having a hard time loving my hair

[melahnee]

I took a weave out today and dc'd, aphogeed, moisturized and sealed.

I like having my hair out in the sense that I can touch my scalp, and I like feeling that I'm natural... but I'm sorry to admit I just don't feel like I am "loving" or "enjoying" my hair at all. When I take out my weave, usually I want back in almost immediately I
I'm trying so hard but there are so many things about my hair i don't like.. I don't like that it's basically ombre'd because I'm growing out a terrible hair dyeing mistake. I want to dye the whole thing dark so bad, but I'm scared because I have fine hair and I want thick hair so bad. I think the fineness of my hair makes it look shorter than it really is. I get ssks like there's no tomorrow and I dust like clockwork. sigh.
I am trying so, so hard to love my natural hair, but I don't. I don't like the curl pattern(i liked it probably 10 years ago when my hair was LONG, but not this length) I don't like the length because of the shrinkage. The only thing I like about it is that it doesn't look as fine. I like my hair flat ironed because it looks longer, but it looks SO thin. I've seen soooo many on here with flat ironed, thick hair and I want that soo soo bad.
I feel like it's going to be a lifetime before I get to a point to where I actually like my hair. I feel like I'll never make it to a nice looking waistlength.

 

[Lilmama1011]

I'm starting to think a lot of us on here have hair image disformity. Because every time I see a thread about I don't like my hair, their hair is beautiful. I was thinking you hair was thin and ear length. Your hair is beautiful. Your hair doesn't look super thin. If you want the maximum thickness stay away from heat for six months and you will notice the difference and just use products with lots of slip so you won't lose unecessary hair . Your hair is gorgeous. I love your curls

 

[Lilmama1011]

Have you every took biotin to thicken up the hair?

 

[Lilmama1011]

You can stretch you hair by doing rollersets. Curlformers are good for stretching natural hair so you won't have ssk. You don't have to avoid heat all together but direct heat you can. So doing weekly rollersets and sitting under the dryer with heat protectant won't hurt. And the fact that heat protectant has cones, it will provide some slip to detangle

 

[tolly]

your hair is beautiful. It took me 4years on hair boards before I finally like the hair on my head. I went through cycles of BC and relaxing and four years later, with just shoulder length relaxed hair, I can admire other people's length and texture but I'm happy with mine. I can have relaxed natural, longer hair [yet to attain APL ever] or ultra short cut.... I hope you get to the point of loving your hair sometime in the future.
If you hair color bothers you color it, texture change it etc, it doesn't have to be a permanent change, you can always grow out it out again. You don't need thick WL hair to enjoy your hair.

 

[SunRai Naturals]

Your hair looks good! I think that you are looking at your hair through too critical of a lens. I've seen people with low density/thin hair and your hair is definitely not that. I think that you should stay the course and just keep doing what you are doing.

 

[KinkyRN]

Keep your ends moisturized and sealed plus the light dusting will help with the ssk's. Hugs

 

[Froreal3]

I took a weave out today and dc'd, aphogeed, moisturized and sealed.

I like having my hair out in the sense that I can touch my scalp, and I like feeling that I'm natural... but I'm sorry to admit I just don't feel like I am "loving" or "enjoying" my hair at all. When I take out my weave, usually I want back in almost immediately I
I'm trying so hard but there are so many things about my hair i don't like.. I don't like that it's basically ombre'd because I'm growing out a terrible hair dyeing mistake. I want to dye the whole thing dark so bad, but I'm scared because I have fine hair and I want thick hair so bad. I think the fineness of my hair makes it look shorter than it really is. I get ssks like there's no tomorrow and I dust like clockwork. sigh.
I am trying so, so hard to love my natural hair, but I don't. I don't like the curl pattern(i liked it probably 10 years ago when my hair was LONG, but not this length) I don't like the length because of the shrinkage. The only thing I like about it is that it doesn't look as fine. I like my hair flat ironed because it looks longer, but it looks SO thin. I've seen soooo many on here with flat ironed, thick hair and I want that soo soo bad.
I feel like it's going to be a lifetime before I get to a point to where I actually like my hair. I feel like I'll never make it to a nice looking waistlength.

melahnee Your hair looks great to me. I said that in the hip length challenge thread when you asked if you needed to dust more since your ends were "damaged." I was like,

You have fine, medium to lowish density hair, as do many of us. Your hair is never gonna look like the :reddancer: in this thread. And that's OK! Your hair looks great...and the more you take care of it, the more it will grow to the length you want. It's a good length right now and your shrinkage doesn't look to be that much either. You may want to try heavy sealing with ends to combat SSK's. That helps me.

You definitely have hairdysmorphic syndrome. (yeah I made that up). Have you joined us in the Original Fine Hair thread?

 

[ronie]

If that will make you feel better: know that I would take your hair over mines any day. Your hair looks great to me. It might not change your own perception, but a lot if women are working hard to have hair that looks half as good. Don't be discouraged.

 

[melahnee]

I'm starting to think a lot of us on here have hair image disformity. Because every time I see a thread about I don't like my hair, their hair is beautiful. I was thinking you hair was thin and ear length. Your hair is beautiful. Your hair doesn't look super thin. If you want the maximum thickness stay away from heat for six months and you will notice the difference and just use products with lots of slip so you won't lose unecessary hair . Your hair is gorgeous. I love your curls

Lilmama1011
Thank you so much. I think having very long hair when I was young to totally damaging it has something to do with it.
My sister has naturally thicker, darker brown hair (my hair is naturally medium brown) than me and she's also got a little bit of heat damage left. she complains of too much hair lol. But I feel like her apl hair almost looks as long as my bsl/mbl hair When it's straightened, her hair looks BOMB, and HEALTHY even though mine is healthier.

I don't know how to rollerset, but usually when I bun it, it stretches out my ends pretty good. I bun it a lot, partly because I can't go toooo long without washing it either because it gets greasy easily. Hardly ever do I wash n' go. I LOVE bunning for so many reasons. I'm pretty good at creating of a fat, juicy bun haha.

I can't WAIT till the day my buns look like pre_medicalrulz, if ever. I always see pics of her thick, freakin long hair in the HL challenge. Makes me feel like my hair aint ish lmao That gyal is on a whole nother level lmao.

All these reasons are why I love weave--because my hair is braided, hidden, protected, and I can wash it every day/ other day. I always get a curly weave similar to my texture and voila, I can feel pretty with minimal effort. lol.

 

[melahnee]

If that will make you feel better: know that I would take your hair over mines any day. Your hair looks great to me. It might not change your own perception, but a lot if women are working hard to have hair that looks half as good. Don't be discouraged.

thank you so much, yes I think discouraged is a good word to describe it. I've just been working so hard for a while, I kind of felt like it would be better by now, idk. thank you :heart2:

@melahnee Your hair looks great to me. I said that in the hip length challenge thread when you asked if you needed to dust more since your ends were "damaged." I was like,

You have fine, medium to lowish density hair, as do many of us. Your hair is never gonna look like the :reddancer: in this thread. And that's OK! Your hair looks great...and the more you take care of it, the more it will grow to the length you want. It's a good length right now and your shrinkage doesn't look to be that much either. You may want to try heavy sealing with ends to combat SSK's. That helps me.

You definitely have hairdysmorphic syndrome. (yeah I made that up). Have you joined us in the Original Fine Hair thread?

Another thing is all the hair I see on here. Makes me feel like my hair aint ish lol
Lol! I feel like my ends are damaged I'm starting to believe that I really do suffer from hairdysmorphic syndrome lmao.
Like I said to lil mama, it's just that every time I see premedicalrulz in the HL challenge, or any other ladies on her level, I'm like geez. Why can't my hair be great dammit. lol. Thank you so much
I seal with olive oil, coconut oil, argan oil, Moroccan oil. I ain't playin lol. And something that actually has always worked sooo well for me is believe it or not, blue magic coconut oil.
I will definitely join the new fine hair thread I had posted in the old one once or twice.

 

[melahnee]

Your hair looks good! I think that you are looking at your hair through too critical of a lens. I've seen people with low density/thin hair and your hair is definitely not that. I think that you should stay the course and just keep doing what you are doing.

Thanks so much usually I describe my hair as fine with medium density.

your hair is beautiful. It took me 4years on hair boards before I finally like the hair on my head. I went through cycles of BC and relaxing and four years later, with just shoulder length relaxed hair, I can admire other people's length and texture but I'm happy with mine. I can have relaxed natural, longer hair [yet to attain APL ever] or ultra short cut.... I hope you get to the point of loving your hair sometime in the future.
If you hair color bothers you color it, texture change it etc, it doesn't have to be a permanent change, you can always grow out it out again. You don't need thick WL hair to enjoy your hair.

Thank you so much. I do admit that I really want to dye my hair. But I'd rather not deal with a possible setback atm. I'd rather wait till it's wl or longer, then dye it black (or the closest thing to black, since I heard you shouldn't ever dye it black-black.

 

[WYSIWYG]

OP, if I had your hair, I promise you I would love it... *wistful sigh*

Fine hair is its own animal. I'm still learning to appreciate it for what is it while trying not to covet my neighbor's strand thickness or density. That's why I can't wear weaves or braid extensions as a protective style -- I'd get used to seeing myself with thicker strands and higher density hair, then when I'd go back to wearing my own hair again, I'd feel worse about my fine strands in comparison.

The sad part is, I know my hair flourishes when I hide it away, but the internal backlash I feel against my hair after living the thick-haired life is too much. I'm trying to stay positive about what God gave me and that really sets me back.

Please know that your hair is lovely in its own way. Enjoy it, because I surely would!

 

[southerncitygirl]

melahnee

I think this forum and other platforms like FB, Instagram, YT and countless others has us comparing our hair journey to everybody else's. I also think Reality TV & Celebrities are to blame for our unrealistic expectations about ourselves as women ... your hair looks fine to me but if you don't love it doesn't matter.

I think its important to be consistent & continue tweaking your reggie. What products/methods do you use day to day to maintain your hair? Have you considered letting komaza haircare do a hair analysis to have help things along?

I am also going to say this and I maybe demonized but I don't care. When folks have fine, thin hair I think it should be either kept no longer than medium length (no longer shoulder length or so) or it should be worn in textured styles to create the illusion of fullness (no bone straight styles) especially if you are trying to grow to longer lengths. Stop wearing your hair straight or when its blown out create textured styles like twist-braid-bantu knot outs to create texture and fullness without getting tons of matting & tangling. Watch youtube & practice, practice, practice!!!

Every hair texture/density has it pros & cons so you must learn accept/embrace yours. I also think weaves/wigs are addictive and we can become too dependent on them to make us look/feel pretty. Know if you relax you may get less ssk's but it will look thinner so its a tradeoff cause of your density.

Please don't be discouraged, this is a journey girlie. Contrary to popular belief its more than just hair otherwise we wouldn't be here or get out of sorts in various pts of our journey.

 

[ckisland]

Awww OP !! Your hair is perfectly fine. Do you know how many black women on here are trying to get to where you are? Do you know how many in the real world would love to have your hair?? Your hair may be fine, but it's not thin. You have at least twice the thickness of ladies I've seen on here and youtube who truly have thin hair. I'll admit that I'm bias for my own personal reasons, but I don't think you should go back to weaves. I find myself comparing my actual hair to the weaves I see in real life all the time. It's like comparing your body or face to these photoshopped, loaded up, false images you see all over the Internet . That's not 3 or 4 years of hard work and wear and tear that we're seeing. It's bundles of hair, which can fake any thickness you like, treated non-black hair that gets traded out every few weeks or months.

Besides that those of us in hair world get used to seeing the best or the best heads of hair. Heads of hair that come from a rare combination of unicorn genes . I grew up thinking my hair was awesome, and it's not even nice as it is now. Now I'm constantly complaining, and wishing my hair was smoother, longer, thicker, etc when I in real life, my hair is perfectly fine .

 

[whiteoleander91]

maybe you need a heavy butter for your ends? your hair is beautiful, I hope you feel better about it soon.

 

[HairPleezeGrow]

OP you've gotten some gr8 advice already! I just wanted to come in here and say I love your hair. I would take your length over mine any day. Yes join us in the fine hair thread.

 

[greight]

I'm starting to think a lot of us on here have hair image disformity. Because every time I see a thread about I don't like my hair, their hair is beautiful.

THIS IS TRUTH. Hair Dysmorphia is real on this board.

melahnee

I think this forum and other platforms like FB, Instagram, YT and countless others has us comparing our hair journey to everybody else's. I also think Reality TV & Celebrities are to blame for our unrealistic expectations about ourselves as women ... your hair looks fine to me but if you don't love it doesn't matter.

I think its important to be consistent & continue tweaking your reggie. What products/methods do you use day to day to maintain your hair? Have you considered letting komaza haircare do a hair analysis to have help things along?

I am also going to say this and I maybe demonized but I don't care. When folks have fine, thin hair I think it should be either kept no longer than medium length (no longer shoulder length or so) or it should be worn in textured styles to create the illusion of fullness (no bone straight styles) especially if you are trying to grow to longer lengths. Stop wearing your hair straight or when its blown out create textured styles like twist-braid-bantu knot outs to create texture and fullness without getting tons of matting & tangling. Watch youtube & practice, practice, practice!!!

Every hair texture/density has it pros & cons so you must learn accept/embrace yours. I also think weaves/wigs are addictive and we can become too dependent on them to make us look/feel pretty. Know if you relax you may get less ssk's but it will look thinner so its a tradeoff cause of your density.

Please don't be discouraged, this is a journey girlie. Contrary to popular belief its more than just hair otherwise we wouldn't be here or get out of sorts in various pts of our journey.

Top 10 posts... I personally think one of the reasons why I've learned to love my hair more was that I stopped visiting the hair board, YT, etc because of the unreal expectations they were creating. Keeping it 100, certain types of hair are popular and ogled (generally uber thick) and we can't all have thick hair. And that's ok! I do with what I have and I like how I look

 

[melahnee]

Thank you so much to EVERYONE who responded
everybody on here can relate and I love that, because all the ladies in my family, with the exception of 1 cousin who has type 2 HL length since damn near the day she was born, have APL or shorter hair and they just when I say I don't really like my hair or am working on improving it.

I think I might attempt to heat-train my hair, but not with flat irons. I get less SSK's when my hair isn't in its natural state. I got my hair blown out today and I liked the result. It was an asian lady doing it and she told me my ends are damaged and I have split ends I should probably dust or trim. Yall already know I gave her a death stare followed by a hell no.
I trust LHCF more than any stylist so I'm ain't cutting ish any more. I've been dusting twice a month for a while now and I'm just due for a break, I think.
I hate to say I just don't really see myself loving my curls until I'm WL or longer
Is shea butter a heavy butter? It's the only kind of butter I have. I change up my regimen all the time. Products I use are V05, ORS olive oil DC, ORS hair mayonnaise, argan, morroccan, coconut, and olive are my oils. I use shea butter sometimes. I own S curl that I pull out and spray whenever I feel like it. lol. I Use aphogee 2 step every month or other month.

 

[melahnee]

ckisland
I agree with you on the weave thing. I retain a lot in weave, but I just get so used to it, so I feel like my hair is short once it's out. Maybe I should take a break..not sure how long I can go honestly...but I will try. Maybe it will be easier if I heat train my hair.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I wear wigs. However I don't wear long ones and my main wig has a similar density as my own hair.

I think my hair is longer than my wig now which helps with feeling ok out of it