He wants to get married before the wedding...

[Leslie_C]

I tend to be long winded, but Ill try to make this as simple as possible...lol.

Ok, my fiance and I got engaged at the end of April. We already live together if it makes any difference on your stance. Originally the wedding was supposed to be in November, then we pushed it to March. Well March is going to be a no go as well. I just graduated nursing school in December and my last semester was a real financial strain. We made it through, but barely. We were robbing Peter to pay Paul,etc. and it caught up to us in the end so we are just now caught up on all our bills. We need more time to save the money to have the wedding.

We cant wait to be married, but at the same time we want it to be special. He wants to go ahead and get married just the two of us either around valentines day or in march when the wedding was supposed to be, then have the real wedding mid to late summer. On one hand, that would be ok because really we just want to be husband and wife and I think its really sweet that he is so eager to get married....but on the other Im afraid that either A) we wont ever have the wedding or B)We will have the wedding but our wedding day wouldnt seem as special or exciting because WE would know we were married.

I used to be from the school of I dont give a crap about a wedding period, but Ive fallen for the fairytale stuff over on theknot.com and it makes me really want the day to be special and a great memory with great pictures,etc to have to cherish for a lifetime. It wont be a big fancy wedding, but I do want it to be special.

Im a firm believer in its the Marriage and not the wedding that is what is important, so Im struggling with this. We love each other dearly and we are ready to get married like YESTERDAY, but it finances that are holding us back for now. We arent having some big elaborate wedding, its very small scale...but even that is a stretch for us at the moment.

So, would u go ahead and get married now or just wait a few more months to have the wedding you wanted? Its more about the joining of our two families and sharing our special day with our family and close friends that is important to me.

 

[strenght81]

Since marriage is a union of two people in love and weddings are for family and friends I say marry that man ASAP. How many men do you find wanting to marry a woman these days. Congrats on having what every woman wants.


BTW, a man in love will always comply with his chic, you don't have to worry about the wedding, you know it's going to happen if that's what you truly want.

 

[tthreat08]

Why not do something small that doesn't require a lot of money? You could get married at church (doesn't cost much if you do at your own), and then your families get together for an informal reception..just family and clooooooose friends. Or get married at home with family and friends present....so many things you can do and still have your day be special without spending a grip. I think though that I would be eager to go ahead and get married if we were already living together. I'm sure you will decide what is best for you. Congrats!

Oh, don't know how you feel about this, but you coud also have a cake and punch reception.

 

[Lotus]

Since marriage is a union of two people in love and weddings are for family and friends I say marry that man ASAP. How many men do you find wanting to marry a woman these days. Congrats on having what every woman wants.


BTW, a man in love will always comply with his chic, you don't have to worry about the wedding, you know it's going to happen if that's what you truly want.

Agreed! Marry him.. marry him.. marry him!

*Sides, I think God w/bless you and your marriage moreso for establishing covenant w/Him expeditiously. I dont know if your a Christian or not, so I say that w/love and w/out judgement.*

 

[filthyfresh]

I think you two should go ahead and get married.
I've been on theknot.com and it is very alluring.
But, those people have a lot of money. LOL.
You just got done with school & things are tight.
I know you're worried about not having the fairy tale wedding.
But who's to say that that's what you two really need?
I say get married and then have your ceremony later.
When you have more money.
Because if I could marry my SO right now, I would.
Doesn't matter where. As long as it's me & him.
And I'm sure that's how you feel about your fiance.

 

[Much2much41]

Girl, if you don't hurry up and marry that man, I will




















Be sure to post pics

 

[Farida]

Marry him now! The fairytale isn't all it's cracked up to be...

 

[chellero]

I had a huge wedding that my parents paid a fortune for and a friend eloped to vegas for about 1k. We are both equally married. I say marry him quickly however you can afford to do so. No need to wait and give him too much more time to think about it. You can always have a big wedding to renew your vows.

 

[blackmaven]

I wanted big wedding to buy all my ladies dresses. I wanted to buy everything. Dh wanted to get married yesterday. He must ran an Ad because everybody in his family was calling me to make it happen faster instead of later. The bridal shop whip up bridal dress in two weeks. His family came together. Everyone had cooked something. Everything looked catered. Plus I did not go into debt spending like crazy. My wedding turned out beautiful. Go for it!!!

 

[reallynow]

Girl if you don't go on ahead and get married. The knot will have you twisted, so stay away until you can do those things. Trust I understand your fear about not having that "real wedding" but if it is what you both want you will make it happen when it is the right time. Marry the man!!!

 

[gone_fishing]

There ought to be a club for people like us.

 

[Keen]

Another vote for go ahead and marry the man. You're right, the fairy tale wedding may not happen if you go ahead and get married but you've pushed the date already, think about which is more important.

 

[Nella]

Les, there is no need to stress! You've got so much going for yourself. You both love each other and right now I would go ahead and get married. You will have that dream wedding when its time. He's ready and you are too so I vote for get married! Either way I'm sure you'll find that the wedding will still be full of bliss because, you will be the happiest woman on your big day!

You can still have something small for you and your family and you can still wear a dress! Tie the knot and tie it soon!


Luv Yah!!!!

 

[stinastina]

I agree with everyone else. Go on and get married. The marriage itself is what is more important. Maybe you guys may decide later to use that wedding money to buy a house.

 

[Ms Red]

I vote for getting married after church with a simple reception at home-- only family and a few friends. Like April-May. And your loved ones will be there to see you two joined together before God. What is 3 more months?

PS. Congratulations girl

 

[envybeauty]

I say go ahead and get married with all the people you absolutely would not get married without. For most, that includes parents, siblings. You can always have a bigger shin-dig on your anniversary with the peace of mind that you are already married, better off financially, and still in love.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Girl, if you don't hurry up and marry that man, I will


Be sure to post pics

That's exactly what I was sitting here thinking.

 

[Browndilocks]

Girl like someone else once said "If you make him wait now, he'll make you wait later..." You betta handle ya bizzness

 

[ThickHair]

Go to the JP and get married. That is the real marriage, all that follows will be a cermony. The Knot will have you in knots. So, money is keeping you from getting married? Money is always going to come up, no need to wait. If you are stuggling now robbing Peter to pay Paul, then a couple of months from now will not make that big of difference.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Hi Leslie

It sounds like your reasons for NOT getting married early outweigh the reasons for getting married early. Personally I would wait - especially if being married in Feb/March will have no effect on your two's financial standing.

 

[Aveena]

Why not do something small that doesn't require a lot of money? You could get married at church (doesn't cost much if you do at your own), and then your families get together for an informal reception..just family and clooooooose friends. Or get married at home with family and friends present....so many things you can do and still have your day be special without spending a grip. I think though that I would be eager to go ahead and get married if we were already living together. I'm sure you will decide what is best for you. Congrats!

Oh, don't know how you feel about this, but you coud also have a cake and punch reception.

I agree with this..... either way congrats!!!!

 

[princessnad]

I have to respectfully disagree with most of the ladies here. We have to think about the reasons you want to wait. You want a nice wedding and even though that is no way more important than the marriage, you still deserve one. Of course I am sure you are smart enough to know that when the time comes, you should still be mindful of your finances, so I don't even have to go into that. But you do want a wedding, so wait until you can have one.

I don't think anyone should get married if they are thinking, 'oh my, I better marry this man now before he changes his mind.' I mean, I assumed you guys were joking, but just in case you weren't. You already live together so I say you should wait until it is all in place. If you really want that wedding and you guys just do it at the Justice of the Peace, it will give him an out to object to a wedding later on. Who needs a wedding when you are already married?

 

[firecracker]

Do what makes you happy but remember marriage isn't about a big shindig its about a lasting happy marriage.

I know of plenty of folks that were married in Vegas and had a formal church wedding at home later. My friend TJ kept her Vegas wedding on the down low. I guess her Pastor or God would be mad about the Vegas quickie in her mind.

 

[jamiss]

My husband and I married early to start the stupid military paperwork (for my medical benefits and such). We had a little home ceremony and then a church wedding a month later. Whatever works!

 

[PaperClip]

Hi Leslie

It sounds like your reasons for NOT getting married early outweigh the reasons for getting married early. Personally I would wait - especially if being married in Feb/March will have no effect on your two's financial standing.

That's kind of what I was thinking.... esp. the concerns with the household finances.

 

[dreysonsmommy2011]

Boy does your situation sound familiar! My SO wants the big wedding and I just want to go to the justice of the peace and have a big wedding later

 

[Evolving78]

Girl, marry the man. You are already living together and the fact that he wants to honor you instead of still shackin up speaks really loud and clear.

 

[Sly]

I think you should marry him--small ceremony and have 'dream' wedding at a later time. Why not?

 

[Leslie_C]

Thanks for the insight ladies...I really appreciate it. I dont know what is wrong with me...I never even wanted or cared about a wedding at all, but u are right, those rich white folks (or as you all call them, clear folks) on the knot have gotten me twisted LOL.

I do have to agree with whoever mentioned u really shouldnt be rushed to marry someone in case they change their mind....thats really not a good sign!Hurry up and sign! Hurry up an sign!

Basically Im thinking simple, barefoot on the beach wedding. He wears khakis and a white shirt, and I wear a simple flowy dress and a flower in my hair. They have these little beach packages locally for like 700 bucks where they will even take pictures and videotape it. We could do an intimate ceremony for two or if our parents can come it would be our parents and siblings and a few friends. Then we could go out to eat a nice dinner and spend the night at a hotel on the beach. That sounds perfectly nice and best of all, cheap!

His mom is the only one I can think of who would be hurt if she werent there...she is really into this wedding thing and I promised her we wouldnt run off and get married without her LOL. I shouldve kept my mouth shut hehe. But this is his idea so she will have to take that up with him! My family would be ok with it if we did it by ourselves because they understand how it is with money. We can always send them like a dvd of the ceremony and a little picture book.

Im working tonight but we will be home together tomorrow so we can talk more about it then and see what we come up with. Ill let u know what we decide to do! You all have made me feel a lot better...thanks for making me smile! We were just talking the other day about how if things are this good between us when we dont have a pot to pee in, imagine how they will be in like a year when we both have good jobs,etc. We have that to look forward to, which is a good thing. I kind of like that we really are starting out together with nothing and will have to work together for whatever we achieve later.

 

[stinastina]

Thanks for the insight ladies...I really appreciate it. I dont know what is wrong with me...I never even wanted or cared about a wedding at all, but u are right, those rich white folks (or as you all call them, clear folks) on the knot have gotten me twisted LOL.

I do have to agree with whoever mentioned u really shouldnt be rushed to marry someone in case they change their mind....thats really not a good sign!Hurry up and sign! Hurry up an sign!

Basically Im thinking simple, barefoot on the beach wedding. He wears khakis and a white shirt, and I wear a simple flowy dress and a flower in my hair. They have these little beach packages locally for like 700 bucks where they will even take pictures and videotape it. We could do an intimate ceremony for two or if our parents can come it would be our parents and siblings and a few friends. Then we could go out to eat a nice dinner and spend the night at a hotel on the beach. That sounds perfectly nice and best of all, cheap!

His mom is the only one I can think of who would be hurt if she werent there...she is really into this wedding thing and I promised her we wouldnt run off and get married without her LOL. I shouldve kept my mouth shut hehe. But this is his idea so she will have to take that up with him! My family would be ok with it if we did it by ourselves because they understand how it is with money. We can always send them like a dvd of the ceremony and a little picture book.

Im working tonight but we will be home together tomorrow so we can talk more about it then and see what we come up with. Ill let u know what we decide to do! You all have made me feel a lot better...thanks for making me smile! We were just talking the other day about how if things are this good between us when we dont have a pot to pee in, imagine how they will be in like a year when we both have good jobs,etc. We have that to look forward to, which is a good thing. I kind of like that we really are starting out together with nothing and will have to work together for whatever we achieve later.

That sounds really romantic ! I hope you post pics after you do it !