Having to defend your natural hair..

[Kiowa]

is what I hate about Christmas, with all the family get together...I feel that I have to put my hair in braids to avoid the comments, like why don't you comb your hair?Don't let Aunt/Uncle so-and-so come here and see you like this....tired of explaining my use of non-chemicals..
Naturals how do you deal with non-family support? Anyway, I'm getting pressured to do something with it before Xmas day, I am thinking of sticking an afro pick in it, and calling it a day..

 

[curlicarib]

Are you young? Cause there is NO REASON for me to have to defend my hair to anyone. But my behind is grown.

 

[Fenaxa]

My mother is the main one I'm usually defending my hair against. She's always been natural but for the past maybe 10 years it's been the exact same length. Even if it grows a couple inches, she'll brush the love right out of it in an attempt to "tame" it. She used to have it long when she kept it braided and up and out of the way under a scarf in coconut oil, but she long left doing that because she needs to [in her words] look "professional".
Anyway.. She always discounts every single thing I do to grow and maintain my hair. The only reason I even retain my length is because I treat my hair correctly and protective style with wigs (I feel I have to because I always have hand in hair syndrome lol), but she swears up and down that my hair is just easier than hers.
It's really annoying because if I mention anything about porosity, protein sensitivity, or even how to not heat damage hair by straightening it, she'll always say, "Well, my hair can't do this.." Or "my hair can't do that.. But yours always has been able to do this and that..." erplexed None of what she says about my hair is even true anymore because she only really did my hair when I was really young and had a different curl pattern and general texture. I try to argue that I work hard finding what works for my hair, and that's the only reason it looks healthy and retains length but she still comes up with some crazy excuse. Excuses about how basically she can't care for her hair properly [in my eyes.. But I'm kinda overbearing sometimes with that] and my results come with great ease. Smh..
It's sad too. She loves long hair and hers is APL but her split ends.. All her damage goes up to her ears
I've given up trying to give her advice though or tell her what I do to my hair. That's my solution to it. She wants long, healthy hair but will put absolutely no real effort to achieve it. I can't help her. I'll keep doing what I'm doing and be worrying about fun things related to my crazy long hair in the future

**OP I know my story isn't really what you're dealing with but I think in your situation, you should just let them know that what you do with your hair is your business. It's your hair and if it's healthy and you know you are doing what you should for your hair, then oh well.
Or you could explain how it bothers you when they say things about something that you really like and it isn't very mature of anyone to make you feel that way. Try to let anything further roll off your shoulders.
Oh yeah and don't let them coerce you into doing something you don't want with your hair. Not at all. Do it how you want to. Lol if they want to change it, they should get a doll that looks like you and do her hair... Kinda creepy.

 

[cocosweet]

Quit explaining. They aren't really listening anyway or else you wouldn't have to keep explaining.

"So when are you going to relax it again"
"I'm not going to."
"Why?" "You tryna be white?"
"No, I'm tryna keep hair on my head."
"How you gonna style it without a perm?"
"Black folks managed to style their hair without a perm (relaxer) for hundreds of years." "I'll be alright."
"But your hair so thick though..."
"What would I want with some thin hair?"

I can not tell you how many times I've had a version of the above convo with members of my extended family back in the day. After a few years, they quit asking. When they see you are serious, most of them will let it go. Especially if your hair is thriving. Wear your hair how YOU want and if you do wear a puff, make it the biggest, fluffiest puff ever.

 

[Willow00]

I braid my hair back, put on a wig, and call it a day. I have fam going natural for the first time in like ever in their 40's and 50's and our fam & friends are giving them a hard time on not "havin' that good hurr". Grown folks talking down to other grown folks. Just totally not in the mood to deal with them.

ETA: I actually wear a raggedy-ish wig to family events due to it looking like my chew up relaxed hair from long ago. Many folks do assume it's my real hair and compliment me on my ratty hair. I don't remember the last time anyone ask if I was still natural. I'm not close to most of my fam at all, but I go to some events because of a couple of close fam.

 

[Kiowa]

Are you young? Cause there is NO REASON for me to have to defend my hair to anyone. But my behind is grown.

Grown has nothing to do with it...I have Uncles who are Rasta with hair growning past their knees, still being asked when dem going to cut off their locks and 'look decent'

 

[Subscribe]

I have an older cousin who keeps asking other family members if i've combed my hair yet

Bless the 4 stands on her crown area, the baby hair that starts at her ears and the dull, lifeless COMBED hair she has

 

[Kiowa]

I have an older cousin who keeps asking other family members if i've combed my hair yet

Bless the 4 stands on her crown area, the baby hair that starts at her ears and the dull, lifeless COMBED hair she has

 

[curlicarib]

Grown has nothing to do with it...I have Uncles who are Rasta with hair growning past their knees, still being asked when dem going to cut off their locks and 'look decent'

Actually, it does. After awhile, you'll realize that people can ask all the questions they want - but you don't have to answer or defend your hair or anything else in your life.