HELP! I AM CLOSE TO THE EDGE!

[songbyrd517]

Okay so, I am having quite the hair dilemma!
I am VERY close to getting a relaxer and I am debating on whether or not I should. I am a 4a/3c natural with a decent amount of hair. It is almost a little past armpit length stretched. I transitioned beginning on Dec. 9, 2004 (my very last relaxer), and got my relaxed ends cut off on Nov. 12, 2005. I have been natural since then (close to two years). I love my natural hair, and I have grown used to not relaxing, however I am becoming very worried about the health of my hair and the look I want to achieve

I take very good care of my hair, and I am very gentle with it. I do not use heat a lot, and I only comb when there's conditioner or lots of shower water present. However, It seems that no matter what I do, I am getting dry, brittle, split ends. I deep condition, don't comb or manipulate much and when I do I am very gentle, I treat my ends very well, and still my hair looks like hell on wheels. It looks pretty decent while curly, but the ends are still dry, and don't even get me started on what happens when I try to straighten. I have dry hair anyway, but it seems that it is drier now that I don't have a relaxer (I don't know if that's possible, but that's how it seems). I have tried lots of things, and I am beginning to think that my ends are getting so splity and dry because the oils I do have are not able to get to the ends well enough to seal in moisture while my hair is curly. My hair is suffering being curly. I have tried baggying, and I ALWAYS put extra moisturizers on them, and nothing. Not a fracking thing !!!! And I could try to wear it straight more often to let the oils be able to travel down my shaft, but that would require entirely too much heat. That would REALLY kill my ends. I am at a loss!

My hair was growing well and I even got really close to BSL before I decided to transition, and it was very healthy. I started using Affirm Mild Lye Relaxer, and not making my hair bone straight anymore, and also rollersetting and doing wet wraps and my hair was thriving. It was so soft and silky and bouncy, and my ends were in really good shape. I just thought that maybe going completely natural would be even better, but I don't know anymore. I also wanted to remember what my natural hair was like.

I did not get relaxers when I was a little girl, up until I was about 11 (which was WAY too young). My mom either braided, did braid-outs, or pressed out mine and my sisters hair on a regular basis, and both of our hair was very long. I didn't remember what my hair was like, I just knew it was long, and thought that maybe I needed to go back to that to achieve length. But now, I don't know. I am really considering relaxing with mild relaxer and going back to my rollersets to save my hair and achieve the length I want. My hair grows both relaxed and natural, but it will never get too far past my shoulders if my ends keep being like this! I am so fed up! And it take me ENTIRELY too long to do anything to my hair other than wear a poof and I am growing very tired of it. It's cute and all, but I am sick of looking the same way all the time. Day in, day out, poof Poof POOF! I am tired of looking like a sheep! At least with a relaxer I could change up my style, and since I don't do bone straight, I can mousse it some days and wear it wavy/curly still with half the hassle!

My goal is to get my hair to brastrap straightened, preferably by June of '08 (for my wedding). My ultimate goal is waistlength. How can I get there if my curls don't allow my ends to be nourished and protected? I am truly tired and fed up with this. Do you all think I should relax, or no? Which is healthier? What sounds better for me? What are your sugesstions? Help me please, I am confused and frustrated (Sorry this is so long )

 

[meaganita]

I don't know chica. I know you said your hair was fine when it was relaxed, but if your hair is suffering from dryness right now, relaxing again sounds like the last thing you should do. How often do you wear protective styles? I can see why wearing a puff every day would dry out your hair because your ends are constantly being exposed. Why don't you braid it up for a while and give yourself some time to find better products for your hair. When you take your braids down you can get a really nice trim and try out a new regimine with better products for your hair and see if that helps. Then if after a certain amount of time, say a few months, if it isn't working out, maybe you could take the plunge then.

I'm not anti-relaxer, but you did go natural for a reason and it could just be about tweaking your regimine, styling techniques, and/or product usage. I say exhaust all your options before you make a permanent decision. I'd hate for you to relax and the problem persists or gets worse, and you have to do a bc all over again. Sounds like your ends are already dry and need to be clipped anyway. So why not braid it up for a while, give yourself some time to cool down from your frustration and maybe look into some other alternatives?

 

[LynnieB]

ok missy, time to pull you up by your bootstraps.......gotta get you outta that pity pool immediately!! we can't have that round here

arghhhhhhhh! there ya go, here's a kleenex, wipe your eyes, have a seat and let's talk.

exactly what products are you using now? what's your regimen? specifics girl, specifics!

sometimes the things we use have ingredients in them that aren't exactly good ones or, they cause dryness or they have ingredients that can build up over time. sometimes the styles themselves are detrimental - like the fro's and puffs......they're beautiful but meaganita mentioned, your ends could be taking a beating by the constant exposure to sun and the elements - also if you're fluffing and patting your hair into that nice round shape we all love, that can kill your ends!

so - don't get discouraged lady - post what you're doing and using and see if we can help you get past this hurdle.

 

[Ivie184]

ITA w/ everything Lynnie B and Meaganita said. I was in the same boat as you then I decided to try protective styling (two-strand twists). It might not be for everyone but it definitely worked for me. The main problem I had was to moisturize my ends consistently and I was not doing that. So then when I started seeing those dry, frizzy and split ends which resulted in3 inch trims every couple of months = time for a change. Moisturize your ends every day and if you have to maybe twice a day (don't think that would hurt but someone please correct me if I'm wrong). I started doing this and my ends are not dry and raggedy like they used to be. I also changed all of my products (old ones were not helping at all ), started deep conditioning after every wash and eliminated heat completely (this was hard because the blow dryer was my friend ). HTH. Btw, how often are you trimming or dusting?

 

[bravenewgirl87]

Two words.... Porosity Control. It seems as if your hair is not recieving the moisturizing benefits, so try the PC 2-in-1. You will see a big difference. It also seems as if you are not using the right products. Also, you should clarify your hair... It could be really clogged.

 

[sunshinelady]

I am going through the exact same thing! Exactly!

 

[sareca]

Although we tend to associate reconstructors with relaxed hair but it sounds like your hair needs one. I like IC super potent reconstructor, but start with whatever you have leftover from your relaxed days. Leave it covered w/ heat and a little oil for at least 30 minutes. I think it will help a lot.

 

[songbyrd517]

:update: Thank you all so much for your help!!! Okay, I know I should be beaten because I have not responded to this thread in over a year, but I apologize, and there's a reason! I had a very interesting and rough year, and on top of it, I started law school. I have been in law school for a while now, so since I am over the initial shock of beginning law school, I am able to have some free-time. Also, since some other issues have cleared up, I am now in the right state of mind to talk.

I would like to thank all of you for your responses! I am still having pretty much the same dryness issues with my hair. I ended up clipping my ends and using a reconstructor, with good results, but most recently, even with the added strength from the protein, I am having a recurring dryness problem!!!! My hair is like the Sahara, and the protein makes it feel hard and dryer. I don't get it. It has grown some over the past year, and it was doing well for a while, but now its going back into dry mode. I dyed my hair red for a while, then ended up dying it black when I got tired of it. In addition, I began using a mild lye relaxer, but only 3 times per year (don't hit me!). I do not relax it straight by any means - it is definitely still curly and big - it just helped my hair to be a little more manageable and easier to comb, hence less breakage. I know the dye was horrible, but I won't do that again on my own. I will try some more of your suggestions. I am currently washing once a week with Creme of Nature Kiwi and Citrus Moisturizing Shampoo, Deep Conditioning once a week with Atria, Naturals "protein pure" conditioner mixed with EVOO, and using Hollywood Beauty Olive Oil Creme (no petroleum or mineral oil) as a moisturizer. I use Suave Tropical Coconut for conditioner rinses, usually once or twice a week, and when I flat iron, I blow dry then use a CHI ceramic iron. I use Fantasia IC heat protectant, and CHI Smoothing Serum. When I am not flat ironing, I wear my hair in a bun or a puff.

If you see any flaws in my regimen, or have any other comments, I would love to hear them!

Thanks Girls!!!!!

 

[nitavcc]

I wish you all the best in law school.. As a practicing attorney in NY, I know what its like to go through its pressures, and endure the classes to change the way that you think!

Anyway, many people rave about the benefits of shea butter! Some even find that it is too moisturizing and dilute it with another oil..

May i suggest warming some shea butter and using it on your roots, and every night use Jamaican Black castor oil on your ends.. Your hair may smell, for a few minutes ( JBCO has a nutty smell) but the ends absorb it well.

The only thing that you should be aware of is clarifying, because all of the oils do buildup, but shea butter is extremely moisturizing.

Do a search on shea butter and Jamaican Black Castor Oil- also known as huile masckreti for many Haitan sisters, and you will see many rave about it!

 

[songbyrd517]

Thanks nitavcc! That sounds like a good idea. My hair is so hard and dry lately. I have used shea butter before and I liked the results, but never warmed up... hmmm... sounds yummy! I'll try it! (I don't know why I stopped using shea butter.) I also have heard a lot of great things about Jamaican black castor oil. I would love to try some. I hate ordering things though, if I can avoid it. Do they sell it at health stores, etc. that you know of?

 

[nitavcc]

Thanks nitavcc! That sounds like a good idea. My hair is so hard and dry lately. I have used shea butter before and I liked the results, but never warmed up... hmmm... sounds yummy! I'll try it! (I don't know why I stopped using shea butter.) I also have heard a lot of great things about Jamaican black castor oil. I would love to try some. I hate ordering things though, if I can avoid it. Do they sell it at health stores, etc. that you know of?

umm.. I'm not from Michigan, so I'm not sure where you can go..
1st try your local beauty supply store..
2nd .... If there is an area in Michigan that has a strong Caribbean, Haitian presence, I'm sure you'll be able to find it there. (Remember that many Haitian people call it h'uile maskreti - ( pronounced wheel maskreh tee).
If nothing like this exists where you are... you may have to order it online..

But in the meantime, try regular castor oil on those ends.. If your hair is as dry and thick like mine, it will drink that castor oil up! ( I do Prefer the Jamaican Black Castor Oil though)

HOpe that helps!

 

[prettynatural]

Seems like maybe silicones could be doing it. My hair was so dry, it always have been dry even as a relaxed person. I have learned that on my natural hair, silicones, especially Creme of Nature Shampoo cause my hair to be very dry once it has air dried. I have used Lekair Cholestorol condish because it has no silicones and my hair stays moisturized and soft much longer for about a week. hths
Congrats on being in law school! yea!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Songbyrd......Please, do not give up, you've come so far in your journey. Going natural has so many ups and downs...I know it after almost a year but I'm determined to see it through. I know long termers can help us all out with this problem.