HELP! Need help on getting over a guy...

[Crystalicequeen123]

Okay, so I finally came to the realization that one of my guy friends just isn't into me like that (loooong story!).

Anyway, to make long story short, I need help getting over him and showing him that I've moved on. Plus, he's starting to date this other girl, and she's sort of an acquaintance of mine and it's hard to see them together sometimes. BUT...my mind has definitely moved on from him (I was too good for him anyway), but my heart is having a hard time.

I still have to see him every week and we have some of the same mutual friends, so what can I do to SHOW him that I've moved on?? I'm so tempted to just give him the cold shoulder and be very short with him, but I know that this wouldn't be right. I don't even know how to act around him now. So, what can I do??

 

[Divine_Order]

Girl, you don't need to give him the cold shoulder... then he'll start thinking that you haven't moved on. What worked for me was bettering myself...for the next guy that came along (at least that was my thinking in the beginning). I was working out like 5 days a week, I focused more on my hair and skin care, etc. The more I started working on myself, I started seeing results that I liked and it really didn't matter at that point if I had another guy. I was too busy hanging out with the girls...being fly But wouldn't you know when you are feeling the absolute best about yourself, and aren't looking for anything, is when all the guys come out of the wood work.

So I will say, enjoy this time to yourself! Start doing good things for yourself, and treat yourself to more....you deserve it

 

[gone_fishing]

The thing is you shouldn't be focused on SHOWING him anything. Live your life. Do what makes you happy. Find fulfilling hobbies, be social, prosper and you will feel better. If needed, give yourself some time to grieve but don't marinate in sadness.

Contrary to what some might say...stay away from comfort foods...the crash after the high only makes the sadness worse. Exercising releases "happy" endorphins.

Go to the gym and beat up on a punching bag if you need to - make that killer figure even more killer. That'll make him sorry.

But really, the best way you can show him that you've moved on is to not base everything you do on what you can show him. erplexed

 

[LovetheLord]

I totally agree with this...The only way to get over him is to move on, take care of yourself. Keep yourself busy with productive thngs. You don't have to throw it in his face that you have moved on...just do!

Bolded - yep I experienced this too! Men are attracted to confidence, not arrogance, a good man anyway, wants someone who is comfortable in their own skin.

Girl, you don't need to give him the cold shoulder... then he'll start thinking that you haven't moved on. What worked for me was bettering myself...for the next guy that came along (at least that was my thinking in the beginning). I was working out like 5 days a week, I focused more on my hair and skin care, etc. The more I started working on myself, I started seeing results that I liked and it really didn't matter at that point if I had another guy. I was too busy hanging out with the girls...being fly But wouldn't you know when you are feeling the absolute best about yourself, and aren't looking for anything, is when all the guys come out of the wood work.

So I will say, enjoy this time to yourself! Start doing good things for yourself, and treat yourself to more....you deserve it

 

[SouthernTease]

Co-Signing...
I say wallow in it for a day
and then move on...
one day you'll look back on him
and say "WHAT WAS I THINKING"...
he's out of the way so now you can find
"the one" you're supposed to be with...
yourself!!! and eventually some other dude
better for you !!!
I know that's easier SAID THAN DONE
but I say... FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!
Force yourself to move on.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Girl, you don't need to give him the cold shoulder... then he'll start thinking that you haven't moved on. What worked for me was bettering myself...for the next guy that came along (at least that was my thinking in the beginning). I was working out like 5 days a week, I focused more on my hair and skin care, etc. The more I started working on myself, I started seeing results that I liked and it really didn't matter at that point if I had another guy. I was too busy hanging out with the girls...being fly But wouldn't you know when you are feeling the absolute best about yourself, and aren't looking for anything, is when all the guys come out of the wood work.

So I will say, enjoy this time to yourself! Start doing good things for yourself, and treat yourself to more....you deserve it

Well said! After my last breakup I decided to work on myself. I got into running and picked up some hobbies. It got my mind off of him and now someone else has come along that has made me think "Why did I waste my emotions on the last guy?"

 

[Innocent_Kiss]

I agree with adequate. Don't show him anything, SHOW YOURSELF. Show yourself that if someone isn't willing to give you their time and effort, let alone their whole self, keep it moving. You don't have to be short with him, say what's neccessary, pray for strength and direction, and keep living.

 

[Evolving78]

This is very good advice from everybody. And when you see him smile and say hello. That throws them off when you act like you don't give a darn and that you are not putting any energy into them. It will give you a confidence booster too. LOL!

 

[bluediamond0829]

Girl dont put all that energy into SHOWING him up...in the end he will be stunned in your improvement of yourself....

i agree with the other ladies....

whenever you really try to show someone up or by giving them the cold shoulder it doesnt really benefit yourself(i mean speaking from experience) usually it comes back and still wallowing in it.....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks so much for all your input ladies.

I completely agree...if I have to "show" him ANYTHING, then that kind of means that I'm not completely over him yet. I have to just "do me", keep going out, keep having fun with friends, keep looking fly and move on. But honestly, I really feel like I'm over him! I've started noticing other guys too, and I'm open to a new relationship (maybe not right away) in the near future. So yeah, I think I'm over him. I just dont' know how to act around him these days. He even disgusts me now. I don't think I can even be "friends" with him anymore (if we were even that). So, either I'm taking this really well, or I'm in a major case of denial!

Like I said, I still have to see him every week, so that's awkward sometimes. I'm just trying to keep my distance, but funny...it seems that ever since I've been keeping my distance, all of a sudden NOW he's coming up to me trying to initiate conversation, and is almost like: "I know you see me, so you're going to acknowledge me whether you want to or not."

UGH! Makes me so mad! Why do guys play these games??

 

[sky_blu]

This is so crazy that I'm in this same situation, well similar right now with my "friend". Everytime I try to move and give him the cold shoulder, he shows up. Thank God I don't have to see him everyday but then again things might be better if I could see him everyday. Long distance. Anywhoo the ladies gave some great advice. I'm now focusing more on myself and just living life w/o worrying about what he doing.

 

[coconow2007]

Co-Signing...
I say wallow in it for a day
and then move on...
one day you'll look back on him
and say "WHAT WAS I THINKING"...
he's out of the way so now you can find
"the one" you're supposed to be with...
yourself!!! and eventually some other dude
better for you !!!
I know that's easier SAID THAN DONE
but I say... FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT!
Force yourself to move on.

I agree 'FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT! - it sounds bad but sometimes all that productive self work/improvement still leaves u feeling bad - so fake it until one day u wake up and u will truly be over him

 

[tarheelgurl]

You don't have/need to show or prove anything to him. Prove it to yourself first then you will naturally wear it on your sleeve where everyone else can see it.

If you try to hard to show him without first showing yourself it won't be evident to everyone that you are over him.

I agree with the person that said give yourself a day to wallow and throw a pity party but then get back up and get out there.

When I first separated from my husband, I made a list of things to do to keep my mind off of him and his mess. I tried out for a cheerleading squad in the NFL (didn't make it) and learned how to hand quilt and started training my dog to do all kinds of tricks.

Anything you might be interested in, right after a breakup is the best time to start it.

Good luck.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Thanks so much for all your input ladies.

I completely agree...if I have to "show" him ANYTHING, then that kind of means that I'm not completely over him yet. I have to just "do me", keep going out, keep having fun with friends, keep looking fly and move on. But honestly, I really feel like I'm over him! I've started noticing other guys too, and I'm open to a new relationship (maybe not right away) in the near future. So yeah, I think I'm over him. I just dont' know how to act around him these days. He even disgusts me now. I don't think I can even be "friends" with him anymore (if we were even that). So, either I'm taking this really well, or I'm in a major case of denial!

Like I said, I still have to see him every week, so that's awkward sometimes. I'm just trying to keep my distance, but funny...it seems that ever since I've been keeping my distance, all of a sudden NOW he's coming up to me trying to initiate conversation, and is almost like: "I know you see me, so you're going to acknowledge me whether you want to or not."

UGH! Makes me so mad! Why do guys play these games??

I went through this exact thing with my male best friend in college (which is why I swore I'd never date a good friend again). He started dating another girl and I was too upset. I had a hard time getting over him and flip flopped between being in love with him one day and completely hating him them next. Towards the end I just mostly hated him though, lol.

But really the best thing to do is move on and keep busy like the other ladies said. From my experience staying friends or even in contact with an flame creates problems. I wouldn't be surprised if he really starts getting friendly once you move on to another relationship.

Just try to focus on the future and over time it will be a distant memory.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yeah, I think that the fact that we have to see each other every week makes it really REALLY hard to get over him completely fast. I know it's not right, but everytime that he now wants to come up to me and say hello what I REALLY want to do is just give him the same cold-shoulder treatment he would give me at times! Is that wrong?? LOL!

He even called me the other day. I'm like: "WTH??" Again...why?? I wouldn't be surprised that now that I've decided to move on from liking him that he now starts coming to me.

So, when I see him I should just be like: *happy smile* "Hi ___" and keep it moving?? lol* In other words, I shouldn't be acting like: *glare up and down* "Oh...it's you...hey."

 

[Divine_Order]

Yeah, I think that the fact that we have to see each other every week makes it really REALLY hard to get over him completely fast. I know it's not right, but everytime that he now wants to come up to me and say hello what I REALLY want to do is just give him the same cold-shoulder treatment he would give me at times! Is that wrong?? LOL!

He even called me the other day. I'm like: "WTH??" Again...why?? I wouldn't be surprised that now that I've decided to move on from liking him that he now starts coming to me.

So, when I see him I should just be like: *happy smile* "Hi ___" and keep it moving?? lol* In other words, I shouldn't be acting like: *glare up and down* "Oh...it's you...hey."

That's usually how it happens. Girl, they don't EVER leave you alone...even when you want them to! You would be better off dealing with him when you want to (like I would have to screen my phone calls,etc). I mean I've gotten numbers changed and everything! But it just so happens that a mutual friend will give up the info or I would just wind up running into them. It's funny how that happens though! It's like they want to move on...but they want to keep tabs on you, "Just In Case....."

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

That's usually how it happens. Girl, they don't EVER leave you alone...even when you want them to! You would be better off dealing with him when you want to (like I would have to screen my phone calls,etc). I mean I've gotten numbers changed and everything! But it just so happens that a mutual friend will give up the info or I would just wind up running into them. It's funny how that happens though! It's like they want to move on...but they want to keep tabs on you, "Just In Case....."

Oh wow...I didn't even see this reply. Haven't been on these boards for a little while.

Anyway, a little *UPDATE*:

Things are STILL awkward between me and this guy friend of mine. Just this past weekend, a bunch of us went to the movies, and he was there with "the other girl" in our group of friends. Well, after the movie a bunch of us were just standing around talking and stuff outside, and I hear him behind me trying to say hello, but I wasn't sure if I really heard him or not, so I just kept chatting away with my friends and acted like I didn't hear him. Then, when it finally became obvious that he was trying to get my attention, I turned around and acknowledged him. He looked visibly upset...

Oh well! But now I'm under the impression that giving him the cold shoulder (although it feels good! *evil grin* ) is not only wrong, but also perhaps letting him get the satisfaction that he really hurt me. It lets him know that I'm not completely over him yet. I think INSTEADwhat I should do is start acting like my life is the best ever, and that I'm the happiest I've EVER been!

I don't get the impression that he wants to cut ALL ties/contact w/me forever, but just that he has his sights on something that HE feels is better. I think that my "not waiting in the wings" for him anymore has sort of thrown him for a loop now. Hey...I'm just trying to move on, mind my own business, and get over him completely.

So ladies...since I'm not an academy-award winning actress...how did you ladies "pull it off" when you had run-ins with "the ex"?? Until it feels completely real, I need to play off the fact that he hurt me, so I'm trying to figure out how to act happy with life, but still somewhat distant (but not mean) from him. Any suggestions??

 

[Nikki253]

Girl, you don't need to give him the cold shoulder... then he'll start thinking that you haven't moved on. What worked for me was bettering myself...for the next guy that came along (at least that was my thinking in the beginning). I was working out like 5 days a week, I focused more on my hair and skin care, etc. The more I started working on myself, I started seeing results that I liked and it really didn't matter at that point if I had another guy. I was too busy hanging out with the girls...being fly But wouldn't you know when you are feeling the absolute best about yourself, and aren't looking for anything, is when all the guys come out of the wood work.

So I will say, enjoy this time to yourself! Start doing good things for yourself, and treat yourself to more....you deserve it

YES! YES! YES! I couldn't agree with you more!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Wow! This thread is so old! lol.... but so timely.

Thanks ladies for the advice.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

So what happened? I take it that you're over him, right?

 

[LivinMyLifeLikeItsGolden]

Girl, you don't need to give him the cold shoulder... then he'll start thinking that you haven't moved on. What worked for me was bettering myself...for the next guy that came along (at least that was my thinking in the beginning). I was working out like 5 days a week, I focused more on my hair and skin care, etc. The more I started working on myself, I started seeing results that I liked and it really didn't matter at that point if I had another guy. I was too busy hanging out with the girls...being fly But wouldn't you know when you are feeling the absolute best about yourself, and aren't looking for anything, is when all the guys come out of the wood work.

So I will say, enjoy this time to yourself! Start doing good things for yourself, and treat yourself to more....you deserve it

Such great advice. I am trying to get over a 4.5 years relationship and I think this is such empowering advice!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

So what happened? I take it that you're over him, right?

Hehehe.... Funny you should ask!

Actually, at the time that I wrote this thread (2 years ago) I was in complete denial. I was NO WHERE NEAR over him! I realize that now. Unfortunately, later on that year I spiraled down into a mini-depression and even had to get counseling for a few months. A LOT of things happened that year. It was one of the worst years of my life. Relationship heartache, death in the family , illness in the family, etc.

Anyway, things in 2008 between us changed and seemed (notice I said "seemed") to be progressing in a more positive light. He dumped that other girl, and he started showing more interest. But there was still "drama".

However this year things changed for the worse. To make a long story short, he basically played games w/me, and he's now dating a NEW chick.

The way everything went down was pretty painful, and I wish that things could have at least ended on a more amicable light-hearted way between us because we were "friends". But I've definitely cut my losses and have moved on. I finally "woke up" and realized that I can do better! I'm not 100% there to the point where his actions don't affect me anymore, but at least I'm a LOT further now than I was before!!!


I can't wait to date someone seriously again!

It's been hard. I have my up days and my down days especially since I still have to see him & his new gf. However, at least this thread is proof that sometimes getting over someone DOES take a lot of time and pain, but it can be done ladies.

Keep the faith!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Such great advice. I am trying to get over a 4.5 years relationship and I think this is such empowering advice!

WOW! 4.5 years is a lot of time! My up & down rollercoaster of a "relationship" lasted 3 years. But when I think back on my situation now...I just think to myself: "What a waste of time!"

But that's good that you are trying to move on. I'm so happy for you! Maybe we can form a ladies "moving on club" or something.

How long has it been since the breakup?