Help! Any celibate ladies here?

[mimi]

I'm having a hard time making a decision here. I just turn 19 last month, but I'm a little inexperienced in the dating department. this is due to the fact that my parents don't believe in dating so I've really been sheltered from the opposite sex. I just recently ran into a really nice guy who seemed to have some interest in me (ask for my number). He seem really nice and sincere, and I've never dated before. I feel like I'm old enough to start looking out for the "right one", so I gave him my number (you have to start somewhere). The problem I'm having now is that I'm a virgin and I want to remain so until after marriage. So I thought this thru after I'd already given up the number and I keep thinking "what would a college boy want with a virgin?" I screened his first call but I just need advice on what I should do, and if you guys have been in a similar situation how do you go about it. Is it possible to keep a man interested now a days without giving it up? I'm really inexperienced and very clueless.

 

[AnnDriena_]

First of all congratulations on sticking to your guns. You'll find that abstinence naturally filters out creeps who want to take you away from your purity because they will show their colors when simply don't give it up. I think for any Christian who is abstinant the best and easiest (nothing wrong with the easy way here) is to simply:


First and foremost he has to have his own relationship with Christ.
As you know it's hard enough to walk your own walk. It's impossible to put someone on your back and walk theirs for them too. If we are not headed in the same direction then I'm trying to plow the field with a dead or or with that is headed in a different direction and how is that going to work out. If we are yoked ( and not just romantically, friendship yokes people together also) how are we going to go in two different directions. Simple, we can't. We have to be of one accord. And that accord has to be that Christ is the head of both of our lives and he has to want to present me as a holy before the Lord. Not something he defiled because his hormones told him so. And I don't mean just him having enough restraint to abstain from immorality with me. He has to truly want to protect and uphold my purity. He has to care for me so much that he wouldn't want to jeopardize anything we may be building for the future. He has to be commited to keeping the marriage bed pure.



Wait to find out what he's really about. He can talk the talk but stand back and see if he walks the walk. Don't be so anxious to jump into something that you only see what you want to see.

One thing I've found is that when you give someone enough rope if they are a creep they will hang themselves with it. When I was 21 I got close to this hot Italian guy. But I don't move at warp speed so I wasn't kissing and falling all over him and when I found out he had sex or "messed around" with a whorish girl who was hot and ready to go for waay too many guys I gave him a rather large piece of my mind. Do you know he didn't at first see the problem. Well the problem is when you show interest in me I'm going to stand back and see what kind of mate you would be. And if you show me you are going to go sleeping with the first open pair of legs then I'll just thank you for showing me your true colors. Because you don't show me that you want me by doing some other chick.

See if his actions match up to his words.
Cliche but true. People can tell you who they are but you can believe what they show you. People make mistakes but they don't live them. If they are living foul they are foul.

Pray.
Last but never least. Always pray and ask God to not only open your eyes and give you strength to stay away from these pretty faced loser guys. But thank him in advance for taking them out of your life.

God Bless you sweetie you're on the right path.

 

[FlyyGyrl]

Ann Driena has given you some great advice. Always remember you have a lot to offer and you don't have to do anything sexual to keep someone. Just be yourself and the good ones will stick around. Make sure he is a Christian and take things slowly. When you go on dates stay in public places. Pray about it.

 

[star]

I agree with both the post excellent advice. Just to add my two cent I have celiabate around that age too. I am not puffing myself up I had alot men who wanted to date me but I was fully engage in my walk with God. I am not going to lie it was hard because some them were fine but I stayed close to God and God ran them off some how. My biggest advice is to be friends and it is possible to have male friends and no sex. Just remember men a very, very immature and you may be looking for relationship/marriage but not them. I always tell my nephew who is your age and a virgin not to become too serious for relationships can take alot out of you. Only if you know God is speaking to you to get serious then do it but 19 you are still young and there is so much life has to offer. Keeping the pressure off the both of you will come when you both have room to grow and be yourself while having healthy expectaions from the opposite sex. Just remember GOd is the only one who can supply all your needs not a man. God can give you someone who can love you and help you with His wisdom. Be friends take one day at a time and pray together and do not be surprise if he is not a Christian some people bloom late in life but you could be a good godly example for him while keeping your self-esteem anchor in who you are in God and not losing your identity in Jesus. God bless and best of wishes!!

 

[upandcoming]

I PRAY that you take this advice but more importantly I PRAY that you listen to the Holy Spirit that whispers into your ear.

A. IS HE A CHRISTIAN? Not just a church goer, or a Christian on facebook or FACEBOOK, but a man who can OPEN UP THE BIBLE TO YOU, and read you some scripture to help you out in your walk - a man who PRAYS for YOU and for YOUR RELATIONSHIP. A man who is doing something for the kingdom.

Don't get caught up in someone who is doing it for show. A GOOD friend of mine dated one of these guys, and then realized he was doing the whole thing just so he could get her. She was hurt, really hurt.

B. There's nothing wrong with dating. But you have to think about your PURPOSE. Are you looking just to get to know someone? Are you looking for a friend? A boyfriend? A husband? Because MY personal belief about dating has shifted to getting married to the person who GOD wants me to marry; because I believe two married people can do some amazing things for the kingdom. So maybe if you're not ready to think about marriage in the near future, ask yourself what you're looking for. Maybe you just want a male friend. Also think about what HE'S looking for. People always told me that guys this age aren't looking for a wife, and I never believed it but....
LET ME TELL YOU, IT IS TRUE. Most guys aren't. I've had guys flat out told me, "You'd be a great wife, but most guys aren't looking for that right now."
It seems like a LOT of guys just want to date now, and then when they get serious about finding that girl, they'll start looking for a wife. Happens all the time.

Sorry that was a rant, but my goodness, God has delivered me from some situations....mhmmm. And I just THANK HIM for His grace because I was also very sheltered but I went to a science school and most of my classmates were guys so you know how that is....(Still a virgin, however). Emotional ties hurt too, let me tell you!

Anyway, on that note, have fun. Just becareful too. I just had to say all of that stuff because I wish someone had told me all of this stuff before the heart ache I suffered. Ultimately you're going to do what you want to do, but just becareful.

 

[mimi]

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice ladies! It help me alot. I think I'm ready to face this guy now. Wish me luck!

 

[Shimmie]

All of the above advise is EXCELLENT! I do want to add the following.

* Please DO NOT get hung up on trying to 'keep' him. Otherwise, you will only end up compromising and giving in and then later, having nothing left to give.

A man is not going to leave you for not having sex with him. Men leave because it was their intentions to do so anyway...sex or no sex. Just be you and show sincere interest in who he is as a man.

* Do not spend too much time alone with him. If at all possible, not until you know that his intentions are sincere about you and this comes from communicating over the phone for a while.

* When you are with him, show respect for him by the way you dress, walk and carry yourself. He doesn't need to see your flesh. Keep it covered. The most beautiful woman is one who is modest in dress and character. I've discovered that the more I cover up, the more attention I receive.

Because of your lack of experience, men are going to be drawn to this for a number of reasons. For some men, it is a 'conquest', for others it is sincere appreciation for you as a woman and a virgin. So, guard yourself. Enjoy the friendship, but guard yourself.

It will never be easy, but it is more than possible to 'hold on' until marriage. Get ready for the hurts, the names and temporary interests that may occur. But it's not about you. It's more about the enemy trying to 'wear' you down and to tear at your heart and self-esteem. Even more, it's about God protecting you.

This I know. In spite of the many opportunities that I have had to 'fail', somehow I've managed to hold out for 24 years. And I have no regrets. I knew what I 'didn't want...premarital sex. It's just not right. God had me busy with Him, as opposed to the many 'hims' (other men).

It's paid off, for as I look back at all of the 'options' that I've had before me, I can only say....Praise God for 'keeping' me. It is so worth it.