Help! I hate my hair!

[Sonnora]

Hello Ladies,

I am not really new to the board, I lived in Colorado until a few weeks ago and I would pop in and read and learn. This board has helped me so much. Since moving to San Jose' CA my hair has been acting strange. I have been using the Affirm relaxer and I condition with Moisture by Affirm and also DMR. I have been using ACV maybe once a month. My hair has been breaking and coming out by large strands and it is very tangled. I hate to comb it. I am getting to the point where I want to cut it all off. I need a break for it and I don't know what to do. Please help I want to go to a shop and let someone else do it for a while.

 

[Spagirl]

Hi Sonnora....Welcome to LHCF!

Sorry to hear about your tangles and breakage problem. In order for us to help you we will need a little more information. The 1st few questions that comes to mind are: <ul type="square"> When was the last time you had a relaxer?
On the long strands of hair that are breaking do you see a white bulb on the end?
How often do you deep condition your hair? Be it protein tx or moisturizing.
What shampoo are you using?
[/list]

I don't want to overwhelm you with question so I'll stop here.

 

[Allandra]

Welcome.

 

[nita4]

welcome to the forum.

 

[aqualung]

Welcome to the board.

A good detangling conditioner will give you better slip and make you hair softer during combouts. A lot of people here detangle easily after conditioning with Keracare Humecto (about $10). I use Clairol Renewal 5X conditioner for colored/permed hair (about $3) for conditioner washes and combouts -- much less breakage and shedding from tangles.

 

[itismehmmkay]

[ QUOTE ]
My hair has been breaking and coming out by large strands and it is very tangled. I hate to comb it.

[/ QUOTE ]

hey there.....welcome

I say, stop using a comb. When I wash my hair, I just finger comb it in the shower. Now, I will admit that my flat-irons don't come out as good as my stylist who blow-dries my hair with a comb-attactment prior to flat-ironing.

I noticed, though, that you're hair is right below your shoulders. Why don't you try the bun challenge

Whatever the case, you definitely have hair long enough where you shouldn't have to do too much to it.

 

[AngieK]

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Hello Sonnora - - Welcome to the board!

You post brings back MEMORIES for me. I think the climate change and perhaps the local water may be the culprit. When I moved, I began to experience hair problems about 3 weeks later. My hair was tangly and my scalp was abnormally dry and itchy. On top of that, it was shedding and breaking like crazy. I did the same as you and saught out a stylist who could help me with my problem. After an extensive consult, she informed me that the local water is extremely hard, and that she has seen the problem often from new arrivals.

I can assume that you are probably experiencing similar problems from a change in climate, altitude and/or local water. If this is the case, you are going to have to baby your hair until your body becomes accustomed to your new environment. To help you along, you can try ACV rinses, distilled water, and/or mild clarifying shampoos until your hair gets back on track. If the San Jose climate is dryer than which you are accustomed, then you will need to take a look at (and perhaps change) your leave-in, moisturizing and styling products as well.

AngieK

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[Aerie17]

[ QUOTE ]
<font color="brown">

Hello Sonnora - - Welcome to the board!

You post brings back MEMORIES for me. I think the climate change and perhaps the local water may be the culprit. When I moved, I began to experience hair problems about 3 weeks later. My hair was tangly and my scalp was abnormally dry and itchy. On top of that, it was shedding and breaking like crazy. I did the same as you and saught out a stylist who could help me with my problem. After an extensive consult, she informed me that the local water is extremely hard, and that she has seen the problem often from new arrivals.

I can assume that you are probably experiencing similar problems from a change in climate, altitude and/or local water. If this is the case, you are going to have to baby your hair until your body becomes accustomed to your new environment. To help you along, you can try ACV rinses, distilled water, and/or mild clarifying shampoos until your hair gets back on track. If the San Jose climate is dryer than which you are accustomed, then you will need to take a look at (and perhaps change) your leave-in, moisturizing and styling products as well.

AngieK

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I agree! I moved from California to Florida and it was a major change for my hair. Your hair will eventually get used to the change, so take your time with your hair.

 

[Isis]

[ QUOTE ]
<font color="brown"> If the San Jose climate is dryer than which you are accustomed, then you will need to take a look at (and perhaps change) your leave-in, moisturizing and styling products as well.
AngieK

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[/ QUOTE ]

Welcome!

I agree that the climate changes may mean a change in your leave-in and other hair products you were used to. One product that stood out to me was your Infusium 23. I too moved to a different climate and struggled with some hair breakage. I stopped using the Infusium and that made a great difference! Infusium can be very good for some hair types but I think it had too much protein for me to use as a leave-in in my 4A/4B hair. Now I use Nexxus Headress for my leave-in (and other Nexxus products for moisturizing and shampoo).

 

[Sonnora]

Ladies,

thank you so much!!!! You all are so supportive and I am most greatful to be among women of such knowledge. I think you are right about all the changes. I have started to comb my hair with my fingers instead of the comb. I am going to take it easy on my hair. The stress of moving three kids, 4500 square feet of house furniture into a house of 2600 square feet, plus a 10 year old sheltie and a husband probally would cause anyones hair to fall out. My hair and my body are under great stress. Even my face has broken out. So I will take the advice and slow down on the leave in conditioner and switch to something with less protien and start to baby my hair.

I also realized that I probably need a touch up it has been 12 weeks. I did not even realize that it had been that long so I have schedlued one for this Thursday with a stylist I have never seen. I am very leary about letting someone do my hair and I have not been to a salon in almost 2 years. If you ladies have any advise about this situation I would again be most greatful.

 

[Nyambura]

Hi Sonnora,

This post may be getting to you too late but I would delay the chemical service until you consult with the person who will be touching up your hair. Maybe you can go in for a wash-and-set or deep conditioning, to see how (s)he handles your hair. Or you could even ask to observe the stylist while (s)he works on other people's heads first. I agree, it can be terrifying walking into a salon to get your hair touched-up and you're new to the State. At least with the suggestions above, the stylist couldn't inflict too much reversible damage and with a consultation, you can set up clear boundaries for your expectations - including whether/how much to trim, what relaxer brands used, etc. I got this really great tip: rather than telling a stylist that I only want 1/4 of an inch, I show her with my fingers the amount I want trimmed so there's no mistaking that we're on the same page.

If you can't get do any of that, I personally wouldn't go to that salon. I checked out the Aveda website for you and found a number of salons in San Jose or nearby (OT - I love the Bay Area, and used to live there before moving out here). Aveda Salons Just type in your city and State. It's been my experience out here in Minnesota that each of the Aveda salons has people who specialize in relaxers (although that's no guarantee of quality). I figure as multicultural as San Jose is, you shouldn't have too much trouble finding someone. The beauty of it is, if you don't have a good experience, you can contact either the manager or the corporate office and they'll take pains to make sure you're satisfied. I guess the same could be said of other corporate salons too, e.g., JCPenney, although I have no direct experience with them. Otherwise, with a small shop, you may be out of luck re: recourse.

Don't want to scare you - just want you to plan for the worst (assuming it WON'T happen) while hoping for the best. It's just a way to protect yourself.

Good luck.

 

[Sonnora]

Thank you Surfer Girl,

I said a little prayer before logging on tonight about what to do tomarrow and my prayers were answered my your message. I will go to my appontment in the morning at 9am. I will tell the lady to do a wash and condition not a relaxer and I will see if I can just watch her do someone else. Because I homeschool my three little ones I will be taking them with me and they will have their work to do so my attention will be somewhat devided but this way at least I can get to know this stylist and see if she will work for me without doing major damage to my hair. I am a little scared to walk out on a stylist but you ladies have given me the courage to do that if I feel it it necessary. Thank God I got your message just in time. HIS timing is never late but always on time. Again thank you and I will let you know how my apointment goes.

Sonnora

 

[Nyambura]

Sonnora,

You're welcome. I hope you had a good experience at the salon today!

 

[Sonnora]

Well I got up this morning at 8am and started the mad rush to get everyone up and out the door and while I was getting dressed the phone rang and it was Cheri the stylist. She was calling to say that she was running late and that she would like to change the time from 9 to 10am. I said that would be great I could use the time to get my crew ready.

We arrived at about 10:10 and there was a sign on the door saying "will be back at 10:30". We waited and she came in at 10:40. We introduced ourselves and she seemed nice. I
explained to her that I needed a touch up but that today I just wanted a wash and blow. I told her that I wanted to she how she would handle my hair. She then took a look at my hair and said that she could do a wash, condition, blow, and flat iron. She then took me to the shampoo bowl and washed, condition the she put me under the dryer for ten minutes. She rinsed my hair out with hot water and I told her that if she rinsed it out with cold water my hair would seal in the conditioner and close up the hair shafts. She seem to listen but did get a little taken aback, but kept it positive.

She very carefully combed my hair she started using a little black comb then went to get a larger tooth comb. She then put me under the dryer before blow drying me and after the blow drying she said that it looked like I really needed a trim but that she would need to straighten it before really knowing. She then started to press my hair around the edges and the first thing I thought was "oh no" she was going to fry me. Again, she was very careful and the comb was not smoking my hair so I let her proceed.

After that she flat ironed my hair and then curled the ends. When I looked in the mirrow it was almost at my bra. Ok it was at my bra WOW I could not believe it had gotten soooo long. There is probably an inch and a half maybe 2 inches of new growth. I asked her about the health of my hair and she said that I was in preaty good shape but it was thin. She said that I did not need a trim as much as she thought but could use one. I told her that I might let her trim me in a year or so after getting to know her butter and building trust. I told her that I wanted my relaxer only left on for ten min. and that I wanted the Affirm 5 in 1 put on right after the relaxer. Overall it was a good experience mainly because I felt in control and I was able to explain to her what I expected to happen during a chemical process. I did schedule an appointment for next Thurs. at 9am for a retouch and I plan to remind her of what I want.

Thank you Surfer Girl for helping me prepare for my appointment and everyone else encouraging me not to do the big chop chop. Blessings and More Hair!!!!

Today I am not hating my hair!!

 

[Nyambura]

Congratulations, Sonnora! And good for you for taking charge!