around the church. When people tell me thier problems, I feel for them on a level that hurts, because when others hurt, it impacts me. When I am ushering, God has granted me discernment to see those who are in need, and He puts words in my mouth to soothe and comfort. Many people have said that this has been a blessing.
Yesterday, I was working as an usher and all of the things that I have been going through heavied my heart like never before. I was reprimanded, scolded, because several of my ushers didn't show up and I was told that my work wasn't sufficient. During prayer, after my pastor preached, I fell into an uncontrollable fit of crying out to God. Why is what I do never enough? Why don't I have anone (earthly) who cares for me just as I care for all of my friends and family? Why do I feel so alone? I was totally despondent. Usually after prayer, I feel as if a burden has been lifted, but yesterday was different.
I haven't been able to shake this feeling. And everytime I think of it tears come to my eyes. I am incredibly sad. I don't know what's happening to me. I know God is with me, but I feel so alone. I prayed, read my Bible, and nothing is lifting. I feel dead inside.
I am the single parent of three sons, without whom, THANKS TO GOD, I would have given up on life a long time ago.
I have always been the strong one, the one whom everyone goes to and lays out their problems, the one who people look to in a crunch. Lately, this has been burdening my spirit. I feel like a boulder is laying on my spirit. About 2 years ago, the man that I thought loved me, cheated on me while my youngest son was still a baby. This broke my heart, but by the grace of God, I kept pushing. God has blessed me to fininsh my AA degree, get a good job, and with the ability to serve Him at a church home wherein I am taught by a faithful man of God. Only I have still been beseiged with people "needing things" from me. I am often at the church 3 or 4 days a week. I serve as head usher on the usher board, and on Sundays I am usually there at least 1 to 1.5 hours before service starts, doing jobs around the church. When people tell me thier problems, I feel for them on a level that hurts, because when others hurt, it impacts me. When I am ushering, God has granted me discernment to see those who are in need, and He puts words in my mouth to soothe and comfort. Many people have said that this has been a blessing.
Yesterday, I was working as an usher and all of the things that I have been going through heavied my heart like never before. I was reprimanded, scolded, because several of my ushers didn't show up and I was told that my work wasn't sufficient. During prayer, after my pastor preached, I fell into an uncontrollable fit of crying out to God. Why is what I do never enough? Why don't I have anone (earthly) who cares for me just as I care for all of my friends and family? Why do I feel so alone? I was totally despondent. Usually after prayer, I feel as if a burden has been lifted, but yesterday was different.
I haven't been able to shake this feeling. And everytime I think of it tears come to my eyes. I am incredibly sad. I don't know what's happening to me. I know God is with me, but I feel so alone. I prayed, read my Bible, and nothing is lifting. I feel dead inside.
