HELP me BREAK UP w/ someone I've NEVER DATED!

[dm81]

Hey guys,

I was wondering if any of you could give me some advice. I'll try to make this as short as possible.

There is a guy at my job who likes me. We were discussing Valentine's Day and I had mentioned to him that I didn't have a Valentine. So he hands me a note, and it says that he would love to make Valentine's Day up to me by taking me out and to give him a call. So before he leaves for the day he comes up to me and asks me if I'll call. I had already disclosed to him that I wasn't in a relationship...and I wasn't going to be a b!tch and say "HELL NO!"...so I told him that I'd call.

Even though I'm not really attracted to him, I had discussed it with a friend who told me to just go out on the date and see how it goes...the "You Never Know Factor", he could turn out to be a great guy. So I call him and there wasn't much chemistry...even though he seemed to really enjoy the convo.

So last Monday I call him, and he didn't return my phone call. I didn't think much of it, because he could've been sleeping or whatever since I had called him late.I don't get a return phone call until Thursday, but by then I had written him off because I wasn't interested and three days had passed. Now this guy has the same name as my dad and in my phone I had put DNA (Do Not Answer) next to his name. Now when he called on Thurs I was sleeping and when I see the name, I'm thinking it's my dad and ignore it. Five minutes later I call back, because I'm thinking maybe my dad needs something. So I call back no answer...call back again...no answer. Mind you, I'm sleepy and I'm thinking that I'm calling my father, lolol.

So anyway, I go back to sleep. When I wake up I check my phone, got a couple of emails and a missed call. So when I check the log, I realize that I had called work dude, not my dad!

He never returned my call that evening (even though I didn't care), and I hear nothing from him on Friday. So that just solidified everything for me, he's playing games...the phone tag thing is really silly to me. Saturday, I'm in the middle of a great dream...Oprah and I are shopping and all of a sudden I hear a little bloop sound. Anyone with a BB knows that bloop sound that you get when you receive a text. So it's 6:15 in the morning and I'm like WHO in the world is this?! I'm thinking it might be a family member or something, so I check and it's HIM! The text reads "Hey"...I was pissed.

So he calls me a couple of times that day and I don't answer. He calls yesterday...I don't answer.

Now, if I never had to see this man again, I wouldn't have a problem just ignoring him, but since we work at the same place the situation is totally different.

So I SLYDIAL (BEST INVENTION EVAR!!!) him, and say that I think we should keep this relationship on a platonic level since our schedules don't seem to mesh well hence us not being able to speak on the phone. I also mention that I think he's a nice guy and blah blah blah. Now my friend told me that this would NOT work, and I didn't believe her. I mean if a dude sent me a message like that...then boom it's over.

Well he calls me back like 2 minutes after I had sent that voicemail. So I ask him if he received it, and he's like yeah and asked if I meant what I saidand I say well yeah...our schedules don't mesh. He said he would FIX his schedule!!! He said WE COULD MAKE THIS WORK IF WE TRIED...I am absolutely FLOORED.

So he says we can go out this weekend...and me being the nice WUSS that I am tentatively agree..

Please help me get out of this. Thanks.

 

[mscocoface]

You know how to get out of this. As an adult you call and tell him you have thought about it and you are not comfortable with this going any further and you just wish to remain co workers and nothing more.

Am I missing something? This doesn't have to be this difficult does it?

 

[dm81]

You know how to get out of this. As an adult you call and tell him you have thought about it and you are not comfortable with this going any further and you just wish to remain co workers and nothing more.

Am I missing something? This doesn't have to be this difficult does it?

Well, it was uncomfortable for me which is why I asked for input...hence the post. Thank you for input Cocoface! Have BLESSED one!

 

[Duff]

I would probably go on the date (I'm a wuss) but on the ONE date I would express strongly for him not to change his schedule and also throw in that I'm seeing other people, ie dating. also let him know it would probably be better if you guys remained just friends/coworkers. if he does not get that face to face, then just 'ignore.'

 

[Blaque*Angel]

I think you have helped create an awkward situation.

The guy now knows your weak spot and will probably tell you the same words everytime you try and "break up" with him, knowing you will change your mind.

you need to just tell homeboy you are not interested-and stick to your word!

 

[Keen]

How do you slydial again?

 

[dm81]

How do you slydial again?

267-759-3425

 

[frizzy]

Just say NO.
Have something else to do.
Reconnect with your ex-boyfriend...there are a million things you can tell this guy if you really don't want to go out with him.

You seem a little interested, but put off by his lack of attentiveness.

 

[Bmack]

Just tell him you don't see it working.I know its hard because you do not seem like the type to hurt feelings, but I would just say lets just be friends.

 

[mscocoface]

Well, it was uncomfortable for me which is why I asked for input...hence the post. Thank you for input Cocoface! Have BLESSED one!

I didn't mean to come across mean or condensending. There is no comfortable way to do this. Head on is usually the best way.

 

[Murjani]

There is a reason why you two cant seem to connect...I would take that as a sign and decline the weekend date

 

[ThickHair]

Tell him you thought about it and it is never a good idea to date a coworker. I think you brought a lot of this on yourself. I wouldn't even give a coworker a chance because I just don't and will not ever date a coworker, thus your sticky situation.

It also helps to not talk about your personal life with coworkers, thus you would have never been in this situation because he would have never known you didn't have a Valentine.

 

[firecracker]

I don't think there is anything to get out of. Ya'll ain't dating! You went out once and thats that. I don't know why you felt the need to address nothing. Folks are busy and every conversation doesn't pan out in the adult world. You didn't and don't owe him any explanation. Just go to work and keep it moving. You read too much into him not calling, calling or whatever imo. If he says something to you tell him boy I ain't thanking bout you!

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

This whole thing was a game on his part, an accident on your part (since you thought you were calling your Dad back). Truth be told, you don't owe him an explanation. If it were me, I wouldn't go, nor would I tell him why. When I don't call or show up, he'll dummy up and figure it out. That's it n that's all. Phuck him n feed him beans....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Awww...sorry OP! I know how it feels to go through something like this.

Before I start....

1) Change your dad's contact name in your phone to "Daddy" or "Dad"
2) What exactly is slydial and how does it work?


Okay...now that I've gotten that out....

I have been in your situation tons of times. Especially lately since I'm trying to give more guys who are not automatically my "type" a chance. I find though that sometimes I'm a little TOO nice, and I'm so afraid to hurt their feelings that I end up allowing these guys to pursue me, but I"m not interested

First of all, don't apologize for not being interested in him. If you're not interested, you're not interested! I know it's easier said than done, but if you really have zero interest in him, you need to make that known. It's harder when it's someone you are friends with or have to see every week, but trust me...it's better to cut it off now instead of being unhappy for a longer time.

I think telling him that you don't feel comfortable dating a coworker is the safest bet. But what if he changes jobs? lol So, telling him that AND the fact that you think it's better that you two just remain friends since you don't have any romantic interest on your part is the best bet. If you don't feel comfortable saying "no interest", maybe just break it to him gently that you view him like a brother and wouldn't think it would be a good idea to pursue a romantic relationship. I would let him know that you're dating others also.

Keep us posted!

 

[Nyssa28]

Just tell him, life is too short to fake something that's not there. Prolonging it will only make you uneasy and more difficult for you to get rid of him.

OT - What is Slydial?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

ugh.... yet more proof that dating in the workplace is a big giant nono.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

Just went through this with a similar type of guy; if you let him wear you down that easily he'll continue to pester you until he gets his way...JUST SAY NO!

I would avoid going on a date with him to tell him you're not interested, why get his hopes up & then publicly humiliate him especially since you'll have to deal with the aftermath as long as yall share a workplace. Call him up & tell him you're having second thoughts would rather not go out, inform him that you'd rather maintain a professional relationship & leave it at that. Then stand firm in your decision!!!! Most men are not gluttons for rejection so they'll back off before they look desperate to a woman they've never been involved with.

It may seem a little harsh, but if you're not perfectly frank he'll think you're playing hard to get & pursue you harder; prolonging the inevitable just makes things messier so handle this as soon as you can.

I chose to have this talk with my admirer face to face so there was no confusion. I told him I needed to speak to him when class was over and met him outside afterwards. The convo was brief, to the point & pleasant; I said a few "I was uncomfortable/I was confused whens" as opposed to "you need to/you shoulds". I flat out said I wasn't interested in dating right now as I was focused on school & other things. I closed the talk with this where my head is & I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. I did no beating around the bush, but I wasn't rash. We can now talk without things being strange & best of all he's stopped pursuing me.