He is so boring....

[Kinkyhairlady]

I have been talking to a guy for maybe 2 months now but I am losing interest everyday I talk to him. Our conversations are so dead and most of the time it is I who tries to come up with something interesting to talk about. At times I feel maybe he is just not that into me and so he does not care to put in any effort to talk about something of interest. He calls everyday and sometimes i don't want to answer cause I know he has nothing to say and neither do I at this point. Usually when I start talking to a guy, that is all we do is talk, talk , talk for hours getting to know one another. At this point i don't know what to do because I don't feel like this is going anywhere even if it has been a couple of months, but he just does not have an exciting personality to me. Should I stick it out and see if he changes or just keep it moving.

 

[Bachelorette]

^ I have a couple of guys in tow who are just like this. I swear my ex has completely ruin me in terms of new relationships. he was the last dude I could discuss anything with and actually stay on the phone for hours. Now with these ones, I just either like they drone on and on and offer a "mhm" when there's a short amount of silence or just avoid the call or get off the phone so quickly

Maybe Im just easily bored, I dont know. Just sucks.

 

[lexi08]

I have been talking to a guy for maybe 2 months now but I am losing interest everyday I talk to him. Our conversations are so dead and most of the time it is I who tries to come up with something interesting to talk about. At times I feel maybe he is just not that into me and so he does not care to put in any effort to talk about something of interest. He calls everyday and sometimes i don't want to answer cause I know he has nothing to say and neither do I at this point. Usually when I start talking to a guy, that is all we do is talk, talk , talk for hours getting to know one another. At this point i don't know what to do because I don't feel like this is going anywhere even if it has been a couple of months, but he just does not have an exciting personality to me. Should I stick it out and see if he changes or just keep it moving.

Are you all actually going out on dates?

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Are you all actually going out on dates?

Yes we have gone on a few but they are situations where he does not have to speak much, like the movies, gospel concert, in a group where I noticed he talks a bit more but he speaks about things that are going on in Haiti and that does not interest me but it does interest the other parties. I get somewhat jealous. Recently we went to dinner and the whole night, I had to hold the conversation, he would say something corny here and there but I was so bored out my mind. Like the ride home is very quiet, and that is so uncomfortable. maybe he is holding back? I just can't imagine he is that boring.

 

[donna894]

Yes we have gone on a few but they are situations where he does not have to speak much, like the movies, gospel concert, in a group where I noticed he talks a bit more but he speaks about things that are going on in Haiti and that does not interest me but it does interest the other parties. I get somewhat jealous. Recently we went to dinner and the whole night, I had to hold the conversation, he would say something corny here and there but I was so bored out my mind. Like the ride home is very quiet, and that is so uncomfortable. maybe he is holding back? I just can't imagine he is that boring.

You've had two months to observe him and assess his personality, so apparently he IS this boring. Some people are just plain ole boring. Have you talked to him about this - that you'd like to have more interesting conversations with him?

 

[lexi08]

Yes we have gone on a few but they are situations where he does not have to speak much, like the movies, gospel concert, in a group where I noticed he talks a bit more but he speaks about things that are going on in Haiti and that does not interest me but it does interest the other parties. I get somewhat jealous. Recently we went to dinner and the whole night, I had to hold the conversation, he would say something corny here and there but I was so bored out my mind. Like the ride home is very quiet, and that is so uncomfortable. maybe he is holding back? I just can't imagine he is that boring.

I had to agree with Donna he is probably just boring 2 months is long enough to make this determination IMO. You can give him more time in case he is one of those slow/late bloomer types and maybe he just feels awkward when you are alone with him. Is he nice, does he treat you well otherwise? Hope things work out for you.

 

[kismettt]

keep it moving. my friend is talking to a guy that she thinks is ridic boring & it has come to the point where she more or less uses him for sports events (he got postseason tickets & offered to take her to a football game). i feel bad for him but at the same time, i dont get why it's not obvious?

it's strange he calls a lot but has nothing to say?

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

He is a nice person I can't complain about that but not exciting. He calls every day to see how my day was, and how I am feeling that day. He seems really caring but that is about it. Even when we go out he does not come up with an idea, I ask what do you want to do? his response is as long as he is with me it does not matter, so I can choose he is cool with anything. That may sound sweet but in the begginng you want the guy to romance you and try to make you fall for him but he is just making me fall asleep. Lord forgive me.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

He is a nice person I can't complain about that but not exciting. He calls every day to see how my day was, and how I am feeling that day. He seems really caring but that is about it. Even when we go out he does not come up with an idea, I ask what do you want to do? his response is as long as he is with me it does not matter, so I can choose he is cool with anything. That may sound sweet but in the begginng you want the guy to romance you and try to make you fall for him but he is just making me fall asleep. Lord forgive me.

Ugh.... I dated a guy like this once.

Not only was he boring, but he wasn't too bright either. I wasn't that attracted to him either, so I eventually ended up breaking things off with him. I felt bad about it in the end, but the conversation was just BORING! No life! I couldn't explain it!

I like a guy to challenge me, to have a lively conversation...even if we're just ribbing each other. Either way, we should have SOMETHING to talk and laugh about.

In this guy's defense, I'll just add... Do you think that maybe he's a little on the shy side? Is he quiet by nature? Perhaps he just gets nervous around YOU? I know that when I have really liked a guy in the past, I was SOOO nervous around him. I didn't know what to say! I couldn't think straight, and I always used to beat myself up wondering why I would get so mute around him. If ONLY he knew my REAL personality! So, maybe just let him know that you want him to open up more...and let him feel comfortable around you.

I think he's VERY into you. Any guy who calls you every single day and doesn't care what he does as long as it's with you is a man who likes you A LOT. So....it could be he's just very nervous about making a good impression around you, and so he doesn't want to screw things up by saying the wrong thing. A lot of guys are like that in the beginning of relationships. What he doesn't realize however is that he's making a worse impression by NOT saying too much.

If after this little "talk" you have with him he still fails to open up, or he's boring, then I say drop him. Call it "lack of chemistry" or whatever. I don't know about anyone else, but I need SOME type of chemistry and interesting conversation with a guy I'm dating.

 

[Britt]

I agree w/ the other posters... 2 months is ample time to kinda access personality traits... I bore easily and am drawn to people who are characters and make me laugh. When I first got w/ my SO, I must say he wasn't as funny as I woulda liked him to be, but I knew it had more to do w/ him being much more reserved at first... Now that he's more comfy around me, he cracks me the hellll up. But I never ever thought he was 'boring' ... Boring dudes make my lotus garden dry ...
NEXT ---->

 

[awhyley]

Do you have any hobbies in common? Maybe instead of the movies, etc. (which are very generic), you can tailor something that caters to his strength; where he's in his comfort zone and is more open.

 

[spritex]

IMO 2 months is ample enough time to find out if you are compatible. It's obvious you are not so the question is what are you going to do about it? What do you want or need at this point in your life? If you are very keen to settle down and all you want is someone to "be there" then fine, stick with him. If you feel you've still got options please don't waste more time on someone who you're obviously not interested in. You're not being fair to yourself or to him. It is irrelevant whether he likes you a lot, beleive me, if you don't feel the same it will not work out, there will always be a dissatisfaction within you and eventually him. Even relationships that start off perfectly have problems how much more those starting off on such a wrong footing.
Don't get me wrong it does not always have to be fireworks but if at this early stage you're so bored and want to avoid his calls then the handwriting is already on the wall 'cos it's not going to get better.
Don't waste your youth on the wrong man (yes the wrong man may not come in the usual guises eg cheater, beater etc but that does not make him any less wrong for you)

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Do you have any hobbies in common? Maybe instead of the movies, etc. (which are very generic), you can tailor something that caters to his strength; where he's in his comfort zone and is more open.

I agree with this. If you have any feelings for this guy whatsoever, I would try this as a last resort. Sometimes if you just DO something with a person, it opens up the communication flow SO much more as opposed to talking formally at a restaurant, or going to a dark movie theater, etc.

Why not play a sport together, or do a hobby you both have in common, or go to an amusement park? Just SOMETHING other than sitting watching a movie or eating.

IMO 2 months is ample enough time to find out if you are compatible. It's obvious you are not so the question is what are you going to do about it? What do you want or need at this point in your life? If you are very keen to settle down and all you want is someone to "be there" then fine, stick with him. If you feel you've still got options please don't waste more time on someone who you're obviously not interested in. You're not being fair to yourself or to him. It is irrelevant whether he likes you a lot, beleive me, if you don't feel the same it will not work out, there will always be a dissatisfaction within you and eventually him.

Yes, I agree. Don't waste your time if you know you're not that into him. I thought you were into him but just thought he was kind of boring.

But if you're not really that into him, then it's best to sever ties now instead of leading him on. It's not fair to him or yourself.

 

[ChasingBliss]

He is a nice person I can't complain about that but not exciting. He calls every day to see how my day was, and how I am feeling that day. He seems really caring but that is about it. Even when we go out he does not come up with an idea, I ask what do you want to do? his response is as long as he is with me it does not matter, so I can choose he is cool with anything. That may sound sweet but in the begginng you want the guy to romance you and try to make you fall for him but he is just making me fall asleep. Lord forgive me.

Gawd, I can relate to this entire post.....trust me it doesnt get any better. Everything we did was my idea because he never had any suggestions. His response was the same, "as long as I'm with you that's all that matters"... The longer you stay the worse it may get. If you try to look at all the other positive aspects of the person, it will STILL revert back to the thing that irks you the most....He's boring. Just be friends. I've experienced this and I stayed in the relationship for a loooong time. And the reason why I did was because of guilt. No one close to me felt that I had a legit reason for wanting to break up. You know how society is with women, if he is not beating you up cheating on you, got five baby mommas, and all that bad stuff, what is your problem. How dare you want to leave a guy because he is simply not personality wise compatible with you.....In the end, I wanted to run screaming into the night. I know I bore easily. I need to be with someone whose personality naturally fits with mine....nothing forced. Thank God I have that now.

Wow, I think I just vented. I typed this post in all of 3 seconds. erplexed


eta: there was much more to why we broke up....but that was a huge part of it. HUGE.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

Thanks ladies for all the good advice. I wil have a talk with him maybe this weekend, got to make sure I don't come off rude. I am very attracted to him, and he is nice but unfortunately the personality is the problem. He will have a choice either to open up or just move on cause I can't continue to waste my time.