Help me settle a hair bet with my mother!

[YankeeCandle]

First-time poster here. I've been reading old posts for the past few weeks and learning so much in the process (love my half-wigs ladies!). I thought I'd present my dilemma to you:


HAIR PROBLEMS:My big issue is that I lose MAJOR hair evvery time I detangle (in the shower with thick conditioner and a big old wide toothed comb from Sally's). I've heard it's normal to lose hair each time one washes, but my curls are so knotted and matted together that combing through the thicket results in a hair loss of 1/4 dry cup of hair (minimum) each time I detangle (and sometimes more).

I already have thinning hair and cannot afford to lose this much hair; plus, it is a nightmare--a full-on nightmare, I tell you---to comb and detangle.

I've tried washing MORE frequently in order to prevent the curls from matting together so much (the longer I wait to wash/detangle, the harder it gets and the more hair I lose). I've also tried saturating the damp hair in coconut oil and leaving it on a bit so that when I go to detangle with conditioner, there's more slip.

And I do lose a little bit less hair these ways, but honestly, not enough less to fix my problem. Those curls just want to join together the instant they become dry after a wash!


MOTHER's SOLUTION: my mother claims the best thing for my hair to avoid hair loss would be to press it straight with a hot iron or blowdry (like my sister does) or the Instyler she gave me last year so that it is constantly in a state of straightness and can be detangled easily each time I wash it.


MY OBJECTION: (a) I do not like the straight look on me. It's okay for a novelty 2-3 times a year, but my curls are the love of my life and I strongly identify myself with them. (b) HEAT DAMAGE!! Isn't it just as bad for me in the long-run as losing hair? My sister's hair is a hot damaged mess when she lets it airdry "curly." It has lost its curl pattern and now looks half straight/half "crimped" (remember those crimping machines that I so longed to use like my Euro and Asian friends in the 80s?). True, she's had relaxers but those were many years ago and have long since grown out; the damage now is from the heat.


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A bit of background, if you need it:
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HAIR TYPE: Scary Spice curls mixed w/ Jordin Sparks curls. I have never had a perm/chemical treatment :: conveniently "forgets" about the 5th grade kiddie perm in a box that I tried to wash out before it took effect ::

LENGTH: Shoulder (when curly)

THICKNESS: none! very fine and fragile. Already thinning (genetic in my family in both women and men).

WASH FREQUENCY: no more than once a week (sometimes once every week and a half-two if I'm super busy)

NORMAL ROUTINE: conditioner-wash w/ cheapie drugstore (e.g. White Rain or V05) conditioner, followed by detangling with Pantene Relaxed and Naturals conditioner or, recently, the Organixx line of conditioners (the Coconut one is thicker and closer to the old texture when the Pantene first came out years ago). Then I use a non-crunchy leave-in like WEN (Fig) conditioner or Pantene Relaxed & Natural Oil Daily Moisturizer . Once or twice a month, I use a shampoo during wash to remove buildup.

HISTORY: Early teens, I used mousses. Rest of teens and college days, I used only strong gels made to hold curls. In my early-mid twenties I switched to leave-ins with milder holds (like this Sunsilk product that I used to buy overseas..."24 Hour Styling Cream"). I didn't like the crunchiness of the gels or the stickiness of the styling creams, so I switched to non-hold leave-ins a few years ago, although those don't define as well!

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So I appeal to your collective wisdom: How can I keep the curls curly AND actually keep them (in my scalp)? Is there a better way to detangle? erplexed

THANK YOU

(off to work now but will return to respond to any suggestions)

 

[PretteePlease]

The question is:
Is your hair matter b4 you wash it? In that case I would detangle 1st put ouchless ponytail holders about an inch b4 the ends and wash the hair/rinse in sections. Then detangle with conditioner in the hair again in sections.

If your hair is matting during the wash process my advice is the same wash it in sections. Also take your time dematting your hair. I have found that it works best if you do it without a comb and only use your hands. Hold on the the matted part and pull each hair from the matt ball. then when it seems like the ball is concentrated on one strand of hair cut it off.

Hope this helps
Happy Posting
More Hair

 

[wild curls raquelle]

Have you ever thought about changing the condish you detangle with? Try HEHH or the Hydraliscious line it damn near detangles your hair by itself. Additionally detangle your hair from end to root in very small sections. Also try this, I detangle my hair when I pre-poo with oils dry. The aforementioned and using oils both work for me. I use a combo of castor and jojoba in my hair with a paddle brush in very small sections slowly usually while watching a movie so I move slowly and gently through my hair. Straightening your hair regularly will cause heat damage which is irreversable. I had it and had to cut my hair off because it was so badly damaged from continuous flat-ironing. It ruins your ends and turns beautiful healthy hair to permanently straight hair. In my case my ends split so bad that my hair didn't grow the way that it should have because it caused breakage. This doesn't happen to everyone but it can happen.

ith

 

[chebaby]

hmmmm i dont really know how to answer your question. i took some twists out today and did a co wash and i had more shed hair than normal but that exspected since my hair was in twists. and its shed hair not breakage.

maybe your conditioner doesnt give you the right slip. if its a thick dry type conditioner then i dont see how that would help you to detangle. i use a semi thick/medium conditioner and then run my head under the shower to wet the conditioner some more and then detangle. the hair you ar losing is way too much.

 

[msa]

It sounds like you wear your hair in it's curly state for a week at a time. The problem with that is it gives your hair the time and perfect environment to mat, knot, and tangle. Many natural's who wear their hair in it's curly state have same problem.

You can try to minimize the damage by twisting/braiding/bunning and then covering your hair at night. You can also cowash and detangle more often, like every couple of days.

But your mom is partly right, keeping your hair stretched will help you avoid those problems and retain length. Heat isn't required though. You can blowdry your hair on cool to stretch it and then do a braid/twist/Bantu knot out. You can also do those styles without blow drying first and your hair will still be stretched out.

I've found that unless I want to keep my hair in plaits all the time my hair needs to be stretched out to retain length. No more constant wash and go's for me, they cost me at least an inch of hair.

 

[Jenn22588]

It sounds like you wear your hair in it's curly state for a week at a time. The problem with that is it gives your hair the time and perfect environment to mat, knot, and tangle. Many natural's who wear their hair in it's curly state have same problem.

You can try to minimize the damage by twisting/braiding/bunning and then covering your hair at night. You can also cowash and detangle more often, like every couple of days.

I agree with msa and the other girls. Putting my hair in 2 braids @ night can help with matting. And using oil with my conditioner helps. I probably lose the same amount of hair as you. At first I was really concerned but I still have a head full of hair with no thinning so I stopped worrying. How long has it been since you started losing this much hair detangling?

 

[YankeeCandle]

Arrgh, I just spent 20 minutes writing each of you an individual comment within my post and then I accidentally hit "back" in my browser and lost it.

Whew, here's the condensed version:

Thank you for taking the time to give me advice!

Here's a compilation of my thoughts, which I now direct to all of you:

- I always assumed the thicker the conditioner, the better detangler, but I will now try Chebaby's suggestion of a thinner, slipperier one

- I will try Msportugal's idea of sectioning off hair to give attention to each matted section

- Wildcurlsraquelle, sorry to be a newbie: what is HHHH? I will be happy to try any product you recommend. I am definitely trying your idea of adding oil while detangling to make slippier

--msa, the trouble with all your excellent suggestions is the following: (1) I find that braids, buns, etc. change the shape of my curl pattern from tightly coiled and perfectly spiral to more stretched out and wavy-looking (still lovely, just not my own I've grown to love); (2) I never learned to braid and there's no one near where I live who can do it for me (unless I pay, which I don't have the $$ for right now); (3) I know it sounds silly, but my ears are not my best feature, and I hate styles that expose them.

But I have been experimenting with half-wigs as a way of keeping the curls contained with less potential for matting. It's been okay, but there are a bunch of half-wig related problems I could put into another thread.

-- Jen22588, I have been losing this much every single time I wash (once every week to two weeks) for at least the past 8-10 years. I know it seems I should be bald by now, so SOME of it must be growing back, but my hair is good at camoflauge. By the 3-4 day aafter wash, the curls lose their definiton and my head becomes a fluffy, frizzy cloud that SEEMS (key word) to be thick. People tell me "ooh what a lot of hair you have." Ha. If they saw it within a few hours after washing, they would be shocked at how thin it is, with lots of scalp showing, too.


Even more ideas are welcome!