TinyBlu
Well-Known Member
So, some colleagues and I (both male and female) had an interesting debate last night, and I was quite surprised by the male vs. female viewpoints on the issue and thought I'd get some more input.
The situation: Two people have been seeing each other for 6 months. They spend a lot of time together, have met each others' friends and families and aren't seeing / sleeping with other people. They have "the talk" and he says that they are not in a committed relationship, and she wants to know what to do.
We've all heard this one if not been there/ done that ourselves. Many females said RUN while some suggested getting more insight into why the guy didn't want to commit despite behaving like being in a relationship. The men said "It's only a title... go with the flow... if it ain't broke don't fix it," type responses.
MY TAKE: Pull back a bit. I said she should reduce her level of availability to that of "just dating" vs. being a "girlfriend". Maybe he's gotten comfortable and isn't taking the next step because he's getting all boyfriend benefits without the buy in.
Surprisingly, a lot of the guys thought this was playing games. In my mind, it's just setting healthy boundaries. I think ending things abruptly may be a little harsh, but observing how the guy reacts to pulling back a bit could give her the answer she needs.
Needless to say... it was a VERY interesting conversation.
So... pulling back when a guy doesn't commit (reducing time / intimacy / availability, etc)... is that "tit for tat" or just being a Grown A** Woman who knows what she wants and honors herself?
The situation: Two people have been seeing each other for 6 months. They spend a lot of time together, have met each others' friends and families and aren't seeing / sleeping with other people. They have "the talk" and he says that they are not in a committed relationship, and she wants to know what to do.
We've all heard this one if not been there/ done that ourselves. Many females said RUN while some suggested getting more insight into why the guy didn't want to commit despite behaving like being in a relationship. The men said "It's only a title... go with the flow... if it ain't broke don't fix it," type responses.
MY TAKE: Pull back a bit. I said she should reduce her level of availability to that of "just dating" vs. being a "girlfriend". Maybe he's gotten comfortable and isn't taking the next step because he's getting all boyfriend benefits without the buy in.
Surprisingly, a lot of the guys thought this was playing games. In my mind, it's just setting healthy boundaries. I think ending things abruptly may be a little harsh, but observing how the guy reacts to pulling back a bit could give her the answer she needs.
Needless to say... it was a VERY interesting conversation.
So... pulling back when a guy doesn't commit (reducing time / intimacy / availability, etc)... is that "tit for tat" or just being a Grown A** Woman who knows what she wants and honors herself?